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My writing portfolio

Rachel Schneider
ENG 477
Date 1/11/2021
Marsha Blackburn
A Writing Portfolio
I want to write my own fiction stories one day; I have had a book or two swimming around in my head so I will put the computer to good use and get that typed out one of these days. In this instance I chose my 5 stories and even though one is a marketing inquiry I had fun writing it, so here are my things and some background some of them.
Resume: It is a basic one because my photo ones were not particularly good, and this is an honest resume besides the ones I made for class and I did fudge on those.
Cover letter: I made up the cover letter though there is a penguin Books but it is always fun to use your imagination!
Hike with Drew: I got the concept from a Writer’s Digest and entered it into a contes I never got a response but good practice.
Short Story Vegas: Was one I did for another class but in here I changed it and the story was much better the second time.
Marketing Flyer: This was fun to do those are stock photos of the dogs and squeaky toys, but I like Pit Bulls and dog toys are fun as well.
Scott part 1-This is a story I am working on with another writer, warning its very sexy and some naughty words are in there as well.
Writing Samples: I made these three samples up one day because as I have looked for writing work, I have seen people want a sample of your work, so I came up with these.
Rachel
Schneider
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3867 Houghton Ave Riverside CA 92501 📷
951-743-8911 📷
[email protected] 📷
Rachel Schneider 📷
Rachel7Tori-Twitter 📷
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Objective
To get a career going in the fiction/short story writing industry my imagination can run with any scenario and to write is to live.
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Education
Bachelor of Arts in English | Grand Canyon University
2017 – 2021
Took 15 different writing courses, creative writing and even two fun marketing classes all to polish up my craft. Carried a 3.0 GPA and did the courses all online as well.
No Degree Obtained | Riverside Community College
June 1994 – December 1996
Took these college courses but did not finish got 32 Units of Child Development Courses though which is what I was going for
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Experience
Cafeteria Worker 1
2008 Currently Employed.
Cook, Prep, serve food in a middle school setting, also clean, count inventory and do next day prep, cash handling and POS register experience.
Bell Ringer | Salvation Army
November 2007 – December 2007
Rang bell and collected donations for the salvation Army in front of various stores during the holiday season.
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Skills
Food handlers Card
CPR First Aid certified
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Grammar Proficiency
Spelling Proficiency
Can work from home
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Activities
Have good use of social media and can help update or bring in new followers with my creative writing side. Have a Reddit account as well with 30 stories up on that site. Can speak a little Spanish and Hebrew as well.
951-743-8911
[email protected]
3867 Houghton Ave Riverside CA 92501
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Rachel Schneider

Writer

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Penguin Books

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Dear JENNIFER MCGREGOR,

1/21/2021
Jennifer McGregor
Fiction Publisher
4587 Tropicana Rd.
Las Vegas NV 89102
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I have included my resume for the short story writer for young adult novels. It has been a few years, but I currently work in a middle school, so I do see all the angst and sass that goes with being a young teen. I do hope my writing samples can help me move to the top of the list. I look forward to working with Penguin Books and letting kids know being a teen is hard at first, but it does not last forever.
Sincerely,
Rachel Schneider
Rachel Schneider
3867 Houghton Ave
Riverside CA 92501
It had been a long cold winter Drew and I could not get out for a morning hike till today. Being 75 degrees, we did not have to wear many layers. He is an extremely sweet inquisitive boy who always asks a lot of questions. Why does moss grow on the north side of trees” he asks? Its times like this when it would be nice to have my husband here, but he is overseas where the work is. “well, it’s not just the north side it’s on the shadier side because that is where the moisture is.”
On we went looking at snails on the ground watching the deer pass by along a ridge. Being quiet as to not startle them. “Mom he whispered it’s a bunny den they are coming out for food, he leaves a few carrot and lettuce scraps from last night’s dinner. I walked down the path and spotted some glorious Blue Jays and a Downey Woodpecker. “Listen Drew the woodpecker is getting the bugs out of the trees.” My sweet Drew was staring at the Bunnies, they are cute and fluffy after all. We followed our path down further after the bunnies went back to the den.
The skies were getting cloudy, so I hoped the rain was not going to come back. Though the weather report said there was a chance. My little explorer with his school uniform on was undeterred, I wish I could wear shorts on a 75 day and not be cold, it is always nice to be young. Walking along our path we spot some squirrels running in circles around the tree. “Why do the chase each other like that” Drew asks. “Maybe it’s a game for them like ring around the Rosie.”
On we trek to our favorite stream where the deer family are taking their drinks. I tell Drew we cannot skip stones right now we do not want to scare them. We look through the grass for more of his favorite bugs, saw some worms just below the dirt by a tree. Looking up we see a big spider web being made between two branches. The crows were making their calls in the distance. We are finally able to skip our stones in the stream. He gets some great skips going, and we collect some new rocks for our little garden back home.
Walking past the stream we climb up the embankment and up along the ridge where we see a Fox off in the distance. He or she walks the opposite direction we are going so it is a relief we can continue to the clearing. Where there are more bugs, rocks, and Bunnies. We pass the Deer family as they run up the hill to were, they mostly frolic or maybe they live up there. We stop for a snack of Apples, Almonds, and some cheese sticks. When we were finished Drew put a couple of slices in his pocket to feed the Bunnies, I am sure.
“Mommy we’re getting to the clearing now we can see the Bunnies and the last time Daddy, and I were here I got some neat rocks too.” Drew told ne enthusiastically, I did love his passion for nature, though again my husband is much better at the nature stuff. I am a pastry Chef ask me about desserts and I am your woman, about why moss grows on trees and hello Google. Since Dad is unavailable, I step in and let him explore and see the world outside of the house and off the screen.
It is just another half mile and it is on to the clearing. He starts to pull me hand a little harder I know he is excited. We pass under the tree I glance up and see the Fox again. Then we stop and see “Daddy home……
Name: Rachel Schneider
Course: ENG 361
Date: 4/14/2020
Instructor: Debbie Graves
One Week In Las Vegas
The countdown started Friday at 2pm I got the week off from this thing I call a job (just over broke). The car was packed, it was time to hit the road. The traffic was average and climbing the Cajon Pass was not that bad. I stopped in Baker to have my favorite meal at Bob’s Big Boy, the chili spaghetti, no onions. After making my way back on the highway the traffic picked up going out of Baker, through to Primm and Stateline. I had to stop for gas at Whiskey Pete’s, so I also went in and got some snack goodies. My favorite trail mix and some cheese potato chips because vending machines are too expensive. The road was beckoning so off I went, traveling through Jean is always nice, not much to see. A prison, a few remaining casinos, some outbuildings, and a truck stop. There slogan was always fun 40 smiles closer than Vegas. You can get bored so be sure to pack some music you can have your own car concert. “I’ll face it with a grin I’m never giving in, on with the show” (Show Must Go on by Queen)
Finally, the Vegas skyline is in sight, the lights are not on yet, but they will be needing to navigate around the strip. I do say a few words the terrible drivers. This vacation was so needed my job is crazy, my kids are older now and do not need mom around anymore. Off they went to grandma’s house and I booked the week at the Delano, it is attached to the Mandalay bay so perfect access to all the fun of the strip, and just enough luxury to not look cheap. Getting the valet to take the car I check into my genuinely nice room I have a great view of the Luxor light (that comes off the top of the hotel) and the Excalibur. Now off to indulge in that genuinely nice bathtub and get some overdue reading done. My bathroom with a view has the Luxor light and that is the brightest light on the Vegas strip it comes right out of the top of the Pyramid shaped hotel. A brightness of 42.3 billion candela, you could read a paper from 10 miles straight up if you wanted to.
Once I was well soaked and finished with my chapters it was time to find something to eat besides my snack foods. After cruising the room service options, I settled on some Mexican food of chorizo and eggs with nice corn tortillas. That hit the spot so with the extra energy it was time to get out for a stroll of the property. The indoor pool is nice but small and I want to soak up the sunshine and get some exercise so I shall hit the outdoor pool tomorrow. Back in the lobby I grab those ads for things to do in the city so I can plan out the rest of my trip. There are thousands of things to do in Vegas. Do not be disappointed if you do not get everything done, that is what the next trip is for. I have a beautiful week and I want to have a good time and not have to wait for anybody, I can do what I want. I got those and cruised up through the lobby and toward the casino on my way there I saw a sign for a food and wine festival. With that guy Zac from the travel channel. Thinking hmm I did not know he was interested in food or wine. I went down and found my favorite penny slot game Lucky cat. After 15 minutes I came out putting 20 in and winning 500, so I called it a night and went to the bar to catch a hockey game and grab a fun fruity drink (I like tequila sunrise, (Tequila, grenadine, and cranberry juice). As I am rooting for the Golden Knights (local Vegas hockey team) I looked over to my left and there was Zac from the travel channel, and he likes hockey too this is awesome, and I am trying not to be a fan girl.
The game was in intermission and the Knights were winning so it was time for a new fruity drink so this time I turned around to get back to the bar and bumped right into Zac, boy was my face red. After some apologies and an offer to buy my next fruity drink (a Strawberry Daiquiri) it was a yes and I spilled that I was a fan. He told me he does have an interest in food and wine not just chasing ghosts with his crew. We had some great conversation and when the game came back on, we both sat in the booth cheering the golden knights to their victory. Now I am buzzed and standing up was going to be fun, but Zac was a true gentleman and helped me to my feet. He offered to buy me dinner. The Taco Hut was a good place the tortillas were fresh, and the company was so cool. The conversation turned to food, wine, travel, and some stuff about me. The midnight hour rolled around, and Zac had an early morning, so we said goodnight, but he was staying one floor above me, so we agreed to go to the diner in the lobby for breakfast or brunch. At 10am I was enjoying my company and this great stick to your ribs breakfast (scrambled eggs, sausage, hash browns and some great watermelon) The food offerings in Vegas are so varied you can get everything from a hot dog and beer for 1.99 at the Orleans, to a 5-star meal at Caesar’s Palace the buffets are great too. Although sometimes you want a nice sit-down dinner.
The conversation was effortless the attraction was deep. We made plans to see each other again after the food contest he was judging was over. Saying goodbye was a bit hard but the hand holding was sweet and made me feel like a schoolgirl again. After saying goodbye and I did watch him walk into the convention hall I went back to my room to plan out the rest of my day. I chose a tour of the Mob Museum, they say that Vegas was built with Mob money, but it was a Mormon founded town that later Hollywood discovered. Then many people in Hollywood who were well connected (such as East Coast mobsters) financed Bugsy Segal to build the Flamingo Hotel. As I was putting my shoes on, I got a knock on the room door and as I opened it, I got some flowers (pink roses) and an all-access pass to the food and wine festival courtesy of Zac. Let us just say the Mob Museum can wait for later I got to go to a food and wine festival and spend the rest of the week with Zac. “hi Zac thanks for the flowers it was sweet of you to remember.” He said, “It’s always right to remember a ladies flower preference because that’s the right thing to do.” Smiling the rest of the day I meet other travel channel celebrities and got to taste some great foods and many different wines. The food and wine offerings at the hotels and restaurants are varied, the Las Vegas area have become very international, so the varieties are endless.
The week went by in a blur of food, wine, conversation, and some sweet dates. I never thought I would get over the break-up that happened the week before. Getting a private Vegas tour was something completely special. I did get to see the Mob Museum, Mandalay Bay Fine Art Museum, seven magic mountains, Pinball Hall of fame and a private dinner at the food and wine festival. My days in Vegas were down to one. We had reservations at Rivera right here at the Delano the view is amazing, the food is impressive with Italian and French offers. “I have had a wonderful time this week Zac thank you for mending my broken heart.” He looked at me for a minute and said, “it’s been a pleasure to get to know you and I would not mind visiting your hometown, you always have a reason to come back to Las Vegas. The next food and wine festival is around Christmas, this one will include chocolate.” Hitting the 15 early the next morning I have visions of Christmas, a pass to the food and wine festival, also a brand-new relationship to take back home with me.
The End
When writing a short story, you want to keep it from rambling and have enough details to keep it fresh. When your reader gets into the story you want them to feel like they are there with you, going to the food and wine festival, on that hike through the seven-mountains or touring the mob museum. The details are the thing to see and make sure to watch out for punctuation and common language. An average short story is within 6,00 words or 24 pages. If you wanted too you could go short-short story and that is between 500 and 2,00 words. That comes out to be 6 pages (Minot, Steven Ch. 7 pg. 41), talk about short stories. The story is all your length and style matter as much as how you want it to come into focus.
Minot, Steven and Theil Daniel Three genres the writing of literary pose, poems and plays Ninth edition Pearson Publications 2012
Bouncing Dog Toy Emporium
August 18,2019📷📷
24755 Holly Grove Way
Brookings OR, 97415
Dear Dogs, Rule the World
I am Rachel Schneider from the Bouncing Dog Toy Emporium we make extra bouncy dog toys for our furry friends. We investigated different marketing companies and choose you to do our direct to customer marketing. The way the website is set up the customers can get the product’s directly from you is easier than a multi-level marketing plan. The distribution of Bouncy Dog Toy will be a one level channel, we will provide the toys you market, and we sell them. I would like to get some videos of our company dogs Mac and Stella playing with the toys so you can post on the website. A link for the company can also be included so the consumers know where the toys came from, what they are made of and any other facts about Bouncing Dog Toy Emporium.
Sincerely, Rachel V Schneider
Mac and Stella company dogs and testers 📷
📷 📷📷 📷A sample of our products, our bounciest toys.
Scott’s Story Part 1
I am Scott Thorn, and I am going back to WDU for the first time in 15 years, I went here for a year but after I came out as gay there really were no gay dudes. I am all men but yeah lesbians were all around some BI guys but no real gay dudes. I went back to the mainland and attended Preston University I majored in administration and minored in Literature. I did at one point in my life have a girlfriend and wanted to marry her, but I could not quash the gay lifestyle. That part of my life is over and now the old school offered me a counseling job, have not done this in a while. I get to help students toward there after college career.
I sit here on this boat and keeping an eye on my 75 Triumph I have some nerves, but it is mostly about seeing this place again, so as the boat pulls up, I get my bike going and make a stop at my new on campus apartment. Its west facing because I like sunsets more than sunrise, so I did not know it needed so much work. I have some handy skills but a little at a time. The kitchen is decent and so is the bathroom. The floors will need some polish and the deck needs to be stained, this is a duplex, so I hope the neighbors are quiet. It is furnished and done nicely so I cannot complain too much, but back on the bike to see the Dean.
I get my bike set with the kill switch and walk up the way to the Admin building, I am pretty much the only one dressed. I am wearing my good black jeans and my dress shirt, in my favorite color Maroon. I do remember this place was obsessed with sex so I will stick out wearing clothes, as I enter the building at least more admin people are dressed. Miss Grant the secretary shows me to my new office, its spacious much bigger that my last one at Preston where I shared a cubicle with another person. I have files from past students and current ones, so I started filing them when Dean Kane walks in, booty shorts and a tank top. “Welcome back to WDU Scott, we look forward to seeing you succeed you come very recommended.” I could hardly concentrate because this Dean was hung but I persevered and said, “Thank you sir I look forward to helping young students find there after WDU careers.”
After he left, I had to get my rise to settle then I continued filing and looking through some files. Clarissa Love that was a name that got around even all the way to Preston. I think she does the Jax in the bedroom or something like that. I started looking around and thought I need some life in this office so I asked Miss Grant about decorating and she said I could do what I wanted but no painting, so I went to town and checked out a flea market. I found some pictures of the beaches of Canada, some old homes in the area and a few movie posters from Rocky horror Picture Show (it is my favorite). The flea market said they will deliver to the school tomorrow so I told them I will be there at 9am.
Now with my day done I get to the store to buy some groceries and realize this place uses sextons and I was down to my last few, so now I will need to exchange but thankfully a bank is nearby so I can get some of my mainland money exchanged. I pull up to my new pad off load my few groceries and notice some other tenant left beer in the fridge, talk about luck. I got the beer went to the deck and watched the sunset over the sky. It was going to be new here, but I needed a fresh start after getting dumped and losing the job because my ex was in upper management, never will I do that again. I will find someone who does not work in the school system. After I ate a roast beef and cheddar sandwich for dinner, watched some cooking shows it was time for bed. As I was brushing my teeth, I heard the neighbors having sex. Oh, goody they are not quiet. hope they do not have super energy either. Tomorrow is my first full day and I have decorating to do, fantastic they stopped, that is the thing with us older people we do not fuck like bunnies anymore. As far as I know the neighbors are lesbians so who knows.
Sample 1- If I try my hardest, I could muster up enough courage to ask the prettiest girl in school to prom. I had a suit; bolo tie and I will shine my old boots up. The thing is my courage is not as strong as my best friend Nick, now there is one brave dude who just asked the girl I wanted to go to prom with and of course she said yes. I gather myself close my locker and put on my best smile for them both. Nick and I high five and I hug her, trying to be genuine but it is hard. I head to my Social studies class and sit down next to Megan she looks at me with some concern I tell her what happened, she then asks me to Prom…...
Sample 2-Wishing I did not have to be here I sit at the back of the funeral and think about my old high school principal. I grew up in a small town and everyone knew everyone, we only had one school and you went there for kindergarten through senior year. After my graduation I packed up my old car and headed out to what I thought was the real world. Living in a bigger city only helped spur my loneliness so who says you cannot come home again, well Mom for starters because I abandoned my family, I am not welcome at home ever again (so tired of her drama), so I am staying at Principal Mason’s house yes, the same principal that I am at a funeral for I held her hand as she lay there succumbing to cancer……
Sample 3-If you really want to get over a breakup getting back on the horse will help things along. I thought that too seven lousy dates ago so here I am on date number 8 and I am not seeing any birds singing or rainbows in the sky. He steps away to take a call he is a particularly important lawyer after all (I need to fix my picker) after he comes back, he says it go time the jury has come back so off he goes. I finish my drink and head back to my brownstone close by, I pass the new chocolate shop that just opened, and I get inside and see chocolate heaven. Looking around I do not see him at first but there he is my old college lab partner Sam I just saw a rainbow…….
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Zdravko Swims Home from the Grand Dame - SKT - Session 24

