47 Cheap Wedding Ideas for the Perfect Day Wedding Spot Blog

My FH and I are not huge cake fans, but we definitely have a sweet tooth. Cakes are expensive, and we would like to save some money as we are both starting out in our careers and are trying to do our wedding for under 10k.
We are thinking of cookies, maybe some pies, but we would love to think of anything creative to add to the table! Maybe macaroons, tarts... whatever you can think of!

TLDR: Today's movements are a combination of panic around systemic failure Monday, with some selling of winners to buy GME and other meme stocks by the broad market. It's also the VIX/Risk Parity unwind trade happening. My opinions: a) GME would be 4 digits if not for the factors today around calls and shares being hard to buy. So it could be 4 digits Monday, depending upon regulatory actions b) we are risking a real financial crisis here if GME does get to 4 digits, c) the fed & treasury dept are likely to intervene Monday and don't want this bubble, but dare only attack it indirectly, D) there's going to be over-regulation out of this. Positions: was short when I wrote, now long VIX to hedge catastrophe, but strongly long ES into weekend.
We are seeing today is a bunch of things. It's a little similar to what we saw Tuesday and Wednesday - A lot of selling on fear of systemic failure. What is different though is that on Tues/Wed it was hedge funds covering shorts while dropping their winners. You can see this in the movement of GVIP which is an ETF that mechanically picks hedge fund long favorites. It underperformed market dramatically on those days, then overperformed yesterday. Today it is performing around market.
You also see winners being dumped by retail to now buy GME - I think that's clear in the chart.
Lastly, there's a risk parity trade and momo trade around VIX going on it's fear, risk parity trade, and retail dumping their favorites to buy GME. Explaining all in detail here:
Why I think GME would be 1000+ Today Normally 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀
It's hard to buy call options. They are the leverage that makes this go up fast, multiplicatively with the narrow effective float now and the short interest. We aren't gamma squeezing as much, but it's still multiplicative in a way other parts of the trade aren't. Today, there's restricted buy (and IV is realy expensive...), and there are dealers selling 5m net shares as calls roll off (probably), and you can't get options most places... And the stock is still up a ton. That to me means without the unwind, and with options broadly available, and buys unrestricted, we'd be at $1000 today or more. Of course, we all know it's a bubble, and bubbles only sustain as long as net capital to the bubble increases. We surely are near the peak - after which it must unwind. But, regardless of the true outcome, we'd be at a much higher price today if not for all of these negative price dynamics piled on - limited new call options, trading restrictions, Friday option unwind. That leads me to my next point.
Systemic Failure Fears:
This GME thing is allowing a ton of leverage. Shorts leverage the stock with their 140% short. Longs are leveraged on calls. You put those together, and total GME leverage might be 40 or 50 or 60x at times when options were cheap (less now, but still significant), and it has further unpredictability around a failure-to-deliver option trade. Also, should illiquidity be created where there aren't really GME shares to sell, and dealers have to buy frantically or shorts are forced by dealers to cover, you'll see tons of forced selling elsewhere. Selling causes more selling, that selling causes vix spike, which causes selling... and that in turn means people who were OK on gme short now must cover because the rest of their portfolio is underwater. What might have been 15b to cover suddenly becomes 100b to cover, and other portfolios with no exposure to GME blow up too.
You put that all together, and there are real fears that this can cause a bankruptcy or at least lack of liquidity for any of Brokers (remember, Robinhood almost ran out of money yesterday), Market Makers, and also random carnage across institutions that are short (or long on margin). There are some interpretations where you’d see vix go above 50 and spx halt down in the worse cases.
It's impossible to forecast this, and models are breaking. In other words, people are scared, even though the total bubble here is only a about 10 billion dollars of capital really exchanged at the end of the day. But, this could cause contagion at this point - if a good amount of brokers, clearing houses, and/or market makers blew up, which I think is on the table if GME is in the thousands, the entire market gets de-stabilized for a while until it's fixed - trades won't clear, accounts locked, sudden drop in all liquidity, and a lot of loss of trust for a while. This is analogous to pinching an artery or something - the damage hits the basic infrastructure that allow the markets to function if it gets much worse, and there's a recovery period even if the damage isn't fatal. This is why I think the market is selling off so hard today primarily - no one wants to hold risk into a GME $1000+ monday, unless you are long GME. 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀 🚀
Also note - as GME goes lower today, SPX is stabilizing. The less chance it goes to $1000+, the les chance of systemic risk. But, without the net option selling today, it likely would be up double. With new call options on, I think more. Which of course begs the question of if the regulators will allow for call options on Monday. But, this clearly has upwards pressure that is strong.
Hedge Funds:
Hedge funds had to cover shorts and dump longs to stay properly levered. You saw that with the GVIP dump tues/wed. No longer the case - so hedge funds are either well hedged, or aren't really the ones being forced to cover shorts right now. But they definitely took big damage.
Retail GME Trade:
A lot of retail favorites are selling off more today, like Disney, various favored day trading stocks that aren't current memes, etc. That's adding some vol as people rotate to GME.
VIX and Risk Parity, Momentum Funds
Whenever vol of a stock in the S&P 500 goes up, the S&P 500 vix also has to go up too. There's a class of funds called 'risk parity funds' that basically try to adjust their allocation on risk/reward basis, so when vix goes up, they assume the risk of S&P 500 went up, so they allocate less to it.. this sends it down.. increasing vix. There are also momentum funds that see this happening and just chase the trend. That further adds momentum down. People aren't going to calm down significantly until systemic risk is off the table here.
My Views on Fed Actions
This is a financial crisis about to happen in plain view. The fed will take action to stop it, because it's obviously happening. They can do this very easily with lines of credit to brokers and clearing houses and market makers, and can also stop the cycle by keeping call options off on GME potentially, but that's more politically dangerous. In any case, I think the feds will find a solution that takes systemic risk off the table. They acted very fast during COVID. I think good chance they do it Sunday before market, then do it Monday. If they don't, Monday could become ugly.
I think the Fed will want the GME bubble to die, but they also don't want the political heat for blowing up a trade that's symbolic of political activism for a bunch of people. My sense is their only move is to just squeeze the option market to make it so few calls get created, while also restricting new shorts. If calls are fully restored, this goes very high very fast. Restricting shorts does make it go higher too as it reliably ends the short interest. Realistically though, the fed and treasury want this to stop, and will be cunning.
How I'm Trading This
It's possible this gets resolved, or the fed does something now, or people BTFD with all the money, but I think this is a situation that could quickly make a -5% market move or a vix spike to the 40s again (we had 37 just 2 or 3 days ago at the close) into the close. So I don't really want to be long with anything 0dte and I'm currently effectively short + long vix. I expect to switch long on my theory of fed support near or after the close, and a lot of people will be freaked out at the idea of carrying over-weekend risk into the potential of GME at $1000+ blowing things up. As I mentioned above, if SPX looked stable enough, I'd rotate long for next week - but would hold my VIX calls to near or at close no matter what.
Overregulation
The government will not let this crisis go to waste and will absolutely over-regulate. Expect sensible changes like - things that make shorting harder, and make it harder to have huge amounts of open interest of calls. But they may over-do it or do unrelated things. This will make our options trading hobby less fun unfortunately, because options will tend to be less accessible, more expensive and less potent.
Yeah, I'm a bear sometimes. I'm actually up 50% YTD despite my horrid GME shorts. I like taking the plausible bets that win big when they work, and cost less when they don't. IT's the WSB mentality. I have a very small long-term put position on GME. I am long ES, long vol (hedge).
Obviously this isn't financial advice. I know nothing about you, your risk tolerance, etc, which are key inputs. Also, the market is uncertain. This is just my view of what might happen and what has happened and why.

