Free Bet No Deposit Sports & Casino Offers (2021)

Continuing… (It's Part 6 in the saga, I fucked up. Sorry.)
So, after a few re-fueling and impromptu cigar-purchasing stops in South and Central America, we wheel up to the deserted jetway at LAX.
“Thought we were going to Elmendorf?” I asked.
“This isn’t it?” the pilot replied, feigning worry.
“No.”, I replied, “Looks like California. Fruits and nuts. All around. What’s going on? One minute we’re off to Texas, then Cali, then Texas again, now we end up here at the California airport of the iconic tower.”
“Yeah, it’s confusing enough haulin’ civilians around. But when we get a call from Virginia, we tend to comply without any questions,” the pilot explains.
“Aw, shit!”, I sort of exclaim, “Rack and Ruin called?”
“Yeah”, the pilot replies, “Figures you’d know these guys. They said they were closer to LAX rather than Texas and had us divert here. In fact, you look over there, see that dark blue Chevy? That’s them; and evidently, your ride.”
I tipped the airman from earlier a couple of cigars as he helped me with my gear off the plane and into the trunk of Rack and Ruin’s plain-Jane blue late modeled Chevy. Had to move the Sidewinder Missiles off to one side, though.
“Most honorable Agents Lack and Luin!” I quipped in my faux-racist greeting. “What the hell, guys? I’ve got to get to Japan and get some newly rigidified digits.”
“Let’s see your hand”, Agent Rack asks. “Nasty.”
“Yeah”, I sigh “And with the medicos in South America and their penchant for plaster, I don’t so much have a left hand as more of an ankylosaur tail.”
“Or Thagomizer”, Agent Ruin tittered. “Anyone gives you grief, and one upside the head should set them right. Or dead.”
“You’re a riot, Ruin.” I replied, “But not entirely incorrect.”
We all agreed that I really didn’t need any extra accouterments to make myself look more dangerous. I mean with my severe haircut, stern beard clip, and perpetual ‘Go fuck yourself’ scowl.
“Yeah”, I replied, stroking the aforementioned beard, “I just can’t get that. I’m such a people person.”
After Agents Rack and Ruin finished drying their eyes from laughing what I thought was en extremis, we finally got down to business.
“So, what’s the skinny, guys”, I asked. “New marching orders?”
“No. Not as such”, Agent Ruin said, still sniggering over my ‘people person’ comment.
I see we’re moving. Agent Rack is just driving casually, like Chewbacca when they were waiting to see if the Empire went for that expensive Bothan code.
“Then, what?” I asked, getting a slight bit piqued.
“Well”, Agent Ruin noted, “When you went to South America, you took some of your artillery collection with, correct?”
“You know I did. You even made some snide comments about my personal choice of sidearms and their ‘excessive’ calibers, if memory serves”, I reiterated.
“And if you are proceeding normally, as you always do, they’re all nestled in the trunk of this very car. All cleaned, quiet, unloaded, and smelling sweetly of Hoppe’s Number 9 and WD 40, correct?” Rack inquired.
“Yes?” I cautiously venture.
“Well, ya’ big dummy, do you think they’re going to let you saunter into Tokyo armed like the Third Fleet?” Agent Ruin chuckled.
“Um…well…I do have a Diplomatic Passport.” I ventured.
“That’s not going to work this time.”, Agent Ruin said, shaking his head. “They’re tighter than Dick’s Hatband about sidearms. Want to bring in your Rigby SXS .500 Nitro Express double rifle? Not a problem. Sidearms, especially in your alien hunting calibers, nope.”
Well, that’s just….*dandy!”, I reply, semi-put out. “Now what the hell am I going to do?”
“Ever think that’s why Ruin and I are here, now?”, Rack asks.
“And here I thought it was just so you could bask in the warm glow of my fucking wonderful personality. Or that you actually cared about me as a real goddamn human”, I joshed.
“Ummm…yeah”, Rack replies, “There’s no way we can answer that without going on some Deadpool list. “
I agreed.
“OK, here’s the deal: you get your sidearms, ammunition, speed loaders, brass knuckles, Asp, laser range finders, Sap, Zeiss scopes, Kukri, Wisconsin Cheese Whittler, Buck folding skinner, Marine K-Bar, those two ultra-illegal Cheburkov Cobra titanium switchblades...”
“Three. Olga the KGB lady sent me one for Geologist’s Day.”
“Ahem. Those three ultra-illegal Cheburkov switchblades, that Wyoming Speedholer, your MASER Time-Distance Computer, garrote, pocket rail gun and whatever else lethal you carry and deposit it in the iron box in the trunk. We’ll ensure that it’s delivered to Esme post-haste. And by post-haste I mean one of our guys will deliver it personally.”
“Well…I suppose”, I conceded, “But best send someone who’s been to the house recently. I don’t know how much bigger Khan has grown since I left on this little fantasy trip. Wouldn’t want a star on the wall in Langley for someone eaten by a mastiff. Want to see a picture….Oh, bother. That’s right. My phone’s at the bottom of fucking Lake Maracaibo.”
“Good point”, Ruin interjects, “Guess we’ll do a little road trip and deliver it ourselves. Best call Esme and let her know what’s going on.”
“I have no objections to your proposals. Please give Esme this when you see her. I had some luck in the Calaveras Casino and if I don’t send her some mad money. Ouch. She’ll never forgive me for not taking her along to Japan.” I asked.
“But I thought Esme hated Japan? Too crowded and too ‘fussy’, I believe was her estimation.” Ruin asked.
“Yes, but once she saw the Ginza, all bets were off. Shopping the likes of which even Allah himself hasn’t seen.” I replied, slowly shaking my head.
“I see”, Ruin said, “Well, since you’re off to Sapporo, perhaps you can do a recon for Esme on the shopping there.”
“Not bad. Not bad at all.”, I smiled, “Now I know why I let you guys hang around with me.”
So, as advertised, I am now standing on the tarmac at LAX, basically feeling naked.
“Can’t I keep just one switchblade?” I moaned to Agent Rack.
“Go ahead, if you’re really keen on donating it to Japanese customs”, he replied.
“Fuckbuckets.” I groused.
“There, there now. That’s the usual Dr. Rocknocker of which we’re all so fond.” Agent Ruin chuckled.
“Remember, you do have that wallet-sized credit card gizmo from the Company. So you’re not entirely ‘naked’. Think of it as an emergency breechcloth.” He smiled.
“I’d like a larger model if you don’t mind. It’s chilly out here.” I joshed.
After Agents Rack and Ruin stripped me metaphorically naked as they de-weaponized me, they handed me a Business Class ticket to Tokyo, and a pass to the Japan Airlines Hospitality Suite and Lounge.
“So sorry you guys can’t hang around and have a few farewell snorts”, I chided, “But you’ve got a bit of a drive, so best be off before the weather turns to shit.”
“Who says we’re driving?” Agent Rack asked as he hooked a thumb over his shoulder at the ready and waiting C-130 cargo plane currently taxiing slowly in our direction.
“Well, in that case”, I smiled even more broadly, “Let’s invite the flight crew to join us. That’ll make the flight home all that much more interesting.”
After near tear-jerking farewell sentimentalities, i.e., “Piss on you”, “Get stuffed” and “Take a fuckin’ hike”; Agents Rack and Ruin, my weapons and the Agency’s plain-Jane Blue Chevy were all nestled snugger than buggers in ruggers in the belly of the thundering C-130.
Now truly on my own, I trudge the hundred thousand or so centisteps to my departure terminal, make a quick recon that my flight’s still slated to go in a generally westward direction, and hightail it to the nearest courtesy desk to ask for a motorized cart to take me and my remaining luggage to the JAL Hospitality Suite.
Hey. I’m old, infirm, and currently among the walking wounded.
Anyone that disagrees risks an Ankylosaur tail club swat or Thagomizer to the skull.
Finally ensconced in the JAL Hospitality Suite, Polo Lounge of course; I was drinking Tokyo Teas (3 oz. vodka, 2 oz. gin, 2 oz. rum, 1 oz. triple sec, 1 oz. Midori, good splash of lime juice, a slight splash of 7-Up (diet, of course), over ice with a lime wheel) with Pabst Blue Ribbon Extra 1844 chasers and Hangar One’s “Fog Point” vodka on the side, hiding from the brutish realities of this foul year of two thousand and twenty-something, Common Era…
I’ve already called Esme and we’ve had a good, long chat. She still managed to give me her shopping list for whenever I find myself bored on the Ginza.
She’ll be shocked when she learns that I’m not going to be in Tokyo long, but have 1st class tickets on the Bullet Train to Sapporo. Still, I’ll probably find myself in Pole Town or the Stellar Place there, trading piles of US greenbacks for locally produced Japanese curios and clothing.
I can hardly wait.
I order another round of drinks, as the wonderful attendants in the Hospitality Suite were bored out of their skulls because of the COVID-induced drop-in customers flying anywhere that requires a hospitality room stay, and I was virtually the only one around. They tried their level best to outdo each other when it comes to Japanese efficiency and friendliness.
After a couple of hours, they ask if I would like something from the grill, as the day chef had “the COVID” and the night chef just arrived. A quick perusal of the menu and I chose a 28-ounce dry-aged Porterhouse and another round of drinks.
I usually don’t like to eat too much before I fly, but JAL tells me the flight is going to be virtually empty, something like <121 pax, all told, so restroom availability shouldn’t be too much of a concern.
Plus, who am I to say no to a free, blue 28-ounce dry-aged Porterhouse?
There was a bit of difficulty conveying to the chef through the intermediaries of the hospitality just how I wanted my steak.
“Blue,” I said.
“Brue?” was the reply.
“Rare. Very, very rare.” I continued.
Look of total bewilderment.
I drag out my Personal Language Pro, speak “Steak, very, very rate” into the infernal gizmo, and hand the contraption to the attendant.
“珍しい、非常に珍しいステーキ?”[ Mezurashī, hijō ni mezurashī sutēki?]
“Raw! Nama!” I say, louder than need be.
They toddle off to find the chef.
“How is it sir, that you would like your steak cooked?” he asks.
“Very rare. Just a minute or two per side. Inside still cold.” I instructed.
All I got for the trouble was a puzzled smile.
“Give me the language gizmo…” I type in a few words…
“お尻を洗い、角をノックオフして、ここから出してください”
[O shiri o arai,-kaku o nokkuofu shite, koko kara dashite kudasai.]
“Wash its ass, knock its horns off, and walk it out here.”
“OH!” as the lightbulb pops. “Rare. Got it! Excellent!” the chef laughs and zips back to the kitchen.
Like I always say, I’m nothing if not the international ambassador of amity and goodwill.
“Crack tubes!”
Dinner was fantastic. I do wish I could have somehow mailed the Porterhouse bone back home for Khan. After that hambone incident, he might even taste it.
Finally on the plane, in an almost empty Business Class, the flight captain informs us that we’re headed to Haneda Airport Tokyo and anyone not headed in that direction better ‘haul ass off’ the flight or forever hold their peace.
Late-night international flights tend to be a bit more wooly than your average Chicago to Omaha gig.
Especially when the flight’s damn near empty and we have the next 12 hours or so to be best friends.
We taxi, turn and head into the wind. I’m doctoring up a couple of dossiers and keeping my personal cabin attendant, Luna since there were two of us in Business and two business flight attendants, busy with her trying to play ‘Stump the Geologist’.
“I’ll bet you never had this before.” She beamed and handed me a tumbler of very dangerous-looking brown liquor.
I cautiously sniff, take a modest gulp, swirl and glug the rest down.
“Ohishi Single Sherry Cask”, I say with a muffled belch. “Light. Fruity. An Englishman’s drink.”
“Oh. You knew. Let me try again.” She smiles beatifically.
“I have no objections to your proposal.” I smile as nicely as this crotchety old Komodo Dragon could.
She returns with another flagon of spirits; it smells of obsidian, leather, and earth.
I just had some of this back in LAX. I take a snort, smile, and shotgun the rest.
“Hibiki Japanese Harmony…lovely stuff.” I smile. “A little light for my jaded palate, but I’d never turn it down if it were free.”
“Oh, you win again. Wait. One more.” She smiles and skitters off to the galley.
