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An NBA franchise for each state

Being from Kentucky, I’m often disappointed that I don’t get to have a true claim to a team. Why has Florida done to earn two NBA teams? I’m here to fix that problem. Every state gets one NBA team. That’s it. Stop being so greedy California.
A couple guidelines I followed trying to do this:
  1. No negative names! No state deserves to be remembered for something bad. Everybody deserves a cool and interesting name, even if the state is not cool or interesting. (e.g. Kentucky)
  2. Alliterations are admirable. I irrefutably intend to identify items with intimidating epithets. Alliterative names are preferable, but not a must have.
  3. Creativity is key. I’m going to avoid giving teams names that a college team, NFL team, MLB team, etc. in the same state shares. I might break this rule, but I’m sure there will be good reason for it.
  4. If there are multiple NBA teams in a state, I’m just going to do it by whichever team had the best record last year. That way I don’t have to decide which one has the best history or most prestige.
  5. If it’s a city name, I’m changing it to the name of the state. That includes Golden State becoming California.
THE LIST:
The Alabama Airmen- Tuskegee has an interesting civil rights records. Sure, the Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment happened there, but the Tuskegee Airmen (the first squadron of African American Pilots) were educated at Tuskegee University! I’m sure Alabama needs all the help they can get looking progressive considering their… current circumstances.
The Alaska Tankers- Yeah this one’s not great. Then again we did buy Alaska almost exclusively for its oil, and I’m not going to go against the Federal Government on this matter. Yes, I know it’s a beautiful state full of incredible wildlife, but Grizzlies is taken. Consider this terrible name penance for Sarah Palin. Alternative name: Inuit. I’m not really sure if this name is still PC, and I don’t want to end up with a Redskins situation.
The Arizona Suns- Cold nachos cheese and flat soda 4ever!
The Arkansas Archers- According to 50states.com, Pine Bluff, Arkansas is the world center of archery bow production. I can’t really confirm this with hard data, but this is an nba offseason shitpost. I’m not going to list my sources like some psychopath. Alternative name: Vapors. Arkansas is home to many famous hot springs, emitting vapors. I didn’t go with this for two reasons. The first is to avoid accidentally promoting vaping. The second is that an archer kind of makes sense in a basketball sense. What the hell is vapor going to do with a basketball? Blow it around?
The California Warriors- No more Laker news! Woj rejoices!
The Colorado Nuggets- This pisses me off because I know South Dakota is down there waiting for me.
The Connecticut Coppers- Connecticut is home to a famous (or infamous) copper mine in Simsbury, that was also used as a prison in the Revolutionary War. Fun! Also, the first coinage of copper also took place in Connecticut. Now I know what you might be thinking. That doesn’t make sense! Copper is dumb and lame and has nothing to do with basketball! Hey, if Denver can have the Nuggets, I don’t think anything is stopping me from using copper. Alternative name: Double-ewes. Connecticut is also the home to the most southern sounding but least southern president, George W. Bush! You could put two sheep on the logo! However, I don’t want to get political, so Georgie W is going to have to take a backseat on this one
The Delaware Patriots- Screw you Massachusetts! Delaware was the first state to ratify the Constitution, and they did so unanimously! They’re America’s real patriots! U-S-A! U-S-A!
The Florida Magic- A dystopian nightmare where Disney consumes the Heat and looks to expand their franchise name dominance.
The Georgia Hawks- Yup.
The Hawaii Humuhumunukunukuāpuaʻa’s- I’m feeling inspired by Shai Gilgeous-Alexander’s frowny jersey from last year. I want to see how the NBA would handle trying to put the state fish of Hawaii on their jerseys. Plus, then we’d get to see Marv Albert try to say this name countless times per game.
The Idaho Explorers- Sure, a weakling would have gone with the spuds or potatoes, but I’m no weakling. Idaho was an integral part of Lewis and Clark’s exploration of the Northwest, where they did such incredible acts such as walking and stuff. I’m also going to count this as an alliteration even if the first letter isn’t the same. Sue me.
The Illinois Bulls- Doesn’t quite have the same punch as Chicago I guess.
The Indiana Pacers- Yup.
The Iowa Gothics- This one was a hard state to do. Iowa was the home to Grant Wood’s American Gothic, and that’s a theme a good marketing team could run with. Alternative title: Yogis. Apparently, Iowa is a hub for transcendental meditation. That’s a lame name though.
The Kansas Insanos- What the hell am I supposed to do for Kansas? I’m trying my best to avoid a lame Wizard of Oz reference. The tallest waterslide in the world, the Verrückt, is in Kansas. This is the German word for insane. Insanos. This sounds like a name for a team in Backyard Football or something, but if Kansas didn’t want a name this lame they could make their state 2% more interesting. Alternative name- Interstaters. Dwight D Eisenhower, most famous for the Federal Aid Highway Act, was born in Kentucky. This is also a bad name. I literally flipped a coin to decide which one would end up being the one I went with.
The Kentucky Colonels- As I Kentucky boy, it pains me that this was almost a reality. If only those ABA owners weren’t idiots. I feel like it’s my duty to right this wrong and bring order to the Union.
The Louisiana Pelicans- Yup.
The Maine Mooses- The moose is the state animal of Maine. I know this isn’t creative, but it’s at least a bit more creative than a lobster. Plus, it’s an alliteration, and that adds twenty points to the final score.
The Maryland Midshipmen- Annapolis is home to one of the largest naval schools in the United States, and Midshipman is a naval rank. I almost went with mariners before realizing Seattle exists. Alternative Name- Bullets. I really did want to bring back this classic name stolen from Maryland, but Bullets aren’t quite the most positive aspect of a state. I understand the reason the name was done away with in the first place.
The Massachusetts Celtics- Hey Boston, what’s the reason behind this name? You guys aren’t Irish.
The Michigan Pistons- Pistons definitely does not describe Michigan as well as it describes Michigan.
The Minnesota Timberwolves- yup.
The Mississippi River-men- Mississippi River. Also, there seems to be a serial killer that went by the name Riverman, or at least there was a true crime book called Riverman about the serial killer, so that’s cool. Alternative Name- Muppets. Jim Henson, famous puppeteer was born and educated in Mississippi. Muppets are also felt puppets, so maybe that isn’t the most intimidating name.
The Missouri Spirits- Another ABA team lost to the sands of incompetent management. I’m a man of justice.
The Montana Cowboys- Montana has a lot of cowboys.
The Nebraska 911- The 911 emergency system used nationwide was first implemented in Nebraska. I have a soft spot for this name, because it feels like you could do a lot of cool stylings with it. It also brings action to a state that isn’t known for being filled with action.
The Nevada Aces- Las Vegas, gambling, all that stuff. Aces also are the best at things usually, such as being a pilot or pitching. It also gives it a more positive spin to a place called “Sin City”.
The New Hampshire Hurricanes- Here’s the thing. Sure, New Hampshire doesn’t have hurricanes. However, the second highest wind speed ever recorded was on Mt. Washington in New Hampshire. The speed is three times faster than that of most hurricanes.
The New Jersey Bosses- This is a twofer, due to Bruce Springsteen hailing from the Garden State, as well as some very legitimate businesses you should stop asking about.
The New Mexico Cliffhangers- This is a stretch. Pueblo Native Americans were famous for building dwellings in cliffs. Even though the most famous landmark for this is in Colorado, I don’t think this is necessarily a problem, considering Illinois still has the gall to call themselves the Land of Lincoln. Cliffhanger also sounds cooler than cliff-dweller, so what the hell.
The New York Nets- Very nice switch.
The North Carolina Hornets- Yup.
The North Dakota Hitmen- Calling the thugs from Fargo hitmen is an incredible stretch, but the North Dakota Car Salesmen doesn’t roll off the tongue as well.
The Ohio Cavaliers- I really hate that sometimes alliterations get lost in the sauce.
The Oklahoma Outlaws- Oklahoma, the epicenter of cowboys, bandits and the wild west in general. I get that some people might think that outlaws are negative, but that’s because you’re huge nerds. Also, outlaws is a generic name, because Oklahoma is a pretty generic state . The Oregon Trailblazers- Yup.
The Pennsylvania 76ers- Don’t like this switch that much. The 76ers feel very much like a Philly specific name, as opposed to Harrisburg or Pittsburgh.
The Rhode Island Exiles- Way back when colonial America was still a thing, Roger Williams was expelled from Massachusetts for advocating for such evil ideas like abolition and the separation of church and state.The dude straight up just said screw it and made his own colony. What a legend.
The South Carolina Nullifiers- South Carolina got themselves into some trouble with Andrew Jackson by attempting to nullify federally imposed tariffs. I like this name because I can imagine some local radio commentator going “HE NULLIFIED THAT SHOT” even though it doesn’t make a ton of sense.
The South Dakota Monuments- When you think South Dakota, you think monuments. Mt. Rushmore. Crazy Horse. Other things. Those are monuments. Monuments are powerful. This is an okay name for an okay state.
The Tennessee Grizzlies- Yup.
The Texas Rockets- Cuban is beside himself. Driving around Kentucky, begging (thru texts) u/lancememenson’s family for address to his home.
The Utah Jazz- Yup.
The Vermont Mountaineers- The Green Mountain Boys is an awesome name for a militia, but it’s a bit too many words to have as a name. I’m going to shorten it down and just leave it at the Mountaineers. Plus, it sounds outdoorsy, and Vermont is definitely an outdoorsy state.
The Virginia Wizards- Technicalities be damned! I associate Washington D.C. more with Virginia than Maryland! I can do whatever I want! This is my list, Mr. Anderson, my list!
The Washington Supersonics- I got you guys.
The West Virginia Heaters- I figured I might throw in a niche one near the end. In 1960, Danny Heater, a West Virginia high school student, set the record for most points in a basketball game with 135. This has never been beaten worldwide. Danny, this one’s for you.
The Wisconsin Bucks- This is a bit of a misnomer. Both Iowa and Kentucky have more deer than deer per square mile than Wisconsin.
The Wyoming Women’s Rights Activists- I’m tired and this post has taken many hours to write. Wyoming was the first state to grant women the right to vote. Make it four horizontal lines with each word on a separate line. Have Susan B Anthony be your mascot. Be different, Wyoming! Break the status quo like you’ve done in the past!
Conclusion: It’s hard to name franchises.
Edit: I’m a shitposting novice. This is not a modern masterpiece. Also I just chose the team that had the best winning percentage last year for each state with multiple teams.
submitted by lancememenson to nba [link] [comments]

[OC] What if every NBA player played for their local team?