Things have been busy so, I apologize for the delay. I know lots of you love these stories.
Last Friday night...Yeah, I think we broke the law...Always say we're gonna stop, whoa
Friday, or in the alternative: What part of call me was not clear?
I get to my desk at the usual time and deal with the usual bullshit. I got a SCAR 16s here on consignment because a customer of mine bought them from dealers that were less than reputable and lied about the condition of/country of origin of their merchandise. And they swapped sku's and other bullshit gun dealer things.
Trying to be a nice guy, I can charge the guy to box and ship everything back or roll them at top dollar and give him a big stack of blue stripe benjamins. I tell him I'll try and sell them for him and take my cut off the top so we're both making money. He thinks this is a great idea and manages to line up a buyer on his own. I just need to do the 4473 and cut him a check. No big deal, I don't have a problem doing a little extra work for him versus the standard dealer to customer transfer. The guy he sold it to is a semi regular customer of mine and he comes in, bangs out the 4473 and it's about a 90 minute wait on transaction time.
No big deal. Instead of packing up for the gun show, I'm selling other peoples guns. I'll pack up for the gun show tonight and get everything ready when I get home. I need to be up super early and on the road.
I get everything squared off, customer comes in to get his money and drops off ANOTHER SCAR 16s to sell because the dealer pulled a con job. Okay, I can haul it to the show in the AM. I have a SCAR 16s in FDE from him. I have a 5.7 in FDE on the arm from a buddy of mine and a 509 FDE. I'll make a package deal, FDE FN Friday all FN time. Things are looking up!
I clear off all the 4473's for the week and do an audit and I'm down about 75% inventory wise from last year. Things are tight but stuff is trickling in in drips and drabs. Hit the chickfila on my way home for a sandwich and milkshake that brings all the boys to the yard. I'm done eating and getting ready to leave when I get the call.
ring ring
FC: go for FC
1: Mr Hayden sir, can I ask a favor of you?
FC: What up?
1: Got a guy who wants my scar 16 lined up but he has to pay on a credit card. Can you run it for me? You can take a card and cut me a check?
(It's 7PM on a friday night. I still need to pack for the show. By the time I get back it will be 9PM and I still need to shower and get a decent nights sleep. I'm a glutton for punishment)
FC: If you want to get it done tonight, have the guy call me. I'm eating dinner now and I'll head back if he calls me.
1: roger that, I'll pass along your info right now and let him know.
I do a few more emails from the laptop and say hi to the chickfila owner who was friends with my dad and buys guns from me. We chat for a bit and my phone does not ring. Now, gentle readers - I offered to head back at 730PM on a friday to get something done for someone as a favor to them. That should be worthy of "holy shit you are the man for coming back on your own time!" but this was not the case. No phone call means I didn't head back.
I head home, no phone call. Phone about to die. Plug it in and go into my garage and get all my gun show stuff sorted and loaded and organized. My normal display is 3 tables of merchandise stacked and racked on 2 tables. This show it's 1.5 tables of merchandise stretched out on 2 tables. Not good. My back is killing me. I get some ibuprofen and take a hot shower. Grab my phone off the charger. Bunch of missed calls, one email one VM. I return the VM.
1: Hey you must be having a good dinner at chickfila, we've been waiting here in the parking lot for the last hour!
FC: You have? Well, I didn't get a phone call. I'm home and in pajamas.
1: What? He didn't call you?
FC: Nope
1: HEY! YOU DIDN'T CALL HIM? Oh he says he just figured......
FC: No phone call means no turning around to go back to work. We'll deal with it next week.
1: Okay I'll tell him.
I'm a pretty easy to get along with guy. If you ask me a favor, I'll likely do it if it does not interfere with my life too badly. But if you ask me for a favor and you can't follow simple instructions, well then you're wasting your own time. That's no skin off my hide. Failure to follow simple directions on your part does not warrant my bad back bending over backwards to make it right. I climb into bed, I have to be up at 5AM to tank up at the truck stop, grab breakfast on the run and get to this show on the road.
Saturday, in the park. I think it was the fourth of july. People dancing, people laughing. A man selling ice cream. Singing Italian songs....
Showtime Saturday.
My back is stiffer than I'd like. I get down to the show and get loaded in and everything is set up looking spiffy. Not in my normal spot right by the loading dock, much to my chagrin. There's a line that's 1/4 mile long to get into the building. This shit is looking crazy.
Here's the deal, folks. The 4473 isn't hard. It does require attention to detail. Being in therapy with Dr Kaplan, I've learned a few things.
Old FC: Here's the clipboard, call me when you're done.
New FC: Here's the form, I'm guessing you haven't filled this out before. Start on line 9, read this carefully, 18A and 18B are two separate questions that both require answers, 21 L 2 is tricky, you need to read it ALL THE WAY TO THE END before you answer. Sign on 22, today's date on 23. STOP THERE.
With the new spiel, of the 7 forms I was handed on Saturday before noon - guess how many were filled out correctly? I'll make a break here to talk about the bullshit I had to do.
Show Hustler #1: I had a consignment mossberg built in new haven pre 1968. A guy wants to buy it and he's friends with Ray Dalio. Yes, the Ray Dalio. He tries getting me to knock $100 off but I tell him he's nuts. If he's FRIENDS WITH A BILLIONAIRE and lives in GREENWICH fucking Connecticut, you can pay my very fair asking price of about $350 on it. He relents and I give him a small discount and I give him the clipboard.
Show Hustler #2: I got a guy wanting to trade me a 44 Mag Black Desert Eagle for a Colt 1911 I have on the table. Prices are about the same. I tell him I'm not doing the work of selling two guns for the profit of one gun. He tells me I'm not selling two guns, I'm trading one and selling one. That's selling one gun! I explain two entries in my A/D book means I sell two guns, and it's easier for me to sell a NIB Colt than it is for me to sell a used Desert Eagle. Well the DE isn't used! It's unfired! It's brand new! If I didn't get it from a wholesaler, it's used. He says for me to think about it and he'll be at the show. I tell him I thought about it. He says yeah, ready to do an even trade? I say no, now I want your gun plus $1000. He calls me a clown and walks away.
Show Hustler #3: Over the road truck driver wants the FN 5.7 in FDE I have on consignment. Asks for a truck driver discount. He wants it for $1200. I've got it tagged at $1350. I tell him if he can fill out the form straight, no errors I write it at 1200. If there's an error, I write it for $1350. He says he just bought a brand new freightliner cascadia and money is tight. I tell him well we got a bet or what? He nods, I book the action.
Show Hustler #4: Guy wants my 509C. He wants to trade me for a NIB glock even up. I tell him there's no money to be made and selling a used glock gets me less money. BUT ITS NOT USED! ITS BRAND NEW! We go back and forth 9 times about how new does not mean what he thinks it means. I offer him $350 on his trade as credit knowing that $650 on a used glock in 45ACP is all the money right now. He calls me a cocksucker and walks away.
Okay, so 7 form 4473's with an explanation as to all the problem areas before noon on Saturday.....how many were filled out correctly?
If you answered zero, you are right! That means I won the 4473 bet. The 5.7 goes out at top dollar. Winner winner chicken dinner!
I head home and count my money. I need 9 more shows like this and I might finally be able to retire. On the way home I check web orders. Three guys in arkansas have ordered $900 22LR off my website at $150 a brick. I joke about my stash of 22LR being a brand new F350 platinum but at $150/brick that's rapidly becoming a reality.
Sunday, Bloody Sunday
Sunday is day 2 of the show. I stop at a local diner and grab corned beef hash and a short stack of pancakes for breakfast. Want to know how good a diner is? If there's real butter with the pancakes and not that bullshit country crock/margarine spread, you know things will be good.
There's butter. It's good.
A very nice Sig 229 in stainless in 9mm comes by from a guy who did business with me years ago. He traded me a Wilson CQB pistol for a Sig 226 and a Springfield Range Officer even up. I had maybe $1600 into that Wilson, I sold it for $2500 a few months later and tucked the money away. When my brother got married, our fucking gigantic family got together the night before the wedding and had dinner. I told him I'd cover it and he's like "are you sure?" and I said, how bad could it be? Not realizing his wife's family is a bunch of hungry alcoholics from cape cod who have never seen an open bar before and are total gluttons when someone else is buying. As it turns out, $2500 covered about half of the F&B, but he seemed appreciative.
Anyhow.
I sell nothing at the show all day and talk with the other dealers and swap stupid customer stories. I pack and head home and I've sold a good bit of stuff of mine and consignments. As I'm making my way out of the building, the wheel comes off the wagon.
This is not a euphemism. https://imgur.com/a/KY5vLCl
I pay off all my friends for their sales, and in the zelle memo field, I break down the transactions as such:
$69.69 - Anal Hook
$350 - Loch Ness Monster Poster
(whatever the balance was after bullshit, I can't remember) - this is from your real dad
I have lots of fun at this job sometimes.
It's just another manic Monday. I wish it was Sunday. 'Cause that's my fun day.
Monday morning I get an email from the fellow who spent his friday night in the parking lot waiting for me. His email address leads me to believe he spent some time at Parris Island or San Diego, because who else uses semper fi in an email address name? He says he can be in after work at 1645 hours sharp and is just down the road. I tell him I'll get everything squared away for him, and I prep the 4473's on a clipboard and get everything set up.
Cleaning up files from the show, closing out 4473's. Down to 249 items in stock. 150 of them are lowers. This is not good. Must strike while irons are hot though. Gotta shear all the sheep while the wool is ready to harvest and prices are high. I have a bunch of personal ammo that will hit the market one POTUS says something stupid. That's not an if, that's a when.
Bunch of phone calls from people seeking 380 and cheap 9mm. I do my best charles bronson impression. "No dice." The emails accusing me of price gouging are fantastic. There's some other idiocy too. I won't post the whole ones but here's a few snippets from the butthurt and the unprepared as well as the idiotic.

I’m just looking for fmj for target practice. Nothing fancy. If you could do them for $400 a case of 1000 I can talk.

FC: I can get you $400/case on 1000 but it'll be foreign made non brass 9mm ammo.

Pretty much what your saying is no matter how much money I try to spend, you’re continuing your get rich quick prices. People like you are direct part of the problem. It’s one thing to make money and it’s another to try to high way rob people. Hope you’re proud of yourself.

FC: I can assure you that this isn't a get rich quick situation. I spent plenty of money investing in half a million rounds of ammo about FOUR years ago during the Trump slump and I'm just getting around to realizing profits now. I am not getting rich, nor am I doing it quickly. I hardly think that any investment that takes 4 years to realize a gain is quick.
(No response back)
Subject: Used Ruger 10/22
Message: I’ll give you 175 for it.
FC: Deal. Can you come by today?
(new message, no subject)
Message: I can come by Tomorrow or Thursday.
(I try calling him. VM box is full)
FC: Great! Lets get it done. Your VM box is full. Tomorrow is better.
(new message, no subject)
Message: I can come tomorrow but I only have 150 I can spend at the moment so I’ll probably wait a few days.
FC: What happened to " I’ll give you 175 for it." a few hours ago?
(new message, no subject)
Message: My bad dude. I have a kid I don’t know what to tell you. And I’m pretty sure I said Wednesday or Thursday. If you really want it gone that bad I don’t see what the big deal is.
FC: I was just expecting you to have $175 ready if you said you wanted to deal......So, will Wednesday or Thursday work this week? Bring me cash and your concealed.
(new message, no subject)
Message: No cwl. But you don’t need one for a private sale. I can have your cash.
FC: No CWL no sale.
(new message, no subject)
Message: Yeah I’ll pass. Good luck. You totally should have mentioned that at the start of negotiations.
FC: What part of my ad that said cash and concealed required was unclear?
Yeah. Fucking mondays.
1630 rolls around and our scar loving jarhead walks in. With his wife. And his children. Not one, not two, not three, but FOUR little munchkins. All without an ipad and disney + streaming to keep them occupied. They're not bad kids, just curious at all the little things I have lying around like lower parts kits, magazines, AAC 51T mounts, stuff like that.
He hands over his ID. I look at the address. It's a city two and a half hours away.
FC: Uh, you're a long way from home.
USMC: Yeah I just moved. I'm putting my new address on this form if that's okay.
FC: You have anything with your new address on it? I can't do anything with ID that's not current.
USMC: It's not expired, it's current.
FC: Where do you live?
USMC: (names address locally)
FC: Then this is no longer current. I need something with your new local address on it.
USMC: Oh then I'll just use the old address on this form then.
FC: That's not acceptable. I need a current government document with your new address.
USMC: Here, I have activation orders and training orders from the army.
FC: That won't work. Government document with your new address.
USMC: Here's my W2 from the DOD.
FC: That's not a government document.
USMC: But the DOD gave it to me! It's FROM the department of defense, which is the government!
(Editors note: Did I mention that I hate mondays?)
sigh
FC: I can call ATF and ask......
USMC: Please do!
(I phone the ATF area supervisor on his cellular device)
ATF: Mr Hayden, how can I help you today?
FC: Barry, I got a funny one. Guy wants to use his DOD W2/activation orders to get his gun since that has his current address.
ATF: Why? Is there a reason he's unable to get an updated drivers license?
FC: That's a good question Barry, let me find out.
(FC puts ATF on speakerphone)
FC: Hey private first class, ATF wants to know why you didn't update your license
USMC: Uh because I've been busy
ATF: Sir, that's not an answer. I was in the military too and I had to change ID's just like you. If I can had to do it you have to do it.
(Barry was a very long time ago a RIO on the F4 Phantom)
USMC: But I have activation orders! and training orders! and a W2!
ATF: Get your license changed over or produce another document for the licensee to process your transaction.
FC: Thanks barry!
I hang up and tell him that's the area supervisor and I'm playing this one the way he tells me. He needs to produce a document compliant with ATF regulations for me to release this firearm.
USMC: Oh by the way there's a guy with my same name that robbed a bank in Detroit last year, I always get delayed anyways.
(sigh)
I type his stuff into the computer and I get a thumbs up from the computer instantly much to his amazement. I fire off a quick email to the guy who owns the scar
Subject: No current ID
Message: your jarhead friend who wants the scar does not have current ID

No deal? Or what's the plan?