She returns with another soupçon of some more dangerous brown liquor.
“Here, try this. It will make you very popular at social gatherings”. She smiles.
Sniff. “Splendid.” Snort. Swirl. Smile. Shotgun.
“Kanosuke New Born, if I’m not mistaken.” I smile back. “Very nice. I really do like this one.”
“You too good at this. One more!” she stands and stomps off defiantly. She returns in a trice and hands me the glass.
“Hmm…brown. Light notes of earth, leather, dating your daughter, and Kentucky…
“Beam Suntory, right?”
“You know them all!” she says, feigning irritation.
“And I thank you. Those were all excellent. Now, anything in the dangerous clear liquor category? I asked.
Luna smiled as I palmed off a 20k yen tip.
“Oh, no sir. Wait until we land.” She demurred, referring to the gratuity; which is know is not de rigueur in the Orient, but she didn’t seem to mind.
“Just in case we never make it to Tokyo”, I laughed, unknowingly presciently.
We both chuckled about that last line as she tried out various sakes and shōchūs and an actual Japanese ‘White Liquor’ (ホワイトリカー), which were all excellent as was the company.
I tell her that I need to get some work done and could she bring me a tall Rocknocker. After explain the origins and construction of the eponymous drink, she brings me one that must tip the scales at 1 or so liters.
She settles down to an empty seat and I get after the work that I need to finish before we land. I’m about ½ way through my drink when it felt as if the plane hit a brick wall. She quivered and quaked and clutched at herself while I made some comments about the pilot’s mental health.
We dropped like a paralyzed falcon, then just as suddenly, felt like it was an express elevator to Angel’s 11. The plane bucked and shimmied, wickedly. Then we slam-danced right and fell a few more stories. It was like we were in a Mixmaster and the owner was trying out every speed.
The emergency lights in the 777-300ER popped on, and the fasten seat belt sign barked loudly so even sleeping travelers could enjoy the show.
Rinse. Spin. Shudder. Repeat.
Finally, the ride smooths out and we hear the captain on the blower.
“This is your captain speaking…ah, we seem to have hit some uncharted turbulence back there.”
“Thanks, Captain Obvious”, I muttered.
“Everything’s A-OK. “ he reports.
“That’s good”, I note.
“But…”
“There’s always the but…” I groan.
“…we have a couple of warning lights for which we can’t quite account. So to just be safe and certain, we’re going to divert to Hawaii, get a clean bill of health and resume this flight once we make sure everything here is hunky-dory.”
There were scattered groans and applause. Add them together and divide by two and the average response on the flight was “Meh. Whatever.”
Except for the other guy in Business, with whom I hadn’t shared two words. He began to absolutely lose his shit.
“Oh, man! We’re so screwed! Mechanical malfunction? What does that mean?” he positively fizzed with fear.
The flight attendants tried to calm him down, to no avail. They basically gave up and said they’d report his misgivings to the Captain.
I motioned over to my personal flight attendant, Luna, and asked if I could be of service.
“Oh, Doctor Rock”, she smiled at me, “If you could speak with him. You are so calm, and he is…”
“Losing his bloody mind”, I chuckled as I finished her sentence for her. “Of course, I’ll take a stab at it.”
So, I grab my drink and ease over to my Business Class partner and introduce myself.
“Hey, pal. How’s it going? I’m Dr. Rock, gentleman, scholar, and connoisseur of cigars and things alcoholic. You doing OK?”
He looks at me with an ashen face and his eyes the size of bloodshot dinner plates.
“Yeah. I’m Todd Schotts. I’m flying to Japan for business.” He mumbles
“No surprise there,” I reply calmly and take a slug of my drink.
“But now we’re all going to die. The plane is busted and we’ll crash…” he started off again.
“So, Todd is it? Good. You drink?” I asked.
“Yeah?”, he stammered back.
I asked Luna to make us a fresh batch of my eponymous cocktails.
“OK, Todd, listen up”, I began after the drinks were served, “I have flown literally millions of miles over the last 4 decades. On Aeroflot when it was still the USSR. On TACA (Take A Chance Airways), on Chalk’s in the Caribbean, on Bob’s Verrifast Plane Company in Rhodesia, on regional carriers that don’t even exist anymore. All over the world. Had some bad experiences flying, and me ol’ mugger, this ain’t one of them. This is nothing more than the glitch for this mission.”
I chuckled lightly and complimented Luna on a fantastic drink.
“Yeah…yeah…yeah…but we have to land and check out some lights…” Todd squealed.
“Well now, Todd. It would be rather difficult to do any external assessment while in flight, don’t you agree?” I asked.
“But we’re diverting. We have to land and that adds more risk. We’re going to crash and die!” he was coming more and more unglued.
“I will bet you every cent you have on your person and home bank accounts that that will not happen”, I chuckled.
That took him by surprise. At least it shut him up for a while.
“Look, Todd. This is Boeing’s latest model. They have the most incredible safety record. And if a little clear air turbulence were to be knocking planes out of the sky, don’t you think we’d hear about it as the press went berserk?” I asked.
“But they don’t know what the lights mean! What if one of the engines’s out? How far can we fly on one engine?” Todd stuttered.
Having my fill of a supposedly grown man with inane childlike fears, I calmly replied,
“All the way to the crash site.”
He went white.
“...hope we hit something hard. I don’t want to limp away from this.”
He went limp.
Then I went to my seat and motioned for Luna to prepare a reload.
Of course, 45 minutes later, we land without incident at Daniel K. Inouye International Airport, Honolulu Hawaii.
We were told to just wait around until they figure out what the problem if any, was.
They had officials waiting at the end of the jetway to check our COVID status and passports before they let us loose in the terminal.
I asked Luna if she knew this airport. She noted that she did.
“Is there a JAL hospitality room here at this airport? I asked.
“Yes, Doctor. It’s the Sakura Lounge. It is located on the third level above The Local, Terminal 2.” She replied.
“Please notify whoever needs to know that that’s where I’ll be for the duration”, I smiled and handed her my business card. “See you soon, I hope.”
“Oh, Dr. Rock”, she replied, “I am sure it is nothing much. We’ll be back in the air within mere hours.”
“Well then”, I smiled, “Guess I’d better get ready to hoof it to the lounge.”
“Oh, Doctor Rock”, she smiled, “No rush. I will call for you a courtesy cart. You are injured, you are Business, you are priority.”
“I love that Asian efficiency.” I smiled back and toddled down the jetway.
At the terminus of the jetway, I show my COVID-clear papers, dates and times of my Anti-Virus vaccine administrations, the letter from Virginia clearing me of all detention, and my red Russian diplomatic passport.
While in the cart, whizzing our way to the JAL lounge, the driver said “Man! You must be some kind of VIP. You were through that welcoming committee in less than two minutes!”
“Me? Nah!”, I chuckled, “Just an old phart of a geologist that they didn’t want to mess with. Not on such a bright, sunny day as this.”
“I see you’re not wearing a mask.” The driver quipped.
“Very observant. There are reasons for that.” I replied.
He careens around a corner and if this were a normal pre-Covid day, I’m certain we’d have killed hundreds. However, the airport, as I’ve come to grow accustomed to, was virtually deserted.
“Yeah? Like what?” he asks.
“Well, Scooter, 1. I have an active and hardworking immune system that I let off the chain every once in a while for exercise. Got to let it know what it’s up against, right? 2. I’ve had all my shots and some that were experimental. They seem to have worked. And 3. I find it difficult to drink and smoke cigars while wearing a mask. However, if you’d prefer, I will mask up. No problem, though it still is optional.”
“Nah, man”, he said, “I was just wondering if you were one of those religious idiots or conspiracy nuts.”
Nope”, I smiled back, “Just another geologist out in the world plying his trade for cash. Y’know, whorin’ around for money.”
He laughs aloud as we skid to a stop right in front of Lounge.
I slip the guy a $20 and ask if he’d listen for the JAL flight I was just on. If we’re going on ahead today, I’d need him to scoot by and putt-putt me back to the plane.
He laughs and pockets the $20 as quick as a mink ruts.
“No worries. I’ll just hang around this area. I hear anything about the flight, I’ll come and let you know.” He grins.
“Good man”, I say, as I hand him my card. “I’m Dr. Rocknocker. Call me Rock”.
“And I’m Kapula Mano, call me Kap” he replies.
“Good man”, I say again, “Hope to see you in a while.”
He grins, floors his electric cart, and peels out at speeds approaching 4.5 MPH.
I wander into the lounge, show my credentials, and am escorted to a post up on Mahogany Ridge.
The bar is very quiet. Besides the bartender, I can’t see anyone else in the darkened and Smooth Jazz-infused drinking emporium.
I order a local drink, a Mai Tai, just for the experience and something a bit different.
It’s served in a goldfish bowl on a stem, bedecked with a slice of lime, a sprig of mint, a stick of sugar cane, a polychromatic orchid, and the obligate paper umbrella.
“Ah. Mai Tai. I will enjoy it.” I said to no one in particular.
One was enough, and I decided to go back to the old standard. Once I explained to the bartender what that was, he made them heroic and enthusiastically.
I’m reading up on a random dossier, making notes in a new file, and puffing away on a Fuentes Onyx double Maduro Churchill cigar.
I hear a slight cough coming from my right, and this here lovely lady, she sat to my immediate starboard and looked at me semi-quizzically.
Not in the mood for shenanigans of any stripe, I give her the obligate Baja Canada nod and tilt of the drink. I return to my dossiers and continue to read and take notes.
“Excuse me!” I hear.
Fearing the worst, either the woman is Karen-oid anti-smoking or a religious fruit-and-nutburger, I slowly turn to face her and reply, somewhat glacially, I have to admit.
“What?”
“That cigar…”
“Here we go…” I mutter, eyes rolling northward.
“Smells exquisite. Could you tell me the brand? My husband would enjoy some like that.” She notes.
Instantly my demeanor switches 180^0.
“Yes, ma’am. It’s an Arturo Fuentes Onyx. Churchill size, or 60 ring x 7” length, double Maduro. Here, take one for your husband. I have an ample supply.” I smile.
“Oh, no. I couldn’t. Could I?” she asks.
“Please. I insist.” I smile the best I could given the circumstances.
“Thank you. You’re too kind…umm…Mr….?”
“Doctor. Doctor Rocknocker. World traveler, oilman, and international ambassador of amity, good drinks, and fine cigars. Call me Rock” I said.
“Oh! A Doctor?” she brightens.
“Yes, of Petroleum Geology and Engineering. Not medicine.” I chuckle.
She chuckles back.
“And I am Hella Aaberg”, as she offers her hand for a quick shake.
“Interesting name, Hella. Scandinavian or Old German heritage?” I ask.
“On my father’s side. He’s Finnish.” She replies.
“But I’ll wager your mother is not Scandinavian, correct?” I ask.
“She was from Truk, an island…”
“In the South Pacific, Micronesia. Was she from Weno city?” I asked.
“Why yes. How could you possibly know that?” she asked.
“Oh, I’ve been there. Great diving amongst the WWII wrecks. I think it’s actually called ‘Chuuk Lagoon’ or something like that now.” I said.
“That’s right! Amazing. Where else have you been?” she asked.
“Anywhere there’s oil, strife, booze, cigars, heavy explosives and typically long distances from whatever most normal people call civilization,” I replied with a chuckle.
Suddenly, I hear a voice booming out behind me.
“Why don’t you save that rapier-like wit for those musky-fuckers back home, Rocko?”
My expression changes. My eyes pop fully wide open.
“Hella?” I asked.
“Yes?”
“May I ask you a favor?”
“You can ask…”
“Thank you. Now, looking over my shoulder, is there a hulking goon of a person, thin up top, paunchy halfway down with the most ridiculously tiny sized shoes you’ve ever seen for a so-called grown man?” I ask.
