So, this happened to me when I was about 18 or 19. Let me start by saying that--I know this story will be hard to believe. I'm used to not being believed. And I know why....I mean it all sounds so crazy.
Let me just start off by saying--I've always been terrified of water.
For some background: I have a skin condition that causes a really bad pain whenever I touch water, and the salt water intensifies that. I try to avoid water whenever possible, and try to make showers as quick and short as I can. Doctors have told me it's a really bad case of eczema, aka dry skin--mostly because they aren't sure what else it could be. Anyway, that pain is what originally drove me to dislike water. I mean, I obviously can drink it and everything--it doesn't burn my lips/tongue/throat. It just hurts when it's concentrated in large amounts on my body.
So anyway. When I was 17, I started college and met a girl. We started dating. She was a swimmer--she loved it. She always wanted to be in the water--and she was always disappointed when I told her I didn't want to get into a pool/hot tub/shower with her because of the pain. I think she resented that--that I couldn't share her love for water, even though she had actively tried to engage herself in my hobbies and interests to spend time with me.
When I showered, I always invited her to join me, and she did--but we never did anything too scandalous in the shower, as I was in excruciating pain the entire time I was in there. Having her there helped--sometimes the pain would get bad enough that I couldn't wash myself because my hands were shaking so much, and she would always take the soap/shampoo and step in to help.
Anyway, the point is--water.....bad. Always had been. So, when after dating for two years, my partner asked me to go on a cruise with her--I was quite surprised.
"Come on," she beamed. "It'll be fun! And you won't even be in the water! You can just take in the beauty of the ocean from the safety of a dry ship. I won two tickets from a raffle, and I'd hate to let them go to waste."
I sighed. She had a point--the ship itself would be dry, I supposed. And we would be surrounded by water, which my partner would love. I didn't see anything too terrible about the idea--it was the middle of the summer, and we were both getting quite bored of having nothing to do.
So, about three weeks later, the two of us found ourselves on the deck of a massive cruise ship, leaving the shore for a nine-day cruise.
The first day, the captain of the ship came on the intercoms and told us about the ship--I really wasn't listening, but my partner took in every word. The one thing that did stand out, though, was that he said the ship was 325 meters long and 14 decks high. That's....huge. I mean, I knew the ship was big--I supposed it had to be, to have entire auditoriums and cabins and restaurants and shops and whatnot onboard--but 325 meters....wow. That was about 1066 feet (I was born and raised in America, so I always measure things in feet), or the size of almost 11 blue whales, the largest animals on Earth.
That made me feel a lot better about being on the ocean--I was on basically a floating city, and even if a whale swam into the side of the ship, it wouldn't even make an impact. I was safe.
Or so I thought.
The first three or four days were actually really nice--my partner and I went and ate at various buffets and restaurants, went to shows and events, and even visited an on-board casino at one point. It was so much fun! And she had been right--the ocean really was beautiful. Looking at the sunset reflected on the surface of the water, stretching out in every direction as far as the eye could see--it was breathtaking.
But of course--if that was all, I wouldn't be here, writing this.
It was the fifth night, I think, when everything went to hell. I remember not being able to sleep, and after remaining awake for several hours, I decided to sneak out of the cabin and wander around the ship, maybe look at the stars.
There were very few people about, as it was about 3am, or maybe 4. Several places on the ship were closed at that time too, obviously.
So, after some wandering, I found myself on the highest deck--the observatory of the ship. I stood up there, feeling the cool ocean breeze ruffling my hair, looking down at the entire ship bathed in moonlight. I was so high up--it felt like I was on a skyscraper. I could see the entire ship, end to end, laid out below me. On every side of me, as far as I could see was a calm, moonlit sea.
And then suddenly, the ocean around the ship started--glowing. Not just glowing in a random shape--it was glowing in a perfect circle around our ship. The glow must have extended on every side at least 500 feet--our ship was in the middle of a massive, glowing circle of water. I had...no idea what to make of this. At the moment, I remember thinking, is the ocean supposed to do that? Maybe some kind of bioluminescent sea life?
I tried to tell myself it was just a normal thing--some kind of bioluminescent algae in this part of the sea. I had no idea where we actually were, so it calmed me down a little bit. But why is it in a perfect circle around this ship?
Before I could ponder the question, I noticed something else--the center of the circle, maybe 100 feet around our ship on each side, wasn't glowing. It was completely dark. Like there was just...a....a thick ring of light around our ship. It looked almost like....well--I didn't know. I couldn't know. But for some reason, it made me nearly dizzy with fear and unease. I stumbled back from the observatory railing, not wanting to see it anymore.
Suddenly, a siren blared and the captain's voice called out: "All passengers, stay in your cabins! I repeat, all passengers, stay in your cabins!" I heard a soft click behind me as the doors back to the interior of the ship locked themselves.
.....Fuck, was all I remember thinking. I wasn't sure exactly what was going on--I just knew I was terrified. Not knowing what to do, I went back to the railing to observe the ship, maybe get the attention of a crew member and ask them to unlock the door.
Somehow, though--I didn't see anyone now. The exterior of the ship was...empty. Completely empty.
And then it happened. The event that would begin a sequence of occurrences so terrifying that even thinking about it causes me to start shaking.
The ring around the ship...The massive ring of light--it....blinked.
I'm sorry, but I don't think I can keep going....I...I'm going to take a break before writing out the rest. It did feel really good to get this much out, though. Even if nobody believes me, at least I'm putting this out there.

What traumatizes an AI?