Previous Session: https://www.reddit.com/dndstories/comments/kkzknk/recon_in_yartar_and_attack_of_the_mudfish_skt/ In the streets of Yartar our heroes got ambushed by some weird fish-people and a "mudfish" that claimed to be a god. After significant amounts of snooping and intel-gathering, the party felt they had all they needed to know to enter The Grand Dame riverboat casino and to reach Drylund - the prime suspect in Hekaton's disappearance.
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Cast: Level 9
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Jormo submits himself to Nevil Storn - Captain of the Grand Dame - for a position rowing the ship's oars. Captain Storn initially questions Jormo's Iron Gauntlests (of Ogre Strength) which the Tortle claims protect his hands from blistering while rowing. The captain seems skeptical but ultimately lets him aboard.
Next Zep applies to be a dealegame-runner in the ship's casino. After an impressive card trick where the Kenku makes an entire deck disappear only to begin pulling cards from his beak, Captain Storn is so impressed and adds "I'd rather have you running games in our casino rather than playing them that's for sure. Not sure Akane would even be able to catch you cheating."
Once aboard Jormo sits at his rowing station, and Zep reports to the casino where he sets up a game at one of the dozen tables, near a statue of a golden goose on a wooden pedestal. Zep notices crew and staff preparing for guests to arrive. An woman in a beautiful purple dress sets up a game board similar to Dragon Chess at the table next to Zep's. The Kenku also notices a stern-looking older woman in a yellow robe adorned with embroidered green snakes, prowling the casino floor; she is checking to make sure nothing is out of order with the game dealers. Below deck Jormo sees a tiny octopus riding on the shoulder of a man (the Tortle rightly suspects this may be Khaspere Drylund) who briefly checks in with the man who leads the Rowers.
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An hour later Beau - disguising himself as a different Tabaxi named 'Razzlestacks' - seeks to board with his exotic muscular foreign guest, Zdravko (who fakes a limp and leans heavily on his quarterstaff-"walking stick"). Lyra has wildshaped into a flying monkey perched atop the staff as the "Exotic man's exotic pet."
Many of the nobles and aristocrats gathering here are dressed eccentrically enough that as odd as the group of covert heroes may look, they don't expect to arouse too much suspicion.
Captain Nevil Storn is a bit wary of Zdravko's pet, saying that animals usually aren't allowed, but Zdravko assures him that she is well trained and Lyra plays the part well. After a brief conversation with Beau the captain welcomes them aboard his ship.
As they climb the gangplank they see a stern-looking older woman wearing a yellow silk formal robe; she's helping passengers exchange Gold for wooden "Golden Goose" gambling tokens which she procures from a messenger-style bag at her hip. Beau senses magic and hones her vision to see an aura of Conjuration from the bag, and an aura of Transmutation from the Robe of Snakes.
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By sunset everyone has boarded and the boat glides out into the wide Dessarin river for the evening. Paper lanterns illuminate the sides of the boat and balcony around the upper deck.
Zdravko and Beau schmooze with nobles, while Lyra keeps watch. Zep faithfully runs his gaming table while keeping a look-out. Jormo takes semi-frequent breaks from rowing to check on the situation in the casino through one of the port holes.
Zep and Lyra both notice that the woman in the snake-adorned yellow robe has been scrutinizing them much more carefully than the other guests. Between Zep and Beau carefully timing and concealing use of the Message cantrip they're able to somewhat keep each other in the loop. After awhile the lady in yellow ascends the spiral stairs to the upper deck and isn't seen again for several minutes.
In the meantime Zdravko and Beau chat with a jovial noble who seems quite taken with Zdravko, he mentions that Khaspere Drylund prefers to socialize with the gamblers who wager the most. They then enter a high-stakes game of wit and luck against one of the highest-stakes gamblers in the room and Beau beats him, earning himself 300-some gold worth of Golden Goose tokens!
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Khaspere Drylund enters the casino from the spiral stairs, followed by the woman in yellow. He socializes with the high-stakes gambler before approaching Beau. The woman in the snake robe continues patrolling the room.
Beau senses magic as Drylund approaches and focuses her eyes to see a Transmutation aura around the pet octopus resting on his shoulder.
Zdravko takes flying-monkey Lyra out to the balcony to "stretch her wings." The Druid flies out of sight momentarily, then reverts back to her winged Tiefling form, and casts Invisibility on herself as she seeks out Captain Drylund's quarters in the upper deck.
Jormo gets sick of waiting and rowing and enters the casino, pretending to be a noble and snacking at the table. Zdravko gives him a nod before realizing that might have been too much of a tell.
Drylund inquires of Beau what brought him aboard the Grand Dame this evening. Beau explains that he has a background as a sailor and is always interested in unique sailing vessels. After the discussion moves on to local politics Drylund essentially tries to recruit Beau into buying a summer home in Yartar so that he can "participate in the political process." Beau is invited to accompany Drylund to his quarters and he uses his Subtle metamagic to Message Lyra that they're coming.
Zdravko pretends to just meet Jormo for the first time and invites him "to the balcony for fresh air" so they can follow Beau and Drylund. As soon as they're up the stairs Zep notices from his gaming table that the woman in yellow spins on her heal to follow them at a brisk pace. Zep attempts to mask the somatic component of a Message he sends to Zdravko, "You've got a tail; the woman in the yellow snake robe."
On the balcony Zdravko warns Jormo that she's incoming. When she arrives she asks to speak with Zdravko privately but the monk insists his friend be present. She says, "Very well. I know you all have come here with ill-intent and I won't stand for it." To Zdravko she adds, "I suggest you swim home to where ever it is you came from" as she attempts to hijack his mind and will.
Jormo attempts to Counterspell her Suggestion, but she in turn Counterspells his effort. Zdravko nods, "Yes, that sounds good" as he leaps from the balcony straight down into the water below.
The Tortle and the woman stare each other down for a moment as it becomes obvious that a 1 vs 1 Wizard battle is upon them. Then Jormo casts Banishment, and without her ability to counterspell having returned yet she vanishes with a *pop* seemingly into thin air!
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Jormo runs back down the stairs - knowing he only has a minute before she returns from the demi-plane he sent her to and frantically motions for Zep to follow him. The Kenku pretends to sneeze, sending all the cards at his table flying, before he leaps up to follow his Tortle friend (but not before grabbing a few fistfulls of crackers and cheese from the buffet. As they run through the Dance Hall on the upper deck, towards the hall that Beau and Drylund disappeared down Jormo catches him up on the situation, "Zdravko went for a swim and I made the yellow wizard disappear, but she'll be back soon."
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Meanwhile Lyra had been searching Drylund's quarters but only had found some business expense records before receiving Beau's Message. Still invisible Lyra easily hides as Beau and Drylund enter and begin to talk about real-estate holdings.
Less than a minute later Jormo and Zep barge in. Trying to act surprised Beau cries, "What's the meaning of this?"
Drylund says, "Akane was right, you all are up to something. What do you want?"
Jormo says pointedly, "We wanted your help in case we need to assassinate any Storm Giant royalty."
With that Drylund immediate becomes hostile and says, "C'mon Sid, let's do this!" as his tiny pet octopus more than triples in size to become a Giant Octopus!
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Drylund attempts to enshroud himself in a spell, but Jormo Counterspells his effort.
Zep casts a Darkness spell on his ring, essentially blinding everyone in the small room. For most of fight nobody sees much of what's going on. Drylund seems to be lashing out with psychic tentacle attacks, along with spells that effect their minds as Dissonant Whispers force Jormo to momentarily flee the dark room.
Since Lyra can't see, she destroys the water in the octopus's aquarium which enrages the beast as it spends the rest of the fight blindly sloshing its tentacles around after her.
Zep is the only one who can see thanks to the abilities his patron bestowed on him, but he has to take a moment to conjure his blade to his hand before he can take advantage of it. Meanwhile Drylund lands a couple lucky Rapier thrusts against the Kenku in the Darkness.
Lyra similarly lands a lucky hit with a Guiding Bolt, but the extra light that normally sheds off the hit creature can't permeate the magical darkness.
Zdravko continues to swim home.
Beau lines up where she knows Drylund is and hopes an ally isn't directly behind him and unleashes a Lightning Bolt - unseen in the darkness but just as deadly. Drylund attempts his own Lightning attack, but still essentially blind, misses.
After a couple missed Firebolts Jormo yells for Zep to cancel the Darkness. Zep keeps the spell active, but covers the ring, thus obscuring the darkening effect. Jormo slings a cold orb at the injured Lord Drylund's head with the intent to subdue him rather than kill him and it works!
The force of the orb's impact combined with the brain-freeze like effect drops Khaspere Drylund to his knee as he calls out, "Please, I surrender, I surrender. I don't want to die." He tells Sid the octopus that it's over and to go out and get some water. The octopus shrinks back to its tiny size as it slowly crawls up the wall towards the port hole window which Beau opens for it.
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They tie up the captain and Jormo reminds them that the wizard in the yellow robe will only Banished for a few more seconds.
Beau demands Khasphere Drylund tell them, "Where is the Storm Giant, King Hekaton?"
Drylund, out of breath responds, "Very well, I.. I guess I can tell you. You've earned it, apparently."
"The Big One you seek – the Storm Giant Hekaton – is subdued by enchanted shackles and sails aboard a strange-looking vessel called "The Morkoth." It's veiled from all divination, and light bends around it until one is within a certain distance. It sails around the northern isles of the Trackless Sea day and night. If you... "
He stops talking. His voice catches in his throat as the veins in his neck bulge. Drylund's eyes grow wide with terror and become bloodshot as he rigidly grabs his head in agony. He opens his mouth as if to scream in pain, but nothing more than a strained, prolonged gasp escapes. He goes limp and slumps to the floor – blood begins to trickle out his ears. He is dead.
Jormo finds a key on his body and begins checking drawers for any addition evidence they can give Yartar's Waterbarron. He finds a journal in a drawer beneath the now-empty aquarium.
Beau checks the hallway just in time to see the woman in the yellow robe coming. He shuts the door and warns the group they may have to fight again.
Zep uncovers his Darkness ring to conceal them, and Beau hidden in the darkness casts Disguise Self to look like Drylund.
Zdravko continues to swim home.
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Akane Manaasi flings open the door and seeing only darkness calls out, "What's going on in here?"
Beau, flawlessly imitating Drylund's voice tries to buy them time to think of a plan, "The intruders hid a darkness object somewhere in here. I'm looking for it.
Akane, "Would you like help, sir?"
Beau as Drylund, "Yes?" (internally screaming).
Akane, "What does the object look like? I can attempt to locate it with magic."
Beau as Drylund, "I didn't see it."
Akane, "I don't know how much help I can be, but I will try." She enters into the room. "The intruders... who are they sir? Where are they now?"
Beau as Drylund, "They came looking for Hekaton."
Akane, "I'm sorry sir, what?"
Beau as Drylund, "They're trying to find the Storm Giant."
Akane, "I'm sorry sir, but I don't know what you're talking about."
With that, Zep leaps at her through the darkness and grapples her in choke-hold, covering the Darkness ring in the process.
Akane sees Drylund laying in a pool of blood and also Drylund standing above Drylund's body.
Jormo cries out, "Oh no! you've killed our friend who was disguised as Drylund!"
Akane Manaasi demands to know what's going on.
Beau explains that her boss is caught up in some bad happenings and after he confessed, it seems like someone performed a psychic assassination on him from elsewhere.
The woman in the yellow-green snake robe doesn't seem at all surprised to hear of Drylund's extracurricular business dealings, but after further questioning Beau is pretty certain that Akane Manaasi herself is innocent of any of it and just acts as the security officer of the Grand Dame.
Akane proposes that if they let her go, she can assume the role of running the casino in Drylund's stead, make it her own business, and in the process completely cover for them and attribute Drylund's death to "unseen assassins who never made themselves known." Beau says that sounds good, ONLY if Akane releases their friend from her Suggestion and Akane agrees.
Zdravko stops swimming home and shouts, "SON OF A B----!!!" before turning around, flying into a rage and swimming back towards the boat at top speed!
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When the monk returns, Beau has to convince Zdravko not to attack the security officer, but that doesn't stop him from aggressively drying himself off on her robe - which unflappably she appears to ignore.
They spend the rest of the night gambling and schmoozing and eating from the buffet as if nothing had happened, and none of the guests see Khaspere Drylund for the rest of the evening (or ever again).
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To be continued...
submitted by Yesh_Vroo to dndstories [link] [comments]