“Yes. Yes, there is.” She replies.
“I thought so. Many thanks.”
I spin and launch off my barstool and grab Toivo by the hand. He hadn’t seen my left-hand Thagomizer yet.
“Toivo! You old sumbitch. What the flying fennec fox fuck are you, of all people, doing in Hawaii?” I laughed.
“Just keeping an eye on you, Rock!” he laughed equally as loud.
“No, fucking-A, seriously. What the actual fuck? What are you doing in this actual nice place?” I asked.
“Just headed to Tokyo to conduct a bit of service company business. I walked into the lounge and smelled a foul cigar. I figured it can’t be the venerable Dr. Rocknocker. He’s back at some school up north terrorizing geology and engineering grads and undergrads.” Toivo laughed.
“But there I was. Surprise!”, I laughed and pumped his hand.
“What the fuck, Rock. Now what did you do?” he asks, referring to my Ankylosaur tail club left hand.
“Ah, fuck. Long story. Oh, pardon me. Toivo, this is Hella. We were just talking about the South Seas Islands.” I said.
“Planning on running off together?” Toivo laughs, to the amusement of neither party.
“Oh, and this idiot is Toivo, a man with a congenital foot-in-mouth disorder. He’s mostly harmless.” I noted to Hella.
Greetings were shared all around. Hella made some small excuses and said she needed to depart. I gave her another cigar for her husband, shook her hand, and wished her well.
“Here’s my business card. If your husband has any questions, have him drop me a line.” I noted.
Hella smiled beautifully. She said she would. Then she thanked me shook our hands, and like that, there she was, gone.
“Well Toivo, you old bastard. Don't just stand there in the doorway like some lonesome goddamn mouse shit sheepherder, get your ass over here and have a drink.” I motioned over to my perch on Mahogany Ridge.
“Don’t mind if I do”, he says as he deftly winds his way to a seat to my left, snagging a cigar out of my pocket on the way over.
“You might want these”, I say in an exasperated tone, and hand him my gold Dunhill Hobnail lighter and V-cutter gizmo.
He cuts and fires up his heater.
“What you drinkin’, Rock”, he asks.
“Anything with alcohol, as usual. You know that Toiv.” I reply.
“No. I mean right now.” He clarifies.
“Well, I had a Mai Tai. Very nice if you like fruity, flowery drinks. It’s the locals’ favorite.” I reply.
“Sounds good. I’ll have several. And you?” Toivo asks.
“My usual. The bartender is already apprised of the situation.” I reply.
Toivo smiles the smile of one knowing his sobriety is going to be taken out for a swim. Hell, taken out and tossed into the deep end.
Toivo and I sit there, swapping lies, smoking cigars and sipping at our toddies.
Hell, Toivo was slurping them like a sump-pump during an extra-wet summer.
We chattered about family, work, whether or not Tokyo was going to host the Olympics or if the COVID-boogie man scared everyone off.
Toivo, always one afflicted with TB (“Tiny Bladder”) got up to go to the loo for the third time that hour. He left his pocket organizer on the bar and I swear on a stack of Origins of Species, I didn’t touch it.
I reached over to his vacated seat to retrieve my cigar lighter when I looked down and saw in his organizer a tab that reads “Rack & Ruin”.
“Oh. No. Fucking. Way.” I recoiled as I’d just reached out and petted a 6-foot hungover scorpion.
“One of my best friends? Secretly allied with the Agency? No. Not possible.” I drained my drink and called for another.
“No. No. No. It can’t be. No. No fucking way…” as doubt began to dissolve when I thought back to all those times I had just ‘run into’ Toivo.
“But he’s oil patch as well. That could be chalked up to coincidence.” I ruminated quizzically in my brain.
I quickly reflected back on J.M. Darhower: “Yes, you see, there’s no such thing as coincidence. There are no accidents in life. Everything that happens is the result of a calculated move that leads us to where we are.”
She may be the author of the execrable New Adult Sempre series, which Esme likes and I loathe, but she might just be right on this occasion.
Toivo return, lighter in the bladder and good sense. He never even noticed he’d left his organizer out in broad bar light for all to see.
“So, Toivo, when’s your flight?” I ask.
“Oh, man. Was I lucky. The JAL flight to Tokyo from Los Angeles had mechanical trouble and had to divert here. I got a ticket on the plane for that flight, when it continues.
“You mean ‘if it continues’,” I replied.
“Yeah. Yeah. That’s what I meant. Hey! Was that your flight?” he asks innocently. He’s really innocent of fieldcraft.
I decide to have some fun at my old friend’s expense.
“Yep. Hit some CAT (Clear Air Turbulence) and the JAL pilots reported some lighting problem. No apparent ruin to any of the systems. They relay racked their brains to figure it out, but they couldn’t that’s why I here.” I said, waiting for the words to swim upstream in Toivo’s coconut and make some sort of connection.
“Yeah. Double lucky. No problem with the plane and I get to go to Japan early.” Toivo crookedly grins.
“So, no trouble with the plane? Then why haven’t I heard that the flight’s going to resume?” I asked as I pushed a fresh, seriously strong drink to Toivo.
“Oh, must have heard it in the john.” Toivo countered and tried to cover his tracks by taking a huge gulp of his drink and damn near dying coughing.
I pound on Toivo’s back.
“Heimlich time?” I ask.
Toivo signals ‘no’.
“Jesus Christ, Rock. What was that?” he asks.
“Just my usual”, I innocently replied.
“Holy fuck. No wonder you have the reputation of…” Toivo realizes too late that he’s said too much.
“Yeah. They can rack you out. Really ruin a person if they’re not careful.” I reply icily.
“Why, Rock. Whatever do you mean?” Toivo slurred as he realized he’s been caught out.
“The jig is up, you turncoat. You know Agents Rack and Ruin from the agency. Right? You keeping tabs on me for them? You Quisling! You Benedict Arnold!” I almost was on the verge of losing my cool.
“It was nothing. They approached me years ago as I kept being mentioned in your reports. They asked me for some information. One thing leads to another…” Toivo was ready for an Ankylosaur tail club swat to the bean.
“Oh, put your fucking hands down, you asshole.” I smiled and chuckled.
“You’re not mad?” Toivo slurred badly. I had the bartender make him another special drink.
“No, Toivo. Not mad. Just disappointed.” I said, smiling like a Komodo Dragon just finishing up a fortnight-old wildebeest.
Toivo sat there and puzzled and puzzled until his puzzler was sore.
“You’re not going to kill me or anything rude like that?” Toivo asked, half-assedly trying to inject humor into the proceedings.
“Nah. The paperwork’s too ridiculous for me to do another liberation. But, Jesus Fucking Christwagons, Toivo; you could have mentioned it to me. Fuck, I thought we were friends to the end?” I said, dejectedly.
I was really getting through to Toivo. I could tell he was loaded; feeling like shit and massively deplorable.
Great fieldcraft, indeed.
I told him things “are what they are” and that I won’t blow his cover nor his honorarium.
He began to feel better. I often wonder if he was serious about the sanctioning thing.
Then I delivered the strategic missile strike.
“Just remember, Toivo. I wrote your dossier for the Company…”
He swivels to look at me.
“And one for the KGB. Olga says ‘howdy’.” I grin evilly.
Toivo short-circuited at that. Russia is his company’s bread and butter. Now he has the KGB as well as his best buddy looking over his shoulder at every move.
I bought him a few more drinks and continued to needle him about his ’leading a double life’. He was well and truly fuckered when the electric tap-tap driver from before came looking for me to whisk me back to the plane.
Seems it was simply some knocked-out wires on the plane, or slammed bulbs that were generating a false positive, indicating something other than the system that alerts one to something haywire went haywire.
Toivo was pretty much down for the count. I got him sober enough to hand them his ticket and ensure that he was really supposed to be on this flight. Thing was; h e was in Economy, and I was, as always, in Business.
I spoke to Luna, and the plane was going to be even less crowded than previously because some folks could or wouldn’t wait, or didn’t want to go on with the rest of the trip on a ‘damaged’ aircraft, or were just stupid and superstitious.
“Luna, could I pay for the difference between Business and Economy for my less than 100% conscious friend here? He’s had a rough day.” I asked.
“Dr. Rock. Just put him into Business. No one will be the wiser. Luna says so.” As she gave us a grand smile.
“Luna, I owe you. Thanks so much.” I said.
“Now get on board. Your friend looks like he needs all the downtime he can get.”
“Yes, ma’am!” I said and saluted here be best I could which dragging a schnozzled Toivo down the jetway.
I dumped Toivo in a window seat well away from my seat. I know Toivo. He snores like a semi-load of live hogs rocketing downhill locking up the brakes at 88 MPH.
Surprise! There was no one else in Business. Luna looked at me, at Toivo, and gave me a thumbs up.
Whatever I can write to further her career at JAL, she’ll have it before I deplane.
We finally get everyone settled, and with Captain Kangaroo at the helm, we bounced gracelessly off the tarmac, into the warm, tropical Hawaiian air, finally headed for the Land of the Rising Sun.
Toivo was snoring like a chainsaw hitting rusty nails as I worked on the various letters, communiques, and dossiers which needed updating before we reached touchdown. I gave Luna a thick letter with instructions not to open it until we were on the ground and Toivo and I were well off and away into the terminal.
We left Hawaii at 1300 hours, so we should arrive at Tokyo Nareda around 4:00 pm, the previous day. I was so bereft of time and time zones, I couldn’t figure out what time it really was, as judged by my biometric rhythms, so I asked Luna for a stiff drink as I was kicking off my boots and going to attempt to get some kip.
She brought me another liter or so eponymous drink. I was sawing logs by the time I slurped the last swig of that nifty drink.
Suddenly, or later, I have no idea really, some loudmouth drunk asshole from way-the-fuck-back in economy-land toward the ass end of the plane staggered into Business demanding free drinks.
Luna was nothing but civil, and asked him to both shut up and return to his seat. His air cabin hostess, or whatever the fuck they’re calling them these days, will attend to his needs.
“Naw they won’t! They want me to pay for more drinks! I’m broke but I demand more booze! You fucking owe me.” railed the asshole. “I sat at the bar in Hawaii for four hours. Them fuckers charged me an arm and a leg!”
“No, they don’t owe you shit”, I said in a voice that unmistakably loud and clear.
“Fuck you, old man! You stay the fuck out of this!” he bellowed. “Shut up or I’ll do ya’!”
“’Old man’? ‘Do me’? Excuse me. Luna, may I have a word alone with this individual?” I asked sweetly.
Luna shook her head in the affirmative, and I stood up to confront this flagrant asshole.
“Now look, Scooter. You have gone way, way over the fucking line. You are loud. You are abusive. You are obnoxious. And you stink. Plus you insulted a person who is just barely containing his righteous wrath right now. So, I’m giving you one and one only chance to shut up, sit back down before your body spontaneously develops all sort of bruises, contusions, broken bones, and unconsciousness.” I said calmly, evenly, and threateningly.
“What da’ fuck you think you’re going to do…old man?” he screeched, trying to inflate himself into full mammalian threat posture, all 5’ 9” of it.
He didn’t notice Toivo walking up quietly behind him, as Toivo was returning from the head, quiet as a moose.
“Well, Scooter, I am an Air Marshall. Duly appointed, fully trained, and properly pissed off. Right now, I can arrest you, physically detain you, turn this flight around and take you to the Hawaiian police, at your cost for the inconvenience of the entire flight. Or I could arrest you, physically detain you, and turn you over to the Japanese authorities when we land. It’s really your choice. Choose wisely.”
To be continued…⇝