The Future That Never Was: KITTY KITTY - #2 THE TWISTED HEIST

RR link
Previous chapter (RETRO COSMOS)
#2 - THE TWISTED HEIST
A star had just gone out in the distance, sending its entire system, planets and moons, into oblivion. So, what was a simple life compared to a sun? Did the human existence that earthlings highly cherished in the past deserve so much fuss?
I would say no, of course, because I’m a cat. Our condition to us felines will never have to pale in front of a shiny astronomical object. Mine specifically, don’t you think?
Oswald Avery was merely a Homo sapiens. A retired buccaneer, fermenting his adulterated wine on the carcass of a drifting supercargo; all under the remodeled features of a former Galactic Trade Company’s pilot. Alas, regardless of the genetic disguise, the FID rarely lied. It hadn’t fooled us and the masks had fallen off. Just like him.
I’m such a poet.
Anyway… Avery had had a long life of crimes and adventures. He was full of energy in his youth. And as in the universe, nothing is lost, nothing is created, everything is transformed, this energy was reincarnated in a nice amount in our bank account once the old picaroon flatlined.
“We finally got it! And it was a traditional Martian contract. Payable remotely, on condition that the FID is validated. How about that?”
“God… Lee … you’re talking to yourself and it’s only 8 a.m.,” Ali grunted behind me.
My couch potato of an associate had her head still stuck in the cereal box she was nibbling before falling asleep binge-watching Captain Caveman on ABC.
“To begin with, it’s 8 p.m., Martian Time. And we do have a positive balance in our bank account for the first time in months! Do you know what that means, partner?”
“Shopping, bitches!” she shouted as she hurled herself into the void, gliding to the bathroom in the weightlessness.
With the cardboard box on the top of her head, this sugar bishop was swimming after the remnant cereals that floated on her path like Ms. Pac-Man.
“Hell! Have I just opened Pandora’s box?”
The liner Danaë and its forty-eight post-nuclear Baltimore-XVIII heavy reactors made its annual cruise from Lunapolis to the suburbs of Ceres, in the belt. Its figurehead with the effigy of the Greek princess was a two hundred meters long, green ceramic statue. The size of the ship exceeded some inhabited asteroids’ diameter so it possessed its own substantial gravitational field.
“It’s quite a symbol of the decline of humanity,” I said to Ali, pointing with my chin at this unique work of art.
“Why?” my partner asked without caring whatsoever. “Spill the beans, Plato.”
The Kitty had obtained permission to dock and began its approach. I concluded then:
“Humanity no longer erects great and beautiful things without turning them into a shopping mall.”
The gold and ivory Danaë was one of the most luxurious epicenters of human decadence in the system; comprising hotels, casinos, megastores and amusement parks spread over a dozen centrifugal rings. There was something for everyone’s wallet, ready to be emptied, whether one was welcomed at the port or had joined during the crossing.
And to my great regret, the cape of the Danaë was just passing by us that week.
“I believe we should keep our savings for the maintenance of the Swallow. The dashboard lights up like a Christmas tree. Some parts need to be changed…”
“You’re such a bore with your adult talks,” my partner said as she left the fitting room of a luxury chain overlooking the main deck. “What do you think of that? Sexy as fuck, right?”
Her camisole didn’t hide a single inch square of flesh and I subtly pointed it out to her:
“It’s a bit of a back-alley Sally.”
I took a blow on the nose which, this time, was amply justified.
“There’s nothing chicer than Borderline. You don’t know anything about fashion. It’s crazy!”
She was furious. It was entertaining. But she was right. The human female fads were way over my head and I wasn’t a good adviser. Mostly because I didn’t care. At all.
Fortunately, the upscale shopping mall where we were staying had provided us with a free assistant who was even more servile than a decerebrate canine. As usual, the robot carrier that accompanied us did the job by flattering her with its unbearable honeyed tone:
“I find you charming, Madame. Here we have the latest fashionable lingerie on Mars. It’s an ephemeral collection that appears to have been specially made to mold your discreet curves, which seem to have been sculpted by the seraphim.”
Ali gave me a satisfied look that I pretended to ignore. Then she backtracked into the fitting room to put her black suit and pink jacket back on.
I took the opportunity to climb on the shoulders of this silly robot, servant of our servants and last link in this hierarchy whose origins go back to Ancient Egypt.
“One more move like this and I’ll turn you into a gum dispenser.”
The automaton apologized before my partner’s head emerged from behind the silk curtains which were far too fragrant for my taste.
“I just checked; it’s too expensive anyway. I ain’t buying it,” she announced. “Can you order a taxicab to take us to the hotels’ ring? You’d be a sweetheart.”
Happy to leave this irascible human with her robotic slave, I proceeded to the nearest service terminal. By the time I requested a vehicle, a flying cigarette dispenser could light me a Lucky.
“It’s forbidden to smoke in our store, Monsieur.”
The customer attaché, in his blue silk suit with elephant legs, had appeared out of nowhere. Yet, with such a shiny tie, this punk should have dazzled me from the Kuiper belt.
“Please be kind and get me a Pepper Coke instead of ruining my eyesight…” I grumbled in response.
I was in an awful mood. I definitely hated shopping. And people. Yet the pedestrian avenues of the Danaë had a very exceptional population density. Perms were making a strong comeback, as were neon tattoos and overly open flowered shirts. Under the false UVA/B sun, it was a true dance of flesh, steel and plastic bodies with assumed nudity. Implants and surgery erased the hazards of the genetic lottery for better or worse. It was so superficial. So futile. So human.
“Hello, handsome!” Ali cried out, a large smile across her face. “Lee? You didn’t tell me you knew Christophe Lambert! You know I'm a huge Highlander fan!”
My partner had just joined me, arms loaded with bags massive enough to live in it, start a family and park my chromic Pontiac Firebird. All were filled with C$400 t-shirts and sneakers that she didn’t need and would only put on once.
“No smell. Hologram,” I conclude by throwing my cigarette butt through the smiling ghost.
“Shame!” Ali sighed.
She then looked at her terminal, and continued:
“Do you think I have time to grab a watch module? There are sales in the Japanese aisle! I saw some GD-8 that would go well with my new Game Pocket! This boat is fucking rad!”
Ali could not stop humming Who wants to live forever. I had to rub my temples to avoid a migraine before the arrival of our taxicab five minutes later.
These were miniature limousines with double fake leather benches, facing each other at the back. There was a minibar with expensive multicolored drinks and sugar-soaked snacks, the sapiens’ primary source of calories and high Gs space travel drug. For the sensitive, the smart-fridge provided diet sodas with aspartame, but no one took it. Finally, there were free Gauloise cigarettes next to the ashtray on the armrest. And even Tylenol!
“What a time to be alive!”
Right after leaving the fashion district, a soft voice of a young woman, who appeared to us through the armored porthole separating her from her customers, finally emerged from the cockpit:
“Good evening! I’m Miss Meera. At your service. Hotel de Saint-Malo, correct?”
I nodded. She smiled at us. She was beautiful with her incredibly dark night metal skin that contrasted strongly with her silvery-white hair. She also had charming ivory eyes with absolutely no reflection. They were a mesmerizing void of light.
In fact, it was so rare to deal with a real person, and not an AI, that we engaged rapidly in a lovely and honest discussion with Meera. We were mostly talking about life on the Danaë. As she stated, the rules on board were very strict, even military. All was done to make sure that the customer had the most pleasant time at the expense of everything else. Finally, according to her, her condition wasn’t the most to be pitied in the cosmos. And she was fully satisfied with this precarious semi-nomadic existence.
“And what about you? Are you here on vacation or in transit for work?” she eventually asked. “What do you do for a living?”
Should we have told her that we were executing infamous people so Ali would collect expensive t-shirts and I could fulfill my nicotine addiction?
“Don’t get me wrong but I saw that you had a gun. Are you in the police… or are you pirates?”
It wasn’t the first time someone asked us this question. Although weapons were allowed on most ships and stations, it wasn’t wise to display them unless you were looking for trouble. Unfortunately, hiding such a large caliber under such a tight vest was a Herculean task.
“You can get much farther with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone”, simply quoted Ali, her forehead against the window covered with scented stickers.
Meera laughed before continuing:
“Very well, Al Capone. I understand that you’re not the type to let yourself be taken advantage of.”
The taxicab entered the central expressway after the water park then suddenly swerved violently to the left.
“What is going on?” I gasped.
After crushing the safety railing, we fell from one rotating bridge to the other in a frantic cavalcade. Judging by Meera’s swear words, this ride wasn’t part of the show.
Avoiding the stalls of an art market and a group of children coming out of an arcade, the driver finally managed to recover in extremis. It was about time, because within seconds we were passing through the transparent protective wall of the hotels’ deck.
“A thousand apologies! Another one of those mor… clients from the Middle System who doesn’t know how to use a rental car,” she shouted through the window. “Are you guys hurt?”
“No, thanks to you,” I replied, my tail spiked over my head, taped to Ali’s neck now decorated with bloody scratches.
Although my human forehead now had a bump on it the size of a golf ball, it was true that Meera had just saved our lives. This young girl had unsuspected driving talents despite taxicabs’ lack of handling. She didn’t belong here, playing the steward in a yellow circus uniform. This woman should have been a fighter pilot; or a NASCAR driver on Canyon Creek.
“In any case, here you’re almost in front of your hotel,” she replied. “You don’t have to pay anything, and I apologize again for the scare.”
From the outside, the taxicab now looked like a can of nutrigel after going through a crusher. Yet, it still worked. May God Darwin bless Venusian steel.
After thanking her, we wished Meera a good day. But the cockpit window suddenly went down on the passenger side. The smile of the driver had faded. She had tears at the corner of her white eyes.
“Wait!” she asked. “This weapon… do you really know how to use it?”
So, life on the Danaë wasn’t so sweet. As Meera explained to us in a secluded alleyway, a trio of criminals had come to threaten her a few days earlier, after finding she was a bodacious driver. They were preparing a heist in one of the flying city’s fifty casinos. The young woman was now ready to pay the price to settle the case.
“What is your opinion about this whole situation?” I asked Ali, once in our room, a small yet cozy suite whose glass walls overlooked the vacuum of space.
My human had applied a brownish ointment on her hump, which disappeared soon after, leaving only a slight pinkish hematoma.
“Meera said she would provide us with more details tomorrow. However, if she ponies up the cash, I don’t see why we would refuse. We ain’t mercs but these three guys must have a bounty on their heads. Let’s do our job, right?
“Indeed…”
All we had to do was wait for more instructions. Fortunately, it had been months since we had been able to take days off except on miserable gas stations full of drug addicts, implants scavengers and prostitutes.
After another morning of shopping, Ali went to the thalassotherapy center of the neighboring hotel. Her main occupation? Overeating sushi made by 3D nutrigel printing while getting massages.
Alas, I didn’t have the time to bask under the false sun of the lakeside resort and get my belly stroked. As a good captain, I had to go to the maintenance to fix the numerous damages of the Kitty. As always, the bill would be higher than expected.
Everything was orchestrated so that we would never hold a positive balance in this corrupted system. We had to chain contract after contract.
But Meera’s gig didn’t sound right. There was something I didn’t like and I couldn’t catch it yet. All my cat sensors were in the red. Unfortunately, the bounty hunter’s ones only saw the green of the bills.
Don’t judge me.
The young taxicab driver had finally contacted Ali again by holoconference in the early afternoon, shortly before I joined her at the exit of the tanning booths. Or as I called them: human toasters.
“Have you finished roasting like a Thanksgiving turkey?” I asked her as she plunged into the icy water of the adjacent basin, under the lustful gaze of a group of cadets from the Marine Academy.
“Meera will pick us up with a new taxicab in the hotel parking lot,” she whispered once back to me. “Alongside her, we will meet two of the criminals at the burglary location, shortly before midnight.”
“Go on.”
“We take care of these guys and we catch up with the last one: the band leader, in the storage cavities of the hangar reserved for the ship’s logistics. Below the last rotating ring.”
In Eve’s costume, Ali came out of the basin, not without deliberately drenching me. The water had a nasty chemical taste from being filtered day after day.
“Do you have any intelligence on these jokers?” I insisted while lighting a cigarette.
“The Broadway Gang. Three brothers. C$45,000 for the trio. We will also be able to recover at least C$10,000 of Techno-federal tax on their ship depending on its condition. Easy cash with the dollar credits that Meera promises us…”
Now sitting on the ledge, my partner splashed her feet to demonstrate her eagerness to head back swimming.
“Excellent! This will pay for the maintenance and allow us to save some money on our way to the belt.”
“Can I go now?” she asked, sliding back into the water.
“You may,” I had concluded before seeing her leave for her absurd wanderings that would fill her afternoon.
I myself was very busy making eyes at the wealthy guests of the hotel restaurant to glean a few pieces of Peking duck or juicy crabs. They were real farm animals from Mars. Not nutrigel. It was worth abandoning a little dignity aside.
With a full belly, I finally joined Ali in the middle of the evening. Arriving in the corridor of our suite, I crossed the group of cadets noticed near the swimming pool. They seemed tired but blissfully smiling as they just discovered the nirvana. And I knew why…
“Ali? Are you ready?” I said as I walked through the half-open bedroom door.
Her dressing gown had been thrown on the floor. Her gun and badge were resting on the bedside table against a giant bottle of Koala Springs soda and a pyramid of little Yoyo Mints.
To be honest, I expected a bigger mess.
“Gimme five minutes,” she replied while in the shower.
An hour later, we met Meera in the staff parking lot behind the recycling stations. Without further discussion, we joined the expressway in the taxicab. Between two noisy info-ads, the radio played Sweet Transvestite then the rest of the mythical Rocky Horror soundtrack.
“I wonder what Tim Curry’s up to these days,” asked Ali while browsing the intraweb on her implant.
“Being legendary as usual,” I answered.
Afterwards, the casino was in sight. But once on the forecourt illuminated by the gold and silver bulbs, we heard gunshots and screams. My partner and I quickly realized that this was a violent robbery rather than a modest heist.
“What the fuck, Meera?” Ali asked, turning to the porthole that separated us from the cockpit.
There was a hint of irritation in her voice.
Meera remained mute, her hands on the wheel and her gaze forward. In the rear-view mirror the young woman looked panicked.
The right door of the vehicle suddenly opened and two men sat down in front of us. They were wearing theater masks: the first was Melpomene, the sad grimace of tragedy; the second, Thalia, the twisted smile of comedy. Each brigand carried a huge metal block under his arm; drawers that were sure to be full of cash. On the other hand, they held their still smoking ZeG-4 machine guns even more firmly.
When they saw us, they both gasped, in unison:
“What the fuck, Meera?”
One… two. One… two.
Four holes in their faded tuxedo. Four bullets as big as a cat’s eye that silenced them forever, before slowly repainting the bench in red.
“What the fuck was that? You killed them!” Meera shouted this time, as she started the electric engine. “You had tasers at your disposal, you psychos!”
She had finally turned around. Her voice was quivering. She was no longer panicked, but angry.
The tasers must have slipped between the seats because I hadn’t seen them. My partner raised her eyebrows and it made me realize that their use had never been in mind.
“We’re bounty hunters, not 9 to 5 social workers!” continued Ali. “Now, you gotta motor, otherwise the cops will shoot our ass on the spot before we could even meet the third dude!”
Meera put her foot on the pedal and one could almost hear the noise of the thrusters melting the white asphalt.
“I can perceive the sirens, Ali,” I concluded before Meera entered the ring's external road reserved for logistic transport.
We then had the shortest car chase we had taken part in. The Danaë security forces may not have had the best elements in the system, but Meera’s talents didn’t give them a chance. We had crossed half a dozen rotative bridges to the rhythm of Take on Me, zigzagging between expressways and maintenance tunnels to arrive before the song ended at the deserted logistics hangar.
It was similar to a huge supermarket with honeycombed shelves. Each of these garages, dimly illuminated by red LEDs, housed a delivery or transport vessel. There was the most impressive fleet I had ever seen.
In one of the first level’s cells stood, between a set of clamps, a Swift-0 scout, from Peugeot Corp, with wings spread. The Swifts were small and very high-end single-seaters. They could be modified to integrate weapons systems, but their primary characteristics were velocity and evasion.
Leaning on the flank of the mono-turbine, the last of the three criminals, a tall blond man with a “Chevy Chase” prominent chin was looking down on the approaching taxicab.
“Were they planning to escape on that ship? The three of them?” I remarked when the vehicle stopped a few meters from the small vessel.
But Meera ignored me.
“Hand me the money, I’m going out. That was the agreement.”
The porthole opened at its base, allowing us to pass the steel cash drawers. Once the taxicab’s ignition was turned off, only their holographic numbers glowed in the dark.
“It’s all over if his cronies don’t stick their noses out of the car,” Ali replied, finally giving the second drawer away. “He’s going to figure out that it went south. He will kill you!”
Outside, the man was getting impatient. Blinded by the taxicab’s headlights, he came closer before exclaiming:
“Zéphyr, are you there? Where are my brothers? Security is closing all the departure modules. We will be stuck here, for fuck’s sake!”
He now had a gun in his hand. A machine gun identical to those of his companions currently bathed in their blood, nailed to the seats.
“Zéphyr? Wait… I know that name!” I meowed to myself.
The doors and portholes of the taxicab were locked. Ali and I were now stuck in the back with the two flatlined and most wanted criminals on the ship.
“Sorry guys, but I’ll handle the rest.”
Miss Meera, alias Zéphyr, smiled at us through the armored glass just before leaving the cockpit by the driver’s door.
“What a fucking piece of shit… Lee? Do you have a plan? I think the windows are bulletproof. I don’t feel like testing. Especially if it’s bouncing around with us inside, we will be turned into ground beef!”
“Did you forget who I am, my dear?”
I was already crawling under the seat, between a pair of Méduse shoes and half nibbled fried rat wings. It was time to demonstrate all my infiltration skills learned from Ninja Gaiden. Unfortunately, both the crab and the duck slowed me down and my belly remained for a few seconds stuck under the driver’s seat with my head on the brake pedal. How outrageous!
From the porthole, I saw Ali watching what was happening in front of us, near the ship. Our eyes met for a brief moment and I could read on her lips: “diet kibble”.
“Better off dead!” I shouted.
My paw reached the bottom of the dashboard, activating the mechanical opening of doors and windows. And, accidentally, the loudest horn in this dimension.
“My bad!”
My sapiens immediately jumped outside, pointing her gun to Zéphyr. Surprised by the thunderous din, her target pivoted towards us, uncovered, turning her back to the human with the magnificent chin and his ZeG-4 who yelled:
“What in the whole universe is that? Wait! I know her! Did you bring us bounty hunters? You were clearly planning to double-cross us!”
The man shouted and his gun produced a rain of bullets. It first hit the windshield of the taxicab, passing through the conductor compartment where I was. The rounds bent the windscreen, but it held. This wasn’t, however, the case for the hood, protecting the engine and the reservoir full of coolant, which ended up covering the seat and my face.
Fortunately, the sticky alcohol allowed me to escape from this trap and jump out of the vehicle through the window I had previously opened. But, once again, a fire ring enveloped the ZeG-4’s cannon.
“This is how I die…” I meowed, eyes closed.
I was violently tackled and hit the ground. Zéphyr had saved me at the last moment, just before bullets obliterated the front of the taxicab.
Other projectiles ricocheted off the metal money drawers on the floor and got lost in the ceiling, activating the fire sprinklers. This incident triggered a silent light alarm throughout the hangar while the mobster prepared a new salvo.
“Don’t hurt my pilot, you narbo!” roared my partner.
Ali, this time taken as a target, retaliated. She fired a single shot towards the rascal with a formidable precision. No one knew how to handle such a heavy gun as she did. She was my human. She was the best in her field: murder.
And I taught her everything. Almost.
The leader of the robbers tried to reload the magazine of his weapon, unaware that his heart had been punctured a few seconds before. Adrenaline was doing its job. But the blood loss caused by the explosion of the aorta at its base, near the ventricles, gradually stopped him in his gesture. His pressure dropped and the bloodstream no longer reached the brain sufficiently. He was already in a coma when his shoulders touched the ground. He was luckier than the average Joe and died a few seconds later.
“Is everything all right?”
My voice was trembling, still in shock from this disaster. I was wet and frozen.
Zéphyr got up with difficulty. Next to us, one of the metal drawers was opened, revealing a bunch of green bills and a much stranger booty: an eight-inch gold diskette with suspicious Chinese symbols.
Well… I couldn’t read them but Chinese symbols on stuff are always suspect, aren’t they?
But there were more important matters. Because my partner, on the other hand, stayed on the ground. Blood was dripping from her black suit and mixed with the clear firefighting fluid that was falling like an endless rain.
I tried to talk to her again but my voice was lost in a groan.
“Why are you whining, you big baby? It’s just blood.”
With her nose in a puddle, my sapiens smiled at me. Her left hand was compressing her abdomen. The bullet had passed through the external oblique muscle, far from the stomach.
It wasn’t that bad after all but she had scared me. And that deserved a scratch on the wrist that made her scream:
“What the fuck?”
“And the medical expenses? Have you thought about medical expenses? We don’t have insurance!”
“God, Uncle Scrooge! I hate you!”
“We won’t be able to fix the Kitty with your heroic outbursts!” I fulminated to mask my joy of seeing her in one piece.
“I will kill you, Muppet! I almost died! I don’t give a fuck about your rusty trash can which flies like a brick!”
It was true that we hadn’t had a fight for a long time.
“Guys…” intervened Zéphyr.
“What?”
Ali and I had spoken together.
“These three ruffians had planned to steal the diskette drive from me once I got back. I needed a hand, so… thank you… I guess.”
“You’re welcome,” my human answered dryly while sitting.
Although Zéphyr saved me, I didn’t share the same kindness:
“Wait, we’re not letting him go! Do you know who he is?”
Zéphyr. Prince of thieves. And yes, he wasn’t much of a princess either. Just an androgynous cyborg. A breakout king wanted throughout the entire system for his affiliation with the Data Brokers’ Guild. With an incredible bounty of C$800,000, she or he… whatever… was the knight of the brokers’ chessboard.
“I think we’ve had enough for today,” Ali said. “Unless you hope to go after him with these big fat guts of yours.”
“By the 79 moons of Jupiter, you shall pay for this, woman!” I meowed, angry.
My ears were backwards and my hairs were spiky. But soaking wet, it just made Ali and Zéphyr laugh.
Disgrace!
“He’s so cute when he’s furious,” he joked.
Now on his knees, the night-skinned androgynous was blotting Ali’s wound with a torn piece of fabric from his driver’s uniform.
“But more seriously, I need to go. With the bounty, you’ll be able to repair your vessel. As for the hospital fees, I will contact a good friend who will take care of you for free. She’s the ship’s chief medical officer.”
“Thank you,” I simply replied as he helped my partner get back on her feet.
“It’s the least I can do. I wasn’t interested in money. More important information is contained in this,” he said as he was picking up the floppy disk.
This golden diskette must have been worth a lot of cash for Zéphyr to play a taxicab driver to ensure coverage. I had perceived that something was fishy!
Then, halfway to his Swift-0, Zéphyr stopped. I witnessed his hesitation.
“There was nothing personal, you know. We’re all just trying to make our way. The best we can…”
And he ultimately left before adding:
“Maybe we’ll see each other again! You seem like fun.”
Before fleeing away, Zéphyr abandoned one of the boxes near the criminal’s corpse. Thus, he validated the theory of a robbery that had gone wrong. When the security arrived a few minutes later, we were the heroes of the day. And with a little bribe, nobody cared about Zéphyr’s missing ship.
This whole story surely left us a bitter taste. A feeling of defeat and humiliation that the swimming pool under the synthetic sun couldn’t make disappear even a week after.
“He undoubtedly played us as we were rookies, with his little face of a young innocent girl in distress,” I said to Ali right after the end of the daily Brett Maverick.
This old show was dispensed on a couple of giant screens suspended by drones.
Until now, Ali had remained silent on her deckchair; with a brick of sour juice stuck between her breasts and a pair of straws between her teeth. Only inaudible grunts emanated from her mouth since the departure of the sexually unclassifiable mugger.
“I wonder what information this fucking cyber-Tootsie could have been looking for in that casino,” my human mumbled as she squeaked her rainbow flip-flops.
“Admit that it’s not really that question that puts you in such a state…” I answered, now well installed on my motorized buoy that I had gotten as a gift in a diet kibbles package.
“You bet! I will have a nasty tan mark on my stomach with these bandages!” she exploded, spitting out her plastic straws with infinite curls.
My float slipped towards the ledge as a robot came to bring us our next glucose overdose.
Ali finally added:
“I swear that if we run into him again, I’ll smack his fucking angel face.”
Back to business!

Day-2: Cruising Memories are all we have!!!