A few days ago, there was an interesting post with the title "If every active NBA player played for their home state." I liked the idea behind that post, but I thought that it could have been improved in a couple ways.
The first issue was that it was done by state, which I thought was boring. Too many states don't have enough players to even make a lineup of NBA players, and a few states like California produce an enormous number of players. It would be more interesting to use the 30 NBA teams instead of the 50 states. The second problem was that using place of birth was kind of silly; there's no reason to claim Stephen Curry for Ohio when he grew up in and identifies with North Carolina. It's hard to tell where players are actually from, especially since so many basketball players move between high schools (often across multiple states) so I decided to use the first high school a player attended as a reasonable proxy for where that player came from.
To do this, I found the first North American high school that I could find for each player in the league, mostly using Wikipedia. I ignored international players who only came to the United States for one year of high school and I ignored fake schools like Prime Prep. After that, I used this tool to find the distance as the crow flies between each player's assigned high school and the closest current NBA arena. In order to differentiate between the Lakers and Clippers, I used the Clippers' proposed new stadium in Inglewood for them and left the Staples Center for the Lakers. Doing it this way produced a couple wonky results but in general I thought it worked well. To my surprise, there were at least five players local to 28 of the 30 teams in the league.
Without further ado, the teams:
ATLANTA HAWKS Eric Bledsoe / Kentavious Caldwell-Pope / Jae Crowder / Derrick Favors / Dwight Howard Bench: Lou Williams, Malcolm Brogdon, JaMychal Green, Al-Farouq Aminu, Jaylen Brown, DeMarre Carroll, Jeremy Lamb, Jodie Meeks, Malik Beasley, Kobi Simmons, Marcus Georges-Hunt, Jaron Blossomgame, Lorenzo Brown This would be a very unpleasant team to try to score against, and Lou Williams on the bench provides the offensive excitement that the starting lineup lacks.
BOSTON CELTICS Michael Carter-Williams / Noah Vonleh / Pat Connaughton / Andre Drummond / Nerlens Noel Bench: Kris Dunn, Luis Montero, Chris Boucher, Wayne Selden, Khem Birch, Jake Layman, Shabazz Napier This roster has a lot of players (twelve, of whom for some reason four are Trail Blazers), but unfortunately almost all of them are marginal NBA players at best, and the two best players play the same position. In particular, the wing depth on this team is ghastly.
BROOKLYN NETS Isaiah Whitehead / Danny Green / Lance Stephenson / Taj Gibson / Karl-Anthony Towns Bench: Kyle O’Quinn, Wade Baldwin IV The Nets’ location kills them here; there are a significant number of NBA players from near Brooklyn, but most of them are nearer Madison Square Garden than Barclays Center, so they end up on the Knicks. This team would have been helped by staying in New Jersey. As it is, this team is awfully thin, but at least it has Karl-Anthony Towns. Lance Stephenson will be around, too, just to keep things interesting.
CHARLOTTE HORNETS Chris Paul / Stephen Curry / Khris Middleton / T. J. Warren / Hassan Whiteside Bench: John Wall, J. J. Redick, Seth Curry, P. J. Tucker, Trevor Booker, Kent Bazemore, Brandon Ingram, Ish Smith, David West, Mason Plumlee, Montrezl Harrell, Raymond Felton, Troy Daniels, D. J. Augustin, DeAndre' Bembry, Miles Plumlee, Kadeem Allen, Isaiah Hicks, P. J. Dozier, Dennis Smith Jr., Torrey Craig, Reggie Bullock, Tim Quarterman, Jawun Evans, Brice Johnson, Sindarius Thornwell, Bam Adebayo, Ramon Sessions, Harry Giles, Kennedy Meeks This team’s guards are so good that John Wall has to come off the bench. There are a huge number of NBA players from the Carolinas, particularly great shooters. The frontcourt lags behind with the exception of Hassan Whiteside, but this team would score points in bunches regardless.
CHICAGO BULLS Shaun Livingston / Patrick Beverley / Andre Iguodala / Jabari Parker / Anthony Davis Bench: Dwyane Wade, Robert Covington, Wilson Chandler, Derrick Rose, Tony Allen, Evan Turner, Frank Kaminsky, Richaun Holmes, Iman Shumpert, E'Twaun Moore, Glenn Robinson III, Tyler Ulis, Jahlil Okafor, Abdel Nader, Milton Doyle, DeAndre Liggins, Sterling Brown, Chasson Randle, Alec Peters, Jack Cooley, Brandon Paul, Alfonzo McKinnie, Fred VanVleet I wouldn’t argue with you if you decided to slot in Bulls legends Derrick Rose and Dwyane Wade into the two starting slots, but I think starting Shaun Livingston and Patrick Beverley makes things more interesting. This team’s ceiling would be limited, given that it would be starting two Warriors bench players, but that starting lineup would be very tough defensively and at least move the ball well on offense.
CLEVELAND CAVALIERS T. J. McConnell / C. J. McCollum / Caris LeVert / LeBron James / Kosta Koufos Bench: Larry Nance, Terry Rozier, JaKarr Sampson Once again, LeBron gets a terrible supporting cast. At least it might be interesting to see what C. J. McCollum would be able to do with LeBron setting him up.
DALLAS MAVERICKS Marcus Smart / Wesley Johnson / C. J. Miles / LaMarcus Aldridge / Myles Turner Bench: Julius Randle, Pascal Siakam, Emmanuel Mudiay, Darrell Arthur, Quincy Acy, Jeremy Senglin, Jalen Jones, Luke Kornet, Joel Bolomboy This would be a profoundly uninspiring team to watch; a frontcourt of Julius Randle and Myles Turner might be interesting, and maybe you really love Pascal Siakam, but other than that there wouldn’t be much reason to tune in to see this team.
DENVER NUGGETS Reggie Jackson / Derrick White / Ron Baker / James Johnson / Jason Smith Colorado produces very little basketball talent, but the five players on the Nuggets resolve themselves into a lineup that works, more or less. At the very least, Reggie Jackson would be able to channel his inner Russell Westbrook.
DETROIT PISTONS Kay Felder / Jordan Crawford / Josh Jackson / Draymond Green / Al Horford Bench: JaVale McGee, Denzel Valentine, Monte Morris, Edmond Sumner, Kyle Kuzma, Derrick Walton, Matt Costello, Bryn Forbes This team is riddled with Michigan State alumni, and it might take calling in Tom Izzo to make things work. There are a number of players here who can work well in a system that takes advantage of their talents, which is something.
GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS Damian Lillard / Tyler Johnson / Aaron Gordon / Robin Lopez / Brook Lopez Bench: Jeremy Lin, Jabari Bird, Brandon Ashley, Isaiah Taylor, Ivan Rabb, Quincy Pondexter This lineup might have been unplayable before Brook Lopez decided to start shooting three-pointers. It might still be an awkward fit, but now it’s possible to look hard enough to see a workable team here. A healthy Quincy Pondexter would be very helpful, but that seems like a real gamble.
HOUSTON ROCKETS Tim Frazier / Jonathon Simmons / Jimmy Butler / Justise Winslow / DeAndre Jordan Bench: Kelly Oubre Jr., Johnathan Motley, Eric Moreland, Joe Young, Alex Caruso, Andrew Harrison, Damyean Dotson, Wesley Iwundu, De'Aaron Fox, Justin Jackson, Sheldon McClellan This team is hamstrung by the lack of quality big men to play alongside DeAndre Jordan. If Justise Winslow were to discover his jump shot, it would do wonders for an offense that might otherwise get bogged down due to lack of spacing.
INDIANA PACERS Mike Conley / Bradley Beal / Gordon Hayward / Zach Randolph / Cody Zeller Bench: Eric Gordon, George Hill, Jeff Teague, Gary Harris, D'Angelo Russell, Rajon Rondo, Patrick Patterson, Courtney Lee, Yogi Ferrell, David Lee, Patrick McCaw, Trey Lyles, Ben McLemore, Jayson Tatum, Josh McRoberts, Luke Kennard, V. J. Beachem, A. J. Hammons, Darius Miller, Semaj Christon, Shelvin Mack, Meyers Leonard, Caleb Swanigan This roster is extremely deep because it encompasses the basketball-rich states of Indiana and Kentucky along with southern Ohio and even locations as distant as St. Louis. With an established lineup of dependable veterans and ample young talent, this squad would be a playoff team in the real NBA.
LOS ANGELES CLIPPERS Russell Westbrook / James Harden / Trevor Ariza / Jared Dudley / Tyson Chandler Bench: DeMar DeRozan, Norman Powell, Allen Crabbe, Stanley Johnson, Arron Afflalo, David Nwaba, Jordan Bell, T. J. Leaf, James Ennis, Anthony Brown, Daniel Hamilton, Delon Wright This team’s frontcourt is surprisingly mediocre, but the guard depth is remarkable. Trevor Ariza gets the nod for the starting spot over DeMar DeRozan because DeRozan’s offensive abilities are less useful if he’s sharing the court with Westbrook and Harden.
LOS ANGELES LAKERS Jrue Holiday / Klay Thompson / Kawhi Leonard / Paul George / Dewayne Dedmon Bench: Amir Johnson, Nick Young, Tony Snell, Darren Collison, Solomon Hill, Justin Holiday, Tyler Dorsey, Spencer Dinwiddie, Ike Anigbogu, Lonzo Ball, Stephen Zimmerman, Gary Payton II, Zach Collins, Nigel Williams-Goss This might be the easiest team to envision, since many of the good players on this team have already been connected to the Lakers, if only in the fever dreams of Lakers fans. On the whole this lineup might not be quite as flashy as the Clippers’ Rolls-Royce backcourt, but it has no real weaknesses to speak of. Lakers-Clippers games would certainly be exciting to watch.
MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES Cameron Payne / Otto Porter / Joe Johnson / Thaddeus Young / Marc Gasol Bench: Bobby Portis, Skal Labissière, Ian Clark, Brandan Wright, Anthony Tolliver, Tarik Black, Mangok Mathiang, Malik Monk, Johnny O'Bryant III, Corey Brewer, OG Anunoby There are plenty of big men here, but the lack of an NBA-level ball handler on this team is a glaring weakness for what would otherwise be a solid squad.
MIAMI HEAT Brandon Knight / Buddy Hield / Tim Hardaway / Jonathan Isaac / John Collins Bench: Gian Clavell, Udonis Haslem It’s surprising how little NBA talent South Florida produces, and interesting how much of it was on the old Heat in Udonis Haslem and James Jones. In spite of the very small roster, this actually resolves itself into a workable starting lineup.
MILWAUKEE BUCKS Devin Harris / Devin Booker / Wesley Matthews / Sam Dekker / Deyonta Davis Bench: Marcus Paige, Kevon Looney, Jamil Wilson, Vander Blue There’s not much to say except that this isn’t an NBA-caliber team. Other than Devin Booker nobody here is even particularly fun, unless you really love Sam Dekker’s social media presence.
MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLVES Tyus Jones / Kyle Korver / Doug McDermott / Harrison Barnes / Mike Muscala Bench: Jon Leuer, Henry Ellenson, Bronson Koenig, Rashad Vaughn, Cole Aldrich, Justin Patton, Nick Collison It may not be surprising that this team is on the whiter side, but it still is interesting to see just how white it is. We do get to see the reunion of the legendary Ames High duo of Doug McDermott and Harrison Barnes, which might be fun.
NEW ORLEANS PELICANS Elfrid Payton / Rodney Hood / Garrett Temple / Paul Millsap / DeMarcus Cousins Bench: Greg Monroe, Thon Maker, Al Jefferson, Langston Galloway, Damian Jones, Shawn Long, Jarell Martin, Elijah Millsap In much the same manner as the actual New Orleans Pelicans, this team has probably the best big men in the league and not much else to speak of. Paul Millsap and DeMarcus Cousins are good enough that things might work out for this team, anyway, but it might also flame out spectacularly.
NEW YORK KNICKS Kemba Walker / Kyrie Irving / Michael Kidd-Gilchrist / Tobias Harris / Joakim Noah Bench: Kenneth Faried, Maurice Harkless, Kyle Anderson, Sean Kilpatrick, Luol Deng, Tyler Lydon, Cheick Diallo, Lance Thomas, Dakari Johnson, Donovan Mitchell, Chris McCullough, Michael Young For Joakim Noah to ever become a decent player again might be too much to ask, but if he did, then this lineup would look decent.
OKLAHOMA CITY THUNDER Alec Burks / Josh Richardson / Semi Ojeleye / Blake Griffin / Willie Cauley-Stein Bench: Willie Reed, Ekpe Udoh There are no actual point guards on this team, which seems as good a reason as any to experiment with running the offense entirely through Blake Griffin.
ORLANDO MAGIC Ben Simmons / Austin Rivers / Luc Mbah a Moute / Chandler Parsons / Joel Embiid Bench: Vince Carter, Marreese Speights, Shane Larkin, Dwayne Bacon, Antonio Blakeney, Okaro White, Matt Williams, Tony Bradley, Eric Griffin This team is interesting and promising, which is to say that it is the opposite of the actual Orlando Magic.
PHILADELPHIA 76ERS Kyle Lowry / Dion Waiters / J. R. Smith / Marcus Morris / Markieff Morris Bench: Tyreke Evans, Rondae Hollis-Jefferson, Wayne Ellington, Jameer Nelson, Ryan Arcidiacono, Charles Cooke, Derrick Jones Jr., Davon Reed, Malachi Richardson, Daniel Ochefu This team would be more than a little bit volatile, but it would be fun to watch.
PHOENIX SUNS Jerryd Bayless / — / Richard Jefferson / Alan Williams / Channing Frye There are not enough players here for a full team.
PORTLAND TRAIL BLAZERS Isaiah Thomas / Avery Bradley / Terrence Ross / Kevin Love / Kelly Olynyk Bench: Zach LaVine, Jamal Crawford, Dejounte Murray, Joe Harris, Marvin Williams, Mario Chalmers, Spencer Hawes, Kyle Singler, Mike James Players from Seattle make up the overwhelming majority of this team; if the SuperSonics were resurrected, Portland would only have four players left (James, Love, Ross, Singler). In general players from Seattle tend to be gunners, and the issue of there only being one ball might create problems with this team.
SACRAMENTO KINGS Ryan Anderson / Luke Babbitt / Cameron Oliver / D. J. Wilson / Marquese Chriss Somehow all five players on this team are power forwards, so these positions might as well be assigned at random. This team would not be very successful.
SAN ANTONIO SPURS T. J. Williams / Jordan Clarkson / André Roberson / Taurean Prince / John Henson Bench: Jarrett Allen, Royce O’Neale The Mavericks and Rockets take most of the talent in Texas, which leaves rather little left for the Spurs. Jordan Clarkson would presumably have to absorb much of the offensive load here.
TORONTO RAPTORS Cory Joseph / Jamal Murray / Andrew Wiggins / Tristan Thompson / Dwight Powell Bench: Nik Stauskas, Thomas Bryant, Tyler Ennis, Dillon Brooks, Andrew Nicholson Replacing Thomas Bryant with Kelly Olynyk and Chris Boucher would turn this team into a Canadian national team. It’s not a bad team, and if Andrew Wiggins were to decide that he wanted to prove his ability to lead a team, this would provide him with that opportunity.
UTAH JAZZ Frank Jackson / C. J. Wilcox / Josh Huestis / Jalen Moore / — There are not enough players here for a full team.
WASHINGTON WIZARDS Victor Oladipo / Will Barton / Kevin Durant / Carmelo Anthony / Ed Davis Bench: Rudy Gay, Jerami Grant, Michael Beasley, Justin Anderson, Jerian Grant, Jeff Green, Rodney McGruder, Malcolm Delaney, Treveon Graham, Dorian Finney-Smith, Chinanu Onuaku, Troy Williams, Josh Hart, Markelle Fultz, Frank Mason III, Malcolm Miller, Devin Robinson, Mike Scott Maryland produces more blue-chip basketball talent per capita than any other state in the country, and it shows here. Looking at all the players on this team, it’s hard to escape the conclusion that a college team with the ability to recruit all these players should be able to do very well. Perhaps it would help even more if that college were centrally located in Prince George’s County, where many of these NBA players are from.
submitted by smotryczfan to nba [link] [comments]