Up to £219.11 profit in cashback through gambling offers with TopCashback, Quidco and OhMyDosh

$RSSV - MASSIVE POTENTIAL

#	Site	From	Cashback	Deposit/Wager	Profit
1	Coral Casino	TCB	£42	£10	£32
2	Ladbrokes Casino	TCB / Quidco	£42	£10	£32
3	Betfair Casino	Quidco	£40	£10	£30
4	William Hill Casino	TCB / Quidco	£54	£25	£29
5	Pokerstars	TCB / Quidco	£32	£20	£12
6	Paddy Power Games	TCB / Quidco	£20	£10	£10
7	Lottomart	TCB	£18	£10	£8
8	Foxy Bingo	OMD	£12.50	£5	£7.50
9	Gala Bingo	OMD	£12.50	£5	£7.50
9	Buzz Bingo	OMD	£17.50	£10	£7.50
10	Lottoland	TCB	£22	£15.01	£6.99
11	Tombola	TCB / Quidco	£15	£10	£5
12	Cheeky Bingo	OMD	£15	£10	£5
13	BingoPort	TCB	£4	-	£4
14	LottoGo	OMD	£4.50	£2	£2.50
15	Free Slots Genie	OMD	£1.25	-	£1.25
16	Profit Accumulator	TCB	£1.05	-	£1.05
17	The Best Free Spins	OMD	£1	-	£1
18	Free Spins Wizard	OMD	£1	-	£1
19	Pick My Postcode	TCB	£0.90	-	£0.90
20	Search Lotto	TCB	£0.82	-	£0.82
21	Free Spins Loopy	OMD	£0.80	-	£0.80
22	Super Free Slots	OMD	£0.70	-	£0.70
23	FreeBingoGenie	OMD	£0.60	-	£0.60
24	bgo	OMD	£10	£10	-
24	Slingo	OMD	£20	£20	-

$RSSV - Insane potential
*(#) indicates a source; these will be listed at the bottom of the post.
I would like to start off by saying this is NOT FININACIAL ADVICE and before investing into any company DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH. It is also worth noting that this is a Chinese penny stock which can be subject to volatility. With that being said let me lay out why I believe this company has massive potential.

Existing revenues. RSSV currently has two branches pulling in revenue. One of which is Tieshan Oil (TO). Tieshan Oil sells a range of chemicals derived from crude oil to a vast amount of contacts in China. TO Have had strong revenue YoY since 2014 (1). With 2014 bringing in rev of ~$135 million, 2015 ~$26 million (revenue drop likely due to massive drop in crude oil price, which happens to be currently on the rise)(2). 2016-2018 TO was in the process of being acquired by RSSV, once acquired and in operation TO has a revenue of ~$36 million in 2018 and ~$29 million in 2019, however gross profits grew from 2.9%(2018) to 4.8%(2019)(3), these changes come as demand for oil dropped, lowering revenue but sales price increased, increasing gross profit %, this to me shows TO have a large and loyal customer base. 2020 yearly financials of TO have not yet been released, however Q1 revenue was sub $1 million, this was down to the COVID19 pandemic and a massive decrease in oil consummation, Q2 revenue was $4.4 million, up 400% from Q1 and Q3 revenue further increased to ~$4.7 million in Q3(5).

The other source of revenue for RSSV is Admall, a company supplying consumer health goods in Asia. They are currently looking at tapping into the Western market (4). Admall had revenues of ~$1 million 2018 and ~$500k in 2019(6), with the first 9 months of 2020 bringing $100k in revenue (7). This is a downward trend I know, but as the company pushes into the Western market and broadens its customer base, this could greatly increase, as well as this Admall is far from the main revenue generator of RSSV.

Current acquisitions. RSSV is currently in the process of acquiring two new assets. The first being Wandi coal mine in China (17) containing 24 million tonnes of clean, low sulphur thermic coal (clean and coal shouldn’t be said together I know, but China’s buying so I’m happy), this mine is valued at $1.12 billion and 0.9 tonnes of coal can be mined yearly (8). This will bring revenues of $50 million+ at current coal price, which is currently rising (9).

The second asset they are currently in the process of acquiring is 99Technologies, a Swedish disinfectant company with 25+ patents (10). 99Technologies creates ~$400k in revenue (11), I have seen people claim this to be far higher, yet I can’t find a source. RSSV has announced they will be creating a subsidiary in America called BIOMED PRX, which has ‘the purpose of acquiring, marketing and selling infectious control products and supplies in the US.’ (12). The sales of this company I think will be headed by Eric Fuller, a man with experience in the American medical sales business since 1993 (13). This company is currently in a booming sector, especially with COVID highlighting the necessity for these things. According to Market Insight Reports in a July 2020 release the worldwide market for medical disinfection and sterilization equipment will grow from 2.8 billion $ in 2019 to 3.8 billion by 2025(14).

Expansion mode. Last year in 2 press releases DS Chang, the CEO of RSSV stated the company is looking to branch out and expand. August 20, 2020: “As we are contemplating acquisitions of multiple infectious control manufacturing and marketing companies, each having patents for solutions, devices and unique methods of action, we want to be ready to introduce their offerings in US markets as soon as the acquisitions are completed and regulations permit such sales.” (14). May 21, 2020: “the Board has long felt our name did not represent our mission as a company. We are engaged in strong, strategic acquisitions which have tremendous upside with a global focus. This change reflects our model.” (15). This company is expanding, diversifying and pushing West. Its management is headed by CEO DS Chang, a man with a vast history in business with contacts all around the globe (16) and someone who is chairman of financial services company SGCI, which is ‘helping businesses and SME’s grow organically or through acquisitions with our funding strategies’ (18) this is definitely the kind of man who can bring exponential growth to a company.
Common queries. After posting and speaking about this company on Reddit I’ve been hit with a few of the same responses, I thought I’d address this here. Yes, my account is under a month old, no I’m not a bot would you believe it. I’ve recently started investing in the stock market and in turn started using Reddit to research stocks. The reason I’ve only posted on this stock is because this is the first stock I’ve found of which I believed my post would make a difference; there’s very little buzz around this stock and if some outside entity was pumping it, I’m there’d be a lot more ‘RSSV TO THA MOON’ plastered around Reddit. There isn’t. Instead you’re currently reading a 19 year old summarise why the company has immense potential simply because it’s a Chinese stock with next to no pr.

China’s moving to green energy right? Yes. But a country with 1.4 billion people cannot make this switch overnight, China’s reliance on coal and oil will last for some years to come, especially with Wandi being such high grade coal and them meeting new Chinese regulations regarding coal mines, which many do not: ‘As China strives to become a global clean energy citizen, only select coal mines are approved. Many coal deposits do not meet a certain standard. The Wandi Coal Mine Project qualifies under said criteria and have been one of coal mines to win approval under China’s improved and updated guidelines.’(8). Also with both coal (9) and oil (hedge funds betting on its comeback after COVID (19)) prices both on the increase, I think new moves to green energy is not an issue. As well as this, China is still importing coal from outside of the country (20), so a mine within China would definitely demand custom.
Why is this stock so low when it has been so high in the past? They had a stock split in 2019 which greatly reduced the price. After COVID hit and put China into lockdown, greatly reducing need for oil and therefore decimating revenues in Q1 of 2019, greatly dropping stock price and even after an over 400% increase in revenue in Q2 (5), the stock has still not got back to where it was. It is worth mentioning this company was trading around $1.5 before COVID, this is before its acquisition of Wandi and 99Tech, as well as their complete rebrand.

Summary and personal thoughts In my opinion due to a criminal lack of pr, this company is flying under the radar on mass. With an ambitious management team set on expanding and diversifying and assets worth well over 1 billion $ and the ability to push for $100 million revenue YoY, I only see this stock going up. The company seems to be addressing the pr issue as well, recently rebranding changing its name to Phoenix Rising and launching new website (21).

Disclaimer: I’d like to stress again that this is not financial advice; this is also the first in depth DD I’ve ever done so feedback good/bad would be appreciated, thank you for taking the time to read my post, it took quite a bit of effort but I’m happy with the finished product. If you’d like to know more about this stock feel free to join the sub RSSV. I’d like to thank u/NightcoreRo , u/investtommy and u/luxirare as there posts brought a lot of this information to my attention. Personal position: 3000 shares at 0.16 average. My PT is $2.5 at the end of the year but the way I see it is the only way is up for this company.
Hope you found this useful.
NOTE‼️ This incredible piece of DD was originally written by u/davste106 so all credit goes to him. I am simply trying to spread awareness to what i believe to be an insanely undervalued stock with incredible potential for growth. All sources will be listed in a comment. Thank you for reading.

This is some of the shit I've seen working in people's houses as a Carpet Cleaner.