Overview: This is my second installment of my memories of cruising. I am doing this for my own sanity and to remind everyone of our positive times in the past and what the future might bring. During these troubling times with politics and a global pandemic, focusing on something we all consider to be positive is good therapy. Add in your comments of how or what you would do on your day-two when cruising. Lets have some fun with this and leave our negativity out. Try just to have fun in our thoughts.
Disclaimer: I am retired 63, a stroke victim yet healthy now, gone on 24 cruises, and spoiled to the core. My reference to the NCL Haven™ is not meant to show what I can afford or I am better than anyone else. It is just my personal favorite experiences. Truth be told, my best cruise was my first. That was 40 years ago, in the cheapest inside cabin on the SS Norway. It was my honeymoon and it was magical. My next cruise in the end of May 2021, will be my 41st wedding anniversary on the same cruise line, now called NCL with my Adult Children. A full circle over 40 + Years.
Day 2: Cruise Memories
06:45 AM: I just can’t sleep in today, just can’t. Shower and in-suite coffee on the balcony. All you can see and hear are lovely waves. This is what I have been waiting for all year.
07:30 AM: First Breakfast in the Haven Restaurant. We start with French Press Coffee, of course. Appetizer of smoked salmon from the side fresh buffet, those danishes are calling my name though. With a huge smile, I order my favorite Breakfast, Steak & Over Easy Eggs skip the potato’s. Whole wheat toast with grape jelly. At the end, I always get one single danish. I am trying to not gain my normal 10+ lbs. from this cruise. I am quite clear in my own mind, I will fail.
09:00 AM: Explore the ship. Even after 24 cruises, going deck to deck is so much fun for me. People are just getting up. Still easy to get an elevator and no real crowds in the main walkways. Important to me to find the cigar bar for later enjoyment and there it is next to the Mojito Bar. Also, where is the slot tournament to be held at 01:00 PM, priorities folks. Where is the gym and finally where all the hot tubs on board.
10:30 AM: Gym. 30-minutes on the treadmill. Attempt to allow a bit of those food calories to get used. I know by day three, the exercise will be doomed. All I can think about is going down those huge water slides and driving the electric go carts. My hope is the lines are not to long. On my way back to my suite, I hear that wonderful sound of metal drums by the main pool. The smile begins to become a part of my day, as it always does on past cruises. Entering my suite, my family asks where I have been. I tell them and they are disappointed I did not take them with me. What I see is none of them have even gotten out of bed yet.
12:00 PM: Lunch by the Haven Pool another favorite pastime. Time for the best cheese burger on any cruise ship. No bun, of course. Really, no bun. French Fries YES, bun no? My wife orders a bottle of wine and takes half of it goes back to the room. God love that upgrade to the Premium Plus Drink Package. My wife loves ordering a bottle vs. a glass. It is a vacation isn’t it. This was her plan and I support it. She loves wine in the suite for night time balcony viewing.
01:00 PM: Slot Tournament, my entire family is entered, it is a tradition. We learned to have a few drinks first, because it is so stressful. We always play and never win. This year, my wife whom never gambles makes it to round two. We are so proud of her and consider that a victory. Since I am in the casino anyway, where is that “Buffalo Gold” machine. I feel the cash leaving my wallet forever. Why do I watch those YouTube Slot Guru’s. They are not good for my pocketbook.
02:30 PM: A littler poorer yet still happy, I get ready for my first water slide experience. Every cruise I do the same thing. I find someone whom is a afraid to do the water slide, and talk them into doing it with me. My record for number of consecutive slides is 10. The issue are those darn stairs, I am no spring chicken anymore. All the kids think I am funny because I am as excited as they are to slide. My last victim was my wife who became a huge fan.
04:00 PM: Did I hear “BINGO” or was it “Deal or No Deal”. It is like a magnet for me. The crowds, the joy of watching someone WIN. I debate myself. Do I start drinking NOW or hold off until right before dinner. Hold off today, smart move. I go back to the suite through the casino watching a older woman (that is saying a lot, I am 63) get a jackpot on the machine that took all my money earlier. Happy for her though, kind of.
05:30 PM: There are some ship snacks waiting on the table in the suite, which is always different every day. Today it is those world famous chocolate covered strawberries. Time to clean up and dress for dinner and the show. My wife as usually, is looking at the sun burn she got sitting on the deck and saying, “I think I over did it a bit.” I notice she is in a very happy mood and the bottle of wine in the room is out. I ask her when she started drinking? She smiles and tells me, 12:00 PM, at lunch. Stupid question on my part. I am the light weight in my family on drinking. However, when I get serious, I am serious. Pre-Dinner drinks on the balcony, it is so lovely.
07:00 PM: Dinner tonight is a specialty restaurant. My habit is to go to the steak place the first night. Martini shaken not stirred, slightly dirty with two blue cheese stuffed olives. Shrimp cocktail, Fresh Bread with really good butter, Blue Cheese Wedge and a Rib Eye Medium Rare Plus. I am so full, I simply can’t eat all the fully loaded potato. Maybe a few bits. I have to sit for a while and have some Coffee with Baileys. I am feeling no pain and starting to relax a bit. New York Cheese cake is the finale. “There is cheating and then there is Cheese Cake!”
09:30 PM: I know I am tired because I would usually be in bed by now. The food, drink and excitement of the day is telling my body, pass on the show. I used to listen to myself, not anymore. I will get my second wind shortly and so will you. The show which on the first night is usually a production. We always sit in the last row on the end by the door. We have seen some fantastic and not so fantastic shows. We are not expecting much. Then the music starts and it is all Latin dancing. 90-minutes has never go so quick. This show was incredible. My wife for the first time was on her feet doing a standing ovation.
11:00 PM: This is when my wife and I start to argue. She wants to party some more, I want to chill in the room. Translation, go to sleep. I know her, the moment she hits the pillow, with the sun she got that day, add the food and drink, that is all she wrote. We get to the suite, on the desk are the passes for the excursion we are taking in the morning, I love that. Never gets old. I, just want to dream again about my next day’s breakfast of Steak and Eggs. Tomorrow I add a waffle I thing. We attempt to look at the agenda for the next day however never make it more then 10-minutes before the waves put us to sleep.
Perfect second day in my book.

Day One: Memory is all we have!!!

The Call from the Deep

I held up my boarding pass and walked through the gate. My wife, Harper, was right ahead of me, and we both were so loaded with bags and suitcases that we could barely fit between the doorways. Our 10th anniversary was in a couple of days. We both had come into agreement that there was no better way to celebrate than to go on an all-expense-paid cruise to Hawaii.
As we made it up to the deck, we marveled at all the entertainment. There was a band playing to greet us. Pools, water slides, mini-golf, a drive-in sized screen that was displaying boarding information, bars, and restaurants, and that was just what we could see while walking in! This was definitely the right choice for our anniversary vacation. I couldn’t wait to get these bags unloaded and start to enjoy ourselves.
We went into the doors that led to the cabins. There was another beautiful bar down below us. There was a sports bar to the left showing the games on different screens and a small library to our right. Before we made it to the cabins, there was a coffee bar that served specialty coffees and desserts. If religion has it right, I hope that heaven is something like this. You couldn’t walk through a door anywhere without finding something exciting.
Once we made it to our cabin, we dropped all our bags and looked at each other with stars in our eyes. I pulled my wife close for a kiss and then kept my arms around her. I asked eagerly about how we should begin.
“Well, what should we do first? The casino? The arcade?”
She smirked before replying.
“Such a man, don’t forget about the fine dining at 6, followed by the show at the Theatre.”
I drew back and acted faux offended.
“Are you insinuating that I have no culture? I made our reservations before we even boarded, don’t worry. Dinner isn’t for a long time though, how about we go get some of those tacos and a coffee to get ourselves going.”
“Now you’re speaking my language.” She replied with a grin.
“Let’s unpack later. I am starving, and I think that coffee bar right there makes caramel macchiatos.”
Her eyes lit up yet again as I grabbed her hand, and we rushed towards the door. The coffee bar did have macchiatos, which I got with an extra shot of espresso. She ordered a frozen drink that was more sweetness than coffee, and we made our way back onto the deck where the tacos awaited.
The weather was beautiful. It was Fall time, and the sun was just warm enough to be inviting, accompanied by the blissful breeze that blew along the top of the deck. As we drew near to Tito’s Taco Shop, we heard the captain coming through the loudspeakers announcing takeoff. He reminded us about the mandatory safety meeting in a couple of hours and then wished us to have a great time aboard the ship.
It was still strange to be in large groups of people without wearing a mask. The pandemic was finally eradicated once the vaccines were distributed. The cruise and tourism industries were hit hard, as were many others. It seemed that people were at last willing to come back out again, and there was no shortage of cruise-goers ready for a trip to the islands.
I had my phone out and was looking up things to do in Honolulu for the days that we were in port. Scuba diving was a must. I had heard that sometimes you could see sharks or even hold an octopus on your hand if you got lucky enough. I wanted to do some hiking near the volcanoes if we had time. All the spam was going to be strange, but as much as they cook with it, I bet they were able to make it taste like a delicacy.
They were in the process of building a new aquarium. It looked like it was going to be a huge one. Sadly, it did not look like it would be done in time for us to check it out. The black sands beach looked incredible, though. Instead of sand, it said that the whole beach was covered in smooth black lava rocks. We would definitely have to make a stop there.
“Ethan! Do you want salsa on your tacos? Chicken or steak?”
I put my phone away and looked at the meats before responding and did so to the guy who was making them as he finished up my wife’s two glorious looking tacos.
“I’ll take one of both with some of that green salsa. Thank you!”
All the free tacos that you could eat, why couldn’t life always be like that?
“Let’s sit over there by the side, so we can watch the takeoff,” Harper said, before taking a big sip of her frozen coffee.
We took a seat and took in the last sight of land that we would see for about 4 days. Once we arrived, we would tour the different islands, stopping at each port and having a day to explore. There were some people on land waving towards the ship. We joined many others who were near the side waving back. I couldn’t help but feel bad for all of those poor people stuck on the land.
“Bon Voyage to us, I guess.”
I held up my coffee for a cheers, and Harper returned the gesture. Her face was glowing. I couldn’t remember seeing her so happy since the day of our wedding.
“This is really going to be a nice break from reality.” She said as she picked up her taco to take her first bite.
“Yeah, it will. Nothing like this in the world.”
We took our time, enjoying each bite as our view of the coastline became a thing of the past. When we were finished, we looked into each other’s eyes. I reached across the table to hold her hand. She sounded a bit anxious as she spoke.
“It is a lot to take in, isn’t it? There is so much to do that I’m afraid of missing out on something. Where should we go first?”
I squeezed her hand and spoke in a reassuring tone.
“We have plenty of time to take it all in. Let’s just make sure to relax and do whatever makes us happy. It will all work itself out.”
Once we had our fill of gazing into the ocean, we decided that we would head back to the room and get unpacked, while we waited for the safety orientation. The time flew by, and before we knew it, they were calling our section over the loudspeaker.
We arrived with all the other passengers and waited for a moment until the crew member made it so we could begin. They gave us the spiel about the life jackets. They explained how the evacuation process works in case of a problem and let us hear a sample of the siren that would be played if there was an emergency.
I was zoning out and staring out of the window. We were near the bottom of the ship, and you could see the water moving beside us. It put me in a bit of a trance, and I kind of lost myself in it for a moment. I was snapped out of it when I saw something I couldn’t quite comprehend.
It happened pretty fast, and most of the people were looking at the crew member as he spoke. I could have been mistaking, but It looked like a giant tentacle had moved by the window and curled out of sight.
I looked around to see if anyone else had seen what I thought I just saw. There was a teenaged boy who looked excited and shocked. He was tugging at his father’s sleeve and explaining something to him. He seemed to brush him off and looked frustrated at the interruption. Everyone else was paying attention to the speech and had apparently not seen a thing.
Harper noticed how shaken I was and asked me quietly if everything was alright. I shook it off and said I would tell her about it later. We sat through the rest of the orientation. Nothing else went by the window, other than the waves being made by the ship.
As we arrived back on the deck, we were grabbing a drink from the tiki-themed bar. Harper chose one of those blue drinks with the little umbrella on top. After what I had seen, I opted for a straight glass of their best scotch. I had explained my story to her, and she was busy trying to figure out what it could have been that I saw.
“So, you’re sure it was all the way up by the window? Even at that lower level, that must be pretty high up from the water. Maybe it was something that crawled up the side, and it just seemed like it was larger because of forced-perspective?”
I took a big sip of my scotch and shook my head in confusion.
“Yeah, I mean, maybe. I really don’t know.”
She looked as if a light bulb went off in her head, and she shot back a smart remark.
“You’ve been reading a bunch of that H. P. Lovecraft stuff again, haven’t you? I’m sure it wasn’t Cthulhu if that’s what you are thinking.”
I laughed and felt my tension release.
“No, it’s not that. I just thought it was weird, that’s all. Enough about that, let’s figure out what we’re going to do until the formal dinner and play tonight.”
She responded with a grin.
“I seem to remember someone mentioning the arcade and the casino.”
I must have looked like a kid on Christmas morning because she burst out laughing. We finished our drinks and made our way past the large screen that was now cycling through reminders of all the different events that you could attend. Night club, comedy club, it seemed like there was no end to the number of things you could do on this ship.
We walked through the casino that was already bustling with cruise-goers. It looked like a good time. They even had versions of those toy cranes that were set up to pick up huge wads of cash. That might be the next stop, but I had my eyes set on the zombie shooter game with two green guns. The arcade was right past the casino and was full of all kinds of games to keep us entertained.
Not as many people were eager to jump straight for the arcade apparently. Harper and I had the whole place to ourselves. I went to the coin machine to get out some tokens. There was a door that read “Staff Only” right by the machine. I heard a loud slamming noise that caught my attention, even over the music that was playing in the arcade. I leaned in a little and heard a heated conversation on the other side.
“This is so fucked up. I can’t believe that they got loose. They need to tell all of the people!”
“Can you imagine the chaos that would cause? I get where you are coming from, trust me. It’s better this way, though.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right… People would be going crazy.”
The door opened, and I jumped as I was still leaning in to eavesdrop. This must have been apparent to the two kids who walked out because they looked a bit frightened and then hurried right past me. I grabbed the tokens out of the machine and walked over to the machine where my wife was waiting.
“You look like you just saw a ghost or something. Don’t tell me some fish people are walking around on board now.”
I couldn’t even fake a laugh or smile. I explained what I had just heard as I put the coins into the machine and started up the game. She did not seem concerned about the new development.
“They could have been talking about a mechanical issue or something. Try not to worry too much. We deserve to have the time of our lives on this trip. I don’t want you to start to obsess on this and lose sight of why we are here.”
I shrugged at this and answered in a resigned tone.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Worrying isn’t going to fix anything anyway. Could you please start taking out some of these zombies, though? I’m carrying the whole game over here. You have a power-up to use, hit the red button.”
She smacked me with the gun for talking trash, but the mood felt much lighter after that. Before long, we grew tired of the arcade and decided to play a few games at the casino. I have never been the best card player, and she was no better than me. This being the case, we opted for the giant money claw machine.
I swear that both of us grabbed a stack a handful of times each. The claw would never hold its grip, though. Feeling more than a little bit scammed, we decided to blow a bit of time at the slots until we had to go get ready for dinner. As soon as we sat down, the person who went on the money claw right behind us exclaimed loudly as the machine lit up and started to make a loud ringing noise. I looked over to Harper and gestured towards him.
“That seems about right, huh? We pump fifty dollars into that thing, and he walks away with a jackpot after one.”
“Such is life.” She responded as she pumped some tokens into the slot machine.
I couldn’t help but hear two guys on some machines behind us, as they were beginning to get a bit rowdy with each other.
“You tryin’ to say I don’t know what I saw man?”
His friend responded quickly.
“No, no, no, man. I’m not trying to say you’re seeing things or whatever else. I’m just saying that it’s crazy. There is no way it can be right!”
After this, the first man shot up out of his seat, knocking over his stool as he did. This caused quite the scene, and many people were starting to gaze in the direction now.
“Yeah, that’s alright. You think whatever the hell you want. I’m gonna go find someone to talk to about it right now!”
He stormed off, leaving his friend looking a bit shell-shocked and embarrassed. Harper looked toward me, and as if reading her mind, I pushed my seat back away from the machine.
“Yeah, let’s get out of here. We need to get ready for dinner.”
She raised her eyebrows in surprise at what we had just witnessed and responded.
“Sounds good to me. I haven’t won anything anyway. Let’s go.”
I looked back towards the guy’s friend, who he left standing there. After considering it for a moment, I leaned in towards my wife.
“You go ahead, I’ll catch up with you in just a second.”
She looked a bit frustrated but did not fight it.
“Hurry up, I want to make sure we get a good seat. It’s going to take us a while to get ready.”
She kissed me on the cheek and took off towards the deck, which led over towards the cabins. I walked up towards the man who was about to walk off before I caught his attention.
“Excuse me, sir? I overheard you and your friend. What was it that he thinks he saw?”
He looked at me warily. It was clear that he really didn’t want to discuss the matter.
“Look, he’s usually not like that, you know? I don’t know what’s gotten into him, honestly.”
I shook my head. He obviously didn’t understand why I was asking.
“No, I saw something strange as well. I’m not trying to say your friend is going crazy at all. I was just wondering what it is that he was saying he saw.”
This seemed to unnerve him more than help calm his nerves. He looked around to make sure nobody was listening in.
“Man, he was saying that he saw a giant fucking octopus, bro. Like, 30 feet long or so is how he was describing it. It’s ridiculous, there is no way they would allow something like that on one of these ships.”
My heart dropped all the way to my feet. I covered my mouth, and I think he could tell by my reaction that what he said had rocked me to the core. I stammered and managed a weak reply as horror rushed through my body.
“I..I… On the boat??”
He nodded and looked at me with the same type of concern he had been showing to his friend. My face must have been as white as a sheet at this point.
“Thanks.”
I took off out of the door, in a huge rush to catch up with Harper. I was looking around in a panic, my heart racing and ready to beat right out of my chest. I was about to just take off to the room when I heard Harper’s voice.
“Ethan! Over here, I grabbed some hot tea.”
I saw her over by the edge of the deck, waving me over. I ran up to her and could hardly focus.
“I thought you needed something to help you relax, and it looks like I was right. What are you freaking out about right now?”
I tried to collect my thoughts and was going to respond when she pointed behind me and cut me off.
“Hey, isn’t that the guy that was just going nuts in the casino?”
I turned around, and the man was being dragged towards a door that was marked “Employees Only”. Two larger deckhands were pulling him that way, each with a tight grip on one of his arms. He was fighting hard to try and break their hold and calling out for help. As they made it through the door with the man, I grabbed Harper by the shoulders and looked into her eyes.
“We have to go. Let’s get to the room, I don’t want to explain out here.”
She nodded, and we made our way towards the cabins. Once we were in our own cabin, she put down the hot teas on our dresser and walked right up to me with an exasperated look on her face.
“Babe, what in the heck is going on right now? This isn’t about the freaking tentacle that you saw out the window, is it?”
I looked shiftily around the room and towards our view of the ocean.
“Yes… I mean, no… Well, not really, anyway.”
“You have got to calm down. Just take a deep breath and explain.”
I did as she suggested and took a long deep breath to collect my thoughts. I told her about what the guy’s friend had said back at the casino. She made the connection between this and the man being dragged off the deck against his will. I also explained what I heard from the crew members when we were at the arcade. I could tell she was beginning to take what I was saying seriously.
I looked off into a corner as I made a connection. It seemed like a bit of a stretch to me, but it was the only thing I could think of. I know that she wouldn’t judge me at this point if it sounded a bit outlandish. After thinking it over for a moment, I decided to tell her what I was thinking.
“When I was looking for things to do in Honolulu earlier, there was an advertisement for a new aquarium that was coming soon. One of the main attractions was that they were going to have a bunch of Giant Pacific Octopi.
I didn’t think about it until now, but what if that is what is on this ship? Let me google it really quick, I had never heard of that type of octopus, so I didn’t think much of it.”
I got the search pulled up and nodded in a cold understanding before continuing.
“This is exactly what that guy was describing. I don’t know why they would use a cruise ship to deliver something like that. It’s the only thing that makes any sense right now, though.”
Harper was looking at the google search thoughtfully and responded.
“I mean, I guess that these were two of the hardest-hit economies during the pandemic, tourism, and cruise ships. It makes some kind of twisted sense that they would come together to try and help each other out. Octopi are known to be very mischievous, even when they aren’t the size of a freaking semi-trailer.”
She made a good point. Nothing had really made sense for a few years now with how crazy the world had been. This made as much sense as anything else when it was put into perspective. I just shook my head in amazement and looked towards her.
“Well, what do we do from here?”
“I know this is crazy, but I’m sure they will have a handle on those things. They would not have arranged to have them on board and not prepared for the possibility that they could escape.
I say we get ready and go to dinner as we had planned. We don’t want to spend our whole 10th-anniversary cruise holed-up in the cabin. Even if all this crazy guesswork is correct, and that is what the guy from the casino saw, I’m sure that they have everything under control.”
I pressed my fingers against my eyes and tried to wrap my mind around everything. I may have been scared out of my mind, but she was right. Our best bet was to hope that it was all under control and at least try to enjoy our time on the ship. This was not going to happen again anytime soon, if ever.
“Yeah. Let’s do that, I agree. Let’s just get dressed and try to have a good time. I’m sure if it was too bad, everyone would be on lockdown or something.”
She brightened up a bit with my saying this. We both went into our luggage and began to start the process of getting changed into our formal dining attire. Before long, I was tying the knot in my tie, and she was putting the final touches on her hair. I walked up behind her in the mirror and held her by the shoulders.
“You look incredible. Let’s go and have the time of our lives.”
She gave me a big smile, and I pulled her in for a kiss. I backed up and held out my arm towards her. As she grabbed onto it, we made our way for the door.
The formal dining room was the most luxurious area on the ship by far. Chandeliers hung from the ceiling. There were large wine racks along many of the walls, and the entire dining room was walled in by the most beautiful windows that I had ever seen. There was an ornate window on the ceiling as well. It was just beginning to get dark, and I was sure that soon we would be able to see the stars all across the sky.
The waiter walked up and asked what we would like to drink. He was dressed in a black vest with a bow tie and a white shirt. I told him that we would take a bottle of wine that he recommended. I also asked him to give me a recommendation for my meal. Once Harper heard his suggestion of parmesan encrusted lamb with asparagus, she decided that she would follow suit.
He brought out some bread with olive oil as a complimentary appetizer to go with our wine. As he poured our first glasses and set the bottle down, I grabbed my glass of wine and held it up toward my beautiful wife. She looked every bit as lovely as the day of our wedding, and I was flooded with a flurry of emotions as I said my toast.
“Here is to 10 amazing years. Every one of them has been an adventure, and I look forward to every year that I’ll be lucky enough to spend with you as we continue that adventure.”
She smiled and blushed ever so slightly as she reached her glass to clink off of mine. We both took a sip, and she responded in a relieved manner.
“That’s the spirit, it is starting to actually feel like a relaxing vacation.”
“Hey, that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? It’s so nice to have a break from work, housework, and all the monotony of the day-to-day. We make a pretty good team through all of that drudgery, though. Don’t you think?”
Suddenly, I saw the smile get wiped from her face. The look that crept onto her face was one of sheer terror. Her glass of wine had been in her hand. When her face went from delight to horror, she tossed it on the ground with a crash. A scream came from deep within her, which was blood-curdling and intimated that absolute ruin was imminent.
I turned toward the spot that she was staring at. I understood all at once the doom that awaited all of us in the dining room. A giant octopus came crashing through the windows near the entrance where we all had arrived, knocking over the many racks of wine as it came and turning the floor as red as blood. Seemingly at the same time, another came from the side closest to the ocean and blocked the only other way out of the dining room into the kitchen.
I grabbed Harper’s arm, and we ran toward the corner as far from the beasts as we could manage. It was pandemonium as the whole dining room erupted into turmoil. I flipped a circle table up against the corner so that Harper and I could try to hide behind it for protection.
I saw one man who ran as fast as he could towards a small opening next to the octopus, who was blocking the main entrance. The creature reached a giant tentacle out for him and pulled him into his beak. There were shrieking howls of pain, unlike anything I have ever heard as blood sprayed out from underneath.
A couple of people were able to dart around as the octopus was distracted. Another unfortunate lady was grabbed by one of the spare tentacles, though. He squeezed her around the throat, and we had to watch as her face turned purple. Eventually, the life was squeezed right from her body.
I held Harper tight as she was sobbing like mad and unable to stop her body from shaking. We saw an opening. The one by the front entrance went toward a group of people on the opposite side of the room. As soon as it did, we bolted for the door. As we drew near, another octopus came crashing through the window on the ceiling, crushing a few unfortunate souls as it joined in the massacre. We kept running until we were well onto the deck.
The chaos did not stop in the dining room. People were running like mad all over the deck. I didn’t know where we would be safe, but I thought that maybe we could lock ourselves in our cabin until we could be rescued from this madness. It was a nice thought, but as we went for the doors, another one of those damn things came down to block our way.
We ran for the area in front of the drive-in style screen where Re-Animator was playing. A man was gibbering to himself in a wild manner and hiding behind a chair. As we drew near, I noticed a tear in the screen as another one came through and snatched the man up as he yelled out for help.
Our options for safety were becoming extremely limited. We ran for the bar where we jumped over the top and hid with a large group of people, peaking over to watch it all unfold. That was when we saw what I knew would be the end of us all. There was an army of them descending upon us. I held Harper tight as we waited on the inevitable.
I watched as a family of three were huddling together in the middle of the deck. They were almost surrounded, but the father pushed the mother and child toward an opening so that they could make it to safety with the rest of us. He let out a guttural cry as they ripped him to shreds. His little girl cried in a high-pitched squeal reaching for him until the mother grabbed her and ran towards us.
The mother was getting close when one of the monstrous creatures came hurtling behind her. As she noticed, she reached out with her daughter. I leaned out over the bar and grabbed onto her as the octopus reached the mother and held her tightly. I was pulling my hardest as the mother was holding on tight, and I hoped that they both might be saved.
I was punching and pulling at the tentacles and doing my best to cause him to let the mother go. She released her daughter, and the others brought her down behind the bar. I wouldn’t let go of her mother’s arms as she cried out in distress.
That was when I heard it. It was the deepest and most powerful sound that I have ever heard. It shook the ship violently. The bottles of liquor and glasses were falling all around us. It was hard to describe the immense strength and power that the sound exhibited all around us. When the sound came, though, something strange began to happen.
The octopus that held the child’s mother released her, and we pulled her behind the bar with us quickly. She fell to her daughter and clutched her tightly as they wept in each other’s arms. All of the creatures began to release the people that they were attacking. They were moving in unison towards the edges of the ship. They crawled over the side, and one by one, they made their way into the ocean.
Once all the monsters had left the ship, the people made their way slowly to the side to see what was happening. For some reason, they were all leaving. As quickly as they had descended upon us, they left us. It appeared to be almost in a synchronized manner. They all were swimming in the same direction, and we watched in disbelief. Nobody aboard this ship would ever be the same if they made it out alive, but many of us were saved by what could only be described as a call. A call that came from something massive, much larger than the creatures that had plagued us. It was a call that came from deep within the ocean and was more monstrous than anything that we could have ever imagined.