My reply is interrupted. Their oldest child admires the batman dollar on my safe. The youngest child is incessantly clicking a spare pilot G2 pen I had on my desk.
Mother: If you click that pen ONE MORE TIME, you are WALKING HOME.
(kid puts the pen down)
Me, whispering to the kid: It's not that far.
(kid picks the pen back up)
Mother scowls at both of us.
I giggle.
I get back to email.
FC: Lets put it this way. You're gonna owe me for this one. Big time.
His wife starts pulling out auto registrations, USAA insurance cards, cable bills, etc with their new address - NONE of which are useful because none of them are government issued. She updates his and her drivers licenses online at the state website and gives me a voter registration printout confirming the update, but that's not a workable document since it's an informational update and not an actual registration.
Customer that owns the scar walks in and witnesses the flurry of kids playing with gun stuff and two grown ass adults trying to make it all work.
It's been 45 minutes of this.
The guy finally gives up and goes on the state website and gets a fishing license and emails it to me. Stacks a big stack of SCAR magazines that NOBODY has in stock to the order and I charge it onto his USAA mastercard. Had I returned to work on a Friday after hours to get an ID that wasn't current, I would have been apoplectic. Now, I'm just mildly annoyed. I can assure you that anyone who has walked through the hallowed halls of MCRD Parris Island should know to have their shit together. This just seemed like some hybrid of cluelessness more than it was an issue of stolen valor. Gun and mags go out the door.
My customer sits down and starts laughing. I look at him totally nonplussed.
1: That was easy, right?
(FC looks nonplussed)
1: An hour worth of work, for $50! That's good! you should do a few of those a day!
(FC looks nonplussed)
1: Really?
FC: You owe me.
I cut him his check and I'm done for the night. I head home.
Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too....
Tuesday
Another day, another box of 9mm at $75 each heading out the door.....I'm down to my last 15,000 rds of 9mm. I sold my entire personal stash of Remington UMC at $67 a box. Now that we're into the Federal American Eagle, it's up to $75. People are thanking me for having it available because they've called everywhere.
This morning's "no I don't have it" calls: 380ACP, 30-40 Krag, 6.5 CM, Grendel and Swede, 2.5" .410 slugs, 3 or 3.5" shells and turkey loads.
Now, for the uninitiated: Turkey season is around the corner. ALL the ammo for turkey loads have been purchased by new shooters looking for home defense ammo since last year. Why turkey loads for self defense? That's all the cabelas had....
Come season, there will be lots of very disappointed hunters who were unprepared. Those with ammo will hunt, those without ammo will hunt for ammo, and they will not be successful given the state of the ammunition markets. There is far more money to be made cranking out buckshot and slugs than there are turkey shells.
Package comes in for transfer. Guy has a NJ license. He's just moved here. Has NOTHING with his new address. This is basically a repeat of Monday's SCAR sale. The guy here is ADAMANT that he's bought a home here and he can purchase a firearm without being a state resident.
He's technically right. HOWEVER this is why dealers hate doing things: The gun and sale have to follow both the laws of the state he's in AND the state of New jersey. Now I have to run down all the bullshit that is NJ published ordnances to ensure that this gun is Phil Murphy(TM) approved. For the price of a transfer. BUT WAIT THERES MORE!
The gun is for a BUDDY of his he's giving it to him as a gift when he's down here for a fishing trip in a few days.
https://imgur.com/0cqL7vX
Read that last line.
Yeah. I tell him that it's unlawful for him to dispose of a firearm to a non resident. He's wondering what the fuck to do. He insists on taking delivery. I tell him I need to run it down with the address and everything since his NJ license isn't technically valid since HE NO LONGER LIVES THERE.
The guy bought a double wide trailer here, the trailer park handles all the water, the power, the etc - he does not have any REAL property here. He's insistent that he has a deed for his house. He's holding a bill of sale for a mobile home.
sigh
I tell him we should just get things sent to his friend via an FFL in his state. The guy lines up an FFL and I fedex the gun to the dealer up there. We need ONE UNIFORM SET OF COHESIVE COMMON SENSE GUN LAWS, not one federal set and 50+ subsections on a state level plus NY State HOME RULE BULLSHIT.
I head home early, telemedicine with Dr Kaplan. He's impressed with my progress. I'm not.
There are no songs that have Wednesday that I can think of here
Wednesday, Hump Day
I decide to work from home today. I can take all the phone calls and tell people no I don't have anything from home. I decide to do some early spring cleaning. It's a BEA-U-TIFUL day. The sun is out, nice weather means I can work in the garage for once. I start a load of laundry. Everything starts off fine. I'm sorting through old shot show HK posters when I can smell burning. There's no smoke but I do smell burning. Am I having a stroke? I can't figure it out and I get a load of laundry processed through my carbon neutral solar powered clothes drying system. I start another batch of laundry and hear a massive grinding noise when I should hear the washing machine washing. That burning smell? That was the timer burning up. And I have a full tub of underwear that needs to get done since I'm nearly out. Fuck.
My dad's old toolbox is in disarray. Mine isn't. I quickly grab a few tools. A snap on general service kit is totally overkill, but it's super nice to have EVERYTHING in one spot ready to go. My 1/4 drive ratchet takes apart my washing machine panel with ease. I unplug the timer and hit the electronic bay for a replacement. I find one 2 hours away and they say they can ship immediately on my fedex account. I can get it here tomorrow if they fedex ground it on todays truck. Deal, here's my amex. Email me tracking when it's sent.
One problem arisen, one problem in progress of being fixed. Not bad for before noon.
I get a bunch of stuff stacked up and straightened up and I throw a ton of stuff on facebook marketplace. Old Glock signs and point of sale merchandise like hanging ceiling mobiles, glock pencils, FN pads, FN hats, Daniel Defense stickers and patches, HK pistol racks, some old Colt and Beretta Blue boxes, all that stuff.
People message me about the Colt box. WHATS IN THE BOX they ask.
Well it's an empty fucking box. I made that VERY clear in the description. So what's my witty rejoinder? A youtube link to the scene from Seven with Brad Pitt yelling at Morgan Freeman "WHATS IN THE BOX? WHATS IN THE BOX?!?!!?!"
They are not amused. I think it's brilliant. They ask me what gun is for sale. I tell them it's just an empty box but if they want a gun, here's my info and call me at work during business hours. I'm then told that people selling empty boxes on facebook aren't selling empty boxes, they're selling guns.
This, I did not know.
Armed with this newfound information, I proceed to post more random stuff from my garage for sale in front of a pile of 20,000 rds of 9mm. An old kegerator and some bar equipment my dad had, a Miller Genuine Draft neon sign backdropped with 5 cases of Winchester Q4170 45ACP and 5 cases of CCI Lawman 147gr 9mm. The messages flood in looking to buy my stuff cheap. But I know what I got.
My favorite interaction:
1: hey man, you got anything else for sale?
FC: Tons of stuff for sale!
1: I'm looking for pews.
FC: I got pews, you want to stop by and check out my pews? I got some real nice ones, super nice. Only used on sunday!
1: Yeah man I'm leaving for lunch in 10 min, give me your address
FC: Sure thing! Here's me, be here in 30 minutes!
I continue to clean up my garage and I pull out some of my dad's old auction finds. Under about 200 old polynesian tiki mugs, I dust off some white oak church pews and pull them into the driveway. The guy tells me he wants to see the pews I got, and I point them out to him in the driveway. White oak, great shape - just needs some lemon pledge and they'll be good as new. He calls me a clown, gets in his car and drives off.
What's wrong with these people?
I return to find 254 facebook marketplace messages for people asking me to sell/ship them guns and ammo to all sorts of places and that facebook has suspended my account for violations of their marketplace terms. The offending item? An old Sig Sauer binder that has a P226 exploded diagram on the front. Because firearm parts are not allowed.
I manage to sell on facebook marketplace an old surefire incandescent rifle light, a blue colt mustang box, a few tin winchester ammo signs, some beer neons that belonged to my dad and some soft pistol rugs that I ordered from RSR on clearance. A productive wednesday. My haul nets me after facebook marketplace fees and shipping about $54 on the shipped items and a few hundred bucks in miscellany. I give my business cards to all the folks looking for gun stuff and they seem surprised that I still have ammo and that they've never heard of me. They do all their ammo and gun shopping online and don't do B&M. That's the way things will be in the future.
I head to the tex mex joint for dinner. I chat it up with a very cute blonde that is the manager. She's just moved into a new place after her man chated on her and she ditched that zero. I offer her my stack of bed bath and beyond coupons.
FC: Starting over is expensive. Maybe this will make it a little bit cheaper.
1: Oh my gosh this will save me a bunch of money! Here, your dinner is on me.
FC: It's been a long time since a woman has bought me dinner. Perhaps I should return that favor. Do you like firefighters?
(she cracks a big smile under the mask)
1: I do, but I'm talking to someone right now.
FC: I can see you ditched the zero, but if it does not work out and you want to get yourself a hero - I'm here pretty often. Just ask and I'll take you to dinner at your favorite place.
I manage to get rejected by a woman at the same time she bought me dinner.
That takes talent. I head home, pop some ibuprofen and head to bed. I check my email in bed. There's a tracking number.
PICKUP OCCOURED AFTER FEDEX CUTOFF FOR TODAY, PACKAGE WILL BE TENDERED THE NEXT BUSINESS DAY
You fucking clowns. You had one job. I call fedex and ask them to hold it at the facility 2 hours away. I'll grab it in the AM. They can't even find it. Fuck it. Leave it. I'll deal with it later.
Thursday, I don't care about you
Thursday, or FC makes a new friend!
I head into work a bit early today, as I'm driving down my street, I round the corner and see an older fellow wheeling his trash to the curb. This guy had a '99 Ford F250 extended cab 4x4 with the venerable 7.3 navistar in MINT condition for sale. 129,000 miles, parked in a garage 10 months out of the year. He wanted $16k for this truck and I figured he got tired of tire kickers and lowballs and kept it. I messaged him 3 days after the post went up and I never followed up, I knew the house since I've literally been driving past it MY ENTIRE LIFE on the way to elementary, middle, high school, college and now work.
My passenger window rolls down as I stop right next to the mailbox.
FC: You still got your F250?
1: No! That thing sold in one hour! To a dealer!
FC: Son of a bitch! I wanted that truck, I didn't even know you were selling!
1: Dealer came over in one hour, took a look at it, put cash on the hood, slapped a dealer tag on it and drove it out of here!
FC: Damn! I wish you put a sign on it and I would have stopped.
1: I told my wife I didn't want to sell it to a dealer but my garage isn't big enough!
FC: No kidding. Say, you still got your T bird?
1: My thunderbird? How'd you know I have a thunderbird?
FC: I grew up here! When I was in grade school I'd ride by and you were wrenching on it, when I was in high school, I'd see you wrenching on it from the bus and when I was in college I'd see you wrenching on it on my way home from class!
1: I spent 20 years building that car 2 weeks at a time! You wanna see it?
FC: Well, when you put it that way....
I pull off into the grass. He's got a detached 3500 square foot garage with Snap On's Mr Big not 1 but 2 ben pearson four post lifts. He shows me his thunderbird he's been working on for two decades. We get to talking. He's a commercial alaskan fisherman and he spends 10 months of the year in alaska and seattle running boats. Super nice guy. He asks me what I do for work, and I tell him. He tells me all his friends are scrambling for ammo and he didn't think it was that bad. I tell him it's been that way for about a year. He needs 00 buckshot, 8 or 9 pellet. I just got a small delivery. I tell him I can get him some. I give him my card and tell him call me this afternoon and I'll throw a few boxes in my briefcase and I'll deliver them on my way home. I'm asked about my watch, he's apparently a GMT man as well. We both like fords and stainless GMT's. Nice. He tells me the story about how he accidentally welded the band to his boat in the bering sea while doing repairs with a stick welder.
FC: What do you catch?
1: Pollock, cod
FC: long line?
1: No, trawler..... You know your commercial fishing.
FC: I know my customers.
Impressed at my substantial seafood knowledge, he tells me he'll call me after he checks his safe. I head into work and get some more stuff done.
I get a call from a referral. This guy was busted for selling pot and spent 8 months in miltary prison at Leavenworth. He's wondering if he can still own or have a gun with a bad conduct discharge. I'm not sure. I call my retinue and we agree that it's worthy of research and we should do a bar journal article about it. I love it when a plan comes together.
Doctor lady and her husband come in and their attorney has told them that without a trust, their silencer order will need to be approved by the CLEO of the region. This is why people hate lawyers. I get all their stuff drawn up as they requested with two trusts and interlocking responsible parties. Double the prints and plenty of passport photos all around.
Dead Air is behind on pistons and mounts, as usual but I'm assured by the big man in charge that they will be at wholesalers shortly. I'm so scrambled that I forget to charge her for two cans. No big deal, I'll email her and deal with it when I get her the mounts.
I have a facebook marketplace post up for an old Glock brand Pistol case and some glock brand ear pro. Here's the message:

Hi Will it's John from facebook marketplace I was looking at the glock bb gun and head phones will you show me a pic of the actually glock and does it have a clip and a slide,,??¿?? My old one did but I left it at my apartment I was sharing with friends but I miss having it lmk asap please and thanks sincerely Jeff K.

FC: Lets start here. 1. I don't sell Glock BB guns. 2. I don't have head phones. Were you only interested in BB guns?

Ya I was on Facebook marketplace looking for BB c02 pistols

sigh
I go truck shopping online. A guy has a 2011 F250 diesel for $24k. Except it's not a 2011. It's a 2001. I don't know what's more absurd, a 2011 at $24k, when average retail is a shade under $20k or a 20 year old truck selling for half of MSRP.
I'm ready to give up on this. Truck prices are stupid. I check my email. Timer in transit, Fedex has it en route.
I head home and pop a flexiril and head to sleep. The flexeril isn't fixing any of my muscles but manages to knock me the fuck out quite nicely. I need to be up early.
Just got paid, Friday night....
Friday, or FC vs The Washing Machine
As a kid, I always played with my dads toolbox. I took apart tons of stuff and had no idea how to put it back together. Some kids when they're in the tender years made birdhouses and small woodworking projects and it was super fun for them to pretend. Me? I took apart a 1 horse GE electric blower motor my dad short circuited on accident and made a pretend General Electric first generation boiling water nuclear reactor. Which was not really easy to do given the fact that the internet didn't exist in the early 90's. You had to have some modicum of imagination, and in that case your design was neither right nor wrong because nobody could easily prove your design accurate or otherwise. I had effectively built Schrodinger's BWR. I used different colored and sized tapcons and red heads for fuel/control rods if anyone was wondering. I think I can handle the washing machine. Just for good measure I put on my Cal Tech shirt.
As I warm up breakfast, I get an email from a guy named Eddie. He wants to see some 40S&W pistols. I tell him I have a busy morning. I can find some time for him around 10AM if he wants to stop by and I'll have what he's looking for ready.
My fedex guy stops at the Boeing facility first thing in the morning to drop off parts at the loading dock, I know his schedule so I pull up to the dock and hang out there waiting for him. Jeff is right on time and I snag my washer timer. No email back from Eddie so time to head back home to put everything back together. I'm in the middle of buttoning it up when I get a call.
Eddie is standing in my parking lot wanting to check out some 40S&W pistols I have in stock. I tell him all my available inventory on the website and that if he wanted me to have everything ready for him at 10AM, he should have given me an affirmative reply or a phone call. Right now, clean underwear is a priority and Eddie seems to understand this and he says he will chat with me later.
I head back to work. The entire parking lot smells like weed. There's a VW microbus parked on the far side of the lot and I'm downwind of it.
This is not a coincidence.
Wholesale rep tries to sell me $700 complete andersons again with a min order of 50. Pass.
I get a bunch of messages from other dealers looking to buy ammo off me and resell it to their customers at "reasonable" prices and I tell them they are fools for selling stuff cheap. They just don't get it and they'll be out of business soon.
I get a call from a guy wanting ammo. He wants all my 22LR. I tell him the price and he says "I can't make a profit selling it at those prices!"
This is the reason regular people can't buy ammo just FYI.
It's Friday again. I've got another gun show to prep for. New product just rolls in on the UPS truck. A few glocks, a few shields, and for some reason the rep sent me 5 sets of rear MBUS sights instead of 5 front and 5 rear. Ugh. I manage to get a small allocation of 9mm in on this truck as well as 11 boxes of 10mm! This year is looking better by the week!
I get several calls for AAC mounts that nobody has in stock and the owners are totally confused. One guy had a can and was selling a rifle and sold the ONLY mount he owned for that can to the guy buying his rifle for $200.
He was under the impression that you could just call AAC and order another mount for $112. I tell him if I can find what he's looking for, I'll need to buy it for $250 from someone and that it will sell for $350-500 by the time I mark it up. He's super confused as to why everyone is running out and buying AAC mounts and why they can't be ordered. I explain AAC/Remington's two bankruptices in 5 years. He is even more confused. I finally blurt it out.
You had ONE mount for your can. You sold it. There are no other mounts. You have paid a tax stamp for and own a can that YOU CAN NO LONGER MOUNT because you sold them. He now realizes the error of his ways. Nothing I can do about that.
Second guy tells me he sees I have AAC mounts. He needs one for his can. I ask him what model he has. He has to crack open the safe.
1: It's an Advanced Armament Corp Norcross Georgia
FC: That's the manufacturer......
1: It's a.........ZERO ENNN DASH ZERO EFFF EFFF
FC: It's a what?
1: It says on the side ZERO ENNN DASH ZERO EFFFF EFFFF
(Editors note: https://www.advanced-armament.com/assets/products/762-SDN-6.png )
FC: That's not the model.
1: It's not? Then what did I read to you?
FC: That's not a zero. That's the letter O.