I posted some stories on an AskReddit thread and people loved it, so I’m just going to let my brain spill on my keyboard until I’ve had enough, this is going to be long. This is a collection of experiences I’ve had working in people’s houses. I should write a book… If there is a better place to post this please let me know.
I used to be a Carpet Cleaner for three years. I've seen everything except a murder scene. I used to work in some of the nicest houses in my state, but I spent a lot of time in the ghettos cleaning places for landlords or tenants so they can attempt to keep their deposit. I'll start with one of my first one…
I was new to the job so I didn't know where I stood, so I wasn't willing to turn down any work. I went to this grody apartment complex in a pretty nasty area. We go in and check the place out and there are three guys there with a single couch, bed, dresser, TV, and nightstand. That was it. The place reeked of stale cigarettes and moisture, a bit moldy, and all the carpet was brown. One of the guys was sitting on the floor eating cereal, and they all looked borderline homeless. This wasn't too out of the norm, and who am I to judge if you're trying to better your life? So we got started, we left for maybe 10min to get equipment and came back. The dude that called the job in was now passed the fuck out on the couch and his boys were standing in the kitchen keeping an eye on us. Now when we clean a place we move the furniture, clean under it, then move it back. Well this dude in short shorts was passed the fuck out (heroin) on the couch. The work we are doing isn't quiet so we asked his friends to move him and they just stared at us. So my coworkers just says, "Fuck it. Grab the other side." We moved the couch with this dude on it and he still didn't come to. Super awkward for me as I'm brand new to this job. So I just go with the motion, then my coworker starts going in the bedroom.
Now Usually we don't move beds and just try to get under them as much as we can for multiple reasons. My coworker goes in there and one of the customer's friends goes, "Are you going to clean under the bed?" and without missing a beat his other friend goes, "NO! DON'T CLEAN UNDER HIS BED!" So at this point I'm standing far back enough that I can see under his bed. Women heels. about 50 pairs at least. and they looked big. So I look over at the dude on the couch and I notice he has totally shaved legs. So again, I'm new, out of my element and uncomfortable. I’m not one to yuck someone else’s yum. I keep working. I go to move the nightstand and his vibrator rolls off it as I move it. so I just kick it back under, again - awkward. But aside from all that weird and awkward stuff, I think the thing that was the weirdest were the condiments. This fucking dude had Mustard and mayo packets all over the surfaces of the little furniture he had in his bedroom. It was all lined up and organized nice and neat, and it was next to his vibrator on his nightstand. I'm not sure if this dude was making burgers in bed or what, but I was happy to get the fuck out of that place.
Another house was in the projects. It was an older man that smoked in his place and never opened a window. EVERYTHING.WAS.COVERED.WITH.SMOKE. We had to use a portable machine to clean it as it was like 10 stories up in the building. I was wearing gloves but there was so much smoke that when I'd move things it was all sticky. In particular I remember throwing some clothes on his bed from the floor and it was hard, and I mean the clothes were in a solid state. Usually when we'd clean with the portable machine we keep going until the wastewater was at least close to clear. This dudes place strictly produced black waste water, it never became transparent.
I've been to a couple hoarders houses and even a place that had a boarder line animal hoarder, but this one woman's house always stuck out to me. She had two teenage daughters. Her house was very average and wasn't in a terrible part of the city (though the city itself is notoriously nasty), so we went in and it was pretty bad. There was so much black dog hair that I thought their bright red carpet was a deep crimson red. I nearly had to peel the hair up in sheets. The daughters' rooms were so full of clothes and shit on the floor there was only a 4sqft space I could actually get to. Eventually I made it down to the ground level of the house and I opened a door to inspect what needed to be done. It was their garage... and their garage was FULL wall to wall about 5 feet high of garbage bags. So I quickly shut that door and repressed it. I go into the other room and go to move a chair - some style chairs are easiest to move if you reach under a cushion to grab the frame. Well guess what? Surprise motherfucker, there was a broken crack pipe. So I just fucking push the chair over. Mind you, I'm still ripping up hair in sheets at this point. I moved the couch and it was a reclining couch with a steel frame, these things are notorious for rusting. But that's no big deal, we had a chemical that would eat rust in seconds. I started pouring this chemical on the rust that sat around where the entire frame of the couch was, but it wasn't dissolving. Eventually I caught a whiff if it. It was shit. it was dog shit. There was so much dog shit under that couch it was matted into the carpets. So I eventually cleaned that up and put everything back so I could get the fuck out. During all this I filled up a 5 gallon bucket half full with wet hair (human and dog) which is the most I've personally seen. Wet hair doesn't take up much space, so that's a shitload.
I once ended up at a house that I’d consider a ‘McMansion’. Typical copy/paste large suburban house in these parts. Two story, four bedroom, finished basement, garage, etc. You’ve seen them before, everyone has. I pulled into the driveway and as we began the approach to the front door I heard a voice yell, “Around back!” So naturally that’s what we do. This house was on a small hill so they had a back porch on the first story that was about 15 feet high that connected to their kitchen. I make it around back and I am met by this absolute mass of garbage bags under their back deck! Side to side, bottom to top Trash bags. It genuinely looked like a year’s worth of trash under there all in black bags. “Fuck” I think to myself.
I approached the wooden stairs to the back deck and they told me as they saw me, “The front door is broken, it wont open. So you gotta come up this way”. The stairs looked sketchy. Like… I’d rather walk across a fallen tree than up these stairs kinda sketchy. I imagine that’s all the trash juices and funk eating away at them. Eventually I muster up the testicular fortitude to get up those fucking stairs ending up in their house. This house wasn’t bad on the outside, and the inside wasn’t TERRIBLE, but my god.. The carpets. They’d never been vacuumed it looked like. EVER. We get set up and someone pops up from the basement and my coworkers stoner senses start tingling. “Hey…” he says. “Are you guys smoking down there?” The kid looks slightly taken back and says, “Uh yeah. You wanna smoke?” And that’s how I lost my coworker for about 20 minutes. I wasn’t upset, kinda hard to blame him honestly.
This is the part that stuck out to me. I’m finally getting to work and this lady can clearly hear all the debris flowing through our vacuum lines past her and out the door. It’s like the world’s most motherfuckingly violent rainstick. So this lady decided to try and help us by yelling at her kids to help clean up the carpet a bit for us.
They grabbed a broom. To sweep carpet. And it was effective. That’s how much debris was in it. And the worst part is everything came out great, I wanted it to look like shit so they’d have some motivation to vacuum their carpet at least once a year.
I had another debris house like this, but it was in an apartment on the first floor and the place had high pile carpet. When we walked in there it.. Didn’t look bad. It was white carpet and they had a kid, so there was a little bit of market and regular kid shit on the carpet. So we decided to come in through the window (big no-no. Don’t tell on me). We turn the machine on and instantly we hear it - it’s like we were cleaning up a cheerio and bracelet making kit factory explosion. It sounded like gravel. If our truck had blown up, it’d have been the worlds biggest claymore with the amount of STUFF we sucked up.
One thing I saw a lot were shit trails. Shit trails are the trails of shit from when people poop themselves in bed and try to make it to the bathroom leaving a whole trail of shit. Shit trails are more common than you think. It doesn’t matter where you are or how nice the area is - another shit trail is just around the corner.
I got a call to an old man's house by his daughter. It was a shit trail from his bed to his bathroom. "No big deal" I'd always tell myself. I did the job and upon finishing I went in to collect a payment. I went to talk to this man's daughter and the old man was sitting on the stairs. He yelled to me, "Hey! You like that present I left ya?! It sucks getting old!" I laughed, he laughed, then he gave me a bottle of wine. It's super embarrassing for it to happen, but I get it. As far as I'm concerned you never fully make it to adulthood until you poop your pants at least once.
The worst shit trail I came across was in a bit of a dirty town, so we kind of expect some funk as usual just like any other day. Oh but we were wrong. It’s like this guy planned this. We knock on the door and I say, “Hey! How are ya?” Now in life we all know this is not a real question, the only response is to say, ‘good, and you?’ But no, this fucker went rogue on me. This fucker had the audacity to say, “ughhh… not so good.”. Huge alarms are going off in my head. He’s in a bathrobe and looks disheveled, hasn’t shaved, and just looks like shit.
This was a small apartment. Bedroom, small kitchen, small Livingroom, and a bathroom in the hallway. As soon as I walk in I see stacks of empty pizza boxes, but on his coffee table I see three empty cans of Ravioli and one of them had a fork in it. This dude was eating Chef Boyardee Ravioli cold straight out of the can. No man does that unless they’re borderline suicidal or near death, that’s a special level of apathy. But this was not the area we were cleaning, and little did I know I wished it was. He started to bring me to the bedroom and I see it, a shit trail.
This was no ordinary shit trail, though. This man must have been working on cold Ravioli for days to create this mess he was about to bestow upon us. As I start following the shit trail it only gets bigger and bigger as we got closer to his bed. And he didn’t clean up any of it, he saved it for us. Right next to his bed was a large pile of shit, but we’re still not done. This dude never even made it to the bathroom in time. He left it all for us. I looked at his bed and noticed his what used to be white sheets were brown, yellow, with a tint of red for some reason. It was a shit massacre. So I backpedal a bit and tell him I gotta consult the boss.
I walk outside and my poor broken coworker started getting to work getting all the equipment ready for the storm. I call my boss to consult him, and by consult him I mean tell him “No fucking way, dude. Fuck no. no. Too much poop dude. It’s simply too much poop.” My boss basically told me to make the call. I told my coworker to put everything back, take the mask and gloves off, and we were getting the fuck out. I told this human bowel movement that it was a biohazard and to call someone else after cleaning up the solids. I felt bad, but fuck man I wasn’t making enough money for that shit.
Something we used to get were emergency calls for water damages. Sometimes I’d get a call real early in the morning or 11pm to go drive an hour and suck water out of something and do a little demotion. We got one call to a nearby office building on a very cold morning. This place was an old mill converted so it was simply massive. A sprinkler line froze overnight and ruptured causing the whole building to flood. 50,000 sqft of office space ruined. They were stacking mac pros like they were building a brick wall. It was a devastating amount of damage as far as I was concerned, and it took hours to suck up all that excess water. I believe I overheard someone say it was at least a million dollars in damage. I wanted to try and take a couple of those mac pros to make a good one but that wasn’t going to happen.
During fall it was always nice to go to certain areas of the state, one day in particular brought me to a custom house in a less urban area. It looked like a house built in the 60s but had a really cool feet to it. My customer was an older man that was super chill, the kind of guy you could just feel comfortable around. He was a professor at a prestigious college in my state so he was pretty quick and observant for a white haired man. He gave me the tour of his house and his dining room setup was so awesome. This guy had his floor cut out and recessed to drop a table in it and dropped the chandelier so the floor would act as a seat to the table. Super interesting to see, and I've never seen another like that. The next thing he showed me was his Vineyard. His personal Vineyard. He had a bunch of grape vines all growing and he’d make wine every year. He’d make some for his neighbors along with some better quality stuff for himself. He gave me a bottle and as soon as I got home I popped that sucker open to drown my sorrows. That man was a class act!
There was one area I hated to work in. It was super unpredictable. You either got the super duper nasty shit or you got the people that think they moved out of the hood because they have a house but they’re still hood and shitty, just entitled shitty hood. We were pretty far away from our shop and our boss told us to hang out and wait for our last job.. For two hours. In a shithole city.
“Fine” we said. And we immediately looked for a bar.
After a little searching we found a bar that was near us and open around 2pm. We hung out for a bit before we went in, but eventually we decided it was time for a drink or two, nothing too much. Just enough to make the time go by. Well we happened to find the darkest, dirtiest dive that clearly had the early bird special folks still working up the courage to face the day. The entire establishment was maybe 20 feet wide and 35 feet long, and the island bar took up most of it. My coworker and I sat down and ordered a whiskey ginger, my personal favorite. What we weren’t expecting was getting a drink poured by a bartender that seems to strictly serve alcoholics, so she was generous. Oh my good god was she generous. About three shots of whisky and a splash of ginger ale for $4. Best bargain I ever got in a bar. I got the first one down and as I wasn’t driving ordered another. And my girl poured it just like the first one, three shots of whiskey with a misting of ginger ale on top. Now normally I can handle my liquor but these went down so smooth and for so cheap I couldn’t help but drink them FAR too fast.
Finally we get the call from the boss, the customer is on their way to the job and we could finally go meet them. I slam down my drink and get going - my coworker is driving and I’m in the passenger seat ready to go. Now I don’t know how many of you have ever had to do physically intensive labor jobs while drunk… But it fucking sucks. I was useless. I was dragging my feet, bumping my shoulders in doorways, and I just was totally apathetic - and it being the end of the day didn’t help either as I’d already mentally checked out. My coworker basically did everything while I just hung out trying not to smell like liquor. 10/10 would recommend that bar, excellent prices and liberal pours. Avoid any responsibilities after visiting. Five stars.
In this business mold was something we’d just avoid at all costs. If we ever came across any moisture in basements or something we’d run. It was a pretty large beautiful house, and it had an off white carpet throughout the whole second floor where all the bedrooms were. The house smelled of urine, it wasn’t super strong, but it was definitely there. Eventually I get upstairs and I see it. Big huge urine spots on the carpet. This woman’s son was 22 years old and severely autistic, and sometimes he’d urinate on the floor in the middle of the night. I looked up at the air ducts and there was a small amount of mold, no bueno. I explained to her my situation and she didn’t seem to fight it much, I could see the defeat in her eyes, she looked tired. That look kind of cut through me and the words, “Well I’ll tell ya what…” fell out of my mouth. Of course I couldn’t walk away from this lady, so I did the job. I did everything I could think of to make the whole situation better and help her feel more comfortable at home. I felt the only thing I could do in that situation was help. If you can help someone you should help someone.
I had only been to a few hoarders houses, not that many and I assume it’s because the carpet is too covered to clean up. The one I remember best was an older house from the turn of the century, it was quant and halfway to a Victorian style. The carpet looked like it was used in a 1970s porno - you know the one. We saw what we had to do and I tried to do everything I could to give this lady the most bang for her buck. The whole house was paths. Piles floor to ceiling (or close to it) of boxes and junk throughout the whole house. The stairs had stuff stacked on it all over. I tried to move everything I could that seemed practical to the situation. I found plenty of plastic food containers with a bit of food in them, a bunch of unscratched scratch tickets, a brand new GPS still in the package, $78 cash, and a shitload of Klonopins all over the floor. I brought what I could to this lady and she said, “Oh good! I’ve been looking for those!”
It was a bit eye opening to me. It helped me realize that hoarding isn’t just someone who is messy, but it really a mental illness. This lady was unbelievably sweet and kind to us, she was just in a shitty situation and she couldn’t see it. After doing all I could I was taking payment and she said to me, “I keep getting ants this time every year and I just don’t understand why.”. She was totally separated from how she was living while living in it.