Zdravko Swims Home from the Grand Dame - Ch.11 - Session 24

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Previous Session: https://www.reddit.com/stormkingsthundecomments/kkzm93/recon_in_yartar_and_attack_of_the_mudfish_ch11/ In the streets of Yartar our heroes got ambushed by some weird fish-people and a "mudfish" that claimed to be a god. After significant amounts of snooping and intel-gathering, the party felt they had all they needed to know to enter The Grand Dame riverboat casino and to reach Drylund - the prime suspect in Hekaton's disappearance.
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Cast: Level 9
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Jormo submits himself to Nevil Storn - Captain of the Grand Dame - for a position rowing the ship's oars. Captain Storn initially questions Jormo's Iron Gauntlests (of Ogre Strength) which the Tortle claims protect his hands from blistering while rowing. The captain seems skeptical but ultimately lets him aboard.
Next Zep applies to be a dealegame-runner in the ship's casino. After an impressive card trick where the Kenku makes an entire deck disappear only to begin pulling cards from his beak, Captain Storn is so impressed and adds "I'd rather have you running games in our casino rather than playing them that's for sure. Not sure Akane would even be able to catch you cheating."
Once aboard Jormo sits at his rowing station, and Zep reports to the casino where he sets up a game at one of the dozen tables, near a statue of a golden goose on a wooden pedestal. Zep notices crew and staff preparing for guests to arrive. An woman in a beautiful purple dress sets up a game board similar to Dragon Chess at the table next to Zep's. The Kenku also notices a stern-looking older woman in a yellow robe adorned with embroidered green snakes, prowling the casino floor; she is checking to make sure nothing is out of order with the game dealers. Below deck Jormo sees a tiny octopus riding on the shoulder of a man (the Tortle rightly suspects this may be Khaspere Drylund) who briefly checks in with the man who leads the Rowers.
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An hour later Beau - disguising himself as a different Tabaxi named 'Razzlestacks' - seeks to board with his exotic muscular foreign guest, Zdravko (who fakes a limp and leans heavily on his quarterstaff-"walking stick"). Lyra has wildshaped into a flying monkey perched atop the staff as the "Exotic man's exotic pet."
Many of the nobles and aristocrats gathering here are dressed eccentrically enough that as odd as the group of covert heroes may look, they don't expect to arouse too much suspicion.
Captain Nevil Storn is a bit wary of Zdravko's pet, saying that animals usually aren't allowed, but Zdravko assures him that she is well trained and Lyra plays the part well. After a brief conversation with Beau the captain welcomes them aboard his ship.
As they climb the gangplank they see a stern-looking older woman wearing a yellow silk formal robe; she's helping passengers exchange Gold for wooden "Golden Goose" gambling tokens which she procures from a messenger-style bag at her hip. Beau senses magic and hones her vision to see an aura of Conjuration from the bag, and an aura of Transmutation from the Robe of Snakes.
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By sunset everyone has boarded and the boat glides out into the wide Dessarin river for the evening. Paper lanterns illuminate the sides of the boat and balcony around the upper deck.
Zdravko and Beau schmooze with nobles, while Lyra keeps watch. Zep faithfully runs his gaming table while keeping a look-out. Jormo takes semi-frequent breaks from rowing to check on the situation in the casino through one of the port holes.
Zep and Lyra both notice that the woman in the snake-adorned yellow robe has been scrutinizing them much more carefully than the other guests. Between Zep and Beau carefully timing and concealing use of the Message cantrip they're able to somewhat keep each other in the loop. After awhile the lady in yellow ascends the spiral stairs to the upper deck and isn't seen again for several minutes.
In the meantime Zdravko and Beau chat with a jovial noble who seems quite taken with Zdravko, he mentions that Khaspere Drylund prefers to socialize with the gamblers who wager the most. They then enter a high-stakes game of wit and luck against one of the highest-stakes gamblers in the room and Beau beats him, earning himself 300-some gold worth of Golden Goose tokens!
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Khaspere Drylund enters the casino from the spiral stairs, followed by the woman in yellow. He socializes with the high-stakes gambler before approaching Beau. The woman in the snake robe continues patrolling the room.
Beau senses magic as Drylund approaches and focuses her eyes to see a Transmutation aura around the pet octopus resting on his shoulder.
Zdravko takes flying-monkey Lyra out to the balcony to "stretch her wings." The Druid flies out of sight momentarily, then reverts back to her winged Tiefling form, and casts Invisibility on herself as she seeks out Captain Drylund's quarters in the upper deck.
Jormo gets sick of waiting and rowing and enters the casino, pretending to be a noble and snacking at the table. Zdravko gives him a nod before realizing that might have been too much of a tell.
Drylund inquires of Beau what brought him aboard the Grand Dame this evening. Beau explains that he has a background as a sailor and is always interested in unique sailing vessels. After the discussion moves on to local politics Drylund essentially tries to recruit Beau into buying a summer home in Yartar so that he can "participate in the political process." Beau is invited to accompany Drylund to his quarters and he uses his Subtle metamagic to Message Lyra that they're coming.
Zdravko pretends to just meet Jormo for the first time and invites him "to the balcony for fresh air" so they can follow Beau and Drylund. As soon as they're up the stairs Zep notices from his gaming table that the woman in yellow spins on her heal to follow them at a brisk pace. Zep attempts to mask the somatic component of a Message he sends to Zdravko, "You've got a tail; the woman in the yellow snake robe."
On the balcony Zdravko warns Jormo that she's incoming. When she arrives she asks to speak with Zdravko privately but the monk insists his friend be present. She says, "Very well. I know you all have come here with ill-intent and I won't stand for it." To Zdravko she adds, "I suggest you swim home to where ever it is you came from" as she attempts to hijack his mind and will.
Jormo attempts to Counterspell her Suggestion, but she in turn Counterspells his effort. Zdravko nods, "Yes, that sounds good" as he leaps from the balcony straight down into the water below.
The Tortle and the woman stare each other down for a moment as it becomes obvious that a 1 vs 1 Wizard battle is upon them. Then Jormo casts Banishment, and without her ability to counterspell having returned yet she vanishes with a *pop* seemingly into thin air!
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Jormo runs back down the stairs - knowing he only has a minute before she returns from the demi-plane he sent her to and frantically motions for Zep to follow him. The Kenku pretends to sneeze, sending all the cards at his table flying, before he leaps up to follow his Tortle friend (but not before grabbing a few fistfulls of crackers and cheese from the buffet. As they run through the Dance Hall on the upper deck, towards the hall that Beau and Drylund disappeared down Jormo catches him up on the situation, "Zdravko went for a swim and I made the yellow wizard disappear, but she'll be back soon."
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Meanwhile Lyra had been searching Drylund's quarters but only had found some business expense records before receiving Beau's Message. Still invisible Lyra easily hides as Beau and Drylund enter and begin to talk about real-estate holdings.
Less than a minute later Jormo and Zep barge in. Trying to act surprised Beau cries, "What's the meaning of this?"
Drylund says, "Akane was right, you all are up to something. What do you want?"
Jormo says pointedly, "We wanted your help in case we need to assassinate any Storm Giant royalty."
With that Drylund immediate becomes hostile and says, "C'mon Sid, let's do this!" as his tiny pet octopus more than triples in size to become a Giant Octopus!
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Drylund attempts to enshroud himself in a spell, but Jormo Counterspells his effort.
Zep casts a Darkness spell on his ring, essentially blinding everyone in the small room. For most of fight nobody sees much of what's going on. Drylund seems to be lashing out with psychic tentacle attacks, along with spells that effect their minds as Dissonant Whispers force Jormo to momentarily flee the dark room.
Since Lyra can't see, she destroys the water in the octopus's aquarium which enrages the beast as it spends the rest of the fight blindly sloshing its tentacles around after her.
Zep is the only one who can see thanks to the abilities his patron bestowed on him, but he has to take a moment to conjure his blade to his hand before he can take advantage of it. Meanwhile Drylund lands a couple lucky Rapier thrusts against the Kenku in the Darkness.
Lyra similarly lands a lucky hit with a Guiding Bolt, but the extra light that normally sheds off the hit creature can't permeate the magical darkness.
Zdravko continues to swim home.
Beau lines up where she knows Drylund is and hopes an ally isn't directly behind him and unleashes a Lightning Bolt - unseen in the darkness but just as deadly. Drylund attempts his own Lightning attack, but still essentially blind, misses.
After a couple missed Firebolts Jormo yells for Zep to cancel the Darkness. Zep keeps the spell active, but covers the ring, thus obscuring the darkening effect. Jormo slings a cold orb at the injured Lord Drylund's head with the intent to subdue him rather than kill him and it works!
The force of the orb's impact combined with the brain-freeze like effect drops Khaspere Drylund to his knee as he calls out, "Please, I surrender, I surrender. I don't want to die." He tells Sid the octopus that it's over and to go out and get some water. The octopus shrinks back to its tiny size as it slowly crawls up the wall towards the port hole window which Beau opens for it.
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They tie up the captain and Jormo reminds them that the wizard in the yellow robe will only Banished for a few more seconds.
Beau demands Khasphere Drylund tell them, "Where is the Storm Giant, King Hekaton?"
Drylund, out of breath responds, "Very well, I.. I guess I can tell you. You've earned it, apparently."
"The Big One you seek – the Storm Giant Hekaton – is subdued by enchanted shackles and sails aboard a strange-looking vessel called "The Morkoth." It's veiled from all divination, and light bends around it until one is within a certain distance. It sails around the northern isles of the Trackless Sea day and night. If you... "
He stops talking. His voice catches in his throat as the veins in his neck bulge. Drylund's eyes grow wide with terror and become bloodshot as he rigidly grabs his head in agony. He opens his mouth as if to scream in pain, but nothing more than a strained, prolonged gasp escapes. He goes limp and slumps to the floor – blood begins to trickle out his ears. He is dead.
Jormo finds a key on his body and begins checking drawers for any addition evidence they can give Yartar's Waterbarron. He finds a journal in a drawer beneath the now-empty aquarium.
Beau checks the hallway just in time to see the woman in the yellow robe coming. He shuts the door and warns the group they may have to fight again.
Zep uncovers his Darkness ring to conceal them, and Beau hidden in the darkness casts Disguise Self to look like Drylund.
Zdravko continues to swim home.
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Akane Manaasi flings open the door and seeing only darkness calls out, "What's going on in here?"
Beau, flawlessly imitating Drylund's voice tries to buy them time to think of a plan, "The intruders hid a darkness object somewhere in here. I'm looking for it.
Akane, "Would you like help, sir?"
Beau as Drylund, "Yes?" (internally screaming).
Akane, "What does the object look like? I can attempt to locate it with magic."
Beau as Drylund, "I didn't see it."
Akane, "I don't know how much help I can be, but I will try." She enters into the room. "The intruders... who are they sir? Where are they now?"
Beau as Drylund, "They came looking for Hekaton."
Akane, "I'm sorry sir, what?"
Beau as Drylund, "They're trying to find the Storm Giant."
Akane, "I'm sorry sir, but I don't know what you're talking about."
With that, Zep leaps at her through the darkness and grapples her in choke-hold, covering the Darkness ring in the process.
Akane sees Drylund laying in a pool of blood and also Drylund standing above Drylund's body.
Jormo cries out, "Oh no! you've killed our friend who was disguised as Drylund!"
Akane Manaasi demands to know what's going on.
Beau explains that her boss is caught up in some bad happenings and after he confessed, it seems like someone performed a psychic assassination on him from elsewhere.
The woman in the yellow-green snake robe doesn't seem at all surprised to hear of Drylund's extracurricular business dealings, but after further questioning Beau is pretty certain that Akane Manaasi herself is innocent of any of it and just acts as the security officer of the Grand Dame.
Akane proposes that if they let her go, she can assume the role of running the casino in Drylund's stead, make it her own business, and in the process completely cover for them and attribute Drylund's death to "unseen assassins who never made themselves known." Beau says that sounds good, ONLY if Akane releases their friend from her Suggestion and Akane agrees.
Zdravko stops swimming home and shouts, "SON OF A B----!!!" before turning around, flying into a rage and swimming back towards the boat at top speed!
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When the monk returns, Beau has to convince Zdravko not to attack the security officer, but that doesn't stop him from aggressively drying himself off on her robe - which unflappably she appears to ignore.
They spend the rest of the night gambling and schmoozing and eating from the buffet as if nothing had happened, and none of the guests see Khaspere Drylund for the rest of the evening (or ever again).
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To be continued...
submitted by Yesh_Vroo to stormkingsthunder [link] [comments]

Ever want to take your group to Las Vegas?

Here is a 1-shot adventure I made, that could easily be fixed to suit any campaign! It comes complete with a whole town, some notable NPCs, some games to play while they are there, and a heist adventure if your players are keen!I playtested it with my group last Friday and they loved it :) Let me know what you think, or if you play it with your group!
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The group has come to the bustling town of Everhaven, a massive stone city in the middle of nowhere outside of all lordly jurisdiction. What once was a safehaven for unlawful deeds, gangs and thieves and murder, has since become an incredible tourist attraction for upper-class citizens to feel the thrill of skullduggery with minimal risk (as well as those looking for an easy pocket to pick). With buildings stretching towards the sky engraved with immaculate relief decor along its pillars and archways; gold and jeweled accents; and magically enhanced lighting illuminating every corner, rooftop, and statue, the city of Everhaven is an overwhelming mecca of visual stimulation.You arrive at the main square, where hundreds of other carriages are dropping off persons of every shape and size. A large group of richly adorned dwarves with gems on every finger scramble out of a red velvet carriage and immediately begin arguing about which attraction to visit first. A few high elves laugh behind their hands, though their red cheeks reveal their obvious drunken state, while leaning against a statue of angels playing fanfare trumpets in every direction - light spewing out of the metal horns in a magical rhythmic dance into the sky above. To your right is a large stable run by a sturdy group of stablehands, who are keeping busy taking care of the myriad of animals being herded into the city with frantic efficiency. Leaning against the stables are a group of rough and unfriendly looking folks, scars streaking across their exposed skin and blades at their belts. If the group talks to them, or succeeds on a 12 PER check, these are mercenaries to be hired for protection for pickpockets. (use the thug statblock (mm pg 350) for 2 silver per day or veteran (mm pg 350) for 2 gold per day).Eventually, an overzealous male half-elf (Fenian, The Silver Song) approaches you, adorned with a sequin silver vest and small white lute. He wears a hat with bells that jingles incessantly as he strides up to greet you. He offers to give you a tour of the city, and he specializes in the grand jewel of the of Everhaven - The Clover. He asks for 10 silver for the regular tour, with the best-selling vocalization, or 20 silver for without music accompaniment.Anyone with a passive perception of 10 or less will at some point, if not multiple points, be pick pocketed during their stay unless they hired a guard.On the tour he points out the various mercenary groups along the way, and makes note of the major attractions. The group can also see these if they decline his services:
If the group is having enough fun just exploring - let them. Otherwise, if they make enough money or make enough of a ruckus, then a stranger will approach them with a plan too good to pass up.
This female purple-skinned tiefling (Marzas Alrozath) has a scar over one eye and is missing a few teeth, but is otherwise well kept and clean. Her hair is shaved in zigzag patterns on both sides and a ponytail at the back. She wears padded black leather, with various pockets sewn in. Her belt has too many coin purses. She takes you to the Pepper Parlour and pays for your meals “There is no better place to talk of such matters than in a room full of raucous pigs.” She explains that she is interested in working with you to break into The Clover’s vault. There is more money there than God knows what to do with. It is heavily guarded with too many traps. She heard from a good source that there is, however, a way around the majority of these hazards - a central access point to the subterranean cellars connecting all of Everhaven together. She knows it's somewhere in the middle of town, but hasn’t been able to find where yet. She asks you to seek it out, as she cannot do it herself as they have her records on file (she became a member years ago, and they have her spit to track her movement inside the casino. If the party is already members they have disadvantage on any stealth checks made while in the Clover. The secret entrance is underneath the Smiling Lady Statue through the mechanic's entrance)Alternatively, you can try and find someone in The Clover who has little loyalty to the company, or someone who knows the space well can help you? Perhaps a key, or a map, or intel on what awaits you? (Fenian the guide, Balor the server at The Clover's Bar, or Two-Teeth at the Houndgrave)
Map to the Clover's Staff Area (accessible through the far back of the casino) (one with traps, one without)
TRAPS: If any traps go off, make an additional stealth check for alerting the guards (except for Trap 4)
  1. Trip wire - PER 12 check to notice the wire, or DEX 12 save to avoid stumbling.
  2. Door trap - DEX 12 save. A heavy iron block falls on your head. Take 1 D6 damage you are Stunned for 1 minute, with disadvantage on any saving throws for 10 minutes.
  3. Door trap - DEX 12 save. A heavy iron block falls on your head. Take 1 D6 damage and you are Stunned for 1 minute, with disadvantage on any saving throws for 10 minutes.
  4. Huge metal locked door to the vault - PER 12 check to notice the trap. If door isn’t unlocked the right way, then a loud siren goes off and you are Deaf for 1 minute (alerts the guard immediately).
  5. Trip wire - PER 12 check to notice the wire, or Con 15 save or be be blinded for 1 minute
  6. The floor in this room is jiggly. Movement across the room sends nearby creatures bouncing into the air. A successful Intelligence (Investigation) or Intelligence (Arcana) check (DC 15) will grant knowledge of how the jelly floor acts. A Wisdom (Perception) check (DC 15) is required to notice the jelly floor. The walls themselves are slightly sticky, which allows you to walk across.The floor feels like hard stone when lightly touched touch, but while walking across the floor or if hit, it really jiggles. A creature, and any creature who is within 5 feet of them, who is walking across the floor is tossed 10 feet into the air, hits the ceiling and takes 1d6 bludgeoning damage.
  7. If you don’t approach the door from the walls or ceiling (aka you open it from the floor), sleep gas is emitted into the hallway. (DC 15 Wisdom saving throw)
  8. Motion sensor - If the door wasn’t opened correctly, then this automatically goes off. Dex save or else darts shoot from the corners, take 2D6 damage.
  9. Tripwire - PER 12 check to notice the wire, or 12 DEX save to avoid stumbling.
  10. Tripwire - PER 12 check to notice the wire, or spikes fly out from the group. Take 1 D10 piercing damage
  11. Pressure plates - PER 12 to notice the plate, or else the pressure plates release sticky slime to the ground which acts as difficult terrain and sticks to your feet for 1 minute after leaving the terrain.
ROOMS:
CASINO GAMES (all Dealers / Game Masters have a DC 13 against sleight of hand checks) Lucky 7s - Roll 2D6. Players bet either over or under 7. Players can either double down or quit - pot then doubles until either the players cash out, they choose wrong, or a 7 is rolled. Once a 7 is rolled, the house wins.
Devil's Dice - Roll 3D6. Players pick a # between 1-6. If 0 of the dice match this number, the house wins. If 1 of the dice match, they win back their bet. If 2 match, they double their bet. If 3 match, they triple their bet.
High or Lower - Roll 2D6. Dealer shows 1 dice to player, and the player has to guess whether their sum is higher or lower than the Dealer's dice. Can double down, and then roles swap for who shows their dice first.
I tried making a few games that weren't just dice games, but also offered some role play elements.
Karaoke - Roll performance against the crowd's reaction. Roll 1D20 against the player's Performance (Player's have advantage if they perform a duet). Earn 1 gold for the difference between these rolls (ie: Player's rolled a 18 performance, DM rolled a 12. Players earn 6 gold)
Dunk the Drunk / Archery - Roll for a ranged attack. 10-15 earns back their bet. 15-20 earns double the bet. 20+ earns double the bet plus a special item (up to DMs discretion)
Hammer Strike - Simple enough - DC 15 Athletics wins double the bet.
*edit - Forgot to add in the casino games like I promised - whoops!
submitted by mouharle to DndAdventureWriter [link] [comments]