/r/CFB's 2018 NCAA Football Simulated Season - Bowl Prediction Results and National Championship Predictions

Welcome back, CFB!
This is the sixteenth installment in an effort to simulate the 2018 college football season. If you are unfamiliar with how this series will work, read the introductory post.
Thank you for the 217 responses which were submitted last week.
Notable Results:
New Year’s Six Bowl Games:
Full Results and Standings:
Click here for all the results from this week and the upcoming schedule!
Click here for the standings in each conference and the records of each team!
And now, the time has finally come. One game to decide it all. Clemson, Wisconsin, it’s time for the 2018-19 College Football National Championship! Click here to cast your vote for the biggest game of the season!
submitted by sssl3 to CFB [link] [comments]

C4s Final Mock Draft

Hey guys, C4 here and I run a YouTube channel with over 50,000 subscribers and while I mostly suffer 11 months of the year playing the latest, poorly made Madden game April is draft central. I love making mock drafts and player rankings and hell my mock draft last season was so well received it got plagiarized and posted here last season.
Anyways I always take the spirit of no trades in a mock draft so that’s what you’ll see here today even though it’s fairly probable the Bills/Patriots/Cardinals could move up to draft a QB.
So without further adieu:
  1. Cleveland Browns - Sam Darnold, QB, USC ~ I feel like this is pretty much a wrap as to who the Browns are going to be selecting at one from the pre draft reports out of Cleveland to the Tyrod Taylor as bridge QB move that they made with the Bills. Darnold comes to Cleveland, gets the redshirt season he needs and then the Browns get 4 years of him on a rookie deal. I wouldn’t rule out the possibility of him getting some playing time late in the season like Mahomes did with Kansas City last year. Darnold posses the highest ceiling of the QBs in this draft class which is why the Browns take him over the more pro ready Rosen.
  2. New York Giants - Josh Rosen, QB, UCLA ~ Ah, the mock draft busters here at pick number two. Lots of ways the Giants could approach this; Grab the p4p top player in the draft in Saquon and hope he can work behind their poor OLine. Bradley Chubb could help the learning curve of switching to a 4-3 front, Quenton Nelson is as safe of a pick in this years class and is a ‘Gettleman Guy’ or they could simply receive a kings ransom from a QB starved team. Josh Rosen is the pick here for me, if you’re the Giants you fully expect to not have a top 5 pick in the near future and is this new coaching staff and front office going to gamble their careers on a 37 year old Eli Manning? Josh Rosen was debatably the best QB prospect in college last season out of all QBs that could be drafted in future drafts so why wait and see with Eli, be proactive and get his successor now. Rosen can sit and learn behind Eli and the Giants could have the rare chance to actually pull off the ‘Favre-Rodgers’ scenario here.
  3. New York Jets - Baker Mayfield, QB, Oklahoma ~ Really creative here with the first three picks but I think they all make too much sense to me for them to NOT happen. Jets have shown immense interest in Baker and I believe traded up after they had a visit with him. I view Mayfield more pro ready than most and feel he should field as Jets starter no later than mid season. Mayfield has all the on field intangibles you look for in a franchise QB and I think the off field stuff will go away when he makes that transition into a professional environment. I’m a little worried about the weapons they currently have in NYJ to aid his rookie success but long term this is the pick for the Jets.
  4. Cleveland Browns - Saquon Barkley, RB, Penn State ~ If a team loves Josh Allen this pick is probably trade bait and by the lack of pre draft visits the Browns have had with top non QB prospects has me leading to believe they have a trade in place or are going with a can’t miss player. Chubb could be pick but I think it’s too early to give up on Ogbah so they land the best player in the draft in Barkley and try and replicate what the Super Bowl Champs Eagles (Eagles fan gotta get this in as much as possible) and have that 3 headed running attack short term. Hyde is often hurt or not 100%, Duke is a utility player in a contract year so long term Barkley and Darnold as the focus of the offense in 2019 is too good for the Browns to pass up.
  5. Denver Broncos - Quenton Nelson, OG, Notre Dame ~ I feel Nelson is 1b) to Saquons 1a) as the can’t miss player of the class. There is no real weakness to his game other than he’s a guard and they don’t usually get drafted high. I believe Elway likes Keenum more then the public perceives and feels his Broncos roster is similar enough to the Vikings that in a much easier AFC conference Keenum can lead them deep into the playoffs. So get an instant starter in Nelson that will not only keep Keenum upright but help out whatever their run game is going to be (still can’t believe they cut CJ Anderson)
  6. Indianapolis Colts - Bradley Chubb, DE, NC State ~ Jesus starting to look like the consensus mock that was posted here last week but it makes sense. Chubb is the top DE and with the Colts switching to a 4-3 they instantly get a player built for the scheme who is pro ready. Concerns about his bend and stuff are warranted but due to a weak top end DE class it boosts Chubbs value and in reality his floor is still a capable starter and could very well be the best end on their roster as a rookie.
  7. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Minkah Fitzpatrick, DB, Alabama ~ I low key think maybe a OT here would be more beneficial but Fitzpatrick is BPA and his billing as a poor mans Jalen Ramsey (which is still a compliment) is exactly the kinda player Tampa needs. I think Minkah could start at FS or Nickel corner as a rookie and has the tools to cover outside corner, a high level utility player for the Bucs D.
  8. Chicago Bears - Denzel Ward, CB, Ohio State ~ This was a tough one so I have Bears going with a player who can make more of an impact as a rookie. Edmunds has been a popular pick but I think he’s still clearly a project player who would best be served as a rotational player early in his career, where as Denzel Ward could very well bump Amukamara and start oppose Kyle Fuller opening day.
  9. San Francisco 49ers - Tremaine Edmunds, LB, Virginia Tech ~ Niners really happy the Bears passed on Edmunds here with the uncertainty over the future of Reuben Foster and regardless having a need at LB this is an easy pick for the Niners. Edmunds can play right away and has maybe the highest ceiling out of any player in the draft. Looking on the bright side Niners fans if things work out with Foster, him and Edmunds could become the second coming of Willis/Bowman.
  10. Oakland Raiders - Roquan Smith, LB, Georgia ~ I think Roquan is the perfect fit for what Gruden wants in a LB and could see shades of what Derrick Brooks brought to his Bucs teams. Raiders still need to add a LB to pair with Whitehead and Smith is a pro ready player who can start day 1 for the Raiders.
  11. Miami Dolphins - Derwin James, S, Florida State ~ This was the first real difficult pick but from feedback from Dolphins fans that I’ve spoken with TJ McDonald will be used as a money backer they would be pairing James with Reshad Jones and that would be a nasty safety pairing, all while getting the versatility of Derwin who can play that money backer role as well.
  12. Buffalo Bills - Josh Allen, QB, Wyoming ~ A pick a lot of Bills fans don’t wanna see but out of necessity QB is pretty much the only position you reach for and they need one. A playoff team as year ago I don’t know McCarron can bring them back there but at least with McCarron you get a guy QB hungry teams in the past wanted to try as a starter and give Allen the redshirt season he needs. I like Allen more than most as his athletic similarities to Carson Wentz da god are eerily similar, but that low completion percentage is a red flag to me that means he 100% needs a redshirt, and can’t be thrown to the wolves like Wentz was with Philly.
  13. Washington Redskins - Vita Vea, DT, Washington ~ Redskins need to get better in run Defense and I don’t think a single player in this draft could help that area more than Vea. A scheme fit and player that has been praised by Redskins already I think if available at 13 it’s an easy pick for Washington.
  14. Green Bay Packers - Edge Harold Landry, Boston College ~ Corner is a popular pick here but I don’t know how well Jackson fits their scheme or if Jaire is worthy of pick 14, so they go probably BPA and that’s Landry who is the best pure pass rushing specialist in the draft. I think while he needs to improve in run D but can make a big impact rotating in with Clay/Perry and be a double digit sack guy as a rookie.
  15. Arizona Cardinals - Lamar Jackson, QB, Louisville ~ Similar to the Bills drafting Allen this might be a move the Cardinals are forced to make and on paper kinda a head scratcher. Lamar is defiantly a player you want to have on pre draft visit and they didn’t bring him in, and scheme fit he’s probably viewed as niche but from a depth chart standpoint makes all the sense in the world. Bradford will start (as long as he’s healthy) and you can develop Lamar and then in 2019 Lamar and David Johnson could very well form one of the most intimidating tandems in the NFL, Lamar could also convince Larry Fitzgerald to give it another year giving him one of the best safety net receivers in the league. I’m a big fan of Lamar and think he’ll be more Deshaun Watson, less say Pat White-esq?
  16. Baltimore Ravens - Calvin Ridley, WR, Alabama ~ Even if the Ravens land Dez Bryant I’m all about compliments in the NFL and Dez and Crabtree have too similar of a skill set that ruling out WR at 16 could happen. Ridley does have the age thing but he’s still a play maker and would be an excellent compliment to Dez/Crabtree’s play styles. If your the Ravens you give Flacco the weapons he’s hasn’t had in a long time and give him this season to prove he’s worth his contract and if not at seasons end it’s time to move on.
  17. Los Angeles Chargers - Da’Ron Payne, DT, Alabama ~ I was tempted to go LVE here but I still like Perryman/Brown as Chargers LBs enough to say DT is the move. Payne had an excellent combine and with Luiget suspension and Mebane at the end of his career grabbing an interior DL with Payne’s upside and pro readiness is a great call.
  18. Seattle Seahawks - Connor Williams, OT, Texas ~ Seahawks are laughing that they can grab the best and safest tackle in the class who is a plug and play RT as a rookie. With LOB falling apart more now than ever do they need a run game and protect Wilson and Williams gives them the best chance and value. Will Hernandez could be a nice alternative here.
  19. Dallas Cowboys - DJ Moore, WR, Maryland ~ Viewed as maybe the first reach of the draft, with no Dez and all the pre draft attention Dallas has given Moore its a good pick. Moore has a high ceiling and his high floor makes him a great weapon for Dak to have for the future.
  20. Detroit Lions - Taven Bryan, DT, Florida ~ Now I’m a Gators fan so a little bias here but Lions loved the Gators last year with Teez and Jarred Davis and for a team that needs DL help Bryan’s upside makes this a good investment. He’s a high level athlete who in limited production has the tools to be a havoc wrecker against the run and pass in the NFL.
  21. Cincinnati Bengals - Mike McGlinchey, OT, Notre Dame ~ Was really close between him and LVE here but I feel with more depth at LB, grabbing the last non reach OT here for the Bengals is the move. He has the tools to start at RT as a rookie and depending on what they do with Glenn in the future he has the skills to play LT as well.
  22. Buffalo Bills - Leighton Vander Esch, LB, Boise State ~ When your best linebacker is Lorenzo Alexander you need to plan for the future here. LVE at 22 could be considered a steal depending on who you’re asking. Future leader of the McDermott D.
  23. New England Patriots - Rashaan Evans, LB, Alabama ~ One could say after watching the Super Bowl that the Pats D needs to get better, quickly. Evans pairing with Hightower would be a big upgrade over Van Noy, and Evans is a prototypical Belichick player.
  24. Carolina Panthers - Josh Jackson, CB, Iowa ~ Panthers need corner help outside of Bradberry and Jackson is a good fit for their Defense. The best ball hawking player in the draft, Jackson should see early playing time for the Panthers.
  25. Tennessee Titans - Marcus Davenport, Edge, UTSA ~ There’s really not a whole lot of holes on the Titans roster and with there not being much of NT in the draft I think getting an edge rusher would be the play. A very high upside, still project type player Davenport can be eased in behind Orakpo/Morgan and be a nice rotational piece all while having the frame that maybe viewing him eventually as a 3-4 end could be an option later in his career.
  26. Atlanta Falcons - Isaiah Wynn, OL, Georgia ~ With Falcons fans saying Hernandez isn’t a scheme fit a more athletic versatile player in Wynn who can plug and play at RG as a rookie could be a BPA and need pick here for the Falcons. He also gives you flexibility to play OT in case of injury (although he’s pretty undersized)
  27. New Orleans Saints - Hayden Hurst, TE, South Carolina ~ I feel Goedert is the best TE in the class but with his injuries and lack of testing it’s probably too big a gamble for teams to invest a first in a small school prospect like him. Hurst is a riser and a very safe prospect who will challenge and most likely best Fleener for the starting job early. His age is kinda a knock but he’s pro ready and a great fit for the Saints offense.
  28. Pittsburgh Steelers - Malik Jefferson, LB, Texas ~ With the uncertainty over Shazier LB is a need and Jefferson has the athletic ability to warrant a first round selection. The Steelers have showed a ton of interest in Jefferson pre draft and he’d probably see a lot of minutes starting over Jon Bostic in the middle of the LB corps.
  29. Jacksonville Jaguars - Will Hernandez, OG, UTEP ~ Jags FO came out and said they wanted to improve their OL and with Norwell at one side, Hernandez who I rate as the second best OL in the class is a steal. He’d be an upgrade over AJ Cann and for me would make Fournette one of my top fantasy players next season.
  30. Minnesota Vikings - Billy Price, OL, Ohio State ~ Even with the pec injury at the combine he’s debatably the 3rd best OL overall and his versatility to play both guard and Center at a high level is a great addition but Vikings need to upgrade OG in a big way and Price, who has been just shy of Nelson as the top OL in college the past two seasons is the pick here.
  31. New England Patriots - Kolton Miller, OT, UCLA ~ With no trades in this mock Pats add competition with Antonio Garcia for the starting LT job all while also potentially being long term cover for the 30 year old Marcus Cannon. Maybe a slight reach but a high ceiling on Miller and potential to be better than Solder will get B.B. on board with this.
  32. Philadelphia Eagles - Derrius Guice, RB, LSU ~ Eagles probably will trade back but we’ve shown a lot of interest in Guice and he makes sense both short and long term. Short term gives us the 3 headed RB attack we utilized last season and long term with Ajayi being in a contract year / lingering knee injury Guice/Clement is our tandem for the future. Guice is also in terms of talent a top 20 player and still being there at 32, clearly a BPA scenario.
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State of the Week 36: Nevada