I worked in Conan O'brien's Brother’s house a couple times. His brother wasn’t there, but his wife was an absolute class act. A lot of times i’d listen to some pretty heavy metal to get myself amped up for all the work I’d have to do, yet I specifically remember ‘Uptown Girl’ being stuck in my head even though I was listening to Pantera for the past hour. Through their house there were little pictures of Conan in family settings and get-togethers, and I found that really interesting to see him out of the spotlight and in a family element. This loud boisterous and hilarious guy was just standing in a picture with an arm around another smiling. It made him seem a lot more human vs. the celebrity he is. I remember thinking how humble it was and I really enjoyed that. This woman was super sweet to me and very welcoming both times I was there - Those people are the best. Be nice, offer me water, and trust my work. That’s all I ask. She didn’t talk much about Conan, which I liked. It added a more human element to him as he was just seen as a Brother In Law. 10/10 would clean their carpets again.
An impressive house I worked in was the CEO’s of a pretty large chain in our area. He was not home so I dealt with the nanny, a cute girl around my age. The room I was cleaning was gargantuan. It was their gym. But the odd thing was that the vast majority of it was open floor space - all the gym equipment was lined up on the wall and that’s all the space it took. I asked if they were professional gymnasts or something as that was the only thing I could think of wanting that much floor space. As it turns out it used to be an Olympic size swimming pool… INDOORS. Apparently when this guy had his kid, he was concerned about them wandering off and potentially falling in the pool. So instead of a fence or cover (which he could absolutely afford), he decided to fill in his Olympic sized pool. It’s hard to explain how big of an undertaking that’d be, but it’s both a huge amount of manpower and equipment. I was blown away. I had to speak to this guy on the phone and all I remember taking from the conversation was, “This dude’s got Asperger's.”.
In a nicer town in my state I ended my day at a house that was in a nice neighborhood and rather quant… From the outside. Now I always liked going into houses that looked like they were lived in. An empty dish here or there, laptops open to YouTube watching how to play a Jews harp, Clothes out that still need to be folded, etc. They just seemed more human to me and that made me comfortable. But these people were just too comfortable. The upstairs seemed normal, but the task was the basement. As soon as I enter the basement it reeked of urine, usually that’s not a good sign. I get into the basement and their dog is shitting on the carpet all willy nilly and no one seems fazed by it. Their daughter is sitting on the floor doing homework while watching TV and the mom tells her to get out to let us do our thing. So everyone got right the fuck out. There was clothes strewn all over the place, dishes, laptops, books, furniture, you name it. My coworker and I were pissed. Not only did we have to clean this piss soaked carpet, but we had to pick up their clothes? Hell no. So being the end of the day and us being petty we decided to try to teach her a lesson - We took every single thing in that basement and stuffed it into her bathroom. Everything but the big furniture. All the chairs, tables, clothes, books, dishes, pillows, blankets, everything. We usually just move things to the side and put it back but… fuck that. I was willing to put in more effort just to express my ‘fuck you’ a little more.
We finished the job and told this lady that she wasn’t allowed to walk on the carpet for a day, (mind you that was their living room. TV, computers, etc. were all there) and that she couldn’t put the furniture back down for at least 24 hours rendering the bathroom useless if they did decide to go down there. It felt good to end that day being a petty asshole. The lesson here is to make sure your pets are housebroken. I understand accidents happen but… Jesus Christ.
The funny thing about bong water spills is how much people would try to tell me it was something else. Like when someone has something obscure stuck in their ass so they go to the E.R. saying they fell on it. If it is a guy in his late 20’s or something he’ll tell me his buddy knocked over the bong or whatever. But other people would mostly try to tell me they had abso-fucking-lutely no idea what it was or tell me it was tea. It’s fucking bong water, dude. It smells like what dirty weed would smell like if it peed out a fire. No one likes bullshit.
I always hated that. People lying about what I was working on. We had different chemicals for different reasons. Like if this is a cum stain on your couch, tell me. Let me know I should wear gloves and get the right chemical. Or don’t tell me you stepped in chocolate - it’s shit. That’s not tea you spilled, that’s pee. That or you drink some seriously funky artisan tea you god damn hipster. Or stop telling me that’s a stain when that’s obviously a burn mark from you smoking something. Also blood. Please fucking tell me it’s blood. Not that I'm grossed out, I just want to know what I’m injecting 600PSI of steam into making it an aerosol. I don’t care what you do or what happens in your house, just be real with me.
A lot of people would take the day off work in order to be home for us to come. Sometimes people would leave a key or something for us to just get to work as they trusted us, but I absolutely understand not wanting to do that. The think with taking a day off work to wait for us is that it’d either influence one of two thing - Something productive or day drinking. Usually it was something productive but there were certainly people who were shitfaced when I’d show up.
In another nice town I showed up to this guys house at around 6pm. He took the day off from work. It was not a productive day for him. His house was nice but my god he was drunk, and his wife was too drunk to stand up to greet us. He held on for dear life to show us the upstairs area and then we got started. He walked up to each of us and slid a $20 bill in our pockets going all the way balls deep into our front pockets until he decided to release the money to its new owner. Now already I earned that $20 by that happening. My favorite part was when he went to go back downstairs to try and gather himself a bit. He stumbled the whole way down like a newborn giraffe, an oddly quiet event for how much flailing was happening, but it was beautiful how he took it in stride.
Eventually I finished the job and went to leave. At this point he was too drunk to stand up so I just had him sign something then took up. I will admit, he was going to be happy as hell with the work and $40 poorer when we woke up the next day.
Gypsies were always something we were concerned about. They didn’t like to pay, so we’d always demand money upfront for the job. If they didn’t want to pay we’d leave. I went to one place that was labeled as residential but when when I got there it looked like a business. A palm reading business on a main road. Naturally I’m confused, but I knock anyways. They let me in and they were doubling up the business as their home. It was a very small place and I was brought into a bedroom by the daughter to meet mom. Mom was exactly like the mom from ‘what’s eating gilbert grape’. I was a little caught off guard but obviously didn’t show it - I’m a guest in their house after all, and why shouldn’t they live like they live in their own house? She was bedridden she was so large. She told me what she needed, had a very positive attitude, and was very kind. It was a sad situation as there were like three generations living in this small place. There’s nothing you can do to help either so it’s hard not to leave those places a little sad and upset with the whole situation. Sad because you can’t do anything, and upset because you had to experience it - it’s an odd group of emotions.
One hot summer day my coworker and I got a call to what seemed like a normal job. To clean a car. Now I’m a big dude so I just don’t fit in cars that well, you need to crawl around a lot. So we get to the job and we had permission to get right at the car sitting in the driveway. I’m standing about 30 feet back when my coworker gets there first and opened the door. Almost instantly I smell it. Someone forgot a gallon of milk in their car for months, and it finally ruptured. It was heinous. Thank god my coworker was a father and had dealt with these similar smells, he had the ability to turn off his brain and just work. I couldn’t get within 30 feet of this car. It was rancid. Imagine when your coworker microwaves fish, but instead of fish it’s just a turd. It was like that. The lesson here is to double check your back seat after grocery shopping. You may not have forgotten to buy milk after all.
The job is an absolute revolving door. There was a main core group of guys that stayed for years, but every summer it was like a swarm of locusts that would just show up to die. They were useless. While it wasn’t uncommon for kids to only last two weeks, we had one kid last until 10am on his first day before he got fired. This motherfucker was brave. He went to the first house on his first day - when they were met the customer the customer fucked up by saying, “Make yourself at home”. This fucking kid went in the kitchen and started making a fucking sandwich. If I could slow clap while facepalming I would.
I also did plenty of commercial jobs. One was at a factory… a sausage factory. So you bet your ass that every room I walked in I said, “It’s a real sausage fest in here!”. I’m sure the people there hated me but how often do you get that chance in life? Because of all the grease and meat stuff their carpet in the offices was filthy. It was terrible, but we had a chemical for that. One I had never used before and never wanted to use again. We referred to it as “Industrial”. Now everything we used I was able to identify by smell from opening the container, but this stuff was odorless. That was the first red flag I ignored. I diluted it as needed and started to pretreat everything. I believe it was a Saturday morning so no one was really there. We let everything sit a bit to work and got to work. Now I rarely would wear an N95 mask as the humidity from steam cleaning makes it too difficult to breathe, so I was spraying this stuff on the carpet with no mask. I eventually went to the bathroom and caught a look at myself in the mirror. Blood was running down my face from my nose and I had no idea. At that point I decided to go outside and get some air - it was a cold winter day so maybe it was from dry air, but I never get nose bleeds. Ever. I wore a mask from then on around the stronger stuff.
Working in richer areas would sometimes yield interesting tips from people. I had a guy that worked for a shoe company give me a trash bag of new shoes. I had a woman give me a huge wool oriental carpet. I’ve gotten a Hope Chest. One of my favorites was this little brightly colored hand painted Armadillo that I named ‘Shoelace’ (he hangs out next to my bed). I once walked up to a customers house and the customer said (referring to a car in his driveway) “Watch out for that piece of shit!” to which I responded, “If you think it’s a piece of shit I’ll take it!” So this dude walks in the house, grabs the title, signs it and hands it to me. I was blown away by this. Later that day I got a tow truck there and brought it to a shop to check it out. The rear end and subframe was just gone, it wasn’t worth saving to me even though it was 64k miles. But it was still one of my favorite tips.
Another cool one was when I was working in a nice condo complex not too far from the city. This lady was really nice and down to earth and while I was working she asked, ‘What size shoe are you?”
“12w or 13” I said.
“Perfect”
She walked away and comes back with a pair of brand new Air Max’s - Sweet! She then says, “#26 from the (local NBA team) is my neighbor and he gave me these. I don’t know what the fuck to do with them so they’re yours now.” They weren’t signed or anything, but still it was super fucking cool! I still have those shoes in my closet six years later - I have dummy thicc feet so they don’t fit, but it’s still a really fucking cool thing.
Sometimes my brother and I would talk about what people own in their houses that represents them ‘making it’. I always said ‘movie theater room’. I’ve seen a lot of these - a dark room with a projector and awesome sound system. Staged seating with black recliners on it to relax and watch a movie and a popcorn machine in the corner. Super cool stuff! Now that is something I could see spending some money on, the thing I don’t get is ‘aesthetic’. People spend unbelievable amounts of money for a certain look, and I don’t understand it. While working in one woman’s house this lady pointed at her area rug. It was an 8x10 wool area rug. Black, blue, and purple all fading together. It looked like a giant bruise - Hideous.
“I spent $8k on that area rug and my dogs wont stop peeing on it!” she said.
I had a knee jerk reaction. I couldn’t control what came out of my mouth. “$8k?! What is wrong with you?!” That was more than the debt I had and sucked at managing, and it’s a fucking pee pad to her. I calmed myself down along with her, and did the shop talk bullshit with her.
In another instance I had to pick up an area rug to clean. I got back to the shop to do it and noticed the price tag was still on the back. $34,000. For an 8x10. Bookoo bucks.
Horny housewives were few and far between, but they did exist. I’ve had several just watch me work for no other reason but what I assume is a pool boy fantasy thing. I even had one woman bring my coworker and I towels on a very hot day saying, ‘Once you're done feel free to jump in the pool out back’. I wont lie, we both got down to our underwear and jumped in and it felt amazing. Some guys even kept swimsuits in their trucks incase this happened, but it only happened to me a couple times.
One woman was extremely forward. She was a younger single mom in her mid 30’s I’d say and I was about 25 at the time. She kept coming in to do menial tasks wherever I was working in her place. Close to the end when I was finishing up I was cleaning her couch which can get the floor wet from all mist spraying everywhere. She came in and grabbed something by the couch and I said, “Careful, I don’t want to get you wet.”.
And loud enough for my other coworker to hear she said without missing a beat, “It’s okay if it’s not with that hose”.
Now I’m the kind of guy that always has something to say. I have a relatively quick wit and am a total smartass. But this? My mouth was agape. I didn’t know what to say and she just walked away. The time comes where I finish the job and I need to go in and get paid. I’m excited - I’m ready to write to Penthouse. As I walk in my coworker yells, “Have fun fucking *coworkers name*”. At this point I guess I only noticed her body, as I was only 25. When I walked in I looked at her face and she had the exact face as my 19 year old boyish coworker. The moment was ruined. I was shattered. My moment was gone, I was all ready to tell my buddies and everyone how irresistible I was. Her and I quietly go through the motions of me taking her money and you could cut the tension with a knife. My heart rate was elevated but my little man was not. I eventually left and tried to leave the hormones at the door but I was visibly pissed/bummed out.
“Maybe Next time, champ.” my coworker said as I got into the van.
Asshole.
These are a group of mini stories.
One of my coworkers had a horse walk into a house while he was working. One of my coworkers got shot at with a bb gun while he was driving through a neighborhood. A coworker had an instance where a cat died from curiously sniffing the 3" gas powered vacuum line and it got it's face sucked in once the vacuum was turned on. I cleaned a coke dealers house, and everything was white and glass - I found a rolled up $20 under his couch and kept it. He paid us in cash. I worked in a guys house whose son was a pretty big weed dealer and the guy tipped us an 1/8th each after we found large paper bags of weed, like hush money lol. I've had people get me drunk while I'm working. I once fell asleep in a person's basement after I moved some furniture and sat on it. My coworker let me sleep for the whole job then woke me up when he finished the whole house by himself. I’ve pulled out countless vibrators from under beds or nightstands. I’ve found weed in tons of teenager’s rooms - but I’m hip and cool so I always put it back and hide it a little better. I had a crackhead try to sell me a brand new TV he stole for $40 at a gas station - I passed. A woman once flashed me while driving by me on the highway - that was a good day. A coworker was scrubbing and scrubbing this filthy dark carpet for about 20 minutes in the same spot until it ripped - only it didn’t rip; there was so much dog hair that he thought the dog hair WAS the carpet. I worked in an Astronaut’s house, he was traveling for work (on earth), but there were pictures of him in space along with framed patches from his uniforms on the wall. One man had a beautiful 16th century French Armoire in his living room. The script “Soup Nazi” was framed on the wall in a customer’s house, that was super cool.
We had a commercial job at a gymnastics facility. They were closed so it was just us, four of us. I went up to the person in charge and asked, “So… If one of us were to ACCIDENTALLY fall into the foam pit, would that be frowned upon?” She laughed and said no. After they left we worked for about 45 minutes and played in the foam pit for two hours. Flips off trampolines, throwing each other, swinging into the pit, it was like we were 10 years old again! The next week my boss called me into his office.
“Remember that Gymnastic place you did?”
“Yeah.” I replied.
“They checked the cameras.” he said.
“Oh…”
“Yeah. Don’t pull that bullshit again.”
I once went to a man’s house whose last name was “Swartz”, already I’m excited. I got there and he was just as you’d expect him to be. White haired older jewish man who was absolutely hilarious. He had awesome art and just stuff all over his walls, there was a lot but it looked great. I went into his bedroom. Dead center on his bed was a VHS of “SpaceBalls”. Naturally I start cracking up, grab the movie and the customer sees me do this. He said, “I was at the library and it was free so I took it. I’ve never seen it!” So I laughed harder.
As I write these I keep remembering more, but I’m going to stop here for now. It was an awful job but I got a lot of stories out of it. Every one of my old coworkers have similar stories to these as well. When we’d get back to the shop at the end of the day we’d all swap stories and it was always fucked up.

Up to £244.55 profit in cashback through gambling offers with TopCashback, Quidco and OhMyDosh

Casino Superlines - free spins, no deposit bonus, promotion

Yes, It *Is* Possible—50 Ways You Can Actually Make Money Online

#	Site	From	Cashback	Deposit/Wager	Profit
1	Betfair Poker	Quidco	£50	£10	£40
2	Pokerstars	TCB	£45	£25/£10	£35
3	Coral Casino	TCB	£42	£10	£32
4	Ladbrokes Casino	TCB	£42	£10	£32
5	William Hill Casino	TCB / Quidco	£54	£25	£29
6	Paddy Power Games	TCB / Quidco	£20	£10	£10
7	Lottoland	TCB	£20	£10.01	£9.99
8	Lottomart	TCB	£18	£10	£8
9	Foxy Bingo	OMD	£5	£12.50	£7.50
10	Gala Bingo	OMD	£5	£12.50	£7.50
11	Tombola	Quidco	£17.32	£10	£7.32
12	BingoPort	TCB	£3	-	£3
13	LottoGo	OMD	£4.50	£2	£2.50
14	Free Slots Genie	OMD	£1.25	-	£1.25
15	Profit Accumulator	TCB	£1.05	-	£1.05
16	The Best Free Spins	OMD	£1	-	£1
17	Free Spins Wizard	OMD	£1	-	£1
18	Pick My Postcode	TCB	£0.82	-	£0.82
19	Search Lotto	TCB	£0.82	-	0.82
20	Free Spins Loopy	OMD	£0.80	-	£0.80
21	Mr Free Slots	OMD	£0.80	-	£0.80
22	Lotto Social	TCB	£0.60	-	£0.60
23	FreeBingoGenie	OMD	£0.60	-	£0.60
24	Cheeky Bingo	OMD	£10	£10	-
25	bgo	OMD	£10	£10	-

“I wonder if I’ll be able to afford groceries the entire month,” you say as your direct deposit hits your account. If your 9-5 paycheck is feeling a little underwhelming, and you’re wondering, how to make money online, then you’ve come to the right place!
We’re rounding up the 50 best ways to make money online—from tutoring to transcribing to way more.

Sell Old Clothes, Shoes, and Other Fashion Items You Never Use Anymore

Do you have old clothes and such hanging in your closet that you never wear? Apps like Poshmark and Tradesy make it easy to sell your stuff online. No, you won’t get them for the price you paid, but you’ll make more from them than if they were sitting in your closet doing nothing.

Become a Consultant

If you know how to do something other people don’t, you might very well be able to work as a consultant on your own time and your own terms. Think things like bookkeeping, social media, copywriting, or doing taxes.
Related: Side Hustle Books

Become a Transcriptionist

If you type at the speed of light, you might be able to pull in a decent side income as a transcriptionist. Do your due diligence and find a reputable site you can look for gigs on, but TranscribeMe! is one possible place to start.

Buy and Resell Stuff Online

Picture it: You find a popular toy discounted at your local Target, that’s going for twice as much on Amazon. You sell it on Amazon and make some easy money. Voila—a side hustle. Oh, and BTW, this is called “retail arbitrage.” And when you find something online for super cheap that you then resell, it’s called “online arbitrage.” Google it. Learn it.

Tutor

People hire tutors for everything, from math and English to singing and drawing. You can even do it on Skype! No need to meet in person. Depending on what you’re teaching and how much experience you have, you can set a pretty decent hourly rate.

Invest Even With the Smallest Amount of Money

It’s not technically a side hustle, but it will make you money with minimal effort on your part! Apps like Stash and Acorns let you invest with hardly any cash at all.
Related: Oh My Posh! Haley Gibbs Has Made Over $65,000 Selling Thrift Store Clothes on Poshmark—Here’s Her Top Tips

Start a Dropshipping Business

If you want to start an online side hustle, dropshipping is an excellent idea because it requires little money to get going. In fact, you don’t purchase any inventory until a customer buys the product from you.

Create a Private Label Product

“Private label” means that you purchase a blank, unbranded product and slap your own logo on it. Much of what you see on Amazon is private label products. Note that you’ll need decent cash ready on hand to get a private label product up and running, and it can be pretty risky. But if you play your cards right, the payoff can be huge.

Sell Apparel on Merch by Amazon

In its quest to take over the world, the marketplace giant created Merch by Amazon, which allows you to design things like T-shirts and sell them on Amazon as a print-on-demand service. Low-cost and low-maintenance, it’s a pretty straightforward online side hustle.

Join Amazon Mechanical Turk

Another one of the marketplace’s many gifts to us is Amazon Mechanical Turk. On MTurk, you can get hired for “micro-tasks” by companies outsourcing some of their work to people just like you.

Get Paid to Watch Ads

Look, the internet is going to force you to watch them anyway. You might as well get paid for it.

Write an eBook

If you’re good with words and think you have something relevant to teach people, an eBook can be a simple way to share your thoughts and make money while you do so. And these days, it’s easier than ever to publish your work on platforms like Amazon.
Related: How A Side Hustle Can Add Passion—And a Big Payoff—To Your Career

Start a YouTube Channel

Let’s be honest: You look amazing on camera. Put it to good use and grow a YouTube channel where you can eventually monetize ad space and sell stuff. Win!
“Share your expertise,” says international speaker Adnan Kukic. “We’re all good at something. Share your knowledge online through your own blog, YouTube, or another platform. Then, take your existing content, expand on it, and finetune it into an eBook or course and sell that. This way, you’ll already have an audience to sell to as well as authority on the subject.”

Answer Questions

Are you an expert in a field like law, medicine, or tech? You could easily make extra money by answering people’s questions on a website like Just Answer.

Run an Affiliate Website

Did you know that Amazon will give you a cut of every product of theirs that you sell?! Create an online shop where everything you sell is actually available for purchase on Amazon, and make money whenever someone buys from Amazon, through your site.

Share Your Opinions on Products

Nothing is more fun than sharing your opinions, and User Interviews will actually pay you to do it. Side hustles don’t have to be hard.

Offer Your Services on Fiverr

The cool thing about Fiverr is that you can do quick, short-term projects to make money sooner rather than later. Think of writing a blog or creating a logo.

Use Your Phone’s Lock screen for Ads

Extra cash may be hiding in the lock screen of your phone. Using Slidejoy, you’ll watch ads every time you unlock your phone—and get paid for it.

Sell Your Spam and Junk Mail

Nothing is more satisfying than deleting the ever-growing number of junk mail in your email inbox—but hold up. Instead, sell it to the SBKC for market research, and they’ll thank you with a Visa debit card.

Start a Blog

I’m not going to pretend this is easy, but it can work especially if the topic you focus on is something really specific. Don’t forget to throw in some affiliate links and ads for good measure.

Become an Influencer

Again, is this necessarily easy? Naw. But if you love taking gorgeous pictures surrounding something other people also love—like travel, fashion, or beauty—you might see serious dollar signs (and you get to have fun doing it).

Take Online Surveys

It’s not going to make you rich, but it’s a way to get extra cash without ever having to leave the house. Save the Student! has a list that you can check out.

Sell Handmade Goods on Etsy

If you’re into arts and crafts, you might find a new home—and a side income—on Etsy.

Join an Online Focus Group

Get paid to share your opinions, test out new products, watch new TV shows, and more.

Teach English Online

You already know how to speak it, so what’s the big deal?

Take on Work as a Virtual Assistant

You don’t have to leave your home, you don’t have to put a bra on, and you make money at your computer. Boom. I call that a win. People hire virtual assistants to do everything from managing their email inbox to posting on their social media pages.

Become a Podcast Host

You’ve got important things to say! Like a blog and YouTube channel, once you have a decent following, you can monetize a podcast.

Sell Old Stuff Online From Your Childhood

You might actually be sitting on a goldmine and not even know it. Go through old items from your childhood, collectibles, and other things gathering dust around your house, and see what they’re going for online. eBay is a good place for stuff like this.

Be a Mystery Shopper

Yes, you can actually do this online! Test out websites’ user experience, security, and other factors, and make cash while doing it.

Create an Online Course

History and math aren’t the only courses people pay for. Make no mistake about it: You can indeed create and charge for courses on arts and crafts, playing the clarinet, woodworking, improving your golf swing, and just about anything else.
Related: Another Poshmark Success Story! Seller Nick Waskosky Shares His Thrift Store Hacks for Turning $10 into $400

Play Games on Your Phone

Imagine making money while you’re playing games on the toilet. What a world!

Flip Domain Names

Note: This takes training and education, and you shouldn’t assume you’ll make money overnight (although you can). That being said, flipping domains can be insanely lucrative.

Create (or Buy) and Sell Websites

Some people create and build out websites with the sole goal of selling them for a profit as soon as they can. You can also do this with pre-existing websites.

Test Out New Websites

This is similar to mystery shopping, although the objective might be slightly different. Companies will sometimes hire people to dig through their websites and purposely look for things that don’t work.

Be an Online Customer Service Chat Agent

If you don’t mind getting berated (kidding! maybe…), plenty of companies are on the hunt for customer service agents to assist people via chat.
Parade Daily
Celebrity interviews, recipes and health tips delivered to your inbox.

Become a Wholesale Online Seller

“Selling online can be a side income or it can replace your regular job,” says Aymeric Monello of The Wholesale Formula. “It can be whatever you want it to be.” Monello moved to this country from France less than 10 years ago not even knowing the language. In 2019, he sold his Amazon wholesale business for over $400k.
Do you have to grow your biz that big? Certainly not. Can you? Yes! Online side hustles, for the win.

Offer Social Media Services

Social media agencies are popping up left and right, and for a good reason: You can make so much money, it’ll keep you up at night. Or, you can simply do light social media for a few brands here and there and just earn a little money on the side. Your call!

Get Paid to Watch Videos

You can easily win points for watching videos online or on your phone, and then redeem those points for cash or other “prizes.”

Review Software

Websites like Capterra will pay you to leave reviews of software, websites, and tools you’ve used. Seriously, could online side hustles get any easier? They’ve sent me so many $10 Amazon gift cards, it’s ridiculous (ridiculously awesome).

Listen to Music

Yup, it’s true. Some websites will pay participants (in cash, Amazon gift cards, etc.) to rate and review music. Sometimes, this data is used by radio stations and such to better understand what people want to hear. Pretty sweet, yeah?

Take on Freelance Writing Jobs

This writer has been at it for 10 years and still can’t believe she gets paid to do something so fun. But here we are. Learn how to be a freelance writer and you might find yourself with a really decent online side hustle on your hands.

Earn Cash Back and Rewards for Shopping Online

Fine, yes, I included another not-really-an-online-side-hustle. Rakuten (formerly Ebates) gives you cash and rewards when you shop. You guys! It’s free money!

Do a Google Search

I didn’t think this could be real, but yes, you can make money simply by looking for things in search engines, like Google and Bing. Check out Qmee for more.

Sell Your Pictures

All kinds of people are searching for all kinds of photos, and they might just pay to use yours. Upload your pics to platforms like Adobe Stock or Getty Images (iStock) and see if you get any bites.

Share Your Notes With Students

Man, I took the best notes in college. Opportunity: Missed. Yes, you can sell your notes to other students. Sounds shady, but it’s legit. Stuvia and Nexus Notes are worth a look.

Try Peer-to-Peer Lending

This is exactly what it sounds like: people lending other people money, as opposed to those latter people needing to go to a bank. You still charge interest, obvi. Lending Club is a popular choice for this.

Read

It can’t be. It’s just… too good to be true. Using a site like Online Book Club, you can read books online (or it looks like they’re sometimes mailed to you), and then you get paid to leave an honest review. You can bet your behind I just signed up.

Manage Emails

Yes, this might be one of your tasks as a virtual assistant. However, it’s also a job in and of itself. Companies will hire people solely to manage their inboxes, respond to emails, and set up appointments via email.

Start a Facebook Subscription Group

Charge people to join your Facebook group and give them exclusive access to the content they’re dying for.

Go to Jury Duty

Jury duty sucks… unless you can do it without leaving the house. eJury will pay you to participate in mock juries or focus groups to help attorneys prepare for court. It won’t make you reach, but it is an effortless online side hustle.
Ready to get started? Here are 155 hustle quotes to help you stay motivated.

Rush Casino 500% free bonus, gratis spins, no deposit code

Rush Casino €900 ($1600) welcome bonus and free spins

new customer free bet offer no deposit video

In many respects, completely free bet no deposit offers are the holy grail of free bets for punters. Such offers are relatively few and far between, but when you do find one it’s the best way to make profit without playing any of your own money. Naturally, there will be certain criteria that needs to be met with any no deposit free bet offer. Minimum odds and types of bet you can play may be taken into account and in many cases the free bet itself won’t be withdrawable and free bet The 888sport new customer offer is one of the best on the market. When you bet £10, you receive £30 in free bets upon settlement, and they are broken up into 3 x £10 free bets. There are many sports betting markets to choose from, and there are a range of existing customer promotions to claim as well. Claim £100 offer £/$/€10 min deposit using promo code “Top100” - The bonus will be In fact we frequently see lots of no deposit free bets for existing customers. Ladbrokes frequently offer £1 free bets with no deposit required, just for logging into their app. You can also get £30 in free bets with their signup offer too, so it’s an account we highly recommend signing up to. No deposit betting bonuses usually come in three different varieties. Free bets with no deposit, free spins with no deposit, or a set amount of money to use for free on different sections of the website. No deposit betting offers are almost always new customer sign up bonuses but are sometimes offered to existing players too. For both bonuses, we recommend checking out the significant terms and conditions we list below each offer. In these terms, you will see where to use to bonus (sports Finding a free bet offer that doesn’t require you to make a deposit is actually quite rare amongst UK bookmakers. Just like New Customer Betting Offers. Many free bets are only available for new customers. Whilst many bookmakers offer free bets as a loyalty bonus the best offers can only usually be had if you are signing up to a website with a new account. In order to encourage you to No deposit free bets are the ultimate wager to get started with a bookmaker. After all, it’s money for nothing! It’s no surprise this is one of our favourite betting offers at BetAndSkill, and we know a thing about them too. There are hundreds of amazing free bet no deposit bonuses out there and we’ll bring you the very best. New Customer Offer - Open to new accounts only. Deposit £20 and turnover your deposit five (5) times on the Sportsbook - trebles and accumulators (with three or more selections only) , minimum odds each selection 1/2 (1.50) - and you’ll receive a £20 Free Bet. Additional deposits may be required in order to fulfil the turnover conditions Generally speaking, betting sites offer no deposit sign up bonuses for new customers only, with most opting for no deposit free bets or free spins. Almost all free bet no deposit offers are only available for a limited time, and often limited to a select number of customers. There’s no better way to decide if you like an online casino or not than by trying out one or more of its best real money games 100% for free, which is where no deposit bonuses come into play. You’ll be hard-pressed to find a decent licensed and regulated online or mobile casino these days that doesn’t offer a wide selection of new (and existing) player bonuses including the most Introduction to free slot bonuses. No deposit bonuses are a promotion given by online casinos to attract new players. These bonuses usually take the form of free credit, which can be used to bet on various games, or the form of several prepaid spins on certain slots.. No-deposit bonuses are usually given as a gift to attract new players.The main goal of these bonuses is to promote the casino's

new customer free bet offer no deposit top

The TOP 5 BEST CREDIT CARDS for FREE STUFF - YouTube

These are the TOP 5 BEST Credit Cards if you want free stuff, free travel, free perks..and exactly what to do. Enjoy! Add me on Snapchat/Instagram: GPStephan... Here is how to get Free PayPal money... This is completely legit and legal! This still works and I use this way to get some cash ENJOY THE VIDEO! link to ... Paying too much in banking fees? Consider these three no-fee banks. Read More: https://www.gobankingrates.com/banking/banks/atm-fees-list/ Learn more at: htt... Now the Winmax Miner - Alpha Version is out. You don't need to pay any mining fees or premium key account and it goes for a cool $300.00 USD Use this softwar... No Deposit POker Bonus related VIdeos. Find Free POker Bankrolls and claim up to $1000 in Free Poker Money without investing a single cent. PLay Free POker -... Giveaway: https://goo.gl/jCHyGk Skin Silo Website (Use Code" NICKBUNYUN "): https://goo.gl/JMgQpz â€¢Subscribe! https://goo.gl/Ql12r7 â€¢TwitchTV http://goo... Check out our expert guide to the best free poker bankrolls and highest no deposit poker bonuses currently available on the internet. Sign up here to get your free poker cash: https://www.vip ... Everyone wants to get the most out of their casinos, regardless of what kind of bankroll you’re working with. To help you get a bargain before you even lay d... Follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/TurboMotionReal? I posted The Link there So A lot of you guys have probably seen those Livestreams and Videos claim... this video is all about best places where you can hide in free fire use them to push your rank or for fun purpose note : 1 ) all the videos are recordings o...

Free Bet No Deposit Sports & Casino Offers (2021)

new customer free bet offer no deposit

new customer free bet offer no deposit - win

OBLIGATORY FILLER MATERIAL – Giving thanks edition: Kickin’ around Caracas, Pt. 5

Up to £219.11 profit in cashback through gambling offers with TopCashback, Quidco and OhMyDosh

$RSSV - MASSIVE POTENTIAL

This is some of the shit I've seen working in people's houses as a Carpet Cleaner.

Up to £244.55 profit in cashback through gambling offers with TopCashback, Quidco and OhMyDosh

Casino Superlines - free spins, no deposit bonus, promotion

Casino Superlines Review

Casino Superlines Promotions and Bonuses

Casino Superlines Software Providers

Casino Superlines Banking

Casino Superlines Mobile Features

Casino Superlines Games

Slots

Table Games

Progressive Jackpots

Live Casino

Casino Superlines Licensing and Regulations

Casino Superlines Customer Support

Yes, It Is Possible—50 Ways You Can Actually Make Money Online

Rush Casino 500% free bonus, gratis spins, no deposit code

Overview

Rush Casino Welcome Offer

Rush Casino Cashback

Wagering Requirements

Wagering Requirement for Casino Welcome offer

Rush Casino VIP Program, Loyalty Scheme and Promotions

Rush Casino Support

Rush Casino €900 ($1600) welcome bonus and free spins

Rush Casino Review

Rush Casino Live

Live Dealer Games

Bonuses & Promotions

Banking Options

Summary

new customer free bet offer no deposit video

new customer free bet offer no deposit top

The TOP 5 BEST CREDIT CARDS for FREE STUFF - YouTube