1. The number O?

FC: O. As in Oh. ENNNN. Dash. Oh. EFFF EFF.
1: I'm confused.
FC: You just read the directions to take the can ON or OFF.
1: Huh that would explain the arrows wouldn't it......
FC: Yeah. What model do you have?
1: It's an MK13-SD!
FC: You need a 90T ratchet mount.
1: Great! You stock em, right?
FC: Nope.
1: But your website has some, those will work right?
FC: Unless you need 51T mounts, I can't help you.
1: Can you suggest someone that can? I need mounts.
FC: AAC is gone, these mounts may never be made again.
1: Shit.
Not to be out done, I get one more phone call.
1: hey this is brent, I need an AAC mount
FC: What model you got?
1: 7.62
FC: Right, thats the caliber.
1: RS7!
FC: SR7?
1: That's the one! I need an SR 7 mount in 5.56, the one I have is in 7.62
FC: Got four here. $400.
1: I just need one.
FC: That is for one.
1: WHAT? FOR ONE? Why's it so expensive?
FC: Remington went under. These may never be made again. I've been buying up everything I've been able to find so I can run the table.
1: That's a good business move.
FC: Not my first rodeo.
1: Well for $400 I'll just take a mount off a rifle I'm not using and I'll set that up. Thanks anyways.
(90 minutes later, my door swings open)
FC: What can I do for you?
1: I'm brent, we talked about that RS7 mount.
FC: SR7.
1: Whatever. I got this here and it does not even fit! It's for the wrong rifle! I need the right mount, this one is in 5.56 I need the one for the 7.62
FC: Lemme see what you got.
(Looks at package. AAC 90T TAPER MOUNT FH SR-5 5.56 1/2x28)
FC: What are you mounting this to?
1: AR15 in 223
FC: This is the correct mount.
1: No it's not! It does not fit!
FC: Does not fit barrel or can?
1: The can! I mounted it to the barrel and the can won't work! Need the one for the RS7!
FC: SR7
1: Whatever! I have a 7.62 can, this mount is for 5.56 and it's the wrong one.
FC: Who sold you this mount?
1: The gun store across the street from my house.
FC: You live an hour away, why didn't you go there?
1: I did, they don't have this mount in 7.62, I went there first.
FC: And they didn't explain this to you?
1: What is there to explain? This mount is marked 5.56. My can isn't 5.56. It's 7.62.
FC: Oh, so you want the one marked 7.62 in 1/2x28.
1: Exactly!
FC: 7.62 mounts aren't made in 1/2x28, all the 90T mounts are 90T exterior and the threading internally is different.
1: You're wrong.
FC: Please, argue with the guy wearing a caltech shirt.....
1: Prove it.
(I open his package and I grab an SR7 out of the safe. I press the latch down and thread it on)
1: You son of a bitch.
FC: You want to argue with me some more?
1: So what mount do I need?
(I pull out one of my mounts and show him side by side they're exactly the same)
1: Hmmmm. Okay. I must have done something wrong.
FC: There's not a lot of ways to do this wrong, but you found one. Go try it again.
(90 minutes later he calls back and tells me I was right)
What the fuck is with all the AAC people this week that are totally clueless?
But hey, at least I have clean underwear.

This is a cautionary tale of how becoming a "Digital Nomad" ruined me financially.
It's also a post for seeking any advice that you think I could possibly use, and to formally document the start of my FI journey.And maybe even help someone who finds themselves in a similar position as me.
[CROSS POST] I have posted this in a few other subreddits. If this is not allowed then please remove it. I'm new to reddit and still figuring things out.
TL;DR

• Started an Amazon Publishing Business back in 2016 that became wildly successful in a very short time period, earning upwards of $50K on our best month. Foolishly decided to travel the world with my fiancé and become a "Digital Nomad", living extravagantly in a different city every 2-3 months. Had a blast but didn't save a penny and spent pretty much everything, every month all while slowly neglecting our business - the only source of income we had.
• At the age of 31 (fiancé 29), I've got $6k to my name with hardly any income (our main Amazon account recently got shut down) and my fiancé and I are now living at my Moms place back home in South Africa. \sigh*.*
• Now on a mission to reach FI and fully committed to do whatever it takes to get there.

After receiving a decent amount of hate on my previous posts I thought I'd add disclaimers to those that read further.
[DISCLAIMER 1] The amounts are not exact, just as I remember them - but they are close enough. If I write a blog one day and enough people are interested I will dig into my bank statements, get exact amounts and post the screenshots of my biggest months/biggest expenses.
[DISCLAIMER 2] This is no way a bash on Digital Nomads or the lifestyle in general. It works and is possible, if you are intelligent and do it right. I was just dumb. Period.
***Scroll to the bottom of this post to if you would like to see my questions and have no interest in reading my "sex, drugs rock and roll" story.**\*
Time to swallow my pride. This is going to be a very embarrassing post for me, but I feel like I need to share it and get a real with myself. To put everything on the table, and also get a kick in the ass from this community with some added accountability - and hopefully advice from those who have achieved FI and have had similar experiences.
The last 4 years of my life has been a fun, wild and very expensive ride - one filled with lots of amazing moments, but also filled with insanely stupid financial decisions.
I'll start from 2016, Just before I decided to start my online business. My story began like many others do. I was working a low paying job in my home country of South Africa and wasn't entirely happy, ditto for my girlfriend (now fiancé).
I didn't quite hate it but I definitely was not fulfilled or earning the kind of money that I wanted. I got the taste of travel from when I took a gap year after university in 2013, and from then on I knew that I didn't want to be stuck in one place for the rest of my life.
So I started looking for other options -ones where I could travel and work at the the same time. By some stroke of luck I overheard a conversation at work about a book called The 4 Hour Workweek by Tim Ferriss and it immediately hooked my attention.
"Work 4 hours a week while traveling the world? Are you kidding me? Now thats sounds like the dream!"
I immediately went out and bought a copy, devouring it in 2 days. It completely changed the way I looked at work, and shattered my paradigm about the way most people live life. I knew that this was the kind of lifestyle I have been yearning for all along.
I started voraciously researching how to make money online and eventually stumbled upon a super cool, hip subculture of people called Digital Nomads. Their ideas and values resonated with me so much that I became hellbent on becoming one. My north star was to become location independent, and work whenever I wanted, wherever I wanted - all I needed was my laptop.
In my research I found Amazon Publishing, which seemed like the most a straightforward online business model:

1. Find hot non-fiction niche on Amazon.
2. Hire professional writers to create content on said niche.
3. Purchase the content from them, and self-publish the content on Amazon.

To top it off it seemed very passive, with the books continuing to make money for years without much further work once up on the platform. I bought a $67 course, did it within one week and took massive action with my girlfriend. We started seeing results right out of the gate and within the first 3 months I quit my job, as soon as I saw my online income had overtaken my traditional job.
My girlfriend soon followed suit - we where working at the same company.
Things really started to take off after the 6th month at it, and we got into a niche that was absolutely on fire. We couldn't believe our eyes when we had our first $50K month. Coming from a low to middle class background we had never seen this kind of money in our lives. This was more than our parents made in one year combined.
I felt like I was unstoppable, on top of the world and the money could never run out. We booked a one way flight to Thailand to begin our Digital Nomad adventure. I soon proposed to my girlfriend on little seclude beach island in the South Thailand, she said yes! Life was nothing short of perfect.
I bought my parents flights from South Africa to come celebrate our engagement in Thailand. This is when things went south. Long story short, my dad drowned in a freak accident while snorkelling in Koh Tao, Thailand. It was an absolute nightmare trying to get my dad's body back to Cape Town, and my distraught and delusional Mom onto a plane without him.
This is when the the idea of "life is and fragile", and "live in the now" belief was solidified in my mind.
It made me question the point of saving money, if I could die tomorrow. This false belief was very bad news for my spending habits. I began to spend money emotionally, trying and cover the pain of loss with a bunch of experiences and material "stuff".
We put our wedding off for months, not wanting to have it at such an emotionally sensitive time.
After spending some time at home to help my mother recuperate we soon hopped on the travel bandwagon again. We quickly got sucked into the "travel lifestyle". Spending more than 90% of our income most months became the new norm - despite earning an average of 15k/pm profit.
We bounced all over Asia, living in places like the island of Ko Lanta in Thailand, Bangkok, Chiang Mai, Bali and visiting places like Dubai, Singapore, Vietnam, Malaysia...the list goes on. It was all 5-star hotels, lavish AirBnB's, business class flights, high-rise luxury condo's, expensive pool villas and beachfront apartments.
We spent thousands of dollars on new iPhones, Apple Watches, the latest and greatest Macbook Pro's, $5000 Sony Cameras and DJI drones - half of which I hardly ever used. If there was something we wanted we just went out and bought it. Because we could afford it right?
We made all of the other rookie errors such as eating out at overpriced restaurants 3 times a day , drinking expensive green tea lattes from Starbucks and paying way to much on fancy gym contracts when there was a cheaper option for a fraction of the price.
The real gasoline on the fire was social media. This was keeping up with the Joneses - but on steroids, fuelled by scrolling through the Instagram feed and comparing ourselves to our new “travel influencer” friends.
Hedonic adaptation lead us to always be chasing the next new thing. Each experience needed to be bigger and better than the last.
I started to noticed that my income started to decrease month by month as we focused less on work and got distracted by the constant travel, new friends and novel exotic experiences. This was the catalyst to get me me thinking about my exorbitant lifestyle expenses - maybe, just maybe, the money could run out?
I lowered my spending considerably, but definitely not to the level I should have . The "shiny object syndrome" took hold, and I started trying a bunch of new online business models - from affiliate marketing to Social Media marketing - in order to make money as fast as possible and get back to our original income.
This was a massive mistake.
Instead I should have just focused on the tried and tested Amazon business that was still giving us pretty much passive returns in the background. I spent over $30k on running Facebook ads while trying these other new online business ventures - and got less than half of the capital back in sales.
Then I hit another very big speed bump. Some bad tax advice got me to assume that I was tax exempt- since I was technically not residing in any country for more than a 3 month period. WRONG. I got hit with huge tax bill, which extracted another $40k from my collapsing profits.
Fast forward to March when COVID hit and I decide it was time to throw in the towel and head back home to South Africa, after my 3rd stint in Bali, Indonesia. With the developing situation and my businesses output decreasing at an exponential rate I thought it to be the smartest choice.
I booked our flights home with my income dwindling and my tail between my legs. I had around 20k in the bank and knew I had to re-focus in a place where I could control expenses and not be distracted by constant travel and stimulation.
Then just a month ago I lost my main Amazon Account due to copyright issues with on of our writers. This was a particularly hard blow, since I recently invested thousands of dollars into it - which I won't see a return on.
Its been quite the rollercoaster of ups and downs, which has now been brought to a grinding halt. I find myself living at home with my Mom at the age of 31 with little income or savings. The situation is depressing to say the least, but I'm trying to keep my head up, and every grateful for finding the FIRE community 2 months back (although I wish I found it earlier).
I 'm also aware that I am most likely being a big baby, and others have gone through far more dramatic experiences this year. First world problems - I know. I still have a roof over my head and food in the fridge, so who am I to complain - this is just my story and I thought I'd share.I welcome any comments that will bitch slap the perspective back into me. I probably need all the boot I can get.
I'm also well aware that there are plenty of people living the Digital Nomad lifestyle in a perfectly sustainable way - I was just a moron in the way I approached and executed it.I personally know people that are thriving using geoarbitrage so this is not way a bash on digital nomads. Again it's just my story.
Looking in the rear view mirror makes me disappointed, thinking of what could have been. I know I could have had very similar, rich experiences as I did - just not having haemorrhaged all of of that money. But I also know that living life in regret is not going to get me to the goals I now have, and I'm keeping positive - looking forward to re-write this storyIn retrospect, I made too much money too quickly and having no financial literacy screwed me over big time. That self-sabotage, the inability to process a traumatic experience in a productive way. Lesson learned.
I've now gone full-on frugal, track everything that leaves my wallet and I'm watching my expenses - the variable I can most control - like a hawk.
What my fiance and I have now come to realise is that our priorities have shifted over the past 4 years from "adventure and excitement" to "security and contentment".
GOALS & ACTION STEPS TAKEN SO FAR:
My fiance and I have determined our new priorities and what we value most in life , this is our list:
- Exploring, creating and capturing memories
- Time with friends and family
- Good hearty food, coffee and wine.
- Quiet mornings with our own space
- Healthy, Gym, Sauna and the Outdoors (surfing for me)
- Learning new skills and creative time
- Feeling financially secure and independent
​