Logan and the Antarctic - Chapter One.

Logan age 26
Struggling musician, lives in Vegas. Takes odd jobs like magician's assistant and Ubering people around.
Cooks top ramen with a sprinkle of cheese and an egg because it makes him feel fancy.
Owns a YouTube channel although not a successful one. He's talented he just doesn't have the marketing savvy.
Into conspiracy theory videos. Stays up late sometimes watching 10-15 videos in a row going from simple UFO / Bob Lazar stuff, to debating whether the earth is flat using 6th grade Trigonometry. He knows it's not flat, but sometimes he looks up and can't help but wonder.
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He's that shady guy at coffee houses. Wears a scarf to places that you don't expect people to wear scarfs. Always has stubble but never a full beard. Which is odd because you rarely see him shaving, you'd think his stubble was permanently tattooed on his face.
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Hosts various open mic nights around the city every other week.
People mistake him for Russell Brand until they hear him speak.
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"Russell! Russell!" you'd hear them running up on the strip trying to take a selfie, sometimes he just goes with it.
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One night our would-be British celebrity picks up a couple in his Uber. They're young in their mid 20s.
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The woman has wavy brown hair, in a navy blue mini skirt with dark red heels and a white blouse. As soon as they get in the car she starts crying begging the man who appears to be her husband to stay.
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She appears to be a little tipsy and has a pizza stain on her right shoulder. Logan can see from the mirror, aside from being a messy eater, she's also very worried for her husband's well being.
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"Honey I can't let you go all that way alone. Don't they have housing for spouses on the base?" She begs.
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"No.. normally yes but... Baby we can talk about this when we get home. Please.." The man looks as though he fears she might say something that might get them both killed.
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"How dare you leave me all alone while you go to fucking ANTARCTICA!!!! What the fuck is so great about Antarctica anyway? Do they have hot Antarctican strippers on the base? I bet that's what it is. You're cheating on me with a whale!!!!!"
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She laughs with tears in her eyes.
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"Baby I told you.. \Looking at Logan glaring at him in the rear-view\** It's.... it's classified".
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"CLASSIFIED CLASSIFIED THAT'S ALL YOU EVER SAY! I'M YOUR WIFE!!!!!!! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TELL ME THINGS ANYWAY!!!
Like that time you told me about the space craft they found in New Mexico. And the portal in Africa. And the pasta colander Gina found in Switzerland"- hiccuuppp
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"....The particle collider in Geneva, Switzerland*... Dear you're so drunk... Please.."
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"YEAH THAT THING!!!! IF YOU TOLD ME ABOUT THAT WHY CAN'T YOU TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON IN ANTARCTICA!?"
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".... I'm so sorry sir she had a little too much to drink tonight. You can just let us out over here. Thank you. Here's a tip. For the disturbance."
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He hands Logan $100 bill. As if to keep quiet about what he had just heard.
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"Hey" said Logan to the man who had just handed him a crisp hundo.
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Being a conspiracy nut himself and having done tons of research on Antarctica, Logan needed to know more but he couldn't let on that he wanted to know more.
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"Are you guys hiring? For... for that trip I mean... Uber... doesn't pay very well at all. And well... I could reaaally get out of this damned heat, a change of pace in Antarctica sounds exciting."
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Faking desperation, thinking it would help his case. People sometimes take pity on you if you plead nicely, Logan has learned.
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"I'm not supposed to say... and normally I wouldn't. But.. you've got that same look in your eye that I once had. So... I definitely did not tell you that we're leaving from Los Angeles in 2 days. And if you were somehow to show up at this address with a suitcase and a sad story, you might get hired as a cook on board our ship. The captain has a soft spot for sad stories. But I didn't say that. Have a good night."
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Logan thought for a minute.
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"A cook... hmm... I don't know how to cook...But I gotta get on that boat somehow...
I don't have a lot of money either.. Ahhhh who am I kidding. Me? Antarctica? Pshhhhhhh"
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With a swipe of his finger on his smart phone that fit snug into the cup holder of his silver and black SUV, he logged off the UBER app and headed to the Circus Circus with a crisp hundred dollar bill.
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He hands his keys to the parking attendant who gives him a claim ticket.
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"You can come to me later for free parking validation sir!!"
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"Thanks......Hmm.. I like what they did with the remodel" Logan says under his breath as he passes a gaudy slot machine decorated with polar bears, ice bergs and a huge fan set up to blow cold air on your face every time you pull the lever.
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"Worth it just to get out of the heat, I'd say.."
Something pulled him towards that specific slot machine. Maybe it was the remnant of a frantic woman drunkenly babbling on about government conspiracies or maybe it was... fate.
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With a fold, a tug and a whirling grinding of the tiny conveyor belt, Logan had a feeling he would never see that hundred dollar bill again.
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Part of a 50s doo-wap song begins to play on the machine before a loud obnoxious voice takes over.
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"ARE YOU READY TO PLAY BYEEEEEEE POLARRRRRR!!!!!! LETS GET READY TO CRUMBLLLLLLLEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!.... THESE ICE BERGS!!!!!!! Choose your bet and pull the lever! Try max bet for a chance to win 20 free spins and an entry into our million dollar jackpot at the end of the night!!!!!"
​
"Yeah right... I just want the free buffet. It's reasonable? Come on. Give me a buffet"
As Logan presses max bet, pulls the lever and the warm musty air blows on his face from the fan that obviously needs a can of freon, Logan can't help but wonder if he should have just got a buffet with the hundred dollar bill.
​
"Well too late now"
​
The machine starts whirling and spinning, a video of a big ice wall pops up as a bunch of birds in military uniforms attempt to jump over it as each number counts down.
​
Sorry you lose. Admiral Bird is sad. Try again?
​
Logan goes to spin again but it won't budge. He glances over at the sign that reads "Max Bet $100"
​
"Wow I spent $100 on one spin???? Are you serious??? What a rip off..."
​
As Logan stands up from the chair that looked more like a throne and had 10 ice swords sticking out of it with a vortex in the middle, he hears another whirling printing noise coming from the machine.
​
"Keep this ticket for the million dollar drawing at the end of the night! Your number is 74819!! If 74819 gets called, show this ticket to the concierge to collect your prize. Not valid if you leave the casino before the drawing. Not valid if you go to the bathroom before the drawing. Not valid if folded. Not valid if you validate your parking. Void where prohibited"
​
"Geeez what a load of crap.. Not valid not valid, you'd think they would just print "GFYS" and be done with it".
​
$100 was all Logan was willing to spend at the casino. He knows the slots are rigged, but he also knows they're on a certain percentage payout, meaning if enough money goes in, some money has to come out. $100 is his limit. It's a rule. With a rule like that you'd think he knows what he's doing, except the most he's ever won was $900 on a malfunctioning roulette machine in Atlantic City.
​
Logan heads for the door to go validate his parking when he hears on the loud speaker:
​
"Greeeeetings Circus Circus fam!!! We're about to announce the winner of our million dollar jackpot drawing. BEtter not VaLidAte your parking just yet!! We'll be calling out one number every 5 minutes until the final number is drawn!!!!"
​
Logan looks at the parking attendant and snatches his ticket back before he had a chance to stamp it.
​
"Awe mannnnn they pay me for every stamp" The attendant with red hair and braces cried.
​
"Shut up kid, I'm trying to hear this"
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"ANd nOw the MOMENT YOU'VE ALL been waiting for.... the million dollar drawing!! FIRST NUMBER IN 30 SECONDS!!!!!"
​
The parking attendant tries to stamp Logan's ticket without him noticing. Logan stares at him with a Bruce Lee stare that said "I'll kill you with subtitles".
​
"If your number has a 3 in itttttttttt!!!!!!!!" - Logan exhales and reaches to give the parking attendant the ticket he's been drooling over like Gollum at a wedding rehearsal.
​
"Then you're out of luck because the first number is 7!!!!!!!!"
​
"NOT TODAY GOLLUM!!!!!!!" - Logan snatches the ticket back and starts to run as the attendant hisses.
​
The attendant chases Logan around the casino with his freshly inked stamp while each number brings him closer to the prize. Logan careful not to fold it or enter any bathrooms before the final number gets called.
​
Finally Logan seemed to lose the red haired parking attendant and found refuge sitting near an old lady in fishnet stockings playing a fortune teller slot.
​
Trying to keep his cool knowing he's only 1 number away from a million dollar jackpot (minus taxes of course), he tries to make small talk with the aunt-like fishnet wearer.
​
"So.. do you have one of those tickets too?"
​
A little giggle comes out as the woman pulls the lever to the slot in front of her.
​
"No..... I don't. But I do have.... a PARKING VALIDATION STAMP!!!!!!!"
​
What Logan thought to be a nice old woman woman turns her head to reveal a toothy grin from the red haired parking attendant.
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"Holy shit what are they paying you guys???? I'm not even mad.. That's impressive.. No really, like how you did your eye shadow? It's a lovely color on you. It looks like Egyptian markings!"
​
The parking attendant blushes.
"Oh you really think -"
​
*AND NOW THE FINAL NUMBER!!!! 9!!!!!! If your ticket says 74819 then head to the cashier right away to collect your prize!!!!!"
​
Logan takes off running towards the cashier. The attendant doesn't chase after him, instead just sits there feeling sad because he actually thought Logan was complimenting his eye shadow.
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"I would have let him off the hook ya know. I've validated parking for so long, no one ever... validated my markings....."
​
Some time later, Logan sitting in the back room of the Circus Circus cashier cage with a team of people making sure that he didn't get his parking validated or took a bathroom break, trying to find any loop hole to deny him a payout.
​
A short chubby bald man holding a cigar, dressed in a short black suit snarled at Logan while a team of data scientists prepare Matplotlib graphs from camera footage in Jupyter Notebooks on a server a few feet away. The short man looked like Dr Eggman played by Danny Devito joining the Men in Black.
​
"Okay Fine you got us, kid. Here take your damned cash. You earned it fair and square."
​
Leading Logan into the "back-back" room filled with the sound of cash rolling through the electrical money counters and yellow paper bands with a tiny bit of glue being wrapped around and tightened against stacks of green currency with old men's pictures printed in the center to denote dollar amount.
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"1 million dollars. Minus taxes and parking attendant therapy fee that's 6 hundred thousand, 3 hundred and 68 dollars annnnd 46 cents." The short balding Eggman said.
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"Parking attendant therapy fee? Seriously?"
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"Look kid, we can give you 6 hundred grand and change or free parking validation. Which will it be???"
​
Sensing that this isn't your average casino, and that this isn't an average situation, realizing the reality that he was just hours ago driving for $10 dollars a ride, now having over half a million after tax dollars in his face, he said what any human in his position would say.
​
"I'll take the cash...."
​
2 days, 40 grand and 5 high class call girls later..
​
Logan arrives to the address scribbled on the back of an Ale house business card. Turns out it was an abandoned building. The guy was just messing with him.
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"I drove 4 hours for nothing.. Maybe she was just wasted. Antarctica sounded so cool though. The mystery. I need to know what they're hiding... Man how am I gonna get to Antarctica?"
​
Driving down the industrial complex, Logan spots a travel agency. "Maybe they have a cruise?"
​
The door opens with a BEEEEEEP and a jingle of door chimes with the atmosphere of a knock off 7/11 on a back alley road. It even had those little red and green door beads that lead to the back room where you just know there's a round table and an elderly group of ethnic gentlemen in tank tops smoking cigarettes and complaining about the "races".
​
"Can I help you?" A tall dark gentleman in a red and yellow Hawaiian shirt with curly black hair said in a rough southern British accent. Which was weird because he seemed.. not British.
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"Uh...... yes do you guys have anything for Antarctica?"
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"Ohhh quite booked up eeem'afraid. Yup till September."
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"Well that's only next week..."
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"Of 2022 eem'afrraiid, yup it's quite a while yup."
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"Why... are you talking like that?"
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"Look we're booked up bruv. If you wanna have a go at one of our Hawaiian cruises I can put you on the next boat to Waikiki which leaves in an hour."
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"Dude come on, how can I get to Antarctica? I got money..."
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"How much money?"
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"I'll spend 100k on it if I have to. I want to go to Antarctica."
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"Hmmmmmmmmm wellll woi didn'tcha say so govna, come on back let's have a look at our private charters why don't we".
​
The clearly not British man in the tacky Hawaiian shirt led Logan down past the rasta beads to the back room which.. looked exactly as Logan presumed
​
​
"Ayeeeeeee Earl man wants to go to Antarctica. Got 100k"
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"100k? To go to Antarctica? Why? Can't he wait til 2022 it's only 4k. What's the rush?"
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Both the tall dark gentleman stare confused at Logan. Logan himself looks a bit bewildered.
​
When he really thought about it, he hadn't even made a plan. "Just get to Antarctica" was the plan. But as to what was next once he got there he hadn't given really much thought.
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"To be honest I have no clue myself, I just... wanna go. See the sights.."
Logan said not wanting to raise any red flags.
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"THATS E SPEEEREEEET" the clearly not British man shouted, as both Logan and his counter-part looked frightened.
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"Sorry... I mean... yeah man that's the spirit!"
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Earl peered down at Logan through his black rimmed prescription glasses in confusion and doubt, wondering if he's actually got the 100k to spend.
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"For 100k I'll take ye there and back. But how'loi know you got the monay" said Earl who didn't before but now has a very thick Scottish accent.
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"Well I just won a jackpot from the Circus Circus in Vegas. See here's a bag full of money. They even zip locked stacks for me at a nominal fee."
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"Circus Circus eh? A wise guy eh? Oi want payment up front and en cash. And ye gotta sign a waver, if'n ye die in and or around the boat during any time from here to Antarctica and back, you hold SaberTooth Charter LLC indemifiable for all liability and such."
​
The other clearly not British man chimed in "Yeah indemnifiable!"
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".......I'm gonna have to think about it...." Logan said, backing away slowly, clearly uncomfortable, trying to peacefully exit the building.
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"Okay fine fine... I'll drop the accent and you can pay half now, half when we get there. 3 meals a day, whole crew ready to do your bidding. It'll take 4 weeks. We'll stop in Guadalajara, El Salvador, Ecuador, Peru, Chile straight to Antarctica. If you've got any specific spots you'd like to check out along the way, we'll try to accommodate you. Fair enough?"
​
"Deal." said Logan.
​
(Chapter Two)
submitted by thabat to HFY [link] [comments]

Dating, the big one.