Will China's PLAN survive contact with the enemy?

The best laid PLANs of mice and men often go awry.

Welcome back to another effortpost by me generally on the developing arms race in East Asia, this time covering the People's Liberation Army Navy, hereafter referred to as the "PLAN", and its massive growth... and... mostly, well, its massive growth. What that means is mostly covered in other posts about how other countries are responding to it. The why is a bit difficult because, well, China is not well known for open debate, or open anything, really, which will turn up repeatedly.

What you [might] need to know about South Korea's ludicrous arms buildup
We shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches.... uh, what do we do after that again?: The Perilous Defensive Position of Taiwan
"You've hit another cargo ship? The Problems with the US Navy: Not all of them begin with "Seven" and end with "th Fleet"."
Will China's PLAN survive contact with the enemy?
Biden's New START and modern nuclear war
First And Last Stand Of The Tin Can Navies [ASEAN + Australia and the smaller adversaries China may contend with]
Boned: Problems in the US Air [and space!] Force
--Unnamed-- effortpost on Japanese military matters, mostly about how weird the JSDF status is
--Unnamed--effortpost on Indian military matters, and why they can't focus on China or buy anything that works
--Unnamed--effortpost on the rest of the PLA, mostly the air force though
--Unnamed--effortpost on the rest of the US Armed Forces, mostly talking about how the marines are changing and the Army's new love affair with INF-busting weapons
Conclusion?

Glossary:
PLA = People's Liberation Army = the armed forces of the People's Republic of China, or China
PLAN = People's Liberation Army Navy = the naval forces of the PLA
PLANAF = People's Liberation Army Navy Air Force = the air force of the navy of the PLA
Ashm = Anti-ship missile, cruise missile unless specifically described as otherwise--there's only one anti-ship ballistic missile in existence and its efficacy and whether or not it functions is questionable
CIWS = close-in weapons system, like the Phalanx gun or Goalkeeper
VLS = vertical launch system for missiles
AEGIS = Aegis Combat System if described specifically in that context, a US naval warfare system, but we'll usually be talking about "Chinese AEGIS", which is a nomiker used by the Chinese media in particular comparing the Type 346 radar to the AN-SPY family, with which it shares numerous technical characteristics--but how comparable the "Chinese AEGIS" system is to what the US uses is a complete unknown.
SAM = Surface-to-air missile, in this case usually a S-300 derivative
First Island Chain = The islands, stretching from Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia, the Philippines, Taiwan, and Japan, which keep China inside its littoral seas much as the GIUK [Greenland-Iceland-UK] gap has kept various continental powers out of the Atlantic.

Some PLAN equipment you might see described--the nomenclature is confusing and a relic of the cultural revolution, and as a result China now has more Types than the British.
Type 003 = China's new conventionally powered supercarriers, currently under construction
Type 002 = China's first truly "operational" carrier
Type 001 = China's first carrier, built on a Soviet hull purchased from Ukraine ostensibly to make a floating casino
Type 055 = Guided-missile cruiser, though generally called a destroyer it's probably more descriptively labeled a cruiser
Type 052D = Guided-missile destroyer using "Chinese AEGIS"
Type 052/051B/052B/052C = the gradual progression of evolving Chinese naval tech, largely built as practice/demo ships like the Type 001. Some of the earlier ones are steam-powered but by the Type 052C you have something almost as advanced as the Type 052D, albeit with turbine problems
Type 054A = the standard modern frigate of the PLAN
Type 053[anything] = old PLAN frigates
Type 096 = China's newest SSBN class, under construction
Type 094 = China's first functional SSBN class, very noisy
Type 092 = China's first "SSBN", believed to have never left port with an actual nuke on board
Type 095 = China's newest SSN class, under construction
Type 093 = China's current SSN class, noisy
Type 091 = China's first SSN class, dumb dumb dumb and is at a 1950s tech level
Type 039[A] = China's new SSK class
Kilo = China's older SSK class, imported from Russia
Sovremenny = China's first capable anti-air destroyers, imported from Russia

1. The Last Time A Rising Navy Challenged A Dominant Foe

The last time we've seen something like this was in the late 19th century. After the First World War shipbuilding was restricted by the landmark Washington Naval Treaty, one of the first great arms control treaties, and during the Cold War the Soviet Union never really had any hopes of surpassing American naval power. China, however, seems intent on replacing the US as the world's dominant naval power, or at least building a force that can stop the US Navy, even combined with the forces of Japan and other regional allies.

The nations in question, of course, in the last naval arms race, were the United Kingdom and a newly-unified Germany. Germany never reached the level of the UK, but seriously threatened it. Previously the UK had maintained a policy of having more ships than the next two largest fleets combined, but this was no longer possible, and the UK legitimately was fearful for its naval supremacy. It didn't last too long in the end--under a decade--and a resumption was foiled by first a world war and then the Washington Naval Treaty. The impact of the arms race, though, was massive. It set Germany and the UK at odds with each other, it resulted in a general buildup of warships pretty much everywhere [South America was, believe it or not, one of the biggest offenders there], established Germany for a time as the world's second naval power, having eclipsed both France and Russia and turning a small coastal defense navy into something that was able to defeat the Royal Navy itself, though never comprehensively enough to change the course of the first world war.

China dwells in a much different situation than Germany did at the turn of the last century, so we can only extend the analogy so far--substituting in Japan for the UK, India for Russia, and so on is possible but not, in my view, educational. However, we can see many of the same elements playing in here. China seems intent on replacing the US as a dominant power, or at least as regional hegemon--the ancient tributary system seems to lie fairly heavily on Chinese minds--and in order to do that, it must be able to have some degree of power projection and the capability to deny the US Navy access to areas within the first island chain. It remains to be seen, however, how successful that quest will be. Much as with the dreadnought battleships, I wouldn't be surprised if we never actually do find out if most of the shiny naval toys people have built actually work. But their mere existence shows the mutual hostility developing in the region and demonstrates the size of the Chinese threat.

Another lesson learned here is that China, like Germany, may not develop a naval force capable of defeating the US comprehensively, but only partially, and that one of the powers--in this case, China--might be pressured to strike first before the US Navy can close the gap. That ~2030 gap I talked about in my last post is, I think, an especially vulnerable point, because China may look at a degraded, but rejuvenating US Navy, then at their own capable forces, and decide to strike then in Taiwan and the South China Sea, only to back down when the US Navy again eclipses them. Whether or not that will happen, we will see--but I find it a very dangerous and perhaps likely possibility.