1. I've calculated my leanFIRE number to be $780k which is probably not that accurate since I went back and ignored big expenses that I know I will never incur again, and calculated from there. I've decide to round this number up up to $1M since my fiancé and I are planning to get married, have at least one child and move to Portugal within the 6-7 year time frame while attempting to achieve this goal. Also, the a goal of $1M sounds a lot better and I like round numbers. Again, I know this is probably not entirely accurate and based on projections, but my type-A personality works better if I have a clearly defined goal to work toward.
2. On the expense side of the pie I've identified the seeming force multipliers (the 80/20's) to achieving FI with regards to expenses, which seem to be housing and car payments - please correct me if I'm wrong here, or if I'm missing something. Rent while living with my mom is minimal ($260 a month), which covers her utilities and then a bit extra for her. Super grateful for this as I know I am extremely fortunate to have a loving parent. Bless her soul.My car is paid off and I hardly drive now it now anyway - so these two main expenses seem to be optimised.Will be looking at house hacking when I achieve the income that allows it. Please let me know what other rogue expenses that could pop up in the future, and I should be on the look out for.
3. I have created a super tight budget of $800 for personal expenses, which was achieved last month. I now meal prep and make freezer meals for the month, eliminating eating out completely. Entertainment activities are only one day a week, and must be free or very cheap.
4. I've sold everything I don't use for extra cash. (Apple watches, cameras, drones etc)
5. On the income side I'm allocating 80% of my time to re-building my Amazon Publishing business. The other 20% of my time I'll be looking for side hustles to diversify my income and not relying on one income source. What are your favourite proven side hustles? Any input will be appreciated.
6. I'm devouring all of the FI content I can get my hands on, namely:MMM blog; ChooseFI book+Podcast; Financial Freedom by Grant Sabatier book+podcast; Quit like a Millionaire by Kristy Shen; Work Optional by Tanja Jester; I Will Teach You To Be Rich by Ramit Sethi; Your Money or Your Life by Vicki Robins; The Simple Path to Wealth by JL Collins; Mad Fientist blog+ podcast; Our Rich Journey Youtube channel and the Financial Mentor podcast. If there are any other recommendations it will be greatly appreciated.
7. As soon as my income covers my business and personal expenses I'll be investing in broad based, low-cost index funds. Any other suggestions for starting out? Recommendations will be greatly appreciated.

Any comments on blindspots you can see I have, the actions you think I should be taking, and where I should be focusing my time will be most welcomed and appreciated!I'm wanting to implement all of the the building blocks of FI to make this life possible.
Thanks for reading and hope you have a groovy day :)
Peace and love,

Welcome to the thrilling end of a long and foolish journey. It's the final countdown! Yes, after 30 (!!!) straight months, we have reached the conclusion of a journey to read every first top novel in a list that is 3 years out of date. It's been a hell of a ride and I'm honestly shocked I managed to make it to the end. There have been laughs, there have been tears, there have been lengthy library closures due to 9-month and counting pandemic that made the last third of this enterprise more expensive than I expected. But all good things (and whatever this was) must come to an end. So let's delve into our top 5 fantasy series and their first novels. I figured that as our absolute favorite series, these deserved much longer and in depth reviews than any other book has gotten. I hope this wordiness doesn't wear you down but I figure these books deserve it.
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5. The Blade Itself by Joe Abercrombie, Book 1 of the First Law trilogy (7 on the 2019 list)

The Union is close to war with the southern empire of Ghurkul. The greatest of the magi, Bayaz, comes out of a centuries-long isolation with his apprentice and a fighting champion from the North named Logen Ninefingers to assist the Union by plotting to retrieve magical item hidden by the greatest magi who ever lived, Juvens. With the help of a former Ghurkul slave who has demon blood in her veins, Ferro Maljinn, and the arrogant noble, Jezal dan Luthar, they set out on their quest while the political forces back in the Union scheme to oppose Bayaz and force the crippled Inquisitor Sand dan Glokta, a torturer, to uncover whether or not this unknown man really is the magi he claims to be.

The First Law trilogy is absolutely beloved by this sub and I can't say I don't get having read every book in it, the standalones, and the 2 books that are out from the new trilogy. So as an avowed Abercrombie fan, I feel comfortable in saying that this is a great book but it's constructed in an odd way that will cause many, many people to bounce right off it. Including me, it took me three tries to get into this book the first time I tried reading it until it just finally clicked and I started enjoying it immensely. I don't know quite what it is about this book that makes it a bit of a chore to figure out (though I suspect the uneven pacing and the fact that the plot is not self-evident until late in the book play major roles). Luckily, the saving grace of this book is the characters. Abercrombie writes some of the best and most intriguing characters in fantasy to the point that Glokta, Logen Ninefingers, and Bayaz are routinely named as favorite characters in the entire genre by this sub. It's hard not to see why. Abercrombie is very good at writing a particular kind of flawed character where it's very easy to see why they're not good but it's also fairly easy to sympathize with them and see where they're coming from. It doesn't always work flawlessly but it works more often than it doesn't and it makes the characters feel closer to real than a lot of other generic epic fantasy heroes because these characters lead with their flaws. Now while the characters are the best feature, additional praise has to be given to the humor which (in concert with a fairly grounded writing style and darker tone) keeps the story from being too dark or joyless. There are certainly plenty of laughs to be had in this book to get you through some pretty harrowing moments and this does continue as the series progresses. Abercrombie, by luck or design, has hit on a formula for feeling grim and lighthearted at the same time and I can imagine some may call that "tonally confused" but it seems to work for most people and allows people to read into it whichever tone works best for them.
The biggest issue here is major pacing flaws and the plot taking awhile to kick in. More than a few people, myself included, have bounced off this book on first read because it is so slow moving. While it did eventually work for me after multiple attempts it is a real weakness of the book that it starts off with such a heavy focus on introducing characters in their everyday lives rather than set up something more exciting to help us meet them. The upside is that this is a flaw that improves with subsequent books as the plot eventually catches up to the character work. Another weakness in my mind is that Abercrombie has a very catchphrase driven approach dialogue can be irritating or charming depending on who reads it. I will say over the course of this book I grew to like, hate, and then like again Logen's "say one thing for Logen Ninefingers" quote. One place where the character work isn't exceptional though is many characters also all share the same flaw (anger issues) and it feels as if their flaws could be diversified a bit more. The real character this hurts is Ferro though because while every character has anger issues, Ferro is the one who seems reducible to solely her anger issues and that creates a rather limited character. It's understandable given the lifetime of slavery that she'd have a lot of pent up rage but I feel there had to have been a way to portray it that was less one-note than it wound up being. This is outside the scope of this series of reviews technically, but I think Ferro in particular frustrates me on reread because I know how much better Abercrombie gets at writing female characters in just a couple more books. I don't even particularly enjoy Best Served Cold but Monza Murcatto is leagues better written as a character than Ferro with a much wider array of emotional responses to situations and more complex relationships to the people around her than just "I am pissed off and don't want to talk to you."
So it's a great book that's worth reading but as I can personally attest, it's definitely one you might bounce off your first, second, or third read through. If you think it's worth soldiering on to eventually get, that's great, but also no one will blame you if you don't want to read a book you hate 4 times to finally appreciate it.

• What's a similar novel that deserves a chance? Curveball here but another work with memorable characters that often focuses more on characterization than plot while also featuring some memorable writing? The Last Unicorn by Peter S Beagle. It's completely different in tone though (Last Unicorn being very optimistic to First Law's grim subversiveness) but I think there's enough commonality there in the other areas that matter to make it something worth checking out.
• Would you continue on? I already have.

4. The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson, Book 1 of the Stormlight Archive (1 on the 2019 list)

The highprinces of Alethkar are camped out on the shattered plains, waging eternal war against the Parshendi who murdered the previous king. Dalinar Kholin, warlord and brother of the deceased king, longs to unite the Alethkar as one and turn them to a more noble purpose than this war. Among the slaves the Althei use as fodder, the noble former soldier Kaladin Stormblessed wrestles with the betrayal that led him to this cursed fate as he wonders how to protect his new friends and fellow slaves from dying needlessly. Miles away, the young noble Shallan petitions Dalinar's niece, Jasnah, to teach her the fabled ability to create soulcasaters, devices that can transmute objects into virtually anything. And even further away than that, the assassin the Parshendi used, Szeth-son-son-Vallano, is used by a mysterious benefactor to carry out endless assassinations around the world aided only by mysterious powers no one else can yet use called Surgebinding.