So I don't know if I specifically focusing on Monday still because of how bad the date was or because the other circumstances that went hand in hand with it. Every time I talk to someone now, I feel like I'm just dropping my world onto them like catlady did to me. It makes me reflect on every time I wanted to talk to a friend over the past summer about my feelings. It makes me feel like almost like a burden. Because when is it okay for a person to vent and when is it not? is it still my fault for continuing the conversation beyond the limit I wanted it to go? Where is the line?
Cat lady is coming into my head more and more beyond that too. I am keeping up with my online dating front. fruitless, but I'm being very selective at moment. Where I would literally just swipe right on anyone remotely attractive before, now I actually read bios and take into consideration what they put into their profiles and pictures. Granted that all is a me thing and I only have myself to blame again for all of it, but there is still the but and I don't feel comfortable sitting with it and processing it for some reason. It feels gross, almost to the point where when you get sick and you expunge your stomach of its contents and right before it feels better, there is that gut wrenching twist. It's akin to that.
I havent felt this bad since the one. The worst one. Ill refer to it as a jbl, like the speaker. Portly and forgettable in comparison. They were my worst date ever and I cant get that day out of my head either. The only thing that has helped was dating more, but there is still the burn from the scorch. It was my birthday a year and a half ago now. We met through a mutual friend, (I was trying to get with the mutual friend) either way we were set up to go to the local casino. We talked over facebook and they seemed cute enough. Blue hollowed eyes with long, dry straw-like chestnut-colored hair. We had things in common just like catlady and it seemed like we could really hit things off.
So the day when we were going to meet, jbl was going to a convention on the other side of town. Only for part of the day though, the other was supposed to be with me. I had no interest in the convention at all and I told them that it was my birthday so I wanted to go gamble. I packed a hundred dollars in my wallet so I could limit myself to what I could do strictly with cash. That was my gambling money.
I got to the city early and I walked up and down the roads looking at casinos and shops, taking it all in. I stop at one casino and I spend twenty dollars. No big deal I sat at the table and had well over my fill in coffee and fancy sodas for twenty dollars. It starts getting to be lunch time, the time we agreed on meeting and I text them where do you want to meet? Im getting hungry and I would like to get something soon.They say essentially the same thing.
So we agree to meet at an outlet mall about halfway from each other and figure out food from there. I start my journey of the quater of a mile to get to this place, still taking in all of the scenery. Almost to our meet-up point I get a text saying "I've fallen." Me being curius and not knowing what that meant I asked "you've fallen?" Thinking there was either a typo or a unfinished text. I was wrong, they text me back promptly to tell me that they have fallen on the way to meet me. I ask if they're ok and the whole nine yards, proceeded with the obvious question of does they need emergency help. They said no and they told me where they were, so I walked past the mall to meet them.
When I first met them with my eyes about 200 yards away I didnt think it was human to be completely honest. I saw what could only be described as a blob on the ground. Maybe a blown off tarp from a construction truck driving by? It was afterall in a freshly mulched garden to the side. Not with my luck though! It was them. As I approach The blob takes shape into a somewhat human form, hunched over their own girth. This person didn't look like anything from their photos. Not only was I angry at them for this, but I was angry at my friend for putting me through this, knowing what my reaction would be.
*Here is a side note, people can be people and everyone is different. I for one am very large, looming at six three and 225 ibs. I feel like my tone has been reached and people can assume I am moderately an accepting person within reason. With that though, this goes beyond body positive ideals to a point where this life style and body weight is hazardous to a person.
So I approach them with the intent of just getting up and going. The only problem is, is that they cant get up. They are too portly to press them selves up from the ground. I ask again if they want ems to come and at least pick them up. A solid no came back. I tried lifting them up and what a joke that was. They easily where two and a half of me. I couldn't get them to budge.
A half hour passes and nothing comes to fruition. In the back of my head Im screaming to leave. Why not just get up and go. They are of no use and of no romantic or friendly value! This blob is worth nothing to me. I stayed though out of morality. I felt like if I didn't they would have gotten hurt. Eventually they rolled in the fresh horse shit and fertilizer over to one of those big green power boxes. The ones you see in shopping centers and condominiums. They are pale green and usually have a humming sound to them. They ended up shimmying their mass up the side of the electrical box to finally stand.
So they, smelling like shit. Felt like we could no longer go to a nice restaurant. Thank god, however I did want to eat. So we settle on a mid tier place and start moving. We didn't talk much on the way there. Me prying for anything got almost nothing. No one can say I didn't try to salvage the jewels from the rusted crown that was this date.
We arrived to this buffet area and of course I pay, with those 1950's ideals of how I should always pay first. It was casino prices so for the both of us, it was a few dollars short of a hundred. I know this portion should be on me because it was my actions, but they just make me bitter. We sit and I grab some food and we start talking. Twenty minutes go by and no thoughtful talking was going on and they had yet to grab food. I ask and they said they werent hungry... Why say you want to go to a place at all, especially smelling like shit and having me put up with you like this. Why wouldnt you just say lets go grab a pizza or something small? Why let me pay? I didn't insist as much as just instinctively grabbed my money. After almost guilting them, they grabbed what look like a condiment or dessert plate of white rice.
Conversation again was at a stand still with nothing of importance or of any interest. I finally struck a chord with gambling but in wasn't a major chord. It was distorted and ugly. They started to lecture me on why gambling was wrong and how I shouldnt have gambled that much (twenty dollars) away so far. I really wanted to say where do you get off for the shit smelling person telling me the person who dropped a hundred dollars just to eat with you. I'm an adult with my own moneys, jobs, and choices.
I managed to switch the conversation, but it only went to our friend, the one I really wanted, and how they were in the midst of getting it on in the middle of the convention. This went on for another hour until our mutual friend texted back that they were done with the deed. The mutual friend wanted jbl to come back for another panel. So the good came with the bad. Not only did jbl cancel the date early, but now I had to walk them back to the convention.
I did exactly that. I tipped our server and promptly walked them back. That half a mile felt like three foot steps at the same time those steps took eons. It was a mixture of rushing and trying to put up with the slothfulness and gluttony of what was happening.
We never spoke again. Our mutual friend shortly stopped talking to me too. That was my worst date. Even typing this felt gross and it took an hour. Hopefully this series has an end, just like this fall.
submitted by Thevoidwhispersback to u/Thevoidwhispersback [link] [comments]

$60 ——> $530

“Mini” BlackJack Diary - WARNING, VERY LENGTHY NOVEL
Hello guys, me and my family took a round trip tour throughout the United States - with California being our destination.
I live in Ohio and we dropped by Vegas for only 2 days. Just a little story about my profit and losses and where I played.
The hotel we stayed at was Harrah’s (AMAZING place for a little vacay stay btw but AWFUL for blackjack because of the crud rules.)
I had learned BJ with friends a few years prior to this trip because of poker, but never played seriously or practiced before this.
I had only studied a couple of days before this trip because I have a horrible habit of doing things last minute.
I am a Computer science major and study astrophysics for fun, so naturally I am able to crunch numbers without much effort.
My studies were all done within a 4 DAY SPAN. My actual play was done on days 3 AND 4.
I start out with a $200 bankroll for cushion, and only play with $20 buy-ins at a time to pull away when I need to.
DAY 1 —
2 Days prior to hitting Vegas, I knew virtually NOTHING about Blackjack and had taken it upon myself to learn basic strategy.
I had already KNEW how to count with the Hi-Lo system because - as I mentioned - I counted while playing poker FOR FUN at the same time as reading hands. Which I know, counting in poker is useless, but might as well kill two birds with one stone.
I learned basic strategy within this first day using android BJ practice apps, and solidified my memory with lots of water and good sleep.
This was 7+ hours of practice, as I was stuck in the car for the drive there.
DAY 2 —
I decided to squeeze as much info out of this as I could, so I learned the Wong Halves system on this day.
I also searched online hardcore for the best places to play with the BEST rules. Unfortunately, this was useless because we ended up staying at HARRAH’s (known for its shit rules).
For the Wong Halves, this was another 7+ HOURS of brutal brain numbing practice with 10 minute breaks in between each hour.
This system was very difficult to learn due to the halves system, but provides a bit of a more an accurate count. It was tough building the neurons for this new method, as I was already used to the Hi-Lo system.
But nonetheless, I was able to blitz an entire deck in just under 30 seconds.
DAY 3 —
So this was it.
We finally arrived around 4pm and checked in with our luggage and took everything upstairs.
As my parents were checking-in, I scanned the entire bottom casino perimeter to get a good look at my prey and what tables to go for. You could almost get lost looking for the restroom, I’d say - I’m sure they designed the place to have a devils grip on your mind.
The first tables in the party pit were intimidating with $15 - $25 minimums! - I was anticipating $5min, as being a broke college student, I know that variance can devour my entire bankroll.
As I was watching, I could BARELY keep count of the cards flying out from the dealers hand.
Already I was sweating. But knowing the cards were being hand-shuffled here, I was a bit relieved.
I decided to turn away and head to the empty back portion of the LINQ hotel, (basically connected to Harrahs), in hopes of finding a table with $5 min.
Luckily I did! But with an ASM and cruddy rules?? :(
I was screwed at that point, with no real hopes of winning. I decided to go for it and use basic strategy and practice counting while I was there.
I failed MISERABLY, and could BARELY keep track of half the cards that were coming out. My first $20 basically flew out of my hands.
With the night closing in for us, nearing almost 6pm, my family decided that it was time to leave and head out to eat.
DAY 3 — 6:30pm, MAIN ST. Garden Court Buffet
SORELY deceived and mislead, I had already dropped my hopes of having any edge against the house. “How could I be defeated so easily? I get that it was only $20 to start out, but have the rules around here really run to shit?”
After dinner, while my family is finishing eating, I decide to depressingly look around for tables.....
There it is....the fucking holy grail of BlackJack tables. BJ pays 3:2, and dealer hits on S17, with only 2 decks.
I almost cry with joy.
As any good player, I decide to sit back and watch the other players first and how they play.
2 older guys sitting next to each other, one stacking, one not.
The one stacking is generating heat, as passerby’s seem to notice the chips building high. The pit boss notices as well and eyes him the entire time he’s there. I had a feeling he was counting as he was spreading his bets on 4+ count, and I think he was also using a progression system. Who knows. The guy leaves.
I jump in, and am the only one at the table.
I whip out $20, unfamiliar with the game, the dealer is adjusting my mistakes every 20 seconds as I unnecessarily flip the cards over when I’m not supposed to and touch them when I’m not supposed to.
This immediately turns me off from counting.
So I turn to basic strategy and win the first few hands. I struggle through the variance and run this all the way up to $120 within the first 20 minutes!!
My family finishes dinner and comes to get me.
If it weren’t for those meddling kids, I’m sure I’d be up more! - Only kidding. I would have tilted and lost it all like the first time at LINQS, had it not been for their intervention :)
I was happy the entire night, with my bank roll starting out with $200, losing a $20 buy-in at first and then returning that with $120, I was invincible!!! Only $80 profit in total :(
I did not know how to cut my losses.
I wanted more.
11PM, THE VENETIAN - NEW BLACKJACK $5min COLOSSEUM FORMAT
That same night I decided to explore The Venetian. They had a new colosseum style blackjack game with the same crap rules.
I sit down with my $20 buy-in and go to town. It’s quite a long grind, as I ran it up to $60 in 20 minutes.
The free drinks start coming in. And a new guy sits next to me. He is also a Computer science major.
We talk for awhile, have a couple drinks and smokes (I normally don’t smoke cigs, only mary) and we both run up to $140 after about an hour and a half of playing total.
Lady Luck was on my side that night.
I am up a total of $260 in one day. Not bad for $20 buy-in. I decide to call it a night.
DAY 4 — LAST DAY AT HARRAH’S
It was night time at Harrah’s and we had arrived after walking down the Vegas strip and visiting the different casinos.
Mind you this was on July 4th so before arriving to the party pit tables my family was anticipating fireworks to be displayed on the strip that night (it was actually displayed 2 days before July 4th?? Bleh, whatever.)
So me and my mother decide to sit down at the $10 minimum tables - and thank god Harrahs even had a few 10$ min - after she had lost roughly $60 at the 3 card poker table.
I pull out $20 for a buy-in (I know, I know, awful idea but I do it anyways.
I get so freaking lucky and win the first couple of hands, I run it all the way to $220 in 40 minutes! All the while helping my mother gain back her profit as well.
I begin to lose 4 consecutive hands and decided to cut my losses at $170!!
I cash out with a total profit $430 added to my bankroll ($610 total!) and for the rest of the trip, I am a happy, happy boy. 22 and broke never felt so good.
I am actually quite afraid to play again, as there are no good tables in Columbus, Ohio. But am eager to study more.
If you guys have any tips or advice, please let me know.
That’s my story, thank you guys for reading.
As always, happy hunting!
submitted by supersaiyanmp3 to blackjack [link] [comments]