2. What the PLAN looked like 20 years ago

The PLAN has undergone an absolutely stunning evolution in the past two decades. In the Third Taiwan Strait Crisis the US could intimidate China with a pair of aircraft carrier strike groups and China could do pretty much nothing about it. Now the US is afraid of sending anything more than a destroyer through the strait.

Twenty years ago, the PLAN was a bit of a joke. Even Taiwan figured it could hold the seas against the PLAN. It consisted of a few tens of outdated coastal-defense frigates, some Soviet-era diesel-electric subs, and a large number of unsophisticated missile craft. The pride of the Chinese fleet were a handful of destroyers assembled using cobbled-together Western technology--copied French missiles, American gas turbines, the lot. According to American accounts at the time, the instructions for the equipment hadn't even been translated. The most advanced ship in the fleet used steampower. There were nuclear submarines, but of 1950s quality. Of particular note was the fact that the Chinese fleet had no area air defense capabilities--their premier surface-to-air-missile was an unlicensed knockoff of the French Crotale, and couldn't shoot anything outside of visual range, at high altitudes, or really doing anything more sophisticated than trying to kill their ships with low-altitude dumb bombing runs.

In the past twenty years, however, the PLAN has, much like the German Navy towards the end of the 19th century, gone from an afterthought to the world's second most powerful force. It began, as modern China's military capabilities almost all began, with the looting of the former Soviet Union for naval technology. While Soviet naval tech was generally lacking, it was much better than anything else China could get its hands on after the arms embargo placed on it in the 1990s by the US and Europe in response to Tienanmen and the end of the Cold War. China bought Soviet diesel submarines, Soviet air-defense destroyers, and Soviet aircraft carriers, which it promptly left lying around [and turned one of them into a theme park]. This was combined with copies of various pieces of Western, mostly European, technology for everything from sonars to surface-to-air missiles. China then began developing its first modern indigenous surface combatants, the Type 052C, but there were still problems. The engines were Ukrainian and had reliability trouble, the gun jammed, there was no VLS.

It is really in the last ten years that things have begun to move extremely quickly, and even only in the latter portion of the decade. In 2012 the Type 001 Liaoning entered service, and although it remains more of a training ship than an operational vessel, and is held back by a poor carrier aircraft, the mere fact that China "built" a carrier was a surprise to many. In 2014 the first Type 052D destroyer came online. It had learned the lessons from the Type 052C, and in just the last six years at least ten have entered service, with a class size of about 23 expected. This rapid expansion is what has frightened competing navies the most--in a little over a decade, the PLAN is constructing more destroyers than the British, French, and Australian navies have in service combined. It is also building the Type 055, which has generally been called a "destroyer" despite being more aptly described as a cruiser in line with the Ticonderoga-class. China has also built 30 modern frigates in the past decade, which has also swelled its numbers, along with numerous smaller corvettes, submarines, and so on.

This is why the PLAN has become such an object of concern. While it cannot challenge the US Navy yet, at least outside its littoral zones, the decline of the USN and rapid expansion of the PLAN means that it is a serious threat. And the speed at which it has developed has made many fearful. As recently as 2010, the idea of China operating an aircraft carrier or modern destroyers seemed distant, possibly preposterous. Now China speaks openly of having a six-carrier fleet in the 2030s, although, as with many of China's plans to operate full US-replicated tech and doctrine, these may have somewhat caved to realism. China is mighty, but it has already done the easy part--the last part is much harder, in economics and in military matters. Building the software, the institutional knowledge, the hardware to compete with the US Navy will prove difficult.

3. What the PLAN looks like now--submarines

Submarines are one of the PLAN's weak spots, particularly nuclear submarines. China is, however, making some fairly rapid advances in this area.

Their nuclear submarine program has been considered a bit of a joke for some time. In the late 1950s when all the cool ~~kids~~ great powers were getting nuclear submarines, China decided [or at least Mao did] that China needed nuclear submarines too. About 16 years later, the product of this effort finally emerged as the Type 091 submarine. Based on 1950s technology, with poor radiation shielding and basically nothing done in the name of noise reduction, and not even a teardrop hull, the Type 091 was probably more of a threat to the sailors who were on it than anyone else, except maybe the two Tench-class submarines that Taiwan operates, which use 1940s technology and are the world's longest-serving submarines, though they're mostly used for training nowadays. Even then, my money would be on the Tench despite the upgrades the PLAN has made to the Type 091. There's only so much you can do to put lipstick on a pig.

China also produced an SSBN, the Type 092, which was probably the only submarine more useless than the Type 091. About the only useful thing it did for the PLAN was that it served as a test platform for SLBM launches. Reports suggest that the Type 092 is the noisiest SSBN ever made, and is thought to have only ever undertaken a single patrol. It stayed at port for so long that it was thought to have sunk in an accident. And the experience turned the PLAN off from building SSBNs for over twenty years, until the Type 094 came online in 2007.

More recent submarines are growing in capability, though. The Type 094 is not the noisiest SSBN ever made, and may not even be the noisiest in current service--that honor going to the Delta III operated by the Russian Navy, which uses 1970s technology, and, which, according to the US Office of Naval Intelligence, is about as noisy as the Type 094. The Type 093 is also moderately capable--it actually functions and can fire anti-ship missiles. However, the Type 093 is still considered only comparable to the Soviet Victor III class, again using 1970s technology. Future submarines have not yet been seen, but expectations are that China will make another step forward to late 1980s or early 1990s tech levels, producing something on par with the Los Angeles or Akula for the first time.

China also operates a fairly capable fleet of coastal diesel-electric submarines. While some are quite old--the Type 035--most are pretty average for the global submarine force, a mix of Kilos and domestic AIP designs. The large number of boats in operation and their anti-ship missile capability means that these should be considered a real threat, at least in the littoral waters near to China, but they aren't decisive by any means, especially since China is facing off against such threats as Japan's Soryu class, probably the most advanced diesel-electric sub in existence.

In conclusion, the PLAN is still pretty weak on the submarine front--weaker here than on anything but its carrier force, but its capabilities are advancing rapidly and should not be underestimated.

4. What the PLAN looks like now--surface combatants

The surface fleet is definitely the most impressive and capable portion of the PLAN, no questions about it. China once had a fleet consisting mostly of coastal frigates and missile boats. As recently as 2000, its fleet had no real area-air-defense destroyers, and no SAMs that could operate outside visual range. Now, though, the PLAN operates tens of advanced guided-missile destroyers, advanced frigates, and still retains a large number of small, stealthy missile boats.

The major focus of Chinese warships appears to be on anti-air, with anti-surface being a somewhat secondary concern for all but the smallest vessels. This makes sense when you realize that the primary focus is, at least for the moment, on using land-based aircraft to strike against hostile fleet formations using long-range anti-ship missiles, in a very Soviet sort of way--"Backfire raids" using long-range land-based aircraft with anti-ship missiles were one of the US Navy's major concerns during the Cold War, and the very reason for the F-14's existence along with the AIM-54 Phoenix it carried. However, China has been developing anti-surface capabilities as well using ashms and land-attack cruise missiles [generally the same thing, actually]. Since China has finally developed a VLS system that allows it to use the same launcher for multiple missiles, its most recent ships have become more versatile in that role.

How effective these ships are at that task is, however, a relatively open question. Their radars at least seem to quite sophisticated, using flat-panel AESA, and have been dubbed "Chinese AEGIS" by the highly reliable Chinese domestic media. The basic platform their surface-to-air missiles are based on also seems to be fairly capable--the HQ-9 is an S-300 derivative, a respectable SAM system though, again, how capable it is against opponents in an active electronic warfare environment is questionable, and it has basically no capabilities against stealth aircraft like the F-35 as far as anyone knows. The efficacy of their CIWS, again, is open to question. Really this is true of everything about the modern PLAN, and PLA in general. The PLA is secretive, has not exported most of its hardware, and has developed largely independently of foreign militaries, though it is definitely influenced by them. Now that the PLAN has moved away from simply copying foreign hardware and patching it together, its capabilities are much harder to discern.

However, they should be taken as a very real threat, and not written off. My guess would be that their warships are about as capable as most of their non-American counterparts, save those equipped with AEGIS, but that's all my guess is---a guess.

5. What the PLAN looks like now--carriers

The PLAN currently has two carriers in service, and two more known to be under construction, and most suspect that it will build several more. However, at the moment, the PLAN's carrier force is largely a paper tiger, designed around training. The first carrier, the Type 001, basically was a "how do you build a carrier" kit bought from Russia, possibly by accident--the "fully functional" Minsk ended up as a theme park, believe it or not. The hull was purchased from Ukraine and then completed in China years later. It is also believed that the PLAN may have learned some things about aircraft carriers from the HMAS Melbourne, which was sold to a Chinese firm for scrapping--rumor has it the PLAN had no clue this had happened and then had a field day looking at all the stuff that hadn't been taken out. This was back in the old days when nobody could imagine that China would have an aircraft carrier. The Type 002, however, is built from scratch, but isn't particularly capable especially as it's a ski-jump carrier, leaving the Type 003 the first carrier which will prove actually useful.

The main thing holding China's carrier fleet back, though, is a lack of a suitable aircraft. Originally China was considering purchasing Su-33s from Russia, hardly a good carrier-based aircraft but functional, but after Russia discovered that China had been mucking about building a Su-27 derivative without asking the deal fell through [China tells a different story, saying that Russia demanded exorbitant amounts to reopen production which it was unwilling to pay for a nearly obsolete aircraft]. As a result China operates the J-15 as its naval fighter, with... less than stellar results. It's extremely heavy, and, if it takes off from the carrier, has minimal range if carrying anything at all--it can't take more than two short range air to air missiles into the sky to fight enemy aircraft. However, the J-15 isn't really intended for combat service--it's intended to teach China how to run carriers, and it seems to work well enough for that task, aside from the multiple fatal crashes. There is, however, thought to be a new carrier fighter in the pipeline--most say the J-31/FC-31, which has reduced RCS and a number of carrier-unique features, is being pitched as a carrier-based aircraft and will serve as China's carrier fighter in the future. China also lacks any fixed wing carrier-based airborne early warning, which could prove troublesome--a lack of AEW means that its view is limited by the horizon--and has no resupply aircraft like the C-2 Greyhound. As a result, for the moment at least, China lacks an effective carrier force, but it is likely to continue developing rapidly in the next decade and become a fairly substantial threat. Remember that as recently as 2010, a Chinese aircraft carrier seemed preposterous to many people, and now they have two.

6. Some attention to land-based aircraft

Land-based aircraft as a naval weapon are not generally used by the US, which has never had a reason to develop them as a doctrinal focus. Sure, you could potentially envision them as being used, and there even were situations where they were utilized, but it just wasn't generally a priority or how things were done. For China, though, taking influence from the Soviets, and lying on littoral seas with hostile powers in the First Island Chain, land-based aircraft and missiles are a key part of doctrine. Although this is often viewed as a new thing, called A2/AD [anti access/area denial], it's really the result of a long historical evolution of naval power, probably most refined by the Soviet Union. As a result, land-based naval aviation plays an important role, firing anti-ship missiles at standoff distances at enemy vessels, and shore-based launchers of anti-ship missiles are also an important weapon. The combination of these systems means that venturing within China's littoral seas is a dangerous proposition during war, and some waters, like those of the Taiwan Strait, are effectively considered closed at this point in the event of hostilities breaking out. For this reason air superiority is also important in this sort of naval warfare, as if either side gains air superiority it can pummel its opponents with air-launched anti-ship missiles. China's capabilities in this area are sophisticated and should not be underestimated, but they are unlikely to go through a rapid period of growth like the PLAN's fleet.

And a brief note dedicated entirely to the DF-21D "Carrier killer" that the PLA likes to show off. It's a pretty impressive capability, on paper, using a ballistic missile to hit a carrier. The CEP [circular error probable] means that it could even happen, presuming that an aircraft carrier was good enough to sit in one place, not moving, long enough to be detected by China. Aircraft carriers look big, but the seas are huge, and they're surprisingly hard to find. They also move quite fast, in excess of of 35mph/55kph, and thus by the time the ballistic missile has launched it might well be out of range given the fact that ballistic missiles are not particularly known for their maneuverability in terminal stages, at least not in the realm of miles. The DF-21D is not a particular threat to the modern aircraft carrier. It could potentially be one if it evolves into a hypersonic boost-glide vehicle, but that's a whole additional can of worms, that I might address a different day.

7. The PLAN's plans for the future--what will it look like in 2030?

Unfortunately the PLAN is not exactly the most open of navies, as I've repeatedly mentioned. There are no public debates over acquisitions programs, no big fleet shape plans, relatively little detail.

However, a few things are fairly sure bets or publicly announced.

China has repeatedly announced plans to build a six-carrier force, including the Type 001 and Type 002, but also a pair of Type 003 [already under construction] conventionally powered supercarriers and a pair of Type 004 nuclear powered supercarriers. However, it seems that the Type 004 is currently on hold. Why, exactly, is unclear, but it seems to be technical difficulties, which are not particularly surprising given that China's experience with nuclear maritime propulsion seem to be rather limited and have had poor results in their submarine fleet. The costs were also expected to be too high--China does not have an unlimited quantity of money, despite what it may flaunt, and nuclear carriers are expensive to develop especially given that China has not built a nuclear-powered surface ship before.

A new carrier-based fighter is almost certainly in the cards because the J-15 is pretty much useless. The FC-31 seems by far the most likely candidate but it could be another aircraft we haven't seen yet. The addition of this aircraft will greatly improve the PLAN's capabilities.

China also has two Type 075 amphibious assault ships/LHDs under construction, and I would expect this class to be much more prolific. These ships are much more affordable than the full carriers, and focus on areas in which China is particularly concerned--amphibious assaults, say, on islands in the South China Sea or on Taiwan, and anti-submarine warfare, which is of particular importance given that submarines cannot be easily halted with land-based anti-ship missiles and air-launched cruise missiles provided for in their area denial doctrine--submarines are one of the few things that can slip through that net.

The surface combatant fleet is likely to continue growing, but I am not sure if it will swell much beyond the ~23 Type 052D ships planned and the 8 Type 055s. We're likely to see the retirement of the classes preceding the Type 052C destroyer and the Type 054 frigate, and they may be offloaded to Bangladesh, Myanmar, or Pakistan--there is substantial precedent here, and it seems that China is interested in expanding the naval capabilities of its partners around India.

The submarine fleet is likely to see rapid expansion if the PLAN is satisfied with the Type 095 and Type 096 classes, and we're likely to see more diesel-electric subs built as well. Submarines are generally quite good at fighting submarines and conducting area-denial missions, and the large and capable subsurface forces of Japan, Korea, and the United States means that this has to be an area the PLAN invests more in--and the fact that several Southeast Asian nations are also looking at acquiring submarines makes the issue more pressing.

8. Conclusion

China has in the past decade gone from a third-rate navy to perhaps the greatest threat the US Navy has faced since the Second World War. This has significant geopolitical implications, and has resulted in neighbors scrambling to overhaul their naval forces. The growth of the PLAN means that the US can no longer easily defend Taiwan or the South China Sea, or any of China's littoral waters. This, more than anything else, is what has everyone scrambling in the US talking about "great-power competition" because denying access to the US Navy and working on power projection, an inherently naval thing, is essentially a clear sign that China is looking to directly compete with the United States. Underestimate the PLAN at your own peril.

I hope to have more detail and citations in future posts, but unfortunately the PLAN is very secretive [yes, I've said that fifty times already] and this is a pretty big topic to discuss without going into details about all sorts of naval tidbits. Thanks for reading the fourth post in what I hope will be a fairly substantial series, probably around ~12 posts.