We've gotten intimately familiar with the various Cosmere series through this top novels list where Sanderson has a truly insane number of entries and this is the one pretty much everyone seems to agree is Sanderson's best and most original. Laying my cards on the table, I think Mistborn is the better series overall but I get why people enjoy this more. The scope is larger, the battles are grander, the heroes are better drawn. This has a lot of the feel of epic fantasy that people admire. Mistborn is kind of a weird series were people use different coins to change how high they can backflip but Stormlight Archive has knights in power armor swinging soul-destroying swords to kill storm monsters. That's the kind of easy-to-grasp fun we're all here for.
There's a lot to enjoy about this world, there are tons of fun ideas with Shardblades and Surgebinding being fun concepts that can lead to a ton of creative battles down the line. The idea of every single thing have some kind of soul embodied by living beings in spren is also an intriguing idea though I'm not sure this book goes as far as it could in exploring those concepts. You know, honor is a complex concept that hundreds of civilizations have tried for years to explore in their arts and literature, to really find what it means to be honorable and to embody honor so it can feel a bit cheap there's just some perfect embodiment of honor running around and they get to judge what honor is. It may be a little overly simplistic. But luckily the characters are interesting and mostly relatable or interesting in ways that make them fairly compelling. Dalinar in particular with the hints of his tragic past as a worse person than he is now trying to make amends and figure out how to live up do his dead brother's ideals is just a much more mature and unique character than I'm used to seeing in Sanderson's works. Kaladin too is interesting in his mental health struggles and though I don't think the book goes quite as far with that either as it should (this book maintains a pretty light touch when it comes to themes), it's hard to ignore the real world impact and love people feel for seeing their real world struggles represented directly in a mainstream popular fantasy work. Clearly Kaladin is hitting some note correctly and is representing a group of people that have felt very unseen in the past in fantasy. Shallan isn't quite up to snuff yet (though I can attest she is given much more room to shine in Words of Radiance) and I think Szeth can be a bit one note but they aren't bad characters and I get why they slot into the roles they do. Szeth in particular makes a lot of sense as a foil to Kaladin, the man who will always do what he's told even if he knows it's wrong versus the man who will always do what's right even if he knows no one approves of him doing that. I think this foil set up would work better if they could spend more time together (though that apparently doesn't happen until much later in the series) but it is a solid starting point to start contrasting differing moral frameworks.
Now, back when the world wasn't filled with plague, I used to have boardgame friends who introduced me to a lot of fun underground games but a major problem I had with all those games is that while they were eventually fun to play, the amount of setup and rule learning it took to play them was such a time suck. No, Brad, I don't want to read a rulebook for three hours and watch an hour-long YouTube tutorial before I can play the game. Can't we just find a book that's a little quicker to establish the ground rules? And that's how I feel about Way of Kings. This thousand page-cat-squasher of a book feels like 70% instruction manual for how to enjoy the story that is to follow and 30% the actual story. I can't call it outright bad but it does cause the pacing to drag horrendously. And that's a real shame because when we actually get to the story, when things aren't being explained at us, there's a lot of good stuff there. The relationships between Bridge 4, Dalinar's guilt over his past, the Parshendi's desperate struggle to save their homeland, these are extremely solid building blocks to make a story out of. I've also danced around this in other reviews but a common critique of Sanderson is that he is too "YA" as an author which is usually meant to mean that he has a juvenile sensibility that is better for younger still developing readers than for mature readers. Now, I reject this critique as being unfairly dismissive of both Sanderson and YA but Stormlight Archive is the series where I understand such criticism most. Sanderson does have a tendency to approach his themes, which are often incredibly straightforward or simple, in ways that are very on the nose. I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with having a book tackle themes of learning to work together and self improvement but it does become a bit silly when your ancient order of knights who are sworn to defend the world from a brutal and unending series of cataclysmic wars has a slogan that feels ripped straight from a corporate motivational poster. "Life before death, strength before weakness, journey before destination" creates an awkward tension between what should be true in the world of the book (the Knights Radiant should probably have a more goal-oriented slogan in the face of the literal and eternally recurring end of the world) and what is true in real life (namely that "life is about the journey, not the destination" is a pretty trite but important bit of advice that tends to be something that teens and young adults need to learn). And you know, I think this is part of what makes Sanderson's writing compelling to newer fantasy fans. It does seem that he manages to marry concepts that speak to younger people together with some awe-inspiring epics. I get why that's popular but it can make the novel feel pretty limited.
So Way of Kings is an fun but sort of shallow work. Way too much time is spent on surface level things and not as much time as I'd prefer on the characters to the point that I'm not sure I would have continued on on the strength of this book alone but I was convinced to try out Words of Radiance and that book turned out to be a lot better. As I said already, the big flaw here is the endless setup and that obviously becomes less of a problem as the series moves forward so I can't say I'd recommend this book but I can recommend its sequel if you manage to make it through this first one.

• What's a similar novel that deserves a chance? I don't really know. It's not that these books are super unique exactly so much as the fact that everything else I can think to compare them to is already in this top list often quite high. It's hard to come up with something this magic-heavy and epic and more modern that hasn't already been represented somewhere earlier on the list.
• Would you continue on? I already have.

3. The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss, Book 1 of the Kingkiller Chronicle (5 on the 2019 list)

In a backwater town of a decaying world, the inn-keeper Kote is not what he seems. When a famed historian, the Chronicler, comes searching, he realizes that Kote is the legendary Kvothe, in hiding for unknown reasons. Kvothe promises to tell the Chronciler a grand tell, to set the story of his life straight, and to reveal how he is to blame for the chaos that is destroying the world.

This is possibly the most contentious entry in the top 10. A lot of people really love Name of the Wind and a lot of people really hate Name of the Wind. And I'm here to piss all of them off! Personally, I love the book in a lot of ways. The writing is excellent, the world feels interesting and fairly well built, I like the university setting, I think Kvothe is an interesting character, and I think having a frame story is a brilliant narrative choice that allows an air of self-reflection to really take the center stage (and this self-reflective tone is possibly Rothfuss's biggest strength). The humor is well-placed, Rothfuss knows how to get to the meat of a scene without lingering on interminable description, and everyone is a great story-teller within the world. However, on reread I did notice several problems with the book that I didn't catch my first time around that did temper my enjoyment of the book quite a bit. I first read the book when I was little more than a high school student but some things that seemed more profound when I was younger now strike me as rather pretentious and even socially inept. That's not to say they all fail, some instances such as the three things all wise men fear still feel like they get at something true and are well done but others, especially the way many characters talk about women, feel like they were written by someone who has never spoken to a woman before. A lot of people hate Denna when they read this book and the reread made me realize that I don't hate Denna but I do hate the way just about every character talks about her. She's a waterfall of sparks, she's dangerous but you can't avoid her, she's a lonely and bold soul who no one understands. Kvothe is territorial and condescending, everyone else is stupefied at how amazing she is, many characters spend way too many scenes trying to dissect her in ways that seem to be meant flatteringly but are actually rather belittling. Those parts just got tiring.
Luckily, there were more than enough good parts that allowed me to look past the things I found irritating plus the bad parts were a lot less frequent than the good but it did give me a lot more sympathy for people who don't like this book. There is an aura of wisdom being handed down from on high that pervades the book and when the book actually feels wise, that tone is well earned and enhances the experience. But when the book unintentionally slips into the immature, the tone jars brutally and makes those scenes so much worse. It would have been possible for those scenes to have worked had they been handled a little more deliberately. I imagine things like the whole "who really understands women?" scene with Deoch could have easily been salvaged had adult Kote looked back and realized just how silly the advice he got actually was. Rothfuss has been candid in interviews that this first book was written before he had any real experience with women and, as a fellow late bloomer, I feel a lot of sympathy for that in someone's personal life but but that doesn't do anything to make the failures on the page read better. This is, I think, the book's greatest weakness in how its approach to women feels stunted except for a few obvious exceptions of Devi and Auri. The good news is that these parts are pretty skippable and don't usually take up more than a few quick paragraphs (at least, until Felurian comes along in the sequel) and they aren't the focus.
The other potentially major problem in the book is what will most likely ruin the comments section of this review: how much does Kvothe's unreliability actually matter to the story? That's right, I'm opening all the cans of worms on this one. See Kvothe is transparent about the fact that he may be unreliable (which paradoxically actually increases his reliability since he admits he's not always truthful) but the extent to which it has actual significance to the story is debateable. Most of Kovthe's "unreliable" moments seem to amount to very minor things. Kvothe thinks Denna is the prettiest girl in the world, Bast thinks her nose is crooked. Kvothe says he's fine but then goes off in a corner and cries. Kvothe says flat out "I'm going to lie to you." It's impossible to ignore that these moments are there but they're also...so unimportant. If Bast is right that Denna isn't the most attractive girl in the world, how much does it actually change the story? The answer is probably not at all because Denna's attractiveness isn't the important part of the story. Kvothe's infatuation with her and the abuse she suffers under her master are. This is where the issue with the unreliable narration comes in: Kvothe's unreliability is only called out on surface level details that don't ultimately represent anything important. It's possible this is leading somewhere interesting in the third book that could make all the unreliability ultimately consequential but in my personal opinion, I think everyone is reading this aspect of the book wrong. See, Bast delivers a whole monologue at the end of the first book about how fairy magic works and the short version is that fairy magic turns lies into reality or, as Bast puts it, that people literally become the mask they wear. This strikes me as a pretty major clue on Rothfuss' part that the unreliable moments won't mind up mattering even if they are untrue because from the point of view of the book and the magic system therein, the truth is built out of lies and the fact that lies are there is completely unimportant. I could be wrong but the impression I get is that Kvothe's unreliability is simply a nod to the fact that legends can be embellished without actually being a part of the book that will come into play. We know the most major portions of the book are true to some extent from the fact that Kvothe has contributed to the decline of the world to his connection with the Fae as signified by the fact that he has a fairy prince as an apprentice. At the end of the day, the only things that are likely to be unreliable are going to be the unimportant details. Kvothe didn't slay a dragon (it was actually a 15 foot long fire-breathing lizard and that's a completely different thing), a sword will be different from how it is described, it takes him a weak longer to learn an entire language than others claim he did. In other words, it's not a commentary on unreliability but a commentary on how only the broad strokes are remembered and details fade away, in my opinion, but we'll have to wait till book 3 to find out for sure.
The rest of the book from the action, to the learning, to just how fun it is to hate Ambrose Jakiss, is a tour de force of engaging storytelling and beautiful prose. Truthfully, I never minded Kvothe's bragging much either though some people consider him a Mary Sue. This is a book where the strengths are plentiful and upfront and the weaknesses though definitely tiring at times can be largely skipped over without missing much of the story. Cautiously recommended. Don't fight too much in the comments.