6 Nights in Vegas - From Someone Cheap

6 Nights in Vegas - On a Budget

A little background on us. I’m 35 my wife is 28. We aren’t major gamblers by any stretch, but we usually hit up a local casino maybe once a month, twice if we do good, and usually gambling about $100 a piece each time. We are both huge sports fans, especially college sports (Notre Dame). I’m a bit of a tightwad most of the time.
The morning of April 2, 2016 I asked her if she wanted to marry me (both of us have been married once before), she said yes. I bought tickets that morning, didn’t tell anyone our plans and drove from South Bend Indiana area to Chicago O’Hare, and arrived in Vegas right around dark.
The first couple of Hotels I tried for were booked, but we ended up finding a room at Planet Hollywood (which we spent all of about 4 hours in). We then flew out the next morning, spending a total of about 12 hours in Vegas.
This time around, after finding out my kids would be with their mom over Spring Break, I decided to save up and actually plan a trip this time. We debated Florida, Canada, the Smokies, and ended up deciding on Vegas.
Tuesday – March 27 We stayed the night at Blue Chip Casino (BOYD Gaming) in Michigan City Indiana (halfway to O’Hare). Both of us had comps for a free room and Buffet’s as well and about $75 worth of food credit that we had been saving for our Vegas trip. They also gave me a $25 gas card. We decided to gamble $100, and lost pretty quickly. After eating our “free buffets” we decided to go to bed, anticipating an early morning.
Wednesday – March 28 Once we got to O’Hare, we went and checked our 1 bag in at the Spirit Airlines desk. Everything at Spirit is A la Carte, and I had paid for 1 checked bag, however the lady in front of me discovered that their checked bags cost even more if over 40lbs. I had gone with Spirit to save a buck, and overall the experience wasn’t terrible, but I’ve had much better experiences with other non-discount airlines. After arriving in Vegas, we rode the bus from the airport to the Rental Car facility, and in short time had our new car for the week. The nice lady at Payless tried selling me several extras, and I politely declined each of them. I’ve come to expect the sales pitch no matter what rental company I use, and overall my experience with these guys was very good. We ended up changing reservations last minute for our Hotel due to additional offers I received while at Blue Chip. After checking in at the Fremont (all 6 nights) we unpacked, stopped at IN & OUT Burger, and made a run to Wal-Mart for snacks and drinks. We then decided to go check out the Nuwu Dispensary, we were both very impressed with the selection, cleanliness, and friendliness of everyone we talked to there (we are novices at this lol). After making a “small” purchase, we decided to drive out to Mount Charleston for the evening and ended up catching the sunset before driving back into town. We spent the rest of the evening walking around Fremont Street mostly just people watching, before we grabbed a snack from the Café inside the Fremont and went back to our room for the night. The food was average at best, but the price was right, even if I hadn’t used my points.
Thursday – March 29 We slept in until about 9:30, and slowly made our way over to the Hoover Dam. On our way to the Dam, we stopped at Sunset Station for their Brunch Buffet, and were really impressed, especially for the $7 price. After gambling a little and not winning we continued to the Dam. Waze had me going some crazy roads that I’d never taken before to get there, and took us about 3 times longer than I had ever remembered. After getting closer and seeing all of the traffic/road construction I now knew why. All of the lower parking lots were full, so we drove to the little gift shop on the Arizona side (I was surprised to see the road now ends here), got a couple of little souvenirs for our boys, and walked around a little bit before exploring Lake Meade a little and driving back to Fremont. After relaxing for a little bit we again decided to walk around Fremont Street and ended up getting Margaritas and Enchilada Nacho’s at Nachodaddy’s. I would highly recommend this place if you want a good drink and great nachos, we both loved it, and our bartenders were great. After walking back to the Fremont and going back and forth on winning/losing at the slot machines, my wife got a bonus feature on the machine she was playing, when I noticed a guy standing behind her watching. He looked really familiar, and after seeing “Deez Nuts” on the back of his jacket, I realized he was the youtube star from the Deez Nuts video. He posed for a picture with my wife and then went on his way. We gambled for a few hours and went to bed about even on the day.
Friday – March 30 After grabbing coffee from Dunkin Donuts inside the Fremont, we decided to drive down to Primm, because my wife had never been to California. We stopped at the truck stop and decided against topping off on gas, due to the price being over $4/gallon. We walked around the shop, found some more souvenirs for the kids, and ate lunch at Qdoba. After driving around behind the outlet mall, I realized there wasn’t a sign saying welcome to California, so I hopped on I15 and continued South/West until she got to see her sign. We went a few exits and decided a trip all the way to Baker wasn’t worth the drive, so we turned around just past the giant solar farm on the right. In the stretch from about a mile outside of Primm to where we turned around, we passed probably a dozen of each Nevada State Police and California Highway Patrol, many of which were on motorcycles and all of which had at least 1 car pulled over. About the time we made it back into Vegas, my buddy’s flight from Washington DC had arrived (he’s getting ready to leave for Japan for the next 3 years) so we went and picked him up at his hotel (Hooters). My wife won some money on the “Vacation” machine in Hooters and we decided to go walk the strip, which wasn’t a bad walk at all. We ended up going through the MGM, across to the Aria/Monte Carlo area and decided all the bars were a bit too busy due to a Golden Knights game getting ready to start. We walked over to Excalibur and rode the monorail to Mandalay Bay. We spent the rest of the evening here, and I decided to bet on Notre Dame Women, which turned out to be a good bet. My buddy, being born in Connecticut bet on UConn and that pretty much set the tone for his luck the rest of his trip. My wife and I ended up getting a giant hot dog/pepsi combo for $3.99 at the Café inside the Fremont after returning, and it was a better bet than the Chinese food we had tried earlier in the week.
Saturday – March 31 Another buddy of ours had moved to Vegas about 6 weeks ago, while his wife and kids are moving out there today. He called me late Saturday morning, and had us meet him out at the RV Dealership he works for. After getting a tour of their half million dollar Motorhomes (built here in Indiana), we hopped in his convertible and rode out to Red Rock Canyon. The line to get in was about 100 cars long, and it looked like they were only letting a few in every 15 minutes, so we drove out along that area and headed back a different way to the south side of town. The company he works for sponsors the Horse Arena at the South Point Casino, so we rode over, watched some of the show, and got the behind the scenes tour of the stalls, practice arena, and got to meet the horses/cowboys. We ended up spending most of the day at South Point, and we really enjoyed it, probably our favorite one on the “strip” so to speak. We ate dinner at Baja Miguel’s and all enjoyed our food. Later on Saturday night we rode back to downtown. My buddy that now lives in Vegas, took us to Container Park, which was really cool. After that we walked back down Fremont Street and I had bet earlier on Michigan beating Loyola in Men’s basketball. Another good choice, however I had to find a casino with a sports book that could cash me out. We ended up going to “The D” and really enjoyed the atmosphere/older machines. My wife ended up playing the old school Horse Racing Quarter Machine upstairs and stayed on it for quite a while. We ended up heading back to the Fremont, where we gambled the rest of our “$200 limit” for the day, and did pretty good. After several hours of gambling, we decided we were hungry, so we walked over to the Café at Binions, and were really impressed with what we had.
Sunday – April 1 We ate the Breakfast Buffet at the Fremont (comped), took an Uber back to our rental car on the other side of town, picked our buddy up at Hooters and headed north to Zion National Park. A couple hours later we arrived and were somewhat surprised that it wasn’t completely packed. My buddy has a free pass (Military) so we saved $30 on the gate fee. We spent most of the day at Zion, climbing, hiking, and exploring, it was my 4th time there, but the first time for my wife and buddy, and while my wife isn’t a hiker like me, she really enjoyed it and mentioned that it was one of her top 3 things we did on our trip. On our way back to town we stopped at Casa Blanca in Mesquite for a few hours, we didn’t do any good, but enjoyed the change of pace from the Vegas casinos.
Monday – April 2 We walked the strip again, and ate the brunch buffet at the Bellagio. It was really good, but if I hadn’t used the buy 1 get 1 free coupon I had, I wouldn’t have been quite as impressed. We walked around the strip some more, and ended up buying tickets to X-Country for my wife and I for the 10pm show at Harrah’s. The lady at the Box Office didn’t offer any discount, but when I asked about using my players card, she gave me a $10/ticket discount on the tickets. After that we drove across town to Sams Town (Boyd Gaming) and gambled for a few hours, I remembered a Steak House from several years back that I really enjoyed here, but we ended deciding against it for our anniversary meal. After going back to our hotel to change and shower, we ended up going to Viva Zapata’s (based on Reddit reviews). We weren’t disappointed! The food was amazing, the atmosphere even better, and the wait staff was the best! Our waiter asked what brought us out there, I told him it was our 2 year anniversary and we had flown in from Indiana to celebrate. We were enjoying the live Mariachi music, but started getting a little anxious as we were waiting on our bill (we wanted to get to Harrah’s by 9:30). A few minutes later here came the wait staff/musician to our table, put giant sombrero’s on us, gave us a couple of churros and each of us a shot of Tequila (no charge) while they sang us a song. I tipped them well and we were on our way to the show. My wife is a huge country music fan, and while I enjoy some of the older stuff, I’m more of a metalhead. I was pleasantly surprised at the price of our tickets, and for the money, the show wasn’t bad. 1 of the dancers really stood out from the rest though, but all in all it was a good experience. I wanted to go see Absinthe but found out they weren’t playing on Monday night. After our show we walked down to the Bellagio Fountains to see a show before heading back to the hotel.
Tuesday – April 3 We spent most of the morning packing up from our 6 nights at the Fremont, I checked with the Casino host to see about possibly comping more than 2 of our nights, but she showed me where my score in their algorithm was only a 65, and needed to be 100 to qualify for more. I still only paid $165 for the 4 nights I had to pay for, which was more than fair in my opinion, considering how little time we actually spent in the room. We went to Hooters and gambled for about 20 minutes, winning a couple hundred dollars, then took my buddy to the airport. Our flight wasn’t until 6:30pm, so we drove back North and had to try another Reddit suggestion for our last meal in town. We ended up at Hamburger Hut as we love to eat wings, and although the location and building were a bit sketchy, we ordered hot wings, a hot dog, and chili fries, this was our favorite food of the trip. We also really enjoyed hanging with some of the locals while we ate lunch. After eating lunch we hit up Walmart by the airport to find some last minute souvenirs to take back home, and then returned our rental car and waited a few hours for our flight back home.
What I would recommend
Sight Seeing - Zion National Park, Red Rock Canyon, Lake Mead, Container Park (especially if you have kids)
Food - Hamburger Hut, Viva Zapata’s, In & Out Burger, Nachodaddy, Hotdogs at South Point, Breakfast Buffet at Sunset Station, also saved a bunch of money by getting snacks and drinks for our room at the grocery store on day 1.
Casinos – As a gambler, the ones off the Strip seemed to pay better, but the ones on the strip were much classier and had newer slots you can’t find elsewhere. My 3 favorite were the Fremont, The D, and South Point. My wife really enjoyed seeing the sights at the Bellagio, the Flamingo, and others on the Strip. No matter what, if you’re going to gamble, get a players card, it saved me a bunch of money.
Transportation – If you like to do more than just stay in town and walk all week, I’d highly recommend getting a rental car like we did (about $200 for the week for a nice sized car), but if you don’t plan on going on long day trips like we did, UbeLyft would be great.
Entertainment – XCountry at Harrahs wasn’t the top show I’ve ever seen, but 2 tickets for $80 something and a happy wife, I can’t complain at all. Watching all the entrepreneurs on Fremont Street as well as the stage shows for free was hard to beat, and any trip to Vegas should include the Bellagio Fountains, the Flamingo Habitat, and any other free entertainment you can find along the strip.
What I wouldn’t recommend
Airlines – don’t go with the budget airlines expecting to save a bunch of money if you plan on taking a bag with you, checked or carry on, prefer to pick your seats out in advance, or want to get a snack while flying.
Food – While we didn’t really have any “bad” experiences, the café and Buffet at the Fremont were probably my least favorite, but I can’t complain because I didn’t have to pay for anything at either of them. Also I was looking forward to checking out Heart Attack Grill (based on Ducktales review), but they were packed and took Cash Only fyi.
Sight Seeing – Fremont Street after dark really isn’t the place to take your small kids but be sure to take them to Container Park during the day, Hoover Dam (unless you go early), Red Rock Canyon scenic trail on a holiday weekend. Pawn Stars was packed and if you’ve seen it once, the excitement kind of wore off, and they apparently charge for parking now. I parked up the street for free and only had a short walk, but the people trying to push you to buy extras outside of the store really kind of rubbed me the wrong way.
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Babymoon Review - Bahamas - Breezes Resort

When I was trying to decide if/where/when to go on a babymoon with the husband, I tried searching here and didn't have much luck in finding answers or reviews. I'm sharing this experience in the hope that it helps others!
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**First things first** - Zika! Bahamas have been cleared from the Zika risk by the CDC since February or so of 2018. This means there hadn't been a Zika case reported in the Bahamas since February of 2017. And, FWIW, neither of us even got a bug bite during our time there. Can also confirm that the Bahamas are crawling with pregnant ladies! I think we saw at least 8 others at our resort alone.
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**Timing** - We went the first week of September - I was 28/29 weeks. Definitely hurricane season, but that also means it's the *least* busiest month. We were there 6 days/5 nights. I could've stayed forever ;)
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**Flights** - We live in the midwest, for reference. On the way there we had three flights - 3 hours - 1 hour - "1" hour (more like.. 30 mins). On the way back it was a little more direct with only two flights - "1" hour - 3+ hour. Definitely try to see if you can board early due to pregnancy, drink lots of water, wear compression socks, and try to get up and use the bathroom hourly if you can. The last flight back was the worst, mainly because the flight attendants weren't able to get up until nearly an hour into the flight (for possible turbulence that we never hit!) for drink service, and then they were stingy with the water! I probably could have asked for more, though. I will say that I am lucky in that it's been a fairly unicorn pregnancy for me and have had few aches/pains/problems overall, so YMMV on flying on the later side of pregnancy.
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**Precautions Taken** - We did get travel insurance in case I suddenly became high risk and had to cancel. We shopped around using squaremouth.com and got the "cancel for any reason" package as cancelling for pregnancy medical-related reasons can be tricky (also were covered in case of hurricane or other medical emergencies). I also made sure my health insurance would work there, found out about the hospitals on island and that they had level 2 NICUs (we stayed on the main island for this reason, though from what I read any pregnancy complications tend to be sent to the US). Also got my medical records at the last OB appointment before we left.
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**Resort** - Breezes! I was really nervous about this because the reviews were pretty extreme! Some love it, some hate it. It worked out perfect for us, though. I think some of that has to do with the timing (slow month), and we don't have super high/expensive expectations. Don't go during spring break/end of school year - it will be overrun with high school/college kids coming to get drunk (they even warn you of this when booking). This resort is all-inclusive, but more of the "budget" variety. Apparently the biggest complaint is that they don't have shrimp/lobster out every night like some of the all-inclusives in Mexico (or other resorts?) do - so if you're used to that, keep it in mind. They had nightly entertainment, and also activities going on every day. We really enjoyed most of the night shows. Didn't go for the daytime stuff, but I wasn't there to be active - I just wanted to sit on the beach, read and relax!
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**Food/Drink** - No top shelf liquors or anything (not that I cared about those!). We liked their main daily buffet - had that for breakfast and dinner almost every day and got a snack from the beach/pool hut for a small lunch. The food wasn't fancy, but it had good flavor and spice and good variety. They also have restaurants that are first come, first served (no reservations). We tried it once and weren't super impressed, but YMMV. They had your basic virgin drinks - daiquiris, pina coladas, fruit juices and pops. I will say the daiquiris were DELISH. I'm not a huge fan of them usually, but they were made with real strawberries, which I think made all the difference compared to what I'm used to.
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**Babymoon Package** - So right now, it seems they've discontinued this. :( We told someone else at the resort about this deal, and the front desk told them it's no longer available and that they are "revamping" it. So, keep an eye out, or call and inquire. Worst they can tell you is no. BUT it was pretty awesome - free upgrade to the "ocean front" room from the "ocean view" room (this is only when an ocean front is available - there's a HUGE difference in price between these rooms!), cabana included every day (normally $50/day), extra pillows, breakfast in bed one day, and a couples facial. All for $200. Oh, and if we were out late enough, room service left us little goodies at night (luggage tags, power bank, ear buds, etc). Worth every penny!
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**Other random stuff** - We didn't do any special packages or outings, but there was a sea turtle that liked to hang out near the west side of their roped off swim area, which was really neat! S/he hung out with us one day and got fairly close :) There was also a baby shark that swam through one afternoon- s/he kept his distance! We also caught the bus into town a couple days just to get out and get souvenirs, check out the straw market. Wasn't too bad, but not amazing. The new Baha Mar is also next door and a bus runs between the nearby resorts and there. It's like a Vegas casino/hotel.
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All in all, so glad we went for it. It was beautiful and relaxing. Our first experience at an all-inclusive resort, and we were pretty happy with it. We would probably go back ( I say probably *only* because I like to travel and see new places - if we we had unlimited vacation days, I'd definitely be back), but maybe fake me being pregnant for the babymoon deal, if available. :)) We're really glad we chose it over Baha Mar or Atlantis - more expensive for less, and the larger complexes mean it takes longer to get to the beach! A couple pictures! Feel free to ask me any questions - be it in here or PM! :)
Edit: to fix link formatting
submitted by MoonEyedPeepers to BabyBumps [link] [comments]