9. Citations

James Holmes, "The Danger Zone In Naval Arms Races"
USNI, Report to Congress on Chinese Naval Modernization
Hans Kristensen, China's Noisy Nuclear Submarines
Eric Wertheim, China's Type 052D Destroyer is a potent adversary
Robert Farley, Let's Talk About The Chinese Navy's Type 055 Destroyer
Ryan Pickrell, Chinese fighter jet holding China back as it builds carrier fleet
Look, much more here is based on loose speculation, more unreliable sources, and stuff I've picked up over the years, because public info is limited. So take everything I say with a grain of salt, but understand that it's the best information I know of.

Recon in Yartar and Attack of the Mud-Fish - SKT - Session 23

Previous Session: https://www.reddit.com/dndstories/comments/k352ti/music_and_political_malevolence_in_maelstrom_skt/After leveraging diplomacy and caution in Maelstrom our heroes gained a measure of Serissa's trust, much to Iymrith's dismay. The Queen Regent of the Storm Giants gave the tiny adventurers a clue found at the scene of her mother's murder, and teleported them to Everlund to begin their investigation. In Everlund they finally figured out how Iymrith has been so easily spying on them and had Krowen remove the Divination magic on Zep's sword. Now they head to Yartar to seek the connections between The Golden Goose coins, The Grand Dame river barge, and the Kraken Society. They hope to back to Everlund in time to meet back up with Klauth's airship by tomorrow.
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Cast: Level 9

Zep: Kenku Rogue/Warlock.
Zdravko: Human Monk (Barbarian mechanics, rage re-flavored as a disciplined focus)(Now featuring a Fighter multiclass as he hones his skills).
Lyra: Winged Tiefling Cleric/Druid.
Jormo: Tortle Wizard/Artificer (thematically full wizard).
Beau: Tabaxi SorcereWarlock.

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As they're teleported from Everlund to Yartar they find themselves standing in a greenhouse with glass fogged from the humidity. Out back in what appears to be a lush garden they can just barely make out the form of a man moving around before they hear an ominous, almost sentient sounding howl of wind. They head into the garden and Lyra notices it's not lush at all, but in fact the plants are withered and tangled with weeds and in desperate need of water and a trim. The Hallucinatory Terrain spell fades and she sees the unkept landscaping for what it is. The man they find in the garden introduces himself as Kolbaz, the groundskeeper and attendant mage responsible for keeping the teleportation circle a secret. He explains that he has to spend so much of his time keeping neighborhood kids away that he can't care for the garden.
The party asks him about The Grand Dame river barge and casino but he doesn't have enough free time to know anything about such leisurely activities. When asked about the Kraken Society he explains that they definitely have a presence in the city, as Harper agents will come through the teleportation circle from time to time to investigate. He knows the local theives' guild has a beef with the Kraken Soc. but not how to get in contact with them. Kolbaz suggests the adventurers check into the local temple dedicated to Tymora as her priests and followers spend a lot of time in gambling halls.
As they leave the villa attached to the scraggly garden Zdravko shouts at some children to flee and Beau uses 'Disguise Self' to look like a skeleton before giving mock-chase towards them for a few paces to help Kolbaz out a little.
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Tymora's Temple in Yartar is a building called "Happy Hall of Fortuitous Happenings" but was converted from an old, ominous-looking keep of black stone built into the side of the small mountain at the heart of the small city. The interior is much more befitting of the name - there are lush rugs and colorful tapestries and games of chance which count as offerings for the faithful.
Jormo greets a spirited, handsome young priest whose swoop of hair bobs as he talks expressively. He introduces himself as Kismet Nodarn. When asked about the Grand Dame he enthusiastically talks about how he frequented the Riverboat casino often; he's stopped going in recent days because his immense luck brought him under suspicion of the boat's Security officer. He was proven innocent, but doesn't like those bad vibes following him so he goes to different venues. He tells the group The Grand Dame is owned by a nobleman named Khaspere Drylund who also lives aboard the vessel.
The party has some time to kill and asks Kismet what he recommends to do around Yartar. He tells them that while it isn't much to look at, he enjoys frequenting a dive tavern called 'Karletta's Table' just on the edge of "the bad part of town." He says the food is great and the ownehost - whom the establishment is named after - takes great care of all her patrons.
.
Karletta's Table is a single story flat-roofed building sandwiched between a three and a four story tenement apartment buildings. Street Urchins sit on the streets outside; a couple run out from behind the tavern with fistfuls of bread while a couple more climb stacked crates to play on the roof.
Zdravko strides through the saloon-style doors with the rest of the party close behind. Inside they see a couple rough-looking patrons seated and talking quietly amongst themselves. Beau is searching carefully for any Kraken Tattoos but sees none. Behind the bar is a long order window that gives full view of the kitchen. A woman in leather armor is giving instructions to the chefs before turning her attention to the newcomers, "Find a seat; someone will be with you in a moment!"
The group sits at one of the tables for six, partitioned to provide some privacy and discuss how they should go about things. They agree that maybe having less discretion than usual would be a good strategy: if the Kraken Society catches wind of them poking around, maybe the fight comes to them -or- maybe asking more openly just gets them answers more quickly. A win either way, right?
The armored woman from the kitchen - a Half-Elf, possibly with Drow Ancestry but deep blue-dye masks the white locks of hair that would give it away - comes to the table and introduces herself as Karletta, "Don't tell me nobody's come to take your order yet?" and mutters to herself, "Just can't find good help..."
Beau orders the special: Floundering Flouder, and a Tuna Pate for her Tressym. Karletta is very amused by the flying cat, and by Zdravko's strange way of speaking. The party offers to buy Karletta a drink in exchange for her trove of rumors as she claims "Oh, I've got rumors up the wazoo!"
Karletta goes back to the kitchen to place the orders and they can hear her yelling at the staff that they'd better get their butts in gear because she's taking a break and they need to learn to function without her hovering over their shoulders.
She returns to the party's table with food, and a smile, "Now, let's have that drink!"
They ask her about the Kraken Society and she hesitates in thought for a moment, "Oh, they're some sort of gang, right? My friend Kestrel Hedgehopper hates them for some reason." Beau tries to get a read on Karletta who seems to be genuine.
Karletta goes on, "Y'know, I've got a good feeling about y'all. I'm going to send you - a bunch of strangers - to my friend Kestrel's house. Don't prove my trust to be foolishness, alright?"
.
They go to Kestrel's house, a fine two-story dwelling that suggests a comfortable middle-class lifestyle. Despite there being no bell to ring, Zep uses his Kenku mimicry to produce the sound of a loud medium-sized bell. After some time it becomes apparent that nobody is answering. Karletta did mention that Kestrel spends most of her day traveling from place to place within Yartar so they leave a note saying they have mutual business to discuss.
.
They make their way towards 'The Fishyard' - Yartar's open-air market - in hopes of finding some guards with whom they can leverage a meeting with the town's Waterbaron. Zep tries to peel off from the group to find someone connected with the thieves guild but Lyra notices and suggests they all stick together.
Lucky for Zep, the thieves guild finds him first... as they pass an alley they hear the sound of a loud medium-sized bell, nearly identical in tone and volume to the one Zep made by Kestrel's house. They turn and hear a small voice add, "Back here, c'mon!"
Our heroes turn down the alley to find a single middle-aged halfling woman who motions for them to follow before running further down the alley and turning a corner. When they too reach the corner they don't see her but see a crate with a loose board; they hear her voice from inside, "Quick, in here."
They enter the crate and realize it has a false back that enters into a dusty, unused warehouse. There the small halfling woman turns towards them with her hands on her hips and with a smirk says, "Heard y'all were poking around my house and that we may have a common enemy."
Kestrel Hedgehopper goes on to tell the adventurers that the Kraken Society is much like the Zhentarim, except that individuals have less freedom, and that it functions more like a cult. It's an old organization whose core tenets always revolve around Krakens or the idea of attaining Godhood much as Krakens do. The current iteration of the Kraken Society seems to be in a phase of attempting to amass wealth and power and this has put them at odds with her own organization.
Using the Thieves Cant he learned from his Flock, Zep confirms that she belongs to the local thieves guild.
Kestrel informs the group that the Grand Dame plays an important role in the Kraken Society's local operations, that the ship's owner is undoubtedly a member of the Kraken Society, and that none of her organization has been able to gain access to the river barge which leads her to believe they've been infiltrated and why she's eager to let outsiders have a go at her enemies.
The party asks if she knows of the missing nobles, and she says she knows of them, but it doesn't impact her business so her organization really doesn't care. Kestrel does know for a fact that one of the missing nobles was on the Grand Dame the night he went missing.
The adventurers part ways with Kestrel who leaves a different way she entered through. They head back to the market to look for some guards, still hoping to access the Waterbaron.
.
Before they can reach any guards they feel a rumble in the earth. The crowds around them all look around in a collective, "that was weird" manner. Another rumble and one of the nearby vendor stalls is swallowed up by a sinkhole! As everyone begins to scatter, 4 humanoids resembling carp with arms and legs leap up out of the sinkhole. They raise shields and 2-pronged, spiked spears above their heads as they burble a chant in an unrecognizable language. Then a writhing, slithering mound of mud slides up out of the hole as it congeals into the shape of something resembling a bizarre, mutated catfish which slides forward towards Zdravko!
The sentient mudfish slashes long muddy whisker-tentacles at the Monk of Bahamut before he gets a chance to release and hone his inner energy. The mud-tentacles seem to be saturated in a foul poison which the hearty Zdravko resists.
Zdravko's counter attacks land hard and the mud rumbles in something akin to a language which Beau understands.
Beau slings Eldritch Blasts at the mud-fish while shouting in Primordial, "Why are attacking us?"
One of the fishy humanoids tries to sling a net over Zdravko but misses. Another casts the Bane spell at Zep, Beau, and Jormo immediately after Lyra Blesses them but only Zep fails to resist it. A 3rd fish man runs up to attack Zdravko, while a 4th does nothing because just then Jormo weaves a spell that causes tons of shadowy black tentacles to writhe up from the ground to ensnare it, the net-thrower, and the mud-fish.
Responding to Beau's question, the now restrained mud rumbles, "Why aren't you worshipping me?"
Lyra discerns there to be a high likelihood of Thunder damage being particularly effective against this muddy foe as she flies over to catch it, and a couple fish-men in a Thunderwave.
Beau sees the effectiveness and runs in to Booming-Blade the mud-fish calling out to it, "I don't even know who you are, why aren't you worshipping ME??"
Jormo finishes off a fish-man with an elemental sphere as Zep leaps out from having hidden himself in the fleeing crowd to ambush the fish-guy that cursed him.
As Zdravko continues hammering away at the tentacled mud with his staff, the creature rumbles back to Beau in anger and indignation, "Because you are not a GOD!!" and it whips the Tabaxi with its tentacle. Jormo extends his Arcane Ward to absorb all the damage.
Beau sheathes his blade in thunderous energy once again and stabs the tentacled mud-fish and mocks, "Oooh, you're a god? Which one??"
Zep gets grappled by one of the fish-men's pincer staffs, but Jormo's ward absorbs the damage and the Tortle wizard finishes off the humanoid with another elemental blast.
Lyra flies over the not very impressive god-mud and blasts it with a second Thunderwave, weakening it significantly. In the final throws of combat, it tells Beau a name that sounds as much like gibberish as anything else, "Thisooletherkrals."
Zep runs in and thrusts his Kenku Blade right into the mud's largest "eye" to finish it off.
.
As the guards arrive out of breathe from sprinting to "control the situation" the party asks if they can meet with Waterbaron Nestra Ruthiol, adding that they know about the missing nobles situation as well.
They are granted a 10 minute audience with Nestra, a shrewd and discerning middle aged woman.
She thanks them for their service and uses the mystery of the "mud-fish" as an excuse to send the scribe out to fetch an old tome on the matter. Once alone with the party she cuts to the chase about the missing nobles, inquiring how the party knows of this. Beau won't reveal their source, which the Waterbaron respects. She admits that Khaspere Drylund is her political adversary but assures them that he is no good, and likely involved in any unsavory business aboard the Grand Dame - he is definitely who they want.
Nestra recommends that whatever they plan on doing aboard the Grand Dame, they do it after it leaves Yartar for its all-night gambling cruise down river. She clarifies that despite whatever malfeasance is involved with Khaspere Drylund, his casino is a legitimate and registered business in Yartar and she would have to act on its behalf if there were any laws broken by the adventurers.
.
Continued : https://www.reddit.com/dndstories/comments/kuave4/zdravko_swims_home_from_the_grand_dame_skt/

Recon in Yartar and Attack of the Mud-Fish - Ch.11 - Session 23

(In the previous post I titled it as being Ch.9. but it was actually Ch.11. Please forgive me, I will now delete this entire series. (Just kidding about the deletion, obviously)).
Previous Session: https://www.reddit.com/stormkingsthundecomments/k353q3/music_and_political_malevolence_in_maelstrom_ch_9/After leveraging diplomacy and caution in Maelstrom our heroes gained a measure of Serissa's trust, much to Iymrith's dismay. The Queen Regent of the Storm Giants gave the tiny adventurers a clue found at the scene of her mother's murder, and teleported them to Everlund to begin their investigation. In Everlund they finally figured out how Iymrith has been so easily spying on them and had Krowen remove the Divination magic on Zep's sword. Now they head to Yartar to seek the connections between The Golden Goose coins, The Grand Dame river barge, and the Kraken Society. They hope to back to Everlund in time to meet back up with Klauth's airship by tomorrow.
.
Cast: Level 9

Zep: Kenku Rogue/Warlock.
Zdravko: Human Monk (Barbarian mechanics, rage re-flavored as a disciplined focus)(Now featuring a Fighter multiclass as he hones his skills).
Lyra: Winged Tiefling Cleric/Druid.
Jormo: Tortle Wizard/Artificer (thematically full wizard).
Beau: Tabaxi SorcereWarlock.