• What's a similar novel that deserves a chance? You know, there's been an implicit promise since I switched this section from "why is this great?" to "what's a similar novel that deserves a chance?" and that promise is that I would pick an equivalent SFF novel to try out but you know what? It's the last entry so hopefully I can break that not-quite-explicit-assumption in saying that I don't think there's a fantasy novel that can follow up Patrick Rothfuss but I think John Green can follow him pretty handily. You want thoughtful plots, eminent quotability, and some compelling characters? Try out any John Green novel. It may not be at quite the same level as Rothfuss but I think you'll still be pleasantly surprised. If you need a more specific recommendation than that, The Fault in Our Stars is the one I'd start with.
• Would you continue on? I have read every book in this series more than once and I'll probably do so again at some point.

2. The Fellowship of the Ring by JRR Tolkien, Book 1 of the Lord of the Rings (same position on the 2019 list)

Frodo uncovers a magical ring that his uncle Bilbo once stole from a strange creature called Gollum decades ago and the wizard Gandalf realizes that it is no simple magical ring but the One Ring, an object of immense magical power crafted by the dark lard Sauron to control Middle Earth. They set out on a journey where, at a council in the elf land of Rivendell, dwarves, men, and elves come together and agree to destroy the One Ring to hopefully end Sauron's influence on Middle Earth forever. So Frodo sets off with a band of 3 other hobbits, a wizard, an elf, a dwarf, and 2 men on a journey in the most famous and influential modern fantasy story ever written.

It wouldn't be the final 5 if we didn't return one last time to my favorite phrase: logistical problems. See, the entry as listed on the Top Novels of 2018 list is "Middle Earth Universe." What does that mean exactly? Does that mean I start with the first thing ever written, The Hobbit? Or the novel that winds up being first chronologically, The Silmarillion? Or do I read the book that most people think is the best of the three, Lord of the Rings? And do I read the entirety of Lord of the Rings since it was originally intended as a single work or do I just read the Fellowship of the Rings as it was originally published since that's how most people were introduced to it? These were the considerations I had to weigh carefully. I couldn't just rush in to choosing which book to read for this series since every entry has its defenders and ardent admirers. Luckily, the choice was made all the easier for me because I lost my copy of The Hobbit, I flat out hate The Silmarillion and have no intention of ever rereading it, and then I ran out of time to read past The Fellowship of the Rings. Now that's how to make a decision: in a perfect storm of sheer incompetence, bias, and bad time management.
What is there to say about the grandfather of the modern epic fantasy that already hasn't been said before? I could spend this review fighting all the old fights: how necessary is the poetry? Should Tom Bombadil have been cut? Yes, but I get why he's there. Is the book overly descriptive? Kind of but not nearly as much as its made out to be. Do balrogs have actual wings or not? I'm not dipping my toes in that mess. But those are well trod arguments and I'd at least like to try to make new observations even if I'm not totally convinced that's possible after decades of intense study.
The good news is that I enjoyed this book more than I expected to. I remembered deep irritation the last time I read it so I was worried this would turn into a hate read but there are number of truly great things here. I think the Shire may be the best realized home town in any fantasy I've read so far and the scenes set there are probably my favorites in the whole book. Pretty much all of the best remembered scenes are indeed captivating and gripping to read including the Council of Elrond and the mines of Moria. The real strength to my mind though is the inimitable way that every once in awhile the elements blend together for a perfect engrossing feeling of magic that can suck you in. I personally don't find these moments to last very long but I feel pretty safe in assuming that for people that love this book, this feeling can last for chapters at a time or even the whole book. Tolkien's facility with languages is also put to great use in his names. Where most fantasy authors just kinda slam syllables together until they find something vaguely fantasy sounding that works, Tolkiein actually manages to make his names feel representative of the characters who bear them from the austere stateliness of Celeborn to the lithe elegance of Galadriel or the twee airiness of Pippin, he is quite good at finding embodiments of his characters in the sounds he uses while also managing to make the names sound as if they come from the same languages. It's really quite a feat. Also, some of the characters are pretty damn good too. It was a real trip realizing that most of my memories of these characters come from the movies and then slowly realizing that Merry is not a comic relief idiot but one of the most clever and brave members of the whole group. All of this is to say that I get what people like about this book and I see it too just not to the same extent as the passionate fans.
The negative end of this is actually pretty straightforward: the bones of the story are good but Tolkien is not the best teller of his own tale. His unique approach to storytelling occasionally results in a lighting-in-the-bottle mix of magic that you've never seen before but just as often it results in curious missteps that seem easy to fix. I think a good early indicator is an early pacing issue where Gandalf first warns Frodo what the ring is and that servants of Mordor will be looking for it so he should flee the Shire quickly, Frodo does nothing for 3 weeks, is asked if he has forgotten what he is supposed to do, and says that he knows what he has to do but thinks he should work out the sale of his home first which takes another week. It's a really odd digression that undermines the urgency of learning what the Ring is and how dangerous it is. This early book is riddled with these moments, ones that seem easy to cut or truncate but which are instead lingered on at the expense of what we're explicitly told is the story. Tolkien really struggles with what to show and what to tell and often I think he picks very, very wrongly with possibly the worst example being "Legolas and Gimli, who had become fast friends, got in the last boat." My memory of LotR had been that Legolas and Gimli slowly developed a real friendship over the course of the whole story as they learned to trust each other and spent so much time together but I was apparently wrong because their friendship starts abruptly and is just mentioned in passing as having already happened 2/3rds of the way through the first book without any development being shown prior to that. It's real shame it's done in this slapdash way too because I think Frodo's growing friendship with Sam and Aragorn shows that Tolkien can write a compelling learning to trust someone relationship so I'm not sure why he chose this way to yadda yadda his way over the beginnings of one of the most celebrated friendships in the narrative in a parenthetical to a flat description of people getting into boats.
This is almost certainly a controversial opinion but I personally find there is a curious hollowness to parts of Tolkien's worldbuilding when you come back to it after reading more modern works. It was certainly an impressive feat for the time and when you consider that he was one of the earliest people to try worldbuilding, it makes sense that he doesn't have as complete an idea of how to build a world as modern fantasy does 70 some years later. That is in part because we had his foundation to start with. There are aspects of it that are still impressive - he understands the importance of a deep history and his words can certainly paint a picture (neither of which is a small feat) but he doesn't seem to care for other pieces of the picture that would help flesh out the world. Where are the economies, the religious practices, the political feuds, the cultural traditions (aside from poetry)? Are there not countercultures and subdivisions within these societies? There are exceptions here and there, the Shire in particular feels closer to a fully realized setting than other locations in part due to seeing what a festival or a retirement might look like and seeing the nosiness of the neighbors with their petty feuds in particular makes this section of the book feel much more lived in than much of the rest of the world, but these are the exceptions. In making this book an epic, Tolkien seems to have discarded most factors that were not originally represented in the ancient epic tradition he sought to recreate. That is, he seems to have a great respect for the lore of the world but little interest in complexities of the world. Whole populations move like an indistinguishable singular unit. All dwarves and all elves hate each other with no variety of opinion or approach, they all just have the same mild but pervasive distrust of each other. There aren't reformists pushing for friendship and reconciliation, there aren't extremists pushing for war, there aren't moderates negotiating middle ground positions or trying to build consensus, everyone is just on the same page all the time. When you compare Tolkien's approach to Martin who is almost neurotically obsessed with ever increasing layers of complexity and political subdivisions and varying religious practices and traditions (don't worry, I'll weigh in on the limits of that approach when we get there), you can really feel the social homogeneity and the simplistic nature of these various groups. The lore underpinning the world is truly impressive but the lack of fully fleshed out societies seems like a drawback coming back to an earlier work after experiencing later works that are better at showing societies and civilizations as more multi-faceted.
All in all, it's deeply uneven. I found myself alternately baffled, irritated, delighted, irritated again, and then in awe before sliding back to baffled when I read it. It's certainly a book that can elicit strong emotions and I can say it's definitely not a waste of time but Tolkien needed someone to rein in his more rambling impulses. Still, it is overall worth checking out though some skimming may be in order to appreciate it best. Soft recommend, a pleasant surprise despite the unevenness.

• What's a similar novel that deserves a chance? This is another hard one to think up a replacement recommendation for. It's not that there aren't lesser known books that deserve a chance, it's that pretty much every book fantasy book has tried to do what Lord of the Rings did so it's hard to even know where to start for recommending something.
• Would you continue on? I already have.

1. A Game of Thrones by George RR Martin, Book 1 of A Song of Ice and Fire (3 on the 2019 list)

The Seven Kingdoms of Westeros are loosely held together by a usurper king, Robert Baratheon, who hopes to knit the realm together by wedding his best friend Lord Ned Stark's daughter to his heir, Joffrey. But their is a conspiracy afoot that claimed the life of the previous chief advisor or the king, Ned's own predecessor and mentor: Lord Arryn. It is now up to Lord Stark to uncover what secret claimed the life of the King's Hand and might be powerful enough to plunge the whole realm into chaos.

There is certainly no shortage of strengths to admire here from the fully fleshed out world that yearns to be explored in depth to the vibrant characters each with their own distinct storylines and points of view but the real stand out I think is the sheer political complexity. There are some fantasies where whole races have fewer internal squabbles than the average apartment complex but here Martin has gone to extreme lengths to ensure that the Seven Kingdoms feel like seven distinct kingdoms barely held together with different cultures and internal struggles for each of them. It feels like everyone in this book has their own motive, their own rational, their own beliefs that might be shared with others but are also entirely their own and that divisions can spring up anywhere much like in real life. The historical realism is nifty as well even if it is largely limited to mainland Westeros (Essos is a lot iffier. There was even an interesting discussion on the realism problems with the Dothraki a couple days before this post). I'm personally of the opinion that fantasy doesn't have to be beholden to medieval accuracy but if aiming for something closer to historical realism is their goal, I think GRRM sets out a decent template of not over romanticizing it even if it is still somewhat simplified for a modern audience. Lastly, an underrated aspect of Martin's writing is that he has a devilish skill at putting out just enough magic to tantalize the average fantasy reader and keep them hooked without ever resorting to spooling out too much. You could easily mistake the series as low fantasy at first or even think there was hardly any at all but he manages to always put some back in right at the right time to draw you back in.
The novel does have a few significant flaws though. Martin struggles with when to show and often falls back in telling even when it is the less interesting choice and there are tons of bluntly expositional scenes where characters will tell our POV characters whole life stories or motivations or lineages at the drop of a hat when it's not totally relevant or motivated to do so. There's also the broader issue of Martin's obsession with political conflict and how it eternally atomizes groups of people. It's certainly true to