SHOT 2018/My tales of adventure in Las Vegas

So, you wanna go to SHOT show? You think it's all fun and games? Get to play with guns? See Jesse James and R. Lee Ermey? SHOT show is the annual pilgrimage of the unwashed masses to Las Vegas to rub elbows with youtube celebrities, bloggers and overseas businessmen copying US made equipment and share infectious disease.
If you love guns, gambling and gonorrhea - SHOT show is for you! It is not my typical idea of a good time. I am not a big fan of Las Vegas.
However: I do attend for a few reasons. First, I do enjoy travel and I'm platinum on AA so I can usually score an upgrade. Second, industry people are in there that I do hundreds of thousands if not millions of dollars with business with so it's nice to put a face with the name and see what deals are out there. SHOT for me has been a bust for the past few years. Being a value guy, I want to buy at $1000 and sell at $3000 and as of recently the gun business is more like buy for $1 and sell for $1.10 if you get what I mean.
We used to do business at SHOT and now it's just checking in on foursquare, instagram and rubbing elbows with bloggers and the like. I want to make money, not spend money so this is very annoying to me.
Anyways, onto the play by play.
Monday, January 22nd. One day before SHOT show.
The TSA line is a shitshow thanks to, well TSA. I have pre check and breeze right through.
I slog my way to the lounge, as shitty as it is to wait for my winged chariot to DFW. I have gone from being in an abusive relationship with Delta to being in an abusive relationship with AA. Although if you really want to experience the battered spouse feeling, UA is a few gates over.
I board my flight to Dallas/FW and my Renton assembled chariot is having a problem with one of the ring laser gyros, the hate agent tells us we are delayed for an indeterminate amount of time. Even as an AA Plat, I have no cleared upgrades. I am number 4 on the list with one seat open to Dallas/FW. I am 39/61 for Dallas/FW to LAX.
Fuck my life.
I gate check my bags to make life easier for me and the rest of the folks slumming it. If I don't have to worry about being short on time, I like to gate check to free up bins for those who are not as fortunate. Eventually I board and ask the FA to say hi to the captain and get a ride report. Light chop all over north texas today and we're going to take the long way around the field due to wind.
Me: I guess it's true. Dallas always does seem to blow a little harder in the postseason...
CA: Hahhahaha
FO: You got that right! Go eagles!
Having brightened the day of the flight crew, I head back to my MCE seat in Y and kick back and relax by listening to my Rumours, my favorite fleetwood mac album on my ipod.
We land at Dallas an hour and a half late eating into my 4 hour spa layover I had planned. I hightail it to the Centurion lounge in terminal D, my home away from home. Thankfully I don't need a massage since I brought my friend Laura some homemade chocolate rice crispy squares and she gave me a one hour massage and gave me a happy ending.
I grab a plate and help myself to some of the excellent chicken and some mashed red potatoes and bacon It is cheesy and DELICIOUS. Between that and the poblano rice, I can feel it going straight to my thighs. No, I do not care. NOM NOM NOM
https://imgur.com/a/WBcyd
The lounge is packed. The bar is full and I grab a quick single malt as I have my meal since American's not going to feed me. They begin boarding to LAX as I walk out of the lounge. I make it to the gate and the entire plane has boarded because the screens say they are boarding group 9.
Giving the FA a friendly nod, I ask to say hi to the captain and I stride through J and say hello to the two gentlemen flying today. Aviation nerd protip: CHECK YOUR ROUTING!
I didn't, but I had a hunch since arriving from the east we'd get the ANJLL 1 or the HLYWD 1 arrival. I got a 50/50 shot. Let's see how good I am.
Drop my bags at the threshold, poke my head in.
Me: Howdy guys, we still looking good for the Hollywood 1 tonight?
CA: Man, you did your homework yes we are! GABBL transition as a matter of fact!
Damn I'm good.
FC: Nice! I know you guys take a rash of crap from drunk Parker so I like to say hello to the folks who do the heavy lifting and I'm a total airplane dork so it's cool to check the place out.
CA: I'm an airplane dork too! I'm Jeff Rowland, nice to meet ya!
SUPER nice guy. He gave me a tour of the airplane, even took a picture of me in the left seat.
https://imgur.com/a/xVIy6
Here he is showing me some stuff around the airplane. He gives me the grand tour of the 787-9 including this neat feature that actually measures how many G's they have on landing so they know whether or not they need an overweight landing inspection or not. AMAZING airplane. I'm shown all the bells and whistles and they tell me how fun the plane is to fly. Jeff takes a few pics of me in the best seat of the house. I tell the guys I'll see them at the in and out burger on Sepuldeva and I hike back to my seat in W.
The FA's were wondering where I was, and they gave away my assigned seat. I take an empty center aisle seat and make life easier for everyone. W in the 787-9 is a solid hard product. The BE Aerospace MI-Q seat is a good ride whether in it for 3 hours to LAX or 13 to CDG like I was in a few months ago. https://imgur.com/a/iPHVh
The boarding door closes for an on time departure and I watch another airplane movie - American Made with Tom Cruise. He's so dreamy. Jeff's PA's were really lame and had a whole bunch of people laughing in the back on the way to LA. The flight was not long enough. The landing is a perfect grease job on 24L and we await a tug to get towed into gate 41 at LAX. I say thanks again to the flight crew - worthy of note, http://andystravelblog.boardingarea.com/2018/01/29/pilots-lette
My next hop via a 737 to LAS is uneventful. I stop at the Centurion lounge for some freshly squeezed OJ. It is DELICIOUS as AA's app tells me my bags are being unloaded.
I grab my things and hop in the last car Hertz has in the gold section - a 2016 Toyota Corolla. Times are rough. I'm at Circus Circus again. I check in and tell the lady about the last time I was there with the neighbors and the extremely loud sex. Full story: tail end of this - https://www.reddit.com/guns/comments/5podeq/shot_2017my_tales_of_adventure_in_las_vegas/
She damn near busts a gut laughing and upgrades me to a skyrise room and gives me a line pass and complimentary buffet.
I arrive to my room where housekeeping has not cleaned it to my exacting specifications. Specifically, there are like three hairballs from a cat in the chair next to the desk. I ask for another room and they set it up for me. It's now 1AM. In and out burger is closed.
Fuck.
Tuesday, January 23rd SHOT Show Day One
You gotta get into the palazzo garage before 8AM or you are not getting a spot. I get in at 8:01 and miraculously find a spot. They are doing so much construction at the resort that I don't recognize it. I grab my pass and check in with some other industry associates. My first day is semi-eventful as I check out the sig 365, a very promising concealed carry product as well as a few other really neat things and many many useless items.
I run into u/chugbleach in the basement and we trade stories. He shows me some neat stuff he's been working on. We plan to dine later in the week and I continue walking the show when I see the most amazing booth ever.
Backstory: https://www.reddit.com/guns/comments/7ag6oj/gsg_stg_44/dp9u9hw/
I let fluff buy the hook, he posts $120 to win $100 if he gets his HMG gun by the end of Q1. If gun arrives on time, he gets $100 from me. If no, I get $120 from him.
I walk back to chug.
FC: DUDE DUDE DUDE YOU GOTTA SEE THIS COME QUICK
CB: Okay lets go
We walk briskly not 100 feet. I stop quickly. Chug looks confused.
I gesticulate wildly to our right.
This is what we see.
I crack up laughing and can barely contain myself. This is the greatest thing I have seen in weeks.
On that note it is time to take a break for lunch. I head up to one of my vendors who has a hospitality suite for the show and they are serving jambalaya for lunch every day. As a Louisiana boy, we do love jambalaya. There's a reason I spend lots of money with them. I eat and have a coke as I trade gun jokes with other gun dealers. I wander around the show and nothing else jumps at me.
I walk the footbridge over to the Wynn to see how the house is doing. The poker room is full. I draw $2500 from my credit line and head down to the craps table to throw some dice. I have some mixed success as it's getting late and I want to hit the in and out burger so as I'm getting ready to leave, Laura sends me a bunch of filthy text messages about what she wants to do to me when I get back. My chips and raging boner leave the tables quickly as I duck into the bathroom to tell her that if she wants to treat me like a prisoner on a conjugal visit - I went to 8 years of catholic school, she's entering a world of pain. She says game on.
After a quick trip to the cage to cash out, I'm up or down something like $100. I swing by in and out burger for a double double. It is delicious. Sleepy time.
Wednesday, January 24th. Day 2 of SHOT show.
Alarm goes off at 7:45 AM. I wash up, eat and get breakfast. In the garage by 8:15. Still manage to find a spot! Attendance is down this year. I get in line at Larue. They run out of dillo dust at 8:39. This is the line at 8:35 https://imgur.com/a/KLHrg
The show opens at 8:30. Fuck my life. I grab a dillo and some stickers for some friends and a few HK calendars. I wander around and talk to the guys over at Franklin Armory and their new SBR that isn't an SBR, SBS that isn't an SBS and rifle that isn't really a rifle BUT IS STILL A FIREARM. The projectiles they want to sell have fin stabilization and it's like a 55 grain flying Lombardi trophy. It's an interesting idea but I'm not 100% certain I would buy one personally. I trade war stories with a few other friends I meet up with at the show. I head down to the basement and I'm looking at a few accessories from Tactical Walls.
Just as I'm ready to leave - Joe Mantegna shows up and says hi to the reps.
FC: Mr Mantegna! I love your work! Can I get a picture?
JM: Sure.
Someone grabs my phone and snaps a pic
FC: You are great in the simpsons as Fat Tony. Just the best!
JM: (in fat tony voice) I don't get mad. I get stabby.
FC: That's awesome! Thanks! Enjoy the show!
I send the pics to some friends who enjoy snappy Mamet plays and they are all jealous. I head down to the basement. The ATF booth is vacant due to the government shutdown. So is the FBI booth. Oh well. I head upstairs to the manufacturer supplier section and I find out that Olympic Arms is still in business making things. I do a lap and get some business cards from some precision machine companies that can make some elaborate parts. Jambalaya again for lunch. Nom nom nom.
I head down to FN to talk shop with the guys down there and give them shit. FN's new innovation is a two tone FDE/Black gun. So now 50% of the gun does not have to match. I trade barbs with Mike Hoffman and we debate the age old question, is it really gay if you can suck your own cock? Just as I mention this, Steve Bannon shows up at the booth. That's my stop. I say hello to the director of commercial sales on my way out and go to the Knights booth where I find they're making 6.5 Creed stuff now. Interesting how quickly that cartridge has caught on. I talk shop with a few of the KAC guys and then I steal some more HK Kalendars for friends back home.
I hit the Circus Circus buffet with my free pass for the unpleasantness and it is not that great at all. They ran out of roast beef. I mean, really? SHOT SHOW IS IN TOWN! We are beef eating gun owners, and you're gonna run out of roast beef? This would never happen at the Wynn, an amazing property. I make a mental note to sell my MGM Mirage stock and buy some Wynn in the morning. I head back to the craps table and lose a shitload of money. I witness a heater happen after I color up and watch people go nuts. My luck at MGM properties has not been good. Ugh. I don't feel like doing gunnit live and head to sleep early.
Thursday, January 25th. Day 3 of SHOT show.
I message Chug and let him know that it's gotta be tonight if we're gonna hang since I fly out Friday night for Boston. We plan to make plans for dinner. I head to the show and get there at 3 minutes to 8. One of my best customers calls me wanting an XM2010. I head over to Remington and through some finagling they manage to say YES WE CAN SELL IT EVEN THOUGH WE ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO SELL IT. I work up a quote and get the customer the info and tell him what's what. I visit the nighthawk custom booth where they have a new gun chambered in .45 APC.
https://imgur.com/a/9bNe7
I kid with a few FBI guys about their attention to detail. I saunter about the show. Leatherman Tool Group always has some nice things to play with. Tim Leatherman is engraving tools for people with his autograph. I'm happy with all of his products I own and I stop by to shake his hand and tell him that my wave has saved my ass on a hundred different occasions and I once resurrected a Ford off the side of the road. He says he loves hearing the stories and he's a pretty nice guy.
I wander about a little more and I find myself over at the Emerson Knife Company booth looking around.
For those not in the know, Emerson has a bunch of specwar types as customers. Damn good knives and operator customers. One of them is behind the table wearing a badge that says JOHN SMITH - JOHN SMITH INC. He's got arms that are as thick as my legs and he looks like a Navy Seal. He bolts upright from his seat and looks at my wrist.
"Is that a 1675?"
FC: Sure is! Damn good eye! My dad won it in an underground poker game in Hong Kong in 1968 from a couple of navy guys on shore leave that flew F4's off Dixie Station.
"Holy crap, that's fucking awesome!"
We talk watches and guns and killing people for a while. He says he's in the navy and the budweiser insignia necklace he is wearing tells me everything I need to know. Nice guy. I wonder what his real name is as the show closes down and as I walk out the magpul booth gives me a laugh. A paper sign on the door says "DOOR IS LOUD AF CLOSE GENTLY"
I'm not kidding - https://imgur.com/a/GgSkU
I head over to Chug's hotel and he gives me the grand tour. It's way nicer than my hotel. We go out and have dinner. I'm asked if I like Thai.
FC: Tie good, you like shirt?
Nobody gets my simpsons jokes. We go to dinner where a good time is had by all. Chug gets a call and needs to drop off a SHOT show pass to a co-worker of his flying in. As opposed to all the mechanics of a dead drop at the palazzo etc I tell him fuck it, just give it to me and I'll pick him up from the airport. In exchange, I tell him I want all the leftover chicken wings from the Thai place.
It's a deal. I grab the wings and head to McCarran. There's a guy in a BRZ hauling ass and I decide to see what this shitbox can do. I get the Corolla up to 115 MPH on the highway before backing down to a more sensible speed. After 5 minutes of MARCO / POLO I find the fellow and give him his shot show pass and a ride to his hotel. I find it funny that last year I ran an unapproved uber substitute and here we are again and the same thing is happening. I'm offered gas money or a beer after the show and I tell him hey, it's your first time at SHOT - enjoy the show, don't sweat it.
I hightail it up the strip to the Palazzo where I play a bit and eventually see a heater in progress. I split the 6/8 for $120 each and they hit. I press it and they hit again. Maybe this won't be a bad trip after all. Table craps out and I cash out still down a few bucks but better than when I started.
By the time I make it back to the room, it's 4AM. I eat the chicken wings. They're delicious.
Friday, January 26th. Day 4 of SHOT show.
I've gotten most of what I want to get done, done. I ordered some Firearm Instructor body armor from one of my guys since lots of people want me dead first thing in the AM and things were going good. I sleep in and debate what I want for breakfast when I realize things are going a little too good. Nothing really bad has happened this trip yet. I pack up and get ready to leave the hotel when I get a push notification.
MOTHERFUCKER
My flight to Boston has been canceled.
My confirmed first class seats on one of the hardest to upgrade legs in the entire AA route network - LAX to BOS, gone. AA proactively books me on the flight leaving LA a few hours later IN COACH. A middle seat, even. No, just no. I call American and they tell me the plane is broken. Damnit. I look on the app for acceptable reroutings and there is nothing available in first. I say fuck it, I'll deal with this shit later. I have the rental car until midnight, lots of time to make a new plan. I check out of the hotel, throw my bags in the car and head down to the show and it's a freaking ghost town. Parking spaces everywhere. I say bye to a few folks as my phone sends me a notification. WSJ: STEVE WYNN ACCUSED OF DECADES OF SEXUAL MISCONDUCT
Oh FUCK MY LIFE. I bought the stock back on Wednesday. GODDAMNIT STEVE WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BULLSHIT
I skip lunch and walk across the street to the Wynn and their corporate office.
You see, I have a simple theory. If the allegations are false, they should have no problem sending someone out to listen to my concerns and say the allegations are false and here's everything we're doing to fight it. If the allegations are true, they'll send down hired goons to throw me out the door.
It's sorta like spousal infidelity. If A finds evidence of B cheating, credit card statements, sexts, racy pictures, etc - and A confronts B and B admits it and says I want a divorce, B is guilty. If B says A is cheating on them what the fuck are you doing looking at my credit card statements and phone you're the one that's wrong and invading my privacy get the fuck out of my house - B is really guilty.
That's the theory. If they go full retard and bounce me off the property, the stock is probably going to go down some more. If they address the concerns, things should not be as bad.
Since I walked through the property the last time I was in town, I knew where the corporate office was. The name on my broker statement says WYNN RESPORTS and so did the sign on the doors. I walk through the doors and to the end of the hallway where there's another electronically locked door that is unlocked.