.
As they're teleported from Everlund to Yartar they find themselves standing in a greenhouse with glass fogged from the humidity. Out back in what appears to be a lush garden they can just barely make out the form of a man moving around before they hear an ominous, almost sentient sounding howl of wind. They head into the garden and Lyra notices it's not lush at all, but in fact the plants are withered and tangled with weeds and in desperate need of water and a trim. The Hallucinatory Terrain spell fades and she sees the unkept landscaping for what it is. The man they find in the garden introduces himself as Kolbaz, the groundskeeper and attendant mage responsible for keeping the teleportation circle a secret. He explains that he has to spend so much of his time keeping neighborhood kids away that he can't care for the garden.
The party asks him about The Grand Dame river barge and casino but he doesn't have enough free time to know anything about such leisurely activities. When asked about the Kraken Society he explains that they definitely have a presence in the city, as Harper agents will come through the teleportation circle from time to time to investigate. He knows the local theives' guild has a beef with the Kraken Soc. but not how to get in contact with them. Kolbaz suggests the adventurers check into the local temple dedicated to Tymora as her priests and followers spend a lot of time in gambling halls.
As they leave the villa attached to the scraggly garden Zdravko shouts at some children to flee and Beau uses 'Disguise Self' to look like a skeleton before giving mock-chase towards them for a few paces to help Kolbaz out a little.
.
Tymora's Temple in Yartar is a building called "Happy Hall of Fortuitous Happenings" but was converted from an old, ominous-looking keep of black stone built into the side of the small mountain at the heart of the small city. The interior is much more befitting of the name - there are lush rugs and colorful tapestries and games of chance which count as offerings for the faithful.
Jormo greets a spirited, handsome young priest whose swoop of hair bobs as he talks expressively. He introduces himself as Kismet Nodarn. When asked about the Grand Dame he enthusiastically talks about how he frequented the Riverboat casino often; he's stopped going in recent days because his immense luck brought him under suspicion of the boat's Security officer. He was proven innocent, but doesn't like those bad vibes following him so he goes to different venues. He tells the group The Grand Dame is owned by a nobleman named Khaspere Drylund who also lives aboard the vessel.
The party has some time to kill and asks Kismet what he recommends to do around Yartar. He tells them that while it isn't much to look at, he enjoys frequenting a dive tavern called 'Karletta's Table' just on the edge of "the bad part of town." He says the food is great and the ownehost - whom the establishment is named after - takes great care of all her patrons.
.
Karletta's Table is a single story flat-roofed building sandwiched between a three and a four story tenement apartment buildings. Street Urchins sit on the streets outside; a couple run out from behind the tavern with fistfuls of bread while a couple more climb stacked crates to play on the roof.
Zdravko strides through the saloon-style doors with the rest of the party close behind. Inside they see a couple rough-looking patrons seated and talking quietly amongst themselves. Beau is searching carefully for any Kraken Tattoos but sees none. Behind the bar is a long order window that gives full view of the kitchen. A woman in leather armor is giving instructions to the chefs before turning her attention to the newcomers, "Find a seat; someone will be with you in a moment!"
The group sits at one of the tables for six, partitioned to provide some privacy and discuss how they should go about things. They agree that maybe having less discretion than usual would be a good strategy: if the Kraken Society catches wind of them poking around, maybe the fight comes to them -or- maybe asking more openly just gets them answers more quickly. A win either way, right?
The armored woman from the kitchen - a Half-Elf, possibly with Drow Ancestry but deep blue-dye masks the white locks of hair that would give it away - comes to the table and introduces herself as Karletta, "Don't tell me nobody's come to take your order yet?" and mutters to herself, "Just can't find good help..."
Beau orders the special: Floundering Flouder, and a Tuna Pate for her Tressym. Karletta is very amused by the flying cat, and by Zdravko's strange way of speaking. The party offers to buy Karletta a drink in exchange for her trove of rumors as she claims "Oh, I've got rumors up the wazoo!"
Karletta goes back to the kitchen to place the orders and they can hear her yelling at the staff that they'd better get their butts in gear because she's taking a break and they need to learn to function without her hovering over their shoulders.
She returns to the party's table with food, and a smile, "Now, let's have that drink!"
They ask her about the Kraken Society and she hesitates in thought for a moment, "Oh, they're some sort of gang, right? My friend Kestrel Hedgehopper hates them for some reason." Beau tries to get a read on Karletta who seems to be genuine.
Karletta goes on, "Y'know, I've got a good feeling about y'all. I'm going to send you - a bunch of strangers - to my friend Kestrel's house. Don't prove my trust to be foolishness, alright?"
.
They go to Kestrel's house, a fine two-story dwelling that suggests a comfortable middle-class lifestyle. Despite there being no bell to ring, Zep uses his Kenku mimicry to produce the sound of a loud medium-sized bell. After some time it becomes apparent that nobody is answering. Karletta did mention that Kestrel spends most of her day traveling from place to place within Yartar so they leave a note saying they have mutual business to discuss.
.
They make their way towards 'The Fishyard' - Yartar's open-air market - in hopes of finding some guards with whom they can leverage a meeting with the town's Waterbaron. Zep tries to peel off from the group to find someone connected with the thieves guild but Lyra notices and suggests they all stick together.
Lucky for Zep, the thieves guild finds him first... as they pass an alley they hear the sound of a loud medium-sized bell, nearly identical in tone and volume to the one Zep made by Kestrel's house. They turn and hear a small voice add, "Back here, c'mon!"
Our heroes turn down the alley to find a single middle-aged halfling woman who motions for them to follow before running further down the alley and turning a corner. When they too reach the corner they don't see her but see a crate with a loose board; they hear her voice from inside, "Quick, in here."
They enter the crate and realize it has a false back that enters into a dusty, unused warehouse. There the small halfling woman turns towards them with her hands on her hips and with a smirk says, "Heard y'all were poking around my house and that we may have a common enemy."
Kestrel Hedgehopper goes on to tell the adventurers that the Kraken Society is much like the Zhentarim, except that individuals have less freedom, and that it functions more like a cult. It's an old organization whose core tenets always revolve around Krakens or the idea of attaining Godhood much as Krakens do. The current iteration of the Kraken Society seems to be in a phase of attempting to amass wealth and power and this has put them at odds with her own organization.
Using the Thieves Cant he learned from his Flock, Zep confirms that she belongs to the local thieves guild.
Kestrel informs the group that the Grand Dame plays an important role in the Kraken Society's local operations, that the ship's owner is undoubtedly a member of the Kraken Society, and that none of her organization has been able to gain access to the river barge which leads her to believe they've been infiltrated and why she's eager to let outsiders have a go at her enemies.
The party asks if she knows of the missing nobles, and she says she knows of them, but it doesn't impact her business so her organization really doesn't care. Kestrel does know for a fact that one of the missing nobles was on the Grand Dame the night he went missing.
The adventurers part ways with Kestrel who leaves a different way she entered through. They head back to the market to look for some guards, still hoping to access the Waterbaron.
.
Before they can reach any guards they feel a rumble in the earth. The crowds around them all look around in a collective, "that was weird" manner. Another rumble and one of the nearby vendor stalls is swallowed up by a sinkhole! As everyone begins to scatter, 4 humanoids resembling carp with arms and legs leap up out of the sinkhole. They raise shields and 2-pronged, spiked spears above their heads as they burble a chant in an unrecognizable language. Then a writhing, slithering mound of mud slides up out of the hole as it congeals into the shape of something resembling a bizarre, mutated catfish which slides forward towards Zdravko!
The sentient mudfish slashes long muddy whisker-tentacles at the Monk of Bahamut before he gets a chance to release and hone his inner energy. The mud-tentacles seem to be saturated in a foul poison which the hearty Zdravko resists.
Zdravko's counter attacks land hard and the mud rumbles in something akin to a language which Beau understands.
Beau slings Eldritch Blasts at the mud-fish while shouting in Primordial, "Why are attacking us?"
One of the fishy humanoids tries to sling a net over Zdravko but misses. Another casts the Bane spell at Zep, Beau, and Jormo immediately after Lyra Blesses them but only Zep fails to resist it. A 3rd fish man runs up to attack Zdravko, while a 4th does nothing because just then Jormo weaves a spell that causes tons of shadowy black tentacles to writhe up from the ground to ensnare it, the net-thrower, and the mud-fish.
Responding to Beau's question, the now restrained mud rumbles, "Why aren't you worshipping me?"
Lyra discerns there to be a high likelihood of Thunder damage being particularly effective against this muddy foe as she flies over to catch it, and a couple fish-men in a Thunderwave.
Beau sees the effectiveness and runs in to Booming-Blade the mud-fish calling out to it, "I don't even know who you are, why aren't you worshipping ME??"
Jormo finishes off a fish-man with an elemental sphere as Zep leaps out from having hidden himself in the fleeing crowd to ambush the fish-guy that cursed him.
As Zdravko continues hammering away at the tentacled mud with his staff, the creature rumbles back to Beau in anger and indignation, "Because you are not a GOD!!" and it whips the Tabaxi with its tentacle. Jormo extends his Arcane Ward to absorb all the damage.
Beau sheathes his blade in thunderous energy once again and stabs the tentacled mud-fish and mocks, "Oooh, you're a god? Which one??"
Zep gets grappled by one of the fish-men's pincer staffs, but Jormo's ward absorbs the damage and the Tortle wizard finishes off the humanoid with another elemental blast.
Lyra flies over the not very impressive god-mud and blasts it with a second Thunderwave, weakening it significantly. In the final throws of combat, it tells Beau a name that sounds as much like gibberish as anything else, "Thisooletherkrals."
Zep runs in and thrusts his Kenku Blade right into the mud's largest "eye" to finish it off.
.
As the guards arrive out of breathe from sprinting to "control the situation" the party asks if they can meet with Waterbaron Nestra Ruthiol, adding that they know about the missing nobles situation as well.
They are granted a 10 minute audience with Nestra, a shrewd and discerning middle aged woman.
She thanks them for their service and uses the mystery of the "mud-fish" as an excuse to send the scribe out to fetch an old tome on the matter. Once alone with the party she cuts to the chase about the missing nobles, inquiring how the party knows of this. Beau won't reveal their source, which the Waterbaron respects. She admits that Khaspere Drylund is her political adversary but assures them that he is no good, and likely involved in any unsavory business aboard the Grand Dame - he is definitely who they want.
Nestra recommends that whatever they plan on doing aboard the Grand Dame, they do it after it leaves Yartar for its all-night gambling cruise down river. She clarifies that despite whatever malfeasance is involved with Khaspere Drylund, his casino is a legitimate and registered business in Yartar and she would have to act on its behalf if there were any laws broken by the adventurers.
.
Continued: https://www.reddit.com/stormkingsthundecomments/kuawle/zdravko_swims_home_from_the_grand_dame_ch11/

'Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked' a review

Making good on this post.
Disclaimer: I have never seen anything related to this Alvin and the Chipmunks series, and am coming into the third entry blind. Any misunderstanding due to this is entirely my fault for not keeping up with the deep interconnected mythology of the AatC universe.
SPOILERS: I have to prove I watched this damned thing, so you're getting all the details.
This movie is not awful. I was expecting far worse, honestly. If you've ever watched cartoons aimed at 3-5 year olds you can probably tolerate this(though I highly recommend actually having a 3-5 year old around since you can start playing with them to distract you from the movie). The shtick of this series, apparently, is that Alvin and his brothers Simon and Theodore are famous singers in a pop group(and get this: They're Chipmunks!); they get into wacky misadventures while high screeching covers of pop songs play in the background. I expect if you actually like any of the songs covered this will shift from annoying to insulting, but being largely ignorant of pop music circa 2010, it remained merely annoying for me. They are joined by 'The Chipettes' a gender-bent complement to AatC who have their own band, and all of them are stewarded by their ownemanagedad Dave.
The movie begins on a cruise ship bouncing from one micro set-piece to another. While it's filled with 'musical' numbers, they come rapid fire and never seem to stick with anything beyond a quick 'remember this?' reference. I would not be surprised if they kept the songs short because they were able to avoid paying licence fees for the songs by using less than thirty second samples. After getting into some trouble with the captain, the Chipmunks are admonished by Dave, but they convince him to give them another chance; while Dave has dinner with the captain to smooth things over, the Chipmunks get up to some wacky shenanigans.
The Chipmunks all exhibit their trade-mark personalities here as, astonishingly, they have to set up some character development later. Alvin here is the selfish(and annoying) one, Simon is the smart(and annoying) one, Theodore is the dumb(and fat, and annoying) one. The girl chipmunks get less attention individually but I get the impression their personalities directly mirror their male counterparts. Alvin charges off to party in the ship's casino, with Simon chasing after him to bring him back to their room, the Chipettes get into a... dance off(shudder)... with some twenty-somethings, and Dave eventually comes to round them up.
We are also introduced here to Ian, the chipmunks' former ownemanager(but not dad), now working as a pelican mascot on the cruise ship. We're led to understand that he was a dick and cruelly kept his sentient chipmunks in cages, therefore it's funny that he's fallen on hard times. Also fallen on hard times: David Cross, who plays Ian, is reduced from the highs of blueing himself on Arrested Development to playing a minor character in a movie about singing rodents.
The chipmunks are punished for their escapades by being restricted to shuffle-board as their only activity for the rest of their trip with Dave watching closely to keep them out of trouble. No sooner does Dave take a nap than the Chipmunks barter a kite from a fat kid to go parasailing, and shock and surprise they go flying off away from the ship, eventually landing on an island. Dave realizes they've gone missing and take a... hang glider?... off the ship to go after them; ~~David Cross~~ Ian tries to stop him, but the two end up crashing into the water.
The humans eventually wash up on the same Island, where they surely meet up with the chipmunks and everyone learns a valuable lesson. My that ninety minutes flew by...
OH GOOD LORD, WE'RE ONLY TWENTY MINUTES IN! The viewer is advised that panic attacks are normal, and to avoid hyperventilation by breathing through the nose, or into a paper bag.
Ahem. On the island the Chipmunks attempt to survive, creating a SOS sign in the sand, starting a fire, fighting over the only morsel of food, all while grappling with the fear that they may never be found and worse, the existential dread that they may have annoyed Dave so much that he won't even bother to come looking for them. And singing annoying songs, and exhibiting rote character traits and generally making you wish you were doing anything else with your time. Meanwhile Dave and ~~David Cross~~Ian wash up on some other part of the island, where they will meander through the second act of the film with G-rated sniping at each-other.
The chipmunks run into Zoe, another castaway, played by Jenny Slate(I had a Washed Up Actor joke cued up, but it turns out this came before anything else I'd seen her in). Some very boring jokes follow, but importantly we have a major plot point: Simon, the smart, responsible chipmunk, is bitten by a spider whose venom he knows, because he's the smart one, has the side effect of changing one's personality. The chipmunks go to sleep, and when they wake up Simon has turned into the outgoing, adventurous and french accented 'Simone'. This upsets the balance with Alvin who is confronted with his own inner demons realizing in watching 'Simone' that his own actions are often disruptive and counterproductive.
The chipmunks pair off with their gender-bent mirror-images(something Freudian here, but I never read Freud, people just describe this sort of thing as Freudian). Girl-Simon is impressed by the antics of the drugged up 'Simone' who romances her with a golden bracelet he found exploring a waterfall, while Alvin and Girl-Alvin each reckon with the fact that they've been selfish and useless their entire lives, so they decide to be responsible and build shelters. Theodore and Girl-Theodore were... present.
At this point the reader is encouraged to reflect on the fact that these Chipmunks all view Dave as their 'father', not simply their owner. This makes them all step-siblings, at least and their 'romantic' entanglements take on an entirely different slant. Combined with the fact that none of the male chipmunks wears pants, and the girls wear skirts hitched up above their waists gives the film a risque quality that I am shocked was allowed under a G-rating.
Eventually Dave and ~~David Cross~~Ian meet up with the Chipmunks, just before the island... which is a volcano, by the way... begins to erupt. Alvin demonstrates he's matured and can be responsible, while Simon who is reverted back to his normal self must demonstrate courage to save Girl-Simon from Zoe, who's actually crazy, why not. Dave learns to trust his pets/children/employers, and ~~David Cross~~Ian realizes he was a dick when he owned/managed the chipmunks. Everyone convinces everyone else to be cool and they all escape the island together on a raft built by the rodents.
One more musical number as the Chipmunks headline at the... International Music Awards? Is that a thing? Did they agree to be associated with this? Watching the chipmunks perform to a riotous crowd highlights how strange it is that a cover-band doing pop songs would rise to such heights of fame, ignoring the fact that their screeching high-pitched renditions of popular songs grates one to the soul, and that these sentient rodents are simply accepted as a part of society.
THE END(thank god)
Again, not a terrible kids movie; much better the farther they deviated from the musical shtick. Animation was good for the most part, even if what they chose to animate was questionable. Most of the humor was flat, the plot was predictable, but the ending was actually somewhat touching, having earned its emotional climax with fairly decent character arcs through the middle act.
Score: 2/5
TL;DR A risque, sensual, half-nude, romp through the forest has these triplets questioning their morays, learning that forbidden love, treasure, and personal growth can all be found on the path to survival.

[Lost in the Sauce] Trump admin hides Paycheck Protection program details; lawmakers benefit from loans

Welcome to Lost in the Sauce, keeping you caught up on political and legal news that often gets buried in distractions and theater… or a global health crisis.
Title refers to: The Trump admin is blocking IGs from getting info on over $1 trillion in relief spending, including corporation bailouts. The admin is also withholding PPP info from Congress, meaning we don't know if Trump or his family took taxpayer money. Additionally, we learned that at least 4 members of Congress have benefited from PPP money, but aren't required to disclose it.
Housekeeping:

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Coronavirus

Inspectors general warned Congress last week that the Trump administration is blocking scrutiny of more than $1 trillion in spending related to the Covid-19 pandemic. According to the previously undisclosed letter, Department of Treasury attorneys concluded that the administration is not required to provide the watchdogs with information about the beneficiaries of programs like the $500 billion in loans for corporations.
Treasury Secretary Mnuchin refused to provide Congress with the names of recipients of the taxpayer-funded coronavirus business loans. After criticism, Mnuchin began to walk back his denial, saying he will talk to lawmakers on a bipartisan basis “to strike the appropriate balance for proper oversight” of PPP loans “and appropriate protection of small business information.”
At least 4 lawmakers have benefited in some way from the Paycheck Protection program they helped create. Politico has been told there are almost certainly more -- but there are zero disclosure rules, even for members of Congress.