Overview

Name and Origin: "Nevada"; Spanish for "snow-covered", after the Sierra Nevada; "snow-covered mountain range".
Flag: Flag of the State of Nevada
Map: Nevada County Map
Nickname(s): The Silver State, The Sagebrush State, The Battle Born State
Demonym(s): Nevadan
Abbreviation: NV
Motto: "All for Our Country"
Prior to Statehood: Nevada Territory
Admission to the Union: October 31, 1864 (36th)
Population: 2,890,845 (35th)
Population Density: 24.8/sq mi (42nd)
Electoral College Votes: 6
Area: 110,653 sq mi (17th)
Sovereign States Similar in Size: Burkina Faso (105,878 sq mi), Ecuador (106,889 sq mi), Philippines (120,000 sq mi)
State Capital: Carson City
Largest Cities (by population in latest census)
Rank City County/Counties Population
1 Las Vegas Clark County 583,756
2 Henderson Clark County 257,729
3 Reno Washoe County 225,221
4 North Las Vegas Clark County 216,961
5 Sparks Washoe County 90,264
Borders: Oregon [NW], Idaho [NE], Utah [E], Arizona [SE], California [W]
Subreddit: /Nevada

Government

Governor: Brian Sandoval (R)
Lieutenant Governor: Mark Hutchison (R)
U.S. Senators: Harry Reid (D), Dean Heller (R)
U.S. House Delegation: 4 Representatives | 3 Democrat, 1 Republican
Nevada Legislature
Senators: 21 | 11 Republican, 10 Democrat
President Pro Tempore of the Senate: Michael Roberson (R)
Representatives: 42 | 24 Republican, 17 Democrat, 1 Libertarian
Speaker of the House: John Hambrick (R)

Presidential Election Results (since 1980, most recent first)

Year Democratic Nominee Republican Nominee State Winner (%) Election Winner Notes
2016 Hillary Clinton Donald Trump Hillary Clinton (47.9%) Donald Trump Libertarian Party Candidate Gary Johnson won 3.3% of the Nevada vote.
2012 Barack Obama Mitt Romney Barack Obama (52.4%) Barack Obama
2008 Barack Obama John McCain Barack Obama (55.2%) Barack Obama
2004 John Kerry George W. Bush George W. Bush (50.5%) George W. Bush
2000 Al Gore George W. Bush George W. Bush (49.5%) George W. Bush Green Party Candidate Ralph Nader won 2.46% of the Nevada vote.
1996 Bill Clinton Bob Dole Bill Clinton (43.9%) Bill Clinton Reform Party Candidate Ross Perot won 9.5% of the Nevada vote.
1992 Bill Clinton George H.W. Bush Bill Clinton (37.4%) Bill Clinton Independent Candidate Ross Perot won 26.2% of the Nevada vote.
1988 Michael Dukakis George H.W. Bush George H.W. Bush (58.9%) George H.W. Bush One faithless elector gave Dukakis' Vp pick, Lloyd Bentsen, an electorate vote.
1984 Walter Mondale Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan (65.9%) Ronald Reagan
1980 Jimmy Carter Ronald Reagan Ronald Reagan (62.5%) Ronald Reagan Independent Candidate John B. Anderson won 7.1% of the Nevada vote.

Demographics

Racial Composition:
  • 65.2% non-Hispanic White
  • 19.7% Hispanic/Latino (of any race)
  • 6.8% Black
  • 4.5% Asian
  • 3.8% Mixed race, multicultural or biracial
  • 1.7% Native American, Native Alaskan, Native Hawaiian and Other Pacific Islander
Ancestry Groups
  • German (14.1%)
  • Mexican (12.7%)
  • Irish (11%)
  • English (10.1%)
  • Italian (6.6%)
Second Languages – Most Non-English Languages Spoken at Home
  • Spanish or Spanish Creole (16.2%)
  • Tagalog (1.6%)
  • Chinese (0.6%)
  • German (0.6%)
  • French or French Creole (0.4%)
Religion
  • Christian (66%)
    • Catholic (25%)
    • Evangelical Protestant (20%)
    • Mainline Protestant (10%)
    • Historically Black Protestant (5%)
    • Mormon (4%)
    • Jehovah's Witness (1%)
    • Orthodox (1%)
  • Unaffiliated, Atheist or Refused to Answer (28%)
  • Jewish, Buddhist, Islamic, Hindu, or Other (5%) _______

Education

Colleges and Universities in Nevada include these five largest four-year schools:
School City Enrollment NCAA or Other (Nickname)
College of Southern Nevada Las Vegas ~54,113 Division I (Coyotes)
University of Nevada at Las Vegas Paradise ~33,007 Division I (Rebels)
University of Nevada at Reno Reno ~21,463 Division I (Wolf Pack)
Western Nevada College Carson City ~5,238 ? (Wildcats)
Nevada State College Henderson ~4,714 ? (Scorpions)

Economy

State Minimum Wage: $8.25/hour
Minimum Tipped Wage: $8.25/hour
Unemployment Rate: 7.1%
Largest Employers
Employer Industry Location Employees in State
MGM Resorts International Gaming, Hospitality, Tourism Paradise (HQ) + Various ~ 56,000+
Clark County School District Education Clark County ~35,000+
Caesars Entertainment Gambling, Hospitality, Tourism Paradise (HQ) + Various ~ 26,600+
Nellis Air Force Base Military Clark County ~14,000+
Wynn Resorts Gaming, Hospitality, Tourism Paradise (HQ) + Various ~11,000+

Sports

While Nevada currently does not host any professional franchises, the NHL has announced that an expansion team will begin play during the 2017-18 NHL season.
The NFL's Oakland Raiders have announced they are considering a move to Las Vegas in the near future.
The city of Las Vegas has been a host to some of the most prominent professional boxing matches in recent years, including both fights between Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield.
Las Vegas Motor Speedway currently hosts the third race of the NASCAR season, and has hosted Indycar races previously, including the disastrous 2011 race.

Fun Facts

  1. The ichthyosaur is Nevada's official state fossil.
  2. Nevada's the seventh-largest state in size, and about 85% of its land is owned by the federal government.
  3. Nevada is the largest gold-producing state in the nation, and is second in the world behind South Africa.
  4. Construction worker hard hats were first invented specifically for workers on the Hoover Dam in 1933.
  5. In March 1931 Governor Fred Balzar signed into law the bill legalizing gambling in the state; shortly thereafter, the Pair-O-Dice Club was the first casino to open on Highway 91, the future Las Vegas Strip. ____ List of Famous People
Previous States:
  1. Delaware
  2. Pennsylvania
  3. New Jersey
  4. Georgia
  5. Connecticut
  6. Massachusetts
  7. Maryland
  8. South Carolina
  9. New Hampshire
  10. Virginia
  11. New York
  12. North Carolina
  13. Rhode Island
  14. Vermont
  15. Kentucky
  16. Tennessee
  17. Ohio
  18. Louisiana
  19. Indiana
  20. Mississippi
  21. Illinois
  22. Alabama
  23. Maine
  24. Missouri
  25. Arkansas
  26. Michigan
  27. Florida
  28. Texas
  29. Iowa
  30. Wisconsin
  31. California
  32. Minnesota
  33. Oregon
  34. Kansas
  35. West Virginia
As always, thanks to deadpoetic31 for compiling the majority of the information here, and any suggestions are greatly appreciated!
submitted by cardinals5 to AskAnAmerican [link] [comments]

32 Teams/32 Days: Day 9: The Indianapolis Colts

Indianapolis Colts
Division: AFC South
Record: 8-8 (4-2 AFC South, 2nd place)
Statistics
Stat Value Rank
Points For 333 24
Points Against 408 25
Point Differential -75 25
Turnover Differential -5 T-22
Offense
Stat Value Rank
Yards Per Game 321.4 28
3rd Down Conversion 40.0% 22
DVOA -15.6% 30
Pass YPG 231.5 22
Rush YPG 89.9 29
Three and Out 24.74% 25
Defense
Stat Value Rank
Yards Per Game 379.1 26
3rd Down Conversion 39.2% 17
DVOA -2.1% 13
Sacks 37 T-15
Interceptions 19 5
Forced Fumbles 16 12
Draft Picks
Round Pick
1 18
2 17
3 19
4 18
5 17
7 18
  • 6/19 traded to Raiders for Sio Moore.
Free Agents
Player Position Status
Dwayne Allen TE UFA
Colt Anderson SS UFA
Ahmad Bradshaw RB UFA
Akeem Davis SS ERFA
Jack Doyle TE RFA
Coby Fleener TE UFA
Jerrell Freeman ILB UFA
Matt Hasselbeck QB UFA
Dan Herron RB UFA
Lance Louis G UFA
Dwight Lowery FS UFA
Andy Studebaker OLB UFA
Greg Toler CB UFA
Adam Vinatieri K UFA
Charlie Whitehurst QB UFA
Billy Winn DE UFA
There are some major contributors on this list, but none are bigger than Jerrell Freeman. Since Chuck Pagano brought his 3-4 defense to Indy, the Colts have struggled to find good players at ILB, rotating through a cast of replaceable linebackers like Pat Angerer and Kavell Connor, veterans like D'Qwell Jackson, and others. Freeman had a standout 2013, only to come back to earth in a disappointing, injury-plagued 2014. In 2015, he was a revelation, posting terrific PFF grades, excellent tackle numbers, and solid run defense. His coverage skills aren't terrific, but he's an important piece of the defense, and should be a priority for a new contract.
Tight end is also a huge issue. All three of the Colts' tight ends are up for new contracts. Dwayne Allen is likely to walk. As good as he's been when healthy, he's missed 22 of 64 games in his four years in Indianapolis, and has ended three of those years on injured reserve. He's an excellent blocker, but he also expressed discontent with how he was used this year, with the coaching staff using him primarily as an in-line blocker. He has the athleticism and skills to do much better than the 16/109/1 line he put up this year, but the Colts didn't show much inclination to use him as a receiver this year. I'd expect Allen to try his luck elsewhere in free agency.
Coby Fleener, on the other hand, is a good candidate for a new contract. While he suffers from the occasional big-time drop, and his blocking is somewhat questionable, he is still a tremendous deep threat as a tight end, and guys like that tend to be highly prized. A career catch rate of 58.8% isn't terrific, but when you consider that he averages 11.8 yards per reception, that rate looks a lot better. He's a dangerous seam threat and the Colts need dynamic playmakers.
Finally, Jack Doyle is a blocking tight end with some receiving skills who's a valid target for re-signing. He's not as good as Allen, but he's also going to be significantly cheaper, and comes without the health concerns that Allen has. He's also an RFA, so the Colts retain rights to him unless they choose not to match contracts.
Greg Toler suffers from similar problems as Allen, but without the promise and talent. In his career, he's missed 40 of 112 games, and 14 of 48 games as a Colt. He also tends to gamble and get beaten badly, and then he tries to rely on his athleticism and speed to catch up to the receiver. Both of those were known knocks when he signed, and the coaches haven't been able to fix those problems, so it's time to part ways.
Dwight Lowery had a good year at free safety, and could be a candidate for another short, cheap deal. Billy Winn was an okay rotational DT and could probably be retained at a reasonable price. Adam Vinatieri has expressed his desire to stay in Indy, and the Colts have expressed their desire to keep him, so he should be around for 2-3 more years. Finally, backup quarterback needs to be taken care of, whether that means re-signing Hasselbeck, or keeping Josh Freeman on the roster. I'm a fan of the latter move, as I tend to be against paying a backup quarterback large sums of money, but that's a discussion for later.
General
The most important events in the 2015 Colts season are, quite naturally, the assorted injuries to Andrew Luck. Without Luck, the Colts were below average, which is supposedly an improvement from the Kerdantis Colpaintsky debacle in 2011. I'm not actually convinced it's an improvement, though. Personally, I'm of the opinion that the worst thing a backup quarterback can do is be just good enough to get a mediocre draft pick, but just bad enough to miss the playoffs. Hasselbeck fell firmly into that camp: the Colts finished 8-8 and will draft 18th overall, but a loss to the Texans in week 15 basically ended the Colts' playoff chances. I would have preferred the Colts be just plain bad and get a top-five or top-ten draft pick, as there is a distinct need for talent on the defense that top-ten picks in the early rounds could have gone a long way towards addressing.
Luck's injury woes directly contributed to a very poor offense. Hasselbeck had some good games, but he also had some very bad games. Inconsistency is pretty much exactly what you expect from a 40-year old quarterback who didn't expect to play extended minutes. His body couldn't hold up to the rigors of a full season as a starter, which isn't a knock on him. It's hard to find fault with someone who fought so hard to keep playing that he was willing to consume a liquid diet because he couldn't chew. Josh Freeman and Ryan Lindley played well enough to beat a dispirited, bad Titans team in the season finale, which looks good on the record but, again, hurts the Colts' ability to draft better talent.
The defense played reasonably well, despite the appearance on the stat sheets, but was constantly placed in horrible field positions by an offense that turned the ball over repeatedly, stalled on drives, and posted an untenable number of three-and-outs. There are few defenses which can withstand that sort of offense, and the Colts don't have one of them. It's very clear that, despite what Jim Irsay has said about wanting to build a more balanced offense, this offense still revolves around the quarterback.
Finally, the disconnect between general manager Ryan Grigson and head coach Chuck Pagano reached ridiculous heights this year. The rift culminated in a series of embarrassing leaks about Grigson that very obviously came from Pagano's camp and supporters, despite Pagano rather hypocritically admonishing T.Y. Hilton for not keeping his grievances in-house. Pagano was nearly allowed to leave Indy without a new contract at the end of the season, but a marathon meeting between Irsay, Grigson, and Pagano resulted in a four-year contract for Pagano and a three-year extension for Grigson, essentially marrying the job status of each to the other. Whether the two can actually work together after the acrimony of the past season remains to be seen. Both coordinators and a number of assistant coaches were let go, and new coordinators Rob Chudzinski (offense) and Ted Monachino (defense) will have a great deal to do in terms of improving their unit's performance next year.
2015 Recap
Week 1: @Buffalo 27, Indianapolis 14 (0-1) The Colts travelled to Buffalo to open the season, but apparently left the offense at home. Tyrod Taylor played reasonably well, but the real story was Andrew Luck's two interceptions and the offense's inability to move the ball. In what would be a continuing theme throughout the entire season, the offense couldn't get anything going against the Bills, falling into a 24-0 hole before recovering to score two late touchdowns. The cause wasn't helped by rookie Phillip Dorsett muffing two punts. The late surge wasn't enough to get the Colts within striking distance, and the Bills' defense confused Andrew Luck en route to delivering a season-opening loss.
Week 2: New York Jets 20, Indianapolis 7 (0-2) For the second straight week, an opportunistic, aggressive defense confused Andrew Luck and shut down the Colts' offense. Maybe the offense wasn't left at home in week 1; maybe it never made it out of training camp. Luck threw three more interceptions in week 2, Frank Gore added a fumble on what should have been a 1-yard touchdown run where he was completely untouched, and for good measure Luck tossed in a fumble of his own. Once again, the high-powered offense was unable to dig itself out of an early hole created by turnovers and stalled drives, and the Colts fell to 0-2 on the season.
Week 3: Indianapolis 35, @Tennessee 33 (1-2) The Colts got their first lead of the season in this game, jumping out to a 14-0 lead thanks to an 8-play, 63-yard touchdown drive on offense and a 69-yard pick-six by Dwight Lowery. Then the general malaise struck again. Inability to move the ball and two more interceptions by Luck, thrown within three minutes of each other in the third quarter, allowed Tennessee to take a 27-14 lead by the end of the third quarter. This time, though, Luck was able to lead the Colts back. He capped off a 12-play, 98-yard drive with a long touchdown pass to Dorsett, cutting the deficit to 6. Lowery picked off Mariota again, setting up the Colts at the Tennessee 11, and Luck immediately hit Donte Moncrief to take the lead back. After a Tennessee three-and-out, Luck led the Colts on a 59-yard drive that ended with Frank Gore holding on to the ball this time, scoring a 6-yard touchdown to put the Colts up 35-27. The Titans marched down the field again, scoring a touchdown and going for the two-point conversion to tie, but the Colts stuffed the Titans' fullback on a poorly designed play, then recovered Tennessee's onside kick attempt to notch their first victory in 2015.
Week 4: Indianapolis 16, Jacksonville 13 (2-2) With Andrew Luck missing a game for the first time in his career because of an injured throwing shoulder, Matt Hasselbeck started at quarterback. Hasselbeck didn't play all that well and was unable to sustain drives, but an anemic Jaguars offense wasn't able to get much going against the Colts' defense either. This game was a party for the kickers, with Adam Vinatieri and Jason Myers combining for 5 field goals, including Vinatieri's 27-yarder in overtime to win the game.
Week 5: Indianapolis 27, @Houston 20 (3-2) Andre Johnson returned to Houston to face his former team and finally showed up for an actual game, catching 6 passes for 77 yards and two touchdowns. Hasselbeck played better this game, despite a poorer showing on the stat sheet, and Frank Gore threw in 98 yards and a touchdown. The Colts led the entire game, jumping out to a 13-3 lead before giving up a bizarre Hail Mary to Jaelen Strong on the last play of the first half. Despite that, the offense calmly took the second-half kickoff and drove 56 yards for an answering touchdown, then added Johnson's second touchdown to match Strong's second touchdown, making the score 27-17. The Texans were unable to respond with more than a Nick Novak field goal, and the Colts moved to 3-2, with Luck expected back the next week.
Week 6: New England 34, Indianapolis 27 (3-3) The Patriots have been an awful matchup in the Andrew Luck era, but this game was both competitive and heart-breaking at the same time. The Colts struck first on a 13-play, 89-yard opening drive which ended in a Donte Moncrief touchdown catch. The Pats responded with a Julian Edelman touchdown catch and a Stephen Gostkowski field goal, taking a 10-7 lead. Mike Adams intercepted Tom Brady at the New England 10, scoring on the play and giving the Colts a 14-10 lead less than four minutes into the second quarter. While this game is infamous for the botched fourth-down play in the third quarter, what happened next may actually have had a bigger impact on the outcome. The Colts attempted an onside kick that the Patriots weren't ready for, and Donte Moncrief appeared to recover the ball, even coming out of the pile with it. The refs, on the other hand, claimed the ball had been blown dead while still in the possession of the Patriots, even though replays appeared to show that no Patriots player ever actually possessed the ball. (If they had used the same logic in Super Bowl 44, the Colts might have had a second ring in the Peyton Manning era. No, I'm not bitter, why do you ask?) The call on the field stood, however, and the Patriots scored a touchdown on a long LeGarrette Blount run. The Colts took the lead back on a 12-play, 80-yard drive near the end of the second quarter, and the Patriots answered with a field goal as the half ended. The Colts went into the locker room with a 21-20 lead. The Patriots came out and immediately scored on a 7-play, 80-yard drive to take the lead. With the Colts down 6, the offenses traded four punts back and forth before the infamous botched play. It's hard to defend this call, but it's worth noting that the intended center on the play, Clayton Geathers, had been injured earlier in the game, and Griff Whalen didn't understand that he was never supposed to snap the ball. That said, I don't understand what the play was supposed to accomplish, because the Colts were in a very illegal formation. Every player on the Colts was lined up two yards back from the ball, possibly in an attempt to draw the defense offsides. But if the ball is snapped, you get offsetting penalties, so I'm pretty unclear on how exactly this was intended to work. If you want to go for it on fourth down - and I'm all for being aggressive in a game where you're the underdog - then just go for it. At any rate, the Colts turned the ball over, the Patriots scored a touchdown, and a late touchdown by the offense to bring the Colts within seven was followed by another failed onside kick. The Patriots knelt on the ball and the Colts fell to 3-3 in a surprisingly winnable game against their nemesis.
Week 7: New Orleans 27, Indianapolis 21 (3-4) The old bugaboo returned in this game, with Luck throwing two more interceptions and the offense unable to get anything started against the Saints' defense. Worse, the Saints decided to show the Colts how to execute a fake, with backup QB Luke McCown throwing a 25-yard pass to tight end Benjamin Watson on a 4th and 9 field goal attempt, leading to the Saints' first touchdown. An Andrew Luck interception on the first play of the next drive led to another Saints touchdown, and a Griff Whalen fumble on the ensuing kickoff led to a third Saints touchdown. Just like that, the Colts were down 20-0. The Saints drove down to the Indy 8 before Vontae Davis mercifully ended that drive with an interception, but after trading punts, Luck threw another interception at the New Orleans 18 to end a scoring opportunity. The Saints drove down the field on the first drive of the third quarter to go up 27-0. Two huge plays got the Colts back in the game. T.Y. Hilton spun Delvin Breaux around and over and down twice, first on an 87-yard touchdown and again on a 46-yard touchdown, to narrow the gap to 27-14. But the offense went missing for another 12 minutes of game time before finally reappearing with 3 minutes left in the game. Luck hit Donte Moncrief for a touchdown, but the Saints recovered McAfee's onside kick, the defense was unable to force a stop, and the Saints escaped Indy with a win.
Week 8: @Carolina 29, Indianapolis 26 (3-5) The first half of this game was a rainfest and a slog. Neither Luck nor Cam Newton, the #1 overall picks in back-to-back drafts, looked the part of a starting QB in the first 30 minutes of action. Luck threw another three interceptions in this game, and Newton added one of his own. The Panthers' first touchdown came off the first of Luck's three picks, setting up a short field at the Colts 27, but the Panthers went into the locker room with just a 10-6 lead. In the second half, the rain slackened and the Panthers took advantage, scoring two touchdowns (though with a missed extra point) to extend their lead to 23-6. With 7 minutes left in the game, Luck led the Colts on another furious comeback. An Andre Johnson touchdown catch was followed by the defense forcing a three-and-out. Luck followed that with a touchdown to Coby Fleener, and the defense forced another three-and-out. Finally, an Adam Vinatieri field goal at the end of regulation tied the game at 23, sending it into overtime. In overtime, the teams traded field goals on their first drives, setting up a sudden-death scenario. Luck threw yet another interception, setting up the Panthers in field goal range, and Gano kicked the game-winning field goal to send the Colts to 3-5. After this game, Pep Hamilton was fired in a time-honored managerial tradition of blaming assistants for failures, and Rob Chudzinski was promoted to interim offensive coordinator.
Week 9: Indianapolis 27, Denver 24 (4-5) In what was likely Peyton Manning's final game at Lucas Oil Stadium, the Colts spoiled his send-off and his attempt to break Brett Favre's records for most career passing yards and most career regular-season wins. Andrew Luck played his best game of the season, and the Colts jumped out to a 17-0 lead over the undefeated Broncos. The Broncos got on the board on a punt return by Omar Bolden as time ran out in the second quarter, then tied the game in the third on a touchdown pass and field goal. The Colts retook the lead, 24-17, on a 12-play, 80-yard drive at the start of the fourth quarter, and the Broncos responded with a touchdown of their own. Vinatieri kicked a field goal to give the Colts a three-point lead, and Darius Butler intercepted Manning on the first play of the ensuing drive. The Colts went on a time-killing drive with six minutes remaining, helped by three dumb penalties committed by the Broncos defense. First, Aqib Talib poked Dwayne Allen in the eye on what would have been 3rd and 7, giving the Colts another set of downs with 2:35 remaining. The Colts ran the ball three times, intending to kick a field goal to stretch the lead to six and give Manning the ball back with less than 30 seconds on the clock, but Danny Trevathan's defensive holding on the field goal attempt (?!) and another Talib unsportsmanlike conduct penalty gave the Colts a fresh set of downs and allowed Luck to simply kneel the ball once, ending the game. At 4-5, it looked like Luck might finally be on the right track, until news broke just two days later that he was hospitalized with a lacerated kidney suffered on a QB scramble. The Colts spent the rest of the season insisting that he might return for the last few games, but he ended up missing all seven remaining games.
Week 11: Indianapolis 24, @Atlanta 21 (5-5) Once again, the Colts started slowly. Two touchdowns by something called a Patrick DeMarco gave the Falcons a 14-0 lead. The Colts finally got on the board with an Ahmad Bradshaw touchdown catch after a 10-play, 83-yard drive near the end of the first half, but the Falcons stretched the lead to 21-7 before the Colts finally woke up. Another extended drive ended with a Bradshaw touchdown catch, then D'Qwell Jackson picked off Matt Ryan and went 6 yards to the house, tying the game. The defense stiffened again, preventing the Falcons from advancing the ball, and Adam Vinatieri capped off a 9-play, 56-yard drive with a field goal with 57 seconds left. The Falcons went on one last desperation drive, but Coby Fleener intercepted Ryan's Hail Mary well short of the end zone to give the Colts their fifth win of the season.
Week 12: Indianapolis 25, Tampa Bay 12 (6-5) Once again, Hasselbeck played reasonably well while replacing Andrew Luck. The teams traded two field goals each before a 56-yard Doug Martin run set the Bucs up for their first and only touchdown of the game. Hasselbeck shook off a slow start by hitting Donte Moncrief and T.Y. Hilton on back-to-back big plays at the start of the third quarter, giving the Colts a 16-12 lead. Another Vinatieri field goal was eventually followed by a 76-yard drive, ending with another Hilton touchdown. The Colts went to 6-5 and had hope of making the playoffs if they could win 3 more games, which didn't seem unreasonable at the time.
Week 13: @Pittsburgh 45, Indianapolis 10 (6-6) Matt Hasselbeck showed signs of wearing down for the first time in this game, throwing for just 169 yards, 1 touchdown, and 2 interceptions. Meanwhile, the defense showed that it hadn't quite mastered the art of rushing the passer, allowing Ben Roethlisberger to throw for 364 yards and four touchdowns. The defense also allowed DeAngelo Williams to rush for 134 yards. Antonio Brown and Martavis Bryant went nuts on the Colts, and the Colts were never competitive in a game that was over before it had truly begin.
Week 14: @Jacksonville 51, Indianapolis 16 (6-7) The Colts and Jaguars looked to be locked in an absolute barn-burner at the half, with the Colts having a 13-10 lead despite no real offense to speak of on either side. The Colts scored their touchdown on a Robert Mathis strip-sack of Blake Bortles in the end zone, and then promptly forced another strip-sack by Mike Adams on the following Jacksonville possession, giving the Colts a great opportunity at the Jacksonville 34, up 13-3. The Jaguars responded with a strip-sack of their own by Andre Branch, who ran the ball back 49 yards for a Jaguars touchdown. After 30 minutes, this looked like it was going to be a defensive struggle thanks to offensive ineptitude. But the Jaguars found their offensive groove in the second half, scoring five touchdowns on five second-half offensive drives, adding in a punt return for a touchdown, and never punting for the rest of the game. The Colts could only muster a field goal in response, falling to 6-7, yet they still controlled their own destiny in the AFC South.
Week 15: Houston 16, Indianapolis 10 (6-8) The Texans came into Indy seeking their first win ever in the city and with the AFC South on the line. Neither team particularly appeared to want to play a playoff game, with T.J. Yates throwing an interception on the first drive and the Colts punting from the Texans' 40. Alfred Blue then fumbled on the next drive, and Hasselbeck took advantage of the short field by throwing a touchdown to Donte Moncrief. Both teams added a field goal before the half ended, and T.J. Yates was injured on a scramble and was replaced by Brandon Weeden. Weeden managed just one good drive, but a Griff Whalen fumble and a Hasselbeck interception put an end to any semblance of offense the Colts could muster, and the Texans left town with their first win in fourteen tries and control of their own destiny in the AFC South.
Week 16: Indianapolis 18, @Miami 12 (7-8) With the Colts now needing two wins and some help to make the playoffs, the team came out firmly determined to show why they didn't deserve to make the playoffs. The Colts jumped out to a 9-0 lead thanks to a T.Y. McGill sack of Ryan Tannehill for a safety, and Frank Gore followed by rushing for a 37-yard touchdown. In the second quarter, the Dolphins managed a Lamar Miller touchdown but failed to score on the 2-point conversion, and the Colts responded. Hasselbeck drove the Colts to the Dolphins' 22 but was injured, and Charlie Whitehurst stepped in, throwing a pass to Andre Johnson before handing off to Frank Gore for Gore's second touchdown of the day, giving the Colts a 15-6 lead. The Colts added one more field goal and the Dolphins added two to reach the final 18-12 score between two listless teams.
Week 17: Indianapolis 30, Tennessee 24 (8-8) At some point Clipboard Jesus got injured in the Miami game, so the Colts signed Josh Freeman and Ryan Lindley off the street. In a rare moment of coaching lucidity, someone had the bright idea to teach Freeman the base offense and Lindley the two-minute drill, thus reducing the amount of information each quarterback had to absorb in a very short amount of time. Meanwhile, the Titans were struggling with QB injuries of their own, shutting down rookie QB Marcus Mariota after he suffered a sprained knee in week 15. The Titans took a 7-3 lead on a Zach Mettenberger keeper, but Freeman responded by hitting Coby Fleener for a 57-yard touchdown. Mettenberger led the Titans 80 yards for another touchdown, and Freeman responded by leading a field goal drive to cut the Titans' lead to 14-13 in a surprisingly entertaining game. The Colts took over on their own 42 with 1:39 left in the half, and Freeman gave way to Ryan Lindley. Lindley promptly led the Colts on an 8-play, 58-yard drive where he never handed the ball off, completing 6 of his 8 passes for 58 yards and the touchdown to Andre Johnson, giving the Colts a 20-14 lead. Coming out of the half, Jerrell Freeman intercepted Mettenberger and scored on the pick-six, extending the lead to 27-14. The Titans responded by replacing Mettenberger with Alex Tanney of the trick shot video fame, who had actually been on the Colts' roster the week before. Tanney led back-to-back scoring drives, cutting the lead to 27-24, and Vinatieri tacked on a field goal to make the lead 30-24. A last gasp drive by the Titans turned the ball over on downs, and the Colts knelt on the ball to end the season at 8-8.
Highs
Despite all the problems and the drama, the team showed flashes of its talent and ability this year. The defense was much improved, and with Luck under center, the offense had serious firepower at times. It was inconsistent, but putting up 27 points on New England is, sadly, a career high for Luck. The Colts also put up 27 points on an incredibly potent Denver defense and 26 points on a great Carolina defense. On the flip side, the Colts also managed to hold New England to just 34 points, which is a vast improvement over the last few meetings, and mostly kept the Patriots' running game in check. Being competitive against some of the league's best teams is a good sign for the future.
The WR corps of T.Y. Hilton, Donte Moncrief, and Phillip Dorsett is an excellent group of young pass-catchers. Hilton regressed slightly this year, mostly due to coaching issues and inability to push the ball downfield under a parade of old people and castoffs. Moncrief, on the other hand, put up a very good 64-733-6 line, solidifying his role as the #2 WR. He has the size and strength to be an excellent X receiver, and if he can continue to improve his use of those attributes as leverage in contested-ball situations, will give the Colts a terrific big target in red zone and short yardage situations.
The defense actually did take a step forward this year. 13th by DVOA, with an above-average grade, is cause for optimism among the fanbase. The rookie class contributed greatly to that improvement, and the continued development of the talent that exists, along with a potential infusion of new talent from the 2016 draft, could continue that improvement to the point where the offense no longer needs to carry the team every game.
And, of course, while it's not directly related to the Colts, for many Colts fans watching Peyton Manning finally get a second ring was a huge joy. Obviously, Manning isn't nearly the quarterback he used to be, but after watching him carry the Colts so many times, it seemed only fair that it was his team that finally carried him to a second ring. While it would have been nice to see him get that second ring wearing the horseshoe, it's good that he got it regardless, and appropriate that he set records while doing so.
Continuing the theme of former Colts having good years, Marvin Harrison and Tony Dungy were voted into the Hall of Fame as members of the 2016 class. Harrison deserved to be a first-ballot Hall of Famer, but the logjam at wide receiver delayed his election for two years. His stats at his peak are absolutely incredible, and while he didn't have the longevity of Jerry Rice, he had nine straight seasons of more than 1100 receiving yards, including his absolutely incredible 143-1722-11 2002 season. Along with Manning and Edgerrin James, he's one of the Colts' Triplets who turned the Colts into a perennial AFC powerhouse, and is absolutely deserving of the honor. Dungy, too, is a deserving Hall of Famer. In 13 seasons, he led two different teams to a combined 139-69 record. Among Hall of Fame coaches, he ranks 12th in wins, 9th in winning percentage, and 7th in wins over .500.
Lows
The team took a step back this year, mostly due to their inability to keep Andrew Luck healthy. He sustained a shoulder injury early in the season that cost him two games, and then returned for a handful of games before sustaining a kidney laceration that cost him the rest of the season. What's worse, and potentially more troubling, is that he wasn't playing particularly well before the injuries set in. He was abysmal in the first two games against the Bills and the Jets, before rebounding and playing reasonably well against the Titans. Unfortunately, the Titans are awful, so that's not really a great indicator. He missed two games with a shoulder injury, then came back and played extremely well against New England, then very unevenly against New Orleans and Carolina. He then played probably his best game of the season against the Broncos, going 21 of 36 for 252 yards, 2 touchdowns, and no interceptions, posting a 98.4 passer rating and an 8.11 AY/A against one of the best defenses in NFL history. The hope is that he can build on that performance and rebound to his 2014 form. If he can't, his second contract could be a costly proposition for the Colts' future.
The Colts once again showed a frustrating tendency to fall behind early in games, then mount furious comebacks that generally fell just a bit short. Unpreparedness has been an issue in the Pagano era, and doesn't speak well of the coaching staff. The team's obvious malaise at the start of games needs to be addressed, and whatever is causing those issues needs to be fixed. The offense should be better with Luck under center for a full season, but it still isn't a good idea to dig yourself a big hole that you need to get out of.
Veteran stopgaps brought in to temporarily fill holes once again failed to produce. Andre Johnson looked bad all season, and had no chemistry with either Luck or Hasselbeck. He has a cap hit well in excess of his production, and blocked a much better Donte Moncrief for part of the year. As such, he'll likely be cut. Frank Gore was solid, but had fumbling issues which cost the Colts greatly. Two of his four fumbles came inside the opponent's five-yard line, and all of them came at a time when the game was tied or close. He didn't have more fumbles than usual, but the ones he had were huge. Trent Cole was pretty much invisible. He was brought over to add pass rush, but didn't do much in that department. He did help shore up the run defense, though, which continues a grand tradition of the Colts shutting down the running game using guys named Trent that other teams have gotten rid of.
Off the field, the rift between the coaching staff and the front office went from "Wait, what?" to "I hope Pagano isn't the next Jim Harbaugh" to "Jesus this is just embarrassing," and did it remarkably quickly. Reports from "anonymous sources" inside the Colts organization were nearly universal in their praise for Pagano and their derision for Grigson, which pretty well indicates exactly where those leaks were coming from. Worse, Indy reporters who disliked the Bill Polian era due to Polian's legendary curmudgeonliness and disdain for the media embraced Pagano for his openness and his willingness to keep them informed, essentially granting Pagano a platform on which to publicly air his grievances with his boss. By all accounts, Pagano is a terrific player's coach, incredibly personable and relatable, and a wonderful person. Unfortunately, that doesn't make him a good game coach, and at times actively hinders him from being a good game coach. Reports after the season indicated that Irsay essentially told Pagano he had to stop championing "his guys" so much, because his personal relationships with players were impacting his willingness to improve the team's performance on the field by benching them. This is a completely believable criticism, since Pagano has shown a tendency to stick with veteran players long past the time when younger players, especially rookies, should have taken over those jobs on merit alone.
2015 Draft
Despite the general narrative of "Haha Ryan Grigson is so bad how could he take a wide receiver in the first round," the 2015 draft was actually a pretty good class, with six of the eight picks focused on improving the defense. Phillip Dorsett (1/29, 29th overall), widely derided as a "luxury pick," ended the season as the Colts' third WR. The potential imagined when the Colts signed Andre Johnson and Duron Carter completely failed to manifest itself; Johnson showed that he doesn't have much left in the tank, and Carter never made it off the practice squad, with the Colts promoting fellow rookie Quan Bray above Carter when they needed a receiver and return man. Despite his obvious talent, no other team signed Carter, either; he's back in the CFL for at least a year. Dorsett, meanwhile, showed flashes of his dynamic speed and route-running ability, despite missing several games with a fractured ankle. He should start the 2016 season as a complement to T.Y. Hilton at Z and slot.
D'Joun Smith (3/1, 65th overall), a cornerback selected in the top of the third round, missed most of the season with various injuries. It's tough to give him a grade, but for now he needs to be able to get on the field and stay there. The Colts have a pressing need at cornerback, so if he can contribute, he'll be a welcome addition to a group that sorely needs players and talent.
Henry Anderson (3/29, 93rd overall) should be considered one of the steals of the draft. The Colts picked him in order to provide youth and depth on the defensive line, but he was thrust into a starting position when Arthur Jones was injured, and he immediately produced as a terrific DT. He suffered a season-ending torn ACL in week 9, unfortunately, but up to that point he was having a season that should have put him in the conversation for Defensive Rookie of the Year. He should be back for training camp, and if he is able to continue that level of production, the Colts will have found a stud on the defensive line.
I've been extremely excited about Clayton Geathers (4/10, 109th overall), who was ranked as the best safety in the 2015 draft by Ryan Riddle, a former NFL linebacker and analyst. While he's primarily an in-the-box safety, he showed off some good coverage ability in his only start of the season at Atlanta, where he was occasionally matched up with Julio Jones in single coverage and actually played reasonably well. I wouldn't have exposed a rookie making his first career start to man coverage on one of the best recievers in football, but the Colts did and he responded in a big way. Geathers needs more playing time, but he's an excellent addition to the defense and is reason for optimism at a thin position.
Similarly, David Parry (5/15, 151st overall), Anderson's college teammate at Stanford, played very well at nose tackle. He's a smaller NT who looks like he should be pushed around by big offensive linemen, but he anchors well and recovers quickly. He also has a high motor, and is never out of a play for good. There were several occasions where he got pushed out of the way by a lineman, but recovered in time to make a play on the ball carrier. Parry wore down towards the end of the season, but that's not uncommon for rookies making the jump to the NFL. He should be able to anchor the Colts' line well for several years.
Josh Robinson (6/29, 205th overall) was a pretty mediocre player. He didn't produce particularly well, and fumbled the ball far too much. He was placed on the practice squad in favor of bringing back Dan Herron, and should probably stay there unless there's another crisis at RB.
Amarlo Herrera (6/31, 207th overall) didn't do much of anything this year. He bounced from the practice squad to the active roster and back as the Colts needed special teams players.
Finally, Denzelle Good (7/38, 255th overall) stepped into the starting role at right tackle towards the end of the season, and played well enough that he should be the starter going into training camp. He graded out well according to PFF, and locked down a position that has been in flux for the entire Grigson/Pagano era. Despite nobody knowing how to spell his name (even now if you Google him, there are variants of Denzell Good, Denzell Goode, Denzelle Good, and Denzelle Goode!) or the college he attended (where the hell is Mars Hill?), he outplayed his draft spot and is another reason for optimism at yet another thin position.
Continued
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"Why should I be a fan of your team?" Project Results

So, after about a week, most of the writers have created a synopsis of their favorite NFL team. Before I reveal all the write-ups, i'd like to thank a few people.
Most of all, thanks to all the writers who participated. This project wouldn't have gotten anywhere without y'all.
Without further ado, here are all the submissions for the project. If you see your team not featured and would like to write, PM me about it.
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Getting into the NFL and want to pick a team? 32 Fans of 32 Teams want YOU! Each fan has done a short paragraph on why you should select their team as your favorite. Also, credit to u/skepticismissurvival for the idea, his 32 Teams/32 Days gave me the idea for fan write-ups. They’re all here, so without further ado, let’s begin:
Carolina Panthers (u/pattonz)- The Carolina Panthers play in Charlotte, North Carolina. This city is right near the southern border of the state, and the team itself represents both North and South Carolina. The Panthers are a team on the rise, with a dynamic offense built on a opportunistic defense. In a league that increasingly depends on accurate passing and lighter players to defend against the pass, Carolina features a diverse running game that is increasingly difficult to stop. The most important player in this offense is the dual threat quarterback Cam Newton, who faces derision within the league for sometimes excessive celebration after scoring. The most important player on defense is middle linebacker Luke Kuechly, the most consistent run stopper in the league as well as being one of the most dangerous in passing coverage. The team motto is "Keep Pounding", the idea behind it being to continue to do your best on the field regardless of the circumstances that say you should do otherwise. Fan tradition is the swear by Bojangles/Cookout/Waffle House, drink tons of cheerwine/Sun Drop/Sweet Tea, get fat, and die of heart disease.
Cleveland Browns (u/SmokeySmokes)- Browns r gud, we lik beer and 1 day we be gooder thn other teams.
Detroit Lions (u/bananaSliver)- Why be a Detroit Lions fan? Why be a fan of a team whose name is generally accompanied by snickering and “2008” comments? Why like this team more than those dominant green and yellows in the same division? Because it’s hard. Detroit isn’t known to be a utopian city of the future. Hell, life in Michigan is tough for most people. We are still feeling the effects of the recession; you can see the tired buildings, the poisoned headlines, and the broken faces that walk cracked streets. Hauling wheelbarrows full of dirt or pouring asphalt while sweat seeps through your clothes is tiring, exhausting and… rewarding. It’s easy being a packers fan. It’s nice to go into every season not concerned so much about success as you are which jersey you need next. It’s hard hoping that something will change, year after year, rooting for those outcasts, hoping they don’t screw it up somehow. Being a lions fan is like watching Game of Thrones for the first time. You see so much talent from the rugged honorable northern folk. They’re loyal. The have good intentions. They have to be destined for greatness, right? Then one season you see the slaughter of someone you were sure would be in it for the long haul. Four seasons in and those same characters you rooted so hard for are all but gone. Becoming a Detroit Lions fan isn’t glorious. This fandom means always being the underdog. It means never being in the spotlight. We can keep up with the best and have no recognition, and lose to the worst and be the “same old lions”. You won’t hear about us on ESPN (unless someone was stomped, or retired). Hell, most of the time the league itself wants us to lose. You go into every matchup with something to prove. You struggle, truly struggle, with your fellow fans and players, every Sunday. Sure the victories may not come often, and the losses can be tough. It gives you something to root for. You don’t have bragging rights, you have to earn them with us. But I’ll be damned if a Lions victory doesn’t feel as good as that. You want that true emotion, that real feeling of accomplishment? You don’t get that from a team expected to win. You get that from a team whose quarterback was sacked 44 times but still gets up to throw for over 4,000 yards. You get that from guys like Golden Tate who are told they can never be a true #1 receiver, even when he filled in for Calvin Johnson in 2014 and lead us to multiple wins. You get to be a team that started 1-8 last year, and come back to finish 6-2, missing the playoffs by one facemask to Hail Mary. And no one realizes how close you actually were. I don’t recommend being a Lions fan. But if you’re looking for a true payoff, a purpose behind your fandom, Detroit is the place to be (and that’s not said too often).
San Francisco 49ers (u/JustianianTheWong):
I've followed the San Francisco 49ers my entire life, and have greatly enjoyed both the ups and downs of the franchise. Here's a few reasons why I think it's great to be a niner fan: * The 49ers have a fantastic history filled with amazing stories, monumental success, and some of the greatest football players of all time * ... * Hold on, I'm thinking... * Well, no one will call you a bandwagon fan * Tickets and merchandise are going to be pretty cheap in the next few years * If enough people become 49er fans, they will come to California and their tears can solve our drought crisis. Do it for the environment! In all seriousness, the 49ers are a great franchise to follow in spite of recent difficulties. Their play in the 80's revolutionized football with the West Coast Offense being pioneered under Bill Walsh, with the help of players like Joe Montana, Freddie Solomon, Dwight Clark and later Jerry Rice. One of the greatest (if not THE greatest) dynasty of NFL history was with that 49er squad and included HOF players like Ronnie Lott, Joe Montana, Jerry Rice, Fred Dean, and Steve Young, all under the HOF coach Bill Walsh. Like any lasting NFL franchise, the 49ers have a rich history filled with amazing stories. One of the most iconic of these stories is of course The Catch). In short, this is an epic tale of the underdog team that took down the goliath that was the Dallas Cowboys. As dostoyevsky23 said on /49ers, "The symbolic importance of the Catch is that it was the beginning of the greatest stretch of football in the Super Bowl era. It also symbolized the end of the Cowboys great 70s teams and served as sweet revenge for 70 and 71" For reference, 70 and 71 were the years that the Dallas Cowboys halted the 49ers hopes of making the super bowl under QB John Brodie. In addition to a rich history of excitement and success, the 49ers have bright times ahead. No, they will not be in the Superbowl this year, but under Chip Kelly I can guarantee exciting football! In many ways, our best years are behind us, but I still get just as much joy and excitement turning on the tv on sundays as I did when the 49ers dominated the league. At the end of the day, nothing I say can really convince you to follow my favorite team. All I can do is tell you what we have going for us. And in TL;DR format, here's the main list of what makes the 49er Faithful a great community to be a part of: * We have fun, regardless of the success our team is experiencing. Through years of good play, we enjoy that. And through years of poor play, well we enjoy that too with some of the best self-deprecating humor in the league. * The team really does have an outstanding history behind it, with even more outstanding players. Seriously, look through the San Francisco 49ers wikipedia page It's really an entertaining read. 5 Super Bowl victories and 2 arguable GOATs for their positions (Montana and Rice) are nothing to scoff at * In my experience, 49er fans are really a friendly bunch. I have not been to a game in 8 years, but back when I went semi-regularly I ran into a lot of incredibly kind and interesting people. And now that the bandwagoners are leaving, the crowd should only get nicer from here. * Also, sf49 wanted me to "Tell 'em we got a sweet fog horn for TDs." Thank you for taking the time to read through this! If it sounds like your kind of team, we welcome you to our community and our subreddit (/49ers). Big thanks to sssl3 for organizing this thread, and to all the help I got in writing this from my fellow niner fans on our team sub!
Buffalo Bills (u/tobias_the_letdown): If you enjoy getting blackout drunk while being body slammed through a table rocking some zubaz then you’re a bills fan.

P.s. you must enjoy years of disappointment and razor cakes.

Arizona Cardinals (u/sssl3): The Arizona Cardinals are an NFL team based in Glendale, AZ, and play in the University of Phoenix Stadium. The team has enjoyed much success in recent seasons, but were the laughingstocks of the league between 2009-~2014, with a carousel of QBs, such as John Skelton, Kevin Kolb, and Derek Anderson. The Cardinals have been to one SB, XLIII, and lost to the Pittsburgh Steelers 27-23 on a TD by Steelers WR Santonio Holmes. This game is the root of Cardinals’ fan hate for anything Steelers-related. Some names to know are: * Carson Palmer, QB (Starting QB) * David Johnson, RB (2nd Year HB, promising rookie campaign) * Larry Fitzgerald, WGod (HoF-Caliber WR, slot receiver who can run block) * Calais Campbell, DE/DT (Big man on d-line, run-stoppepass rusher) * Patrick Peterson, CB (#1 CB, follows #1 WRs entire game) * Tyrann Mathieu, FS/CB (Versatile player, went down in Week 15 with ACL tear)

The Cardinals are a team that have enjoyed a lot of success recently, but many of the starters are getting up in age, such as Carson Palmer and Calais Campbell, two big pieces of the team, as well as locker room leaders. There is still a lot of young talent, including Patrick Peterson, David Johnson, and Tyrann Mathieu. The Cardinals are one of the prime Super Bowl contenders, and are especially driven following a demolishment is the 2016 NFCCG by the Carolina Panthers, 49-15. The Cardinals are a team to root for if you enjoy a team that can consistently compete.

Oakland Raiders (u/poo-c__e-tur): Why should one be a Raiders fan? Well, the Raiders have one of the richest histories in the NFL. Originally formed in 1960 (Before the NFL was even a thing) they were part of the AFL and later joined the NFL during the NFL-AFL merger of 1970. During the 70's the Raiders were a fierce force and one of the top teams in the league, winning the Super Bowl in 1976 and 1980 and developed a reputation for being tough, mean and nasty. In 1980, the Raiders, under GM AL Davis, moved to Los Angeles. They won their third Super Bowl in 1983 and eventually moved back to Oakland in 1995. They appeared in Super Bowl XXXVII in a losing effort. After this began a decade long slump in which the Raiders were one of the worst teams in the league, mired by bad draft choices and free agent signings. But why should you be a Raiders fan now? Because of the progress made up till now. In the 2014-2015 season, while an abysmal 3-13, was a progressive year, as it seemed the Raiders had finally found a quarterback and a stud defensive end. The 2015-2016 season was one of great potential as well. Although the Raiders finished only 7-9, it was clear they had found their quarterback, developed a polished receiver, had a Pro Bowl running back and had developed the aforementioned defensive end into arguably the second best defensive player in the NFL. During this offseason, the Raiders beefed up the offensive line and secondary through free agency and the draft. In a year that looks to be a down year for the AFC West (The division that they play in), the Raiders are primed to pounce. Now would be an amazing time to hop on to Raiders Nation (Raider fan's self appointed nickname for the fan base). People to Know Al Davis (GM/Owner)- Deceased legendary GM/Owner of the Raiders. Hall of Famer. Known as the face of the Raiders, his decisions and draft choices are part of NFL lore. JaMarcus Russell (QB)- AL Davis' most infamous pick. Seemed to be a sure fire prospect with a rocket arm. Picked number 1 overall and was to be the QB of the future. Instead, turned out to be arguably the biggest draft bust of all time. Derek Carr (QB) - Current QB for the Raiders. Has proven himself to be the QB for the team. Brother of former NFL QB and number one overall pick, David Carr. Known as a great person and a hard worker. Very easy to root for. Khalil Mack (DE/LB) - Arguably the second best player in the NFL, Mack made the All-Pro team as both a LB and a DE. Finished last year with 15 sacks. He's an animal. Amari Cooper (WR)- Last year's first round draft choice, Cooper is very polished receiver who had 1000 yards in his rookie season. The sky’s the limit for him. Latavius Murray (RB) – Murray is a big, strong running back who had a 1000 yards rushing and made the Pro Bowl in his first season as a starter. Karl Joseph (S)- This year’s first round draft choice Mario Edwards Jr. (DE/DT) – Versatile pass rusher who wrecks havoc wherever he plays. Conventional stats don’t show his true impact as a player Other Things to Know The Raider’s stadium is called the Black Hole and fans dress up in costumes and visit the games to cheer the Raiders on

Raider fans are among the most loyal in the NFL

Denver Broncos (u/Guardax): Alright, so it is true that the Broncos just won the Super Bowl. But the reason to follow the Broncos goes beyond just that and I would be writing essentially the same thing if even if that wasn't the case. To start the Broncos play in Denver, a beautiful city at the foot of the mountains. This city loves the Broncos and has sold out every home game since they joined the NFL in 1970. The closest team is many hours away which means that the Broncos have the largest territory of NFL team. Broncos Country is huge! The Broncos are also one of those teams that success is just in their DNA, they have made a record eight Super Bowl appearances, have won their division fifteen times, and are three-time champs. From classic moments like The Drive to The Elway-copter to Tebow Time the Broncos rarely disappoint. But to me the best part of the Broncos is the tradition and legacy. After the Broncos finally won the Super Bowl on their fifth try in a thrilling upset win, giving legendary quarterback John Elway the elusive Lombari Trophy, owner Pat Bowlen simply said “This one's for John.” Six months ago our now general manager John Elway repaid the favor to the Alzheimers-suffering Bowlen by saying this one's for Pat. The Broncos are a team of successful teams, passionate fans, and a rich tradition in one of America's greatest states. What more do you want?

Indianapolis Colts (u/HarbaughsDockers): Indianapolis Colts
  • Division: AFC South
  • Recent History: 30-13 record with two division titles and three playoff wins in the last four seasons. Second-most team wins since 2000. 1-1 in Super Bowls this decade but many more banners.
  • Stadium: Lucas Oil Stadium
Why You Should Be a Fan of the Colts
We are a fun team to watch. We have a young quarterback with a strong arm and three very fast wide receivers who have the potential to break the top of the defense for a long touchdown on any given play. Andrew Luck is also a great playmaker and has had more than his fair share of impressive scrambles where he puts his body on the line (sometimes unnecessarily) in order to keep the drive alive. He is as big of a competitor as anyone in the league and it’s fun to watch him play with that attitude and see it influence his teammates.
We have a lot of likable, hard-working guys on our team. You could call us boring, which isn’t a bad thing. We don’t have any divas and guys stay out of trouble for the most part (except when pizza guys steal their parking spots). The organization looks for guys who play football because they love the game and will work for it. We have a lot of humble guys that it is easy to root for. Andrew Luck is basically a nerdy caveman who happens to be really good at football. He doesn’t have a smart phone and his only social media presence promotes his online book club. When he gets sacked, he congratulates the defender. TY Hilton is a great role model, humble and torches defenses with his speed and route running. Chuck Pagano is a great person that overcame something that many people do not and coached a game that season. We also have Pat McAfee, who is hilarious.
We have a lot of huge comebacks in recent history a few notable ones are: * 2006 AFC Championship game against the Patriots down 21-6 at halftime * Fourth and Two vs. Patriots in 2009 * Chiefs 2013 Wild Card Round: Down 38-10 (Second-largest comeback in postseason history) So it takes a lot for Colts fans to give up on a game and comebacks are a great way to keep things interesting.
We have one of the coolest game experiences in the NFL and until Minnesota opens their stadium, we have the coolest stadium. It looks like an airplane hanger with this giant window that shows the beautiful Indianapolis skyline. The stadium gets as loud as any stadium in the NFL and the fans are friendly and passionate. Indianapolis is a really nice city and St Elmo’s Steakhouse is fucking delicious.
TLDR
The Colts have been one of the best teams since 2000 and look to continue that with a young and explosive offense led by one of the best young QBs in the league. Now is the perfect time to jump on the bandwagon of a team with the potential to be very good and in contention for the playoffs and Super Bowl for the next decade.
Players to know
  • Andrew Luck (duh)
  • Robert Mathis: King of the strip-sack and potential HOFer.
  • TY Hilton: Texan-killer with deadly speed and route-running.
  • Vontae Davis: Probably our best defensive player who has the ability to shut down any team’s number one target.
  • Henry Anderson: Stand-out player from his rookie season last year. He was in the running for DROY until he tore his ACL. He should be a force up the middle provided he recovers.
  • Anthony Castanzo mainly for this. He is also our team’s best lineman along with Jack Mewhort.
  • Ryan Kelly: could be the final piece to keeping Andrew Luck upright and healthy this season
  • Donte Moncrief and Phillip Dorsett: Potential breakout players on the Colts offense this season
  • Frank Gore: Best running back the Colts have had in about a decade.
  • Pat McAfee: Really good punter and even better personality.
  • Adam Vinatieri: GOAT Kicker and ageless wonder
Highlights
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oP5xh0Djwg4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WuPOnbzay0k
Andrew Luck is love, Andrew Luck is life.

Addition from the editor

Houston Texans (u/Hellmaker34): Basic team info: Founded in 1999, the Houston Texans did not have their first season until 2002. They are part of the AFC South, along with the Jacksonville Jaguars, Tennessee Titans, and the Indianapolis Colts. The Tennessee Titans are actually the old Houston Oilers franchise, which was moved in 1996. Since 2011, the Texans have had 3 playoff appearances, by way of 3 division championships. Why people should like the Houston Texans: As the youngest franchise in the NFL, you have a chance to be a part of the first years of a growing franchise. Because of the franchise's age, and recent struggles, the fans (at least in my experience) tend to be pretty serious. By this I mean that we do not really fall into many stereotypes. We are just football fans that support our team, we don't do it because they're popular or they're what's cool to like, we just simply like football. And Texans football can be heartbreaking, but rarely is it boring. And that's the beauty of supporting the Texans. There are few games in which we aren't seen as the underdog, and this breeds some tough players, and outstanding personalities. Names to know: Bob McNair is the owner, Rick Smith the general manager, and Bill O'Brien the head coach. These guys have built my favorite team. I'm a fan of football, and good football can be seen anywhere, but Texans football is especially electric. Players from the past, most notably Andre Johnson and Arian foster, were monsters in their prime. They, in my opinion, embody the toughness and ability that this team uses to succeed. Current Texans players, JJ Watt, Brian Cushing, and DeAndre Hopkins, continue this tradition. Exceeding at their positions and creating a platform never before seen for the Texans, a platform of success that if followed through, could make a championship winning franchise. We have players set up for the future that could help this team become something really special. It's a general consensus that the players that will most likely succeed with our program are Lamar Miller, DeAndre Hopkins, and, if his health holds, JJ Watt. We have some gambles that have some huge upside if they pay off. Brock Osweiler is a controversial quarterback, given his paycheck, and small sample size, but his work ethic, if what's been said is true, is astonishing. I will support the lobster because I support the team, and I love the team. Hopefully some of you will learn to love the Texans as well! Major game traditions: The problem with this is that for traditions to be formed, time has to pass, and the Texans, being the youngest franchise, lack the time needed to establish said traditions. The Texans Bullpen website is trying to establish said traditions, and with the help of fans, who knows what awesome traditions can be established?

New England Patriots (u.Kerbonaut2014)- Founded in 1960, the New England Patriots have a long and storied history. Though they were a bottom-of-the-barrel team for their first few decades, the Patriots have since become the most successful franchise of the 21st century. Over the last 15 seasons, the Patriots have amassed 13 playoff appearances, 10 AFC Championship appearances (currently 5 in a row), and 6 Super Bowl visits with 4 victories. These accomplishments are all thanks in part to Patriots owner Robert Kraft who bought the team in 1994, Patriots head coach Bill Belichick who has been with the team since 2000, and future Hall of Fame quarterback and devilishly handsome 16-year NFL veteran Tom Brady.

If you enjoy cold weather, quality football, and especially winning, the New England Patriots are the team for you. Regardless of the many "bandwagoning" fans that the team has, there is always room for more; all that we ask is that you remain a loyal fan, hate the New York Jets, and realize that Tom Brady is the best to ever play the game.

Minnesota Vikings (u/smkeillor)- Let’s face it, everyone knows what it is like to cheer for the same boring team year in and year out. Tired of Green Bay NFCN Dominance? Worried that the NFL is devolving into a No Fun League of predictable results like; Who will represent the AFC in the Super Bowl (the Patriots, Broncos, or Steelers) and which QB on a pass-first team in a pass-first league will win MVP this time? Hi, u/smkeillor here with another fantastic shitpost! I’m here to tell you about the Minnesota Vikings! From the makers of “The Loveboat Scandal”, “How the Fuck Did we Miss that Field Goal”, A team whose owner has questionable business practices a really cool stadium!!!, “How the FUCK DID WE MISS THAT FIELD GOAL, the “Whizzinator”, A dissapointing yet expected humanization of an idolized superathlete, that in the context of an actually increasingly complicated discussion within society that has questioned what constitues the line between apropriate discipline and child abuse, found the way he periceives and was taught childrearing to be in conflict with the current social climate “HE’S LOOSE” come the Minnesota Vikings. As the only team to have the same Super Bowl Record as the Buffalo Bills (0-4) the Minnesota Vikings claim an elusive spot as the most depressing franchise ever...because they are constantly messing things up in creative ways. They are more depressing than the Browns because you know the Browns are and always will be complete trash. Say what you want about the Browns, but they are consistent! Lions fans may argue that their squad always finds a better way to Lose but at least you have the solace of knowing that a tight game with a division rival will end with a loss. Vikings fans have no fucking clue. Will Teddy Bridgewater take the next step? Will Zim-Zam remain un flim-flammed? Will announcers finally call Harrison Smith by his name? These are exciting narratives, but deep down,I think everyone who sports the Viking’s Flair on NFL knows the answer to these questions. The answer is No. And that’s ok. Because being fans of the most depressing franchise is a privilege. It means you get to cry with your comrades after some implausible defeat, scandal, or season. And this is awesome because everyone loves to self deprecate! It means you can spend the whole offseason posting stats and metrics that show how THIS is the year the Vikings make a splash. You can lable anyone who questions your purple flavored arguments as “haters of small market teams” You can hate the Packers, the Cowboys (Herschel Walker Trade), and the goddamn Saints. We get on this hype train knowing that it is heading for the brick wall of reality and we ride it the whole way to see the beauty of the terrible explosion against a sky of deep purple. If there is one thing that Viking’s Legend Brett Farve taught us, it is that for a sweet, sweet moment you can truly love the thing that you hate. That moment is what makes being a Vikings fan special. In the words of Rihanna.

Philadelphia Eagles (u/MikeTysonChicken): The Philadelphia Eagles represent the City of Brotherly Love and there is no organization that best fits the culture of this city quite like them. The franchise is the embodiment of the culture in this city, representing hard work, passion, and a sprig of insanity. And while the franchise’s long history lacks the ultimate success, we as fans never waiver in our devotion to the team. With a new coaching staff in place, the franchise looks to not only recreate the years of our greatest coach, but to reach the pinnacle of the sport. What every fan in the city loves is a strong defense; our new head coach, Doug Pederson, hired one of the brightest defensive minds in the business in Jim Schwartz. His defense brings a physical, in-your-face attacking philosophy that fits the ethos of this city. They look to play with a fierce passion that fans adore, led by: Fletcher Cox, Jordan Hicks, Connor Barwin, Vinny Curry, Malcolm Jenkins, and Rodney McLeod. And while the offense is going through another big transition, it has plenty of pieces and a staff of coaches with a wealth of experience. Furthermore, the owner and front office are committed to building a winner and aren’t shy about making the necessary moves to propel this organization into elite status. But most of all, this team is the quintessential member of our family. We are always there for them, we always love them, we never ignore them, and we rise and fall with them in times of triumph and failure. The fervent passion we exude for our team never waivers and it’s something we all cherish as fans. Being an Eagles fan isn’t about being a fan of the team, it’s about being a part of a strong family.

New York Jets (u/nickmangoldsbeard)- The New York Jets were briefly the Titans of the American Football League. I bring this up because if you should choose to join the glorious fold of noble masochists that follow "Gang Green", you're going to want to get used to knowing trivial information from the 60s. The Jets have played in the AFC East since the division was created and have a long history of hating the likes of Dan Marino and Tom Brady. The Jets were the first AFL team to win the Super Bowl! That's right, just put that fact in the old memory bank, you're going to need it. The likes of Broadway Joe Namath and Don Maynard were the stars of a high-flying Jets offense that was ahead of its time, but the AFL's best defense and a host of Colts' turnovers were the main reasons that Namath's famous guarantee came true in Super Bowl III. Jets fans are known for chanting J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets during games, but our most famous tradition is booing during the NFL draft. Take a moment, go ahead, I'll wait. I want you to google Kyle Brady and Ken O'brien. ....you back? Okay, see, the booing is pretty god damn warranted. Some of the biggest draft blunders of all time belong to this team and they happened in our own backyard, but despite that, the Jets have put together a pretty impressive roster in the here and now. An exciting young defense littered with stars and an offense full of pro-bowl veterans had hopes high to make a playoff push in 2016. You should follow the Jets because the uniforms are dope, the fans are loyal and thick-skinned, and because when we finally get to party like it's 1968 again, you're going to want to be there. Our solemn oath says all you need to know about us:

"Fall gathers, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until week 17. I shall take no piss breaks, miss no games, and be no father to my children. I shall cheer through failure and glory. I shall live and die in green. I am alone amongst Pats fans. I am the watcher of the Jets. I am the shield that guards against Mark Sanchez jokes. I pledge my life and Sunday's to the New York Jets, for this season and all the seasons to come."

Continued in the comments...
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