There's a security guard who is nonplussed sitting at a desk wondering if I'm lost. I explain to him that I'm a shareholder and I want to know what this company is doing about this catastrophe. He says he can't say/do anything and I'm instructed to leave. I ask him if he can take a message. He says yes, and I'm like you just said you can't do anything. So what's that supposed to mean?
I argue with him about what he supposedly can and cannot do as I eat raspberry macrons that have been plated at the reception area of the corporate office. THESE BETTER BE THE BEST FUCKING MACARONS I HAVE EVER EATEN GODDAMNIT. They are. Fuck.
He tells me that my best bet is to talk to someone else at the resort, not him. Fine.
I leave and head to the concierge desk - because from one concierge to another, we can solve problems. I explain the situation and instead of routing me to the press office or investor relations - they give me a phone and tell me to speak to guest services. AKA the people that help you with your stay as a guest of the hotel. I give the lady taking the message about 15 minutes worth of comments and she's assured me that they'll be passed along to management.
Given the circumstances I think that's the best I'm going to do today. Now, there's the issue of me being stuck in vegas for another night. I look down at my phone and AA has offered three itineraries flying out of McCarran tomorrow IN FIRST CLASS that gets me to Boston in a timely fashion. I jump on the 625AM flight to Charlotte. This means I need to be at the car rental by 525AM and out the door around 0430. Fuck my life. And I have nowhere to sleep/showeshit/shave.
As I'm walking back to the esplanade to cross back over to the Palazzo where my car is, I notice the registration desk. I get in line and a lovely lady asks what she can do for me.
I tell her that I'm a shareholder and I'm pretty mad about the way the company is handling their sex offender in chief. And given the $18 haircut I took on the stock today, if there's an angry shareholder discount on a room tonight I think that would be more than fair given the circumstances. She agrees and gets me a bottle of water and the manager. The manager asks me if I've stayed at the hotel before, the answer is yes and asks to see my ID so she can see if she can plug me in at a repeat guest rate.
A few minutes go by and I wait patiently at the desk when I'm tapped on the shoulder.
There's two former NFL linebackers, one with his back towards me and the other introducing himself as the director of security.
Hmmm. Lets see. For those not in the know, there's only one exit in and out of the wynn registration desk.
If there's two bodies on me, there's gotta be at least two more at each side of the wall behind it that I can't see, I figure 4 sets of eyes running the eye in the sky all with their eyes glued to the monitors, the director of security is holding my ID which means he's already got my play, my comps, my markers, run me through central credit, my red card, he's got metro running me for wants/warrants and there's probably an unmarked metro ford next to a service exit with an open door and a seat reserved for me in the back.
I look down at my watch. The market is closed. I can't sell. Fuck. Because there is no way in hell this stock is holding $180 monday morning.
Quickly, I bang out a message to my brother letting him know I am about to be arrested at the Wynn and to start googling Las Vegas bail bonds.
The two security guys tell me to step away from the front desk and they want to know what the hell I'm doing. I tell them I want answers from the management of this company about how they're handling this disaster. They say I can't just walk into a casino corporate office and ask to speak to someone.
Well, I just did. Why can't I?
They said it represents a major security risk and a breach of their perimeter. After all, Mr. Wynn takes his security at the hotel very seriously.
Me: I suppose if I were a sex offender with hired goons, I'd take my security seriously too. And if you really didn't want people going back there - last time I checked, this is a casino. The doors have locks. Perhaps you should have oh I don't know, locked them?
Wynn Security: What makes you think you can just walk in here and talk to us like that?
Me: I'm a stockholder. Technically you work for me.
Wynn Security: You honestly expect that a big company like us is going to send someone out of the corporate office to talk to a guy like you about a thing like this? That never happens in corporate america.
Me: That's strange. Michael Moore did exactly that and that's what made him famous. What's your point?
We bantered in the registration area of the Wynn for something like an hour and 45 minutes as the director of security wandered back and forth. They never backed down with the questions and I never backed down from the answers. A lot of casino security is former law enforcement so they're looking for that time you change your story like on an episode of cops. For instance, if it was cops it would go like
Cop: who's drugs are these?
1: Never seen em before
fast forward 2 min
1: I mean my friend smokes pot, maybe it's his
Cop: I thought you said you never seen em before?
fast forward 2 min
1: So I smoke a little pot okay
Cop: I thought you said it might be your friends pot?
fast forward 2 min
1: yeah it's my pot
They were looking for a reason to throw me out and as far as I can tell, they probably still are. I'm sorta expecting a registered letter in the mail barring me from the property in a week. If I start yelling, it's disorderly conduct and they have a case. If start pushing someone around, same thing. But if I speak candidly and gesticulate wildly and raise cogent points about how every single hotel employee I've dealt with thus far owns a combined total of zero shares in the company - they have no skin in the game and I do. So, they can't really criticize my opinion as wrong because I'm the stockholder not them. At least, that's my opinion. I could be wrong.
Well, the goons disagreed with me and said I was wrong. They also said that this could have been accomplished with a phone call. I said no, because you wouldn't take a phone call seriously. And now you're taking this seriously. So, match point: FC.
They didn't like that. It would not surprise me in the least if Steve Wynn was in the security booth with a radio telling his guys to find some reason to arrest me and have me sent to Clark County booking. This guy just feels guilty as sin. I can't prove it but my gut has usually been right about this sort of thing.
As I'm waiting for my inevitable arrest and booking, I wonder if American Airlines will allow me another flight change due to temporary incarceration. Because there's no way I'll be able to leave the state with an ROR or a signature bond out. I look over at Mean Joe Greene Jr and tell him I was too angry to eat lunch and I'd like to have a seat before my blood sugar crashes and my head hits the floor and Steve sends me a bill for the shattered italian marble.
He gestures towards a chair in the reception area and I have a sit. He offers to bring me another water. I decline. He brings me a water anyways. I consume both the waters as compliments of the house as a sign of untoward cooperation.
Out of the corner of my eye I see the director of security talking to two metro PD guys with handcuffs out. I hear over the radio they're asking for a rover to take me down to the security office for fingerprinting and photographs. He is gesticulating wildly.
The director of security comes back over and he tries to get me to crack on my story. I tell him I'm here as a shareholder as a private citizen demanding accountability of the management. I will not apologize for walking through an unlocked door to the corporate office asking to speak to someone to hear out my concerns, I will not apologize for going to the concierge since the previous person was very unhelpful and I will not apologize for expecting the highest standards of a fortune 1000 company chairman and CEO. And until you pony up and buy some stock, I'm not about to take a lecture about what is and isn't acceptable behavior from people who don't have skin in the game protecting what should be by all accounts a registered sex offender.
He looks back at Metro PD.
They shrug.
They've got nothing chargeable on me.
Hell, I'm not even counting cards this time.
Next thing I know he quickly walks away and returns with a late 20's hispanic fellow who introduces himself as the hotel manager. He says that he's gotten a report from security and that Mr. Wynn's private life he cannot comment on but the concerns I have will be sent up towards management.
FC: So you're the hotel manager? So you report to Matt Maddox. You tell him that this is a mess. Nobody comes back from this sort of thing. Not Harvey Weinstein. Not Louis CK. Not Matt Lauer. Not Bill O'Reilly. Not Bill Cosby. Not Kevin Spacey. Not Charlie Rose. Not Al Franken. And the LAST time this happened at Mirage, a shareholder revolt wound up sending the company into the hands of MGM. What's to stop Sheldon from across the street from doing the same thing? You tell them that.
The manager nods and offers me a room at a rate, inclusive of resort fee and taxes of $335/night. I take out my phone, look at the Hotel Tonight app and realize that I'm being charged more money than if I were to book the room from a consolidator.
Now, I don't mind the lie about understanding where I'm coming from. I do mind the insult to my intelligence. I am handed back my ID and the hotel manager offers his business card. I take his business card and go over to the cage. I close my credit line and take my deposit out of the cage. I'm down for the trip. Fuck this shit, I'll deal with it later. I call my brother and tell him that I've been released. We look at some flights and to get back to Boston will require another night in Las Vegas. Everything leaving tonight is full due to the conventions closing up.
AA has some seats open in first via Charlotte and Philly, I take the Charlotte flight leaving at 6:30 AM from McCarran and they confirm me seats in first all the way to Logan. This is the only thing to go right today. I purchase some clean clothes since I will not have time to do laundry in Boston anymore due to the delay and head over to the palace station oyster bar. The wait is about 2 hours but I make some friends in line while I'm there. I am torn between the alaskan chowder and the bouillabaisse. I ask Steve behind the bar what he thinks is best. He says do the bouillabaisse. I tell him that sounds excellent, and to add extra lobster. I ask him how long, he says could be 30 minutes but check back in 20. I tell him I'm gonna go hit the tables and I'll be back in 20. The timer on my phone begins counting down.
I belly up to the nearest craps table and I drop my cash down. I tell them I want it in black and red and the croupier complies. I bet the 6/8 split with mixed success and the pass line with odds. The shooter misses the point. I look down at my dwindling stack of chips and there's 15 minutes left.
Fuck it. Go big or go home. Lets get this shit over with. The point comes off. I drop $100 on the pass line. New shooter gets the dice and the come out roll hits a 10.
I look at the gal with the whip. I throw her a stack of chips.
FC: Full odds on the ten, $200 hard way, give me all the numbers and a nickel c and e.
New shooter proceeds to hit every number on the board, midnight, yo and a speed limit. Pass line pays even money. Pass odds pays 2-1. I'm looking down at a big stack of chips. What the fuck just happened?
I drop $100 on the pass line again, the point comes out for an 8. I take full odds and all the numbers. New shooter hits every number on the board, midnight, yo, except the 8. The guy next to me has the all or nothing at all working so the only thing left to hit is the 8 and it's gonna pay 175:1. The 8 does not hit. Everyone is chasing the 8'er from Decatur.
I look down at my stack and the table limit and the boxman.
FC: hey Joe, what's the juice on laying the 8?
Joe: 5 points!
I take down my pass line odds.
FC: I want everything off and I'll lay the 8 for a dime.
Everyone at the table looks at me like I'm a lunatic. I slide over two purple chips and two green for the vig.
Time remaining until bouillabaisse: 8 minutes.
Lets see what happens. The dice bang around a bunch of more times. I'm ahead for this trip. Way ahead. Next thing I know, the gal with the whip calls no roll. One of the dies have left the table.
Time remaining until bouillabaisse: 4 minutes.
This is my stop.
FC: Take down my lay, and I'll color up.
The boxman colors me up, I leave a nice tip for the crew and start to walk over to the cage to cash in. I hear screaming and profanity, I turn around and I see the dealers stacking chips. The shooter has 7'd out.
Time remaining until bouillabaisse: 2 minutes.
There's a long line at the cage. I walk back to the oyster bar and I see a big bowl with a plate covering it. Steve behind the bar has thought of everything.
I turn the plate over and look down at my stack of chips. Maybe today won't be so bad after all.
https://imgur.com/a/bjK7R
The bouillabaisse is delicious. The win is even more delicious. I nom my way to the bottom of the bowl and settle up the bill. I leave Steve a nice tip as I head over to the Palazzo to say hi to some friends. I find myself at a craps table you can hang meat upon. This is not good. It's getting late and I head over to my room at the Mandalay Bay.
Now, here's the fucked up part. This girl I've been hooking up with didn't hook up with me before I left for SHOT. She's been messing with my brain for a whole week. I check in to the Mandalay Bay where there's a goddamn pornstar convention going on.
FML.
I find myself down at a craps table at 11PM and bringing a frontier flight attendant named Amber back to my room. The lucky streak continues. My flight leaves in a few hours. I kick her out of my room and pass out.
Flight leaves at 625 for CLT. Need to be at McCarran at 525. Out the door of the hotel by 5AM at the latest. I set my alarm.
*Saturday, January 27th. *
I wake up to see the sun shining through my hotel room. I look down at the alarm clock. 8:01AM.
My long standing joke is that I sleep like a dead prostitute. The evening of ravenous illegal in 48 states sex has taken its toll. Fuck. I grab the phone and press the button for guest services. I turn on the speaker as I open my bag wide and just stuff everything in as fast as I can. I throw my boots on as I tell them to check me out over the phone. I haul ass downstairs to the garage and I get to McCarran and board the shuttle to Terminal 1. I walk up to the AA desk knowing I am 11 different kinds of fucked. Nancy the gate agent starts working on my departure. AA's rule is 2 hours from departure on a flat tire. That's 8:25 AM. It's a few minutes before 9. Nancy the great agent cannot get anything to work. She has to put me in the special services line. By the time I get there, they tell me I'm flying standby and I'm on the flight to Philly leaving at 1PM in the afternoon. There is no way in hell they can get me on the 10AM to Phoenix.
My cousin is getting married in Boston and she is going to fucking kill me. I told her I'd be there around 6PM on the rebooking. And now I'm going to be leaving for Philly in 4 hours. Granted, the Amex Centurion Lounge has freshly squeezed OJ but that's not going to be enough today. I run to TSA and get cleared. I run past the Centurion to head straight for the Phoenix gate. Hopefully other folks have had an irish layover. The gate agent there starts working me and she says that they have two open seats and that they're gonna get me on. Just sit tight. I step to the side to let her help a few other folks gate check bags. The clock is ticking and her colleague closes the boarding door as I'm standing next to the gate looking fucked. I take a deep breath and try to keep it together.
A tap on the shoulder.
"Sir, your boarding pass. Exit row window. I've taken the liberty and called back to make sure there's space in the overhead for my bags so you don't have to gate check. You are good to go."
I look up at the three ladies working the podium.
FC: Can I hug any of you?
Gate Agent 1: No
Gate Agent 2: I'm sick
Gate Agent 3: Sure, why not?
I head behind the counter and give her a hug. She seems pleased.
I hightail it to the door. Gate agent 2 opens it up for me. I run down the jetway like a charging rhino, Chris Christie like. The flight attendants greet me by name and they realize that my nose is bleeding from the 8 ball I shared with Amber a few hours back. The FA points at my nose and asks me if I'd like to step into the lav. I realize it's probably pretty bad. I leave my bags in the galley and duck in and I stuff a bunch of paper in my nose as an ersatz tampon. I walk back out, grab my bags and I declare to the entire plane it's the dry air not a cocaine problem.
Nobody believes me.
I take my seat and there's an empty seat between me and an in uniform FA on the way home. We chat a bit and Cathy thinks my story is hilarious. She even gets on AA's PALL list for the flight to Boston and checks and says I'm number one on standby R4. A nice lady, I offer her one of my extra LaRue Dillo's. She thinks they're cute.
The working FA walks back and looks down at the traveling FA and says very discreetly there's a 40 minute ground hold due to PHX losing a runway. This is gonna be really really tight. My connecting flight to Boston is not looking good. We wait the 40 minutes for the hold and make it to PHX about 15 minutes behind schedule. I bolt to the Boston gate. I ask if they've cleared all the standby passengers. They say yes. I say I should be number one and they hand me a ticket in coach.
FC: Any way I can talk you into a seat in the front of the plane?
The hate agent just looks at me funny. He does not seem to think that's happening. He asks me if I have status on the airline. Sure do. He says no promises.
I tell him no sweat, I'm gonna go take a leak and come back around in 5.
I walk back up and he hands me my new boarding pass.
https://imgur.com/a/IJuPe
I call my cousin and tell her that I'm gonna be a few hours late. Great ride all the way into Boston. I sleep like a dead prostitute.
https://imgur.com/a/RKMSu
Just as we cruise past the city of big shoulders, the FA wakes me up.
"Mr Hayden, would you like some ice cream?"
I look at my neighbor who is a middle age female executive and she is plowing through hers like Sherman through Atlanta.
FC: You know what, Chuck? I've always wanted to say this. I'll have what she's having.
https://imgur.com/a/our5R
Ice cream on the ground, delicious.
Ice cream on a plane, FUCKING FANTASTIC.
FC out.
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