Republicans on the list include Rep. Roger Williams of Texas, a wealthy businessman who owns auto dealerships, body shops and car washes, and Rep. Vicky Hartzler of Missouri, whose family owns multiple farms and equipment suppliers across the Midwest. The Democrats count Rep. Susie Lee of Nevada, whose husband is CEO of a regional casino developer, and Rep. Debbie Mucarsel Powell of Florida, whose husband is a senior executive at a restaurant chain that has since returned the loan.

Mick Mulvaney dumped as much as $550,000 in stocks the same day Trump assured the public the US economy was 'doing fantastically' amid the COVID-19 outbreak. Mulvaney unloaded his holdings in three different mutual funds, each of which is primarily made up of US stocks. The next day, the value of the mutual funds tanked.

Cases rising in many states

Good summary: There was supposed to be a peak. But the stark turning point, when the number of daily COVID-19 cases in the U.S. finally crested and began descending sharply, never happened. Instead, America spent much of April on a disquieting plateau, with every day bringing about 30,000 new cases and about 2,000 new deaths. This pattern exists because different states have experienced the coronavirus pandemic in very different ways…The U.S. is dealing with a patchwork pandemic.
As of Friday, coronavirus cases were significantly climbing in 16 states: Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Louisiana, Mississippi, Nevada, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Oregon, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, and Washington.
Oklahoma is experiencing a massive increase in coronavirus cases just days before Trump’s planned rally in Tulsa. In Tulsa county itself, 1 in roughly 390 people have tested positive. Yet Trump plans on cramming 20,000 people in an event with voluntary face mask policy and no social distancing. Attendees must sign a waiver that absolves the president’s campaign of any liability from virus-related illnesses.

On Monday, Pence lied saying that Oklahoma has “flattened the curve.” As you can see at any of the resources immediately below, this is not even close to true. Over the past 14 days, the state has seen a 124% increase in cases and reports 65% of ICU beds are in use.
Tulsa World Editorial Board: This is the wrong time and Tulsa is the wrong place for the Trump rally. "We don't know why he chose Tulsa, but we can’t see any way that his visit will be good for the city...Again, Tulsa will be largely alone in dealing with what happens at a time when the city’s budget resources have already been stretched thin."
Earlier in the day, Trump tweeted that he is a victim of double standards when it comes to perception of his decision to resume campaign rallies in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic, declaring that attempts to “covid shame” his campaign “won’t work!”

Resources to track increases: There are many different sites with various methods of visualizing the spread of coronavirus. Here are some that may be particularly useful this summer… Topos COVID-19 compiler homepage and graphs of each state since re-opening. How we reopen Safely has stats on each state’s progress towards meeting benchmarks to reopen safely (hint: almost none have reached all the checkpoints). WaPo has a weekly national map of cases/deaths; the largest regional clusters are in the southeast.
On Monday, Trump twice said that “if we stop testing right now, we’d have very few cases, if any,” (video). Aside from the fact that cases exist even if we don’t test for them, we cannot explain the rising number of cases by increased testing capacity: In at least 14 states, the positive case rate is increasing faster than the increase in the average number of tests.

Reminder: In March Trump told Fox News that he didn't want infected patients from a cruise ship to disembark because it would increase the number of reported cases in the US. "I like the numbers being where they are," Trump said at the time. "I don't need to have the numbers double because of one ship that wasn't our fault."

Fired scientist Rebekah Jones builds coronavirus dashboard to rival Florida’s… Her site shows thousands more people with the coronavirus, and hundreds of thousands fewer who have been tested, than the site run by the Florida Health Department.

Equipment and supplies

More studies prove wearing masks limits transmission and spread of coronavirus… One study from Britain found that routine face mask use by 50% or more of the population reduced COVID-19 spread to an R of less than 1.0. The R value measures the average number of people that one infected person will pass the disease on to. An R value above 1 can lead to exponential growth. The study found that if people wear masks whenever they are in public it is twice as effective at reducing the R value than if masks are only worn after symptoms appear.
Meanwhile, Trump officials refuse to wear masks and Trump supporters copy his behavior… VP Mike Pence, leader of the coronavirus task force, published a tweet showing himself in a room full of Trump staffers, none wearing masks or practicing social distancing. Pence deleted the tweet shortly after criticism. A poll last week showed that 66% of likely-Biden-voters “always wear a mask,” while 83% of likely-Trump-voters “neverarely wear a mask.”

Trump’s opposition to face masks hasn’t stopped him from selling them to his supporters, though. The online Trump Store is selling $20 cotton American flag-themed face masks.
Yesterday, we learned that South Carolina Republican Rep. Tom Rice and family have tested positive for the coronavirus. Just two weeks ago, Rice was on the House floor and halls of the Capitol without wearing a mask.

Internal FEMA data show that the government’s supply of surgical gowns has not meaningfully increased since March… The slides show FEMA’s plan to ramp up supply into June and July hinges on the reusing of N95 masks and surgical gowns, increasing the risk of contamination. Those are supposed to be disposed of after one use.
Nursing homes with urgent needs for personal protective equipment say they’re receiving defective equipment as part of Trump administration supply initiative. Officials say FEMA is sending them gowns that look more like large tarps -- with no holes for hands -- and surgical masks that are paper-thin.
More than 1,300 Chinese medical-device companies that registered to sell PPE in the U.S. during the coronavirus pandemic used bogus registration data… These companies listed as their American representative a purported Delaware entity that uses a false address and nonworking phone number.
Florida is sitting on more than 980,000 unused doses of hydroxychloroquine, but hospitals don’t want it… Gov. Ron DeSantis ordered a million doses of the drug to show support for Trump, but very few hospitals have requested it.

Native American communities struggle

The CARES Act money for Native American tribes, meant to assist people during the pandemic, came with restrictions that are impeding efforts to limit the transmission of the virus. For instance, the funds can only be used to cover expenses that are "incurred due to the public health emergency." On the Navajo Nation, the public health emergency is inherently related to some basic infrastructure problems. 30% of Navajo don’t have running water to wash their hands, but the money can’t be used to build water lines.
Federal and state health agencies are refusing to give Native American tribes and organizations representing them access to data showing how the coronavirus is spreading around their lands, potentially widening health disparities and frustrating tribal leaders already ill-equipped to contain the pandemic. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has turned down tribal epidemiologists’ requests for data that it’s making freely available to states.
A Hospital’s Secret Coronavirus Policy Separated Native American Mothers From Their Newborns… Pregnant Native American women were singled out for COVID-19 testing based on their race and ZIP code, clinicians say. While awaiting results, some mothers were separated from their newborns, depriving them of the immediate contact doctors recommend. New Mexico Gov. Michelle Lujan Grisham announced that state officials would investigate the allegations.

Personnel & appointees

Former IG Steve Linick told Congress he was conducting five investigations into Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and the State Department before he was fired. In addition to investigating Pompeo's potential misuse of taxpayer funds and reviewing his decision to expedite an $8 billion arms sale to Saudi Arabia, Linick’s office was conducting an audit of Special Immigrant Visas, a review of the International Women of Courage Award, and another review "involving individuals in the Office of the Protocol."

Pompeo confidant emerges as enforcer in fight over watchdog’s firing: Linick testified that Undersecretary of State for Management Brian Bulatao, a decades-old friend of Pompeo’s, “tried to bully [him]” out of investigating Pompeo.

Trump has empowered John McEntee, director of the Presidential Personnel Office, to make significant staffing changes inside top federal agencies without the consent — and, in at least one case, without even the knowledge — of the agency head. Many senior officials in Trump's government are sounding alarms about the loss of expertise and institutional knowledge.
Trump’s nominee for under secretary of defense for policy, retired Army Brig. Gen. Anthony Tata, has a history of making Islamophobic and inflammatory remarks against prominent Democratic politicians, including falsely calling former President Barack Obama a Muslim.
Amid racial justice marches, GOP advances Trump court pick hostile to civil rights. Cory Wilson, up for a lifetime seat on the U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals for the 5th Circuit, has denied that restrictive voting laws lead to voter suppression and called same-sex marriage “a pander to liberal interest groups.”
Interior Secretary David Bernhardt has indefinitely extended the terms of the acting directors of the Bureau of Land Management and the National Park Service, sidestepping the typical Senate confirmation process for those posts and violating the Federal Vacancies Reform Act,

Courts and DOJ

The Supreme Court declined on Monday to take a closer look at qualified immunity, the legal doctrine that shields law enforcement and government officials from lawsuits over their conduct. Developed in recent decades by the high court, the qualified immunity doctrine, as applied to police, initially asks two questions: Did police use excessive force, and if they did, should they have known that their conduct was illegal because it violated a "clearly established" prior court ruling that barred such conduct? In practice, however, lower courts have most often dismissed police misconduct lawsuits on grounds that there is no prior court decision with nearly identical facts.
The Supreme Court ruled that federal anti-discrimination laws protect gay and transgender employees. Justice Neil M. Gorsuch and Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr. joined the court’s liberals in the 6 to 3 ruling. They said Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which prohibits discrimination “because of sex,” includes LGBTQ employees.

Alito, writing more than 100 pages in dissent for himself and Thomas, accused the court's majority of writing legislation, not law. Kavanaugh wrote separately: "We are judges, not members of Congress...Under the Constitution and laws of the United States, this court is the wrong body to change American law in that way."
Just days before the SCOTUS opinion was released, the Trump administration finalized a rule that would remove nondiscrimination protections for LGBTQ people when it comes to health care and health insurance. The SCOTUS ruling may make it easier to challenge the changes made by Trump.

The Supreme Court also declined to take up California’s “sanctuary” law, denying the Trump administration’s appeal. This means that the lower court opinion upholding one of California's sanctuary laws is valid, limiting cooperation between law enforcement and federal immigration authorities. Justices Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito, two of the Court's conservative members, supported taking up the case.
A federal appeals court appeared unlikely Friday to stop a judge from examining why the Justice Department sought to walk away from its prosecution of Michael Flynn. "I don't see why we don't observe regular order," said Judge Karen Henderson. "Why not hold this in abeyance and see what happens?" Judge Robert Wilkins told Flynn's lawyer that if Sullivan doesn't let the government drop the case, "then you can come back here on appeal."

Other

Good read: Fiona Hill on being mistaken as a secretary by Trump, her efforts to make sure he was not left alone with Putin, and what the US, UK and Russia have in common. “It’s spitting in Merkel’s face,” said Vladimir Frolov, a former Russian diplomat who’s now a foreign-policy analyst. “But it’s in our interests.”

Russia’s Foreign Ministry welcomed Trump’s plan to withdraw more than a quarter of U.S. troops from Germany.
Op-Ed: Why cutting American forces in Germany will harm this alliance

According to a new book, the Secret Service had to seek more funding to cover the cost of protecting Melania Trump while she stayed in NYC to renegotiate her prenup - taxpayers paid tens of millions of dollars to allow her to get better terms. Additionally, NYPD estimated its own costs conservatively at $125,000 a day.
Georgia election 'catastrophe' in largely minority areas sparks investigation. Long lines, lack of voting machines, and shortages of primary ballots plagued voters. As of Monday night, there were still over 200,000 uncounted votes.
Fox News runs digitally altered images in coverage of Seattle’s protests, Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone
Fox News Mocked After Mistaking Monty Python Joke for Seattle Protest Infighting
In addition to holding a rally on the day after Juneteenth (originally scheduled the day of), Trump will be accepting the GOP nomination in Jacksonville on the 60th anniversary of “Ax Handle Saturday,” a KKK attack on African Americans.
Environmental news:

Ruling against environmentalists, the U.S. Supreme Court decided that the federal government has the authority to allow a proposed $7.5 billion natural gas pipeline to cross under the popular Appalachian Trail in rural Virginia.
Trump administration has issued a new rule blocking tribes from protecting their waters from projects like pipelines, dams, and coal terminals.
The EPA published a proposal in the Federal Register that critics described as an assault on minority communities coping with the public health legacy of structural racism. The rule would bar EPA from giving special consideration to individual communities that bear the brunt of environmental risks — frequently populations of color.
The Trump administration is preparing to drill off Florida’s coast, but says it will wait until after the November election to avoid any backlash from Florida state leaders.

Immigration news

U.S. Customs and Border Protection used emergency funding meant for migrant families and children to pay for dirt bikes, canine supplies, computer equipment and other enforcement related-expenditures… The money was meant to be spent on “consumables and medical care” for migrants at the border.
ACLU files lawsuit against stringent border restrictions related to coronavirus that largely bar migrants from entering the United States.
Under Trump’s leadership, U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services has mismanaged its finances so badly that it has sought an emergency $1.2 billion infusion from taxpayers. When Trump took office, USCIS inherited a budget surplus. A large amount of funding is drained by its deliberate creation of more busy work for immigrants and their lawyers — as well as thousands of USCIS employees. These changes are designed to make it harder for people to apply for, receive or retain lawful immigration status.
Asylum-seeking migrants locked up inside an Arizona ICE detention center with one of the highest number of confirmed COVID-19 cases say they were forced to clean the facility and are 'begging' for protection from the virus
ICE plans to spend $18 million on thousands of new tasers and the training to use them

cruise ships with casinos on board video

Following the news that cruise passengers have been striking it lucky in the on-board casinos; we have decided to roll the dice and have a look into the cruise ships and packages with the biggest, best and luckiest casinos.. Oasis of the Seas & Allure of the Seas. The largest ships in the world Oasis of the Seas and Allure of the Seas are the unsurprising hosts of the largest casinos at sea Gambling in the casino is a popular cruise ship activity, with many of the major ships and cruise lines having onboard games as part of their adult entertainment. The most luxurious ships have With slot machines, blackjack and poker, Holland America Line’s cruise ship casinos are a big hit with guests. Find out more about casinos on cruises. On some cruise ships, casinos are also closed during the day -- even when the ship is out to sea because cruise lines know most people are doing other things during daylight hours. Night hours On board, you’ll find restaurants, bars, casinos, swimming pools, spas, gyms, shops, theaters, and cinema. There’s plenty of space on modern cruise ships, even while being packed full of so many amenities, so you never have to worry about not being able to find a place to stretch out and relax. There are literally hundreds of cruise ships with casinos on board. Some of these have “casinos” (consisting primarily of a couple of video poker machines, a blackjack table, and a three-stool bar with a wide screen television playing sporting events you’ve never seen before). Our world-class cruise ship casino rivals the biggest and the best land-based casinos with custom limits, better odds across a variety of games, and a smoke-free environment. State-of-the-art technology meets the familiar games you love to play including over 2,015 slot games and 148 table games and much more available across our fleet. These are the two payouts that the casinos can adjust to tweak their edge. It’s extremely rare to find “9/6” machines in most casinos. You often find something like an “8/5” or a “7/5” machine. On cruise ships, you’ll most likely find the dreaded “6/5” machine. “6/5” video poker machines are common on cruises. The low ceilings and maze of games give the casinos a cozy feel. Still, they are among the largest rooms on a cruise ship. Some ships — most notably the newest ships in Norwegian’s fleet — have more open casinos. On those ships, the casino floor opens up to the rest of the ship, giving it a brighter feel. The 4 Best Casino Cruise Ships; The 4 Best Casino Cruise Ships. By . Louis Wheeler. August 7, 2017. cruise ship casinos come in all shapes and sizes. Here are our four most favourite. The size matters approach is also to be found in its on-board casino, Casino Royale. The gaming floor is a whopping 18,000 square feet, and is packed with

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Cruise ship Casino-Royal Caribbean - YouTube

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Cruise Ship Casino Gambling: Everything to Know Before You

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Clive Palmer says a casino on board his Titanic replica cruise ship should be reserved for those travelling in first class, with pensioners banned entirely.

I've always had an irrational fear of water. Now, I don't think it's so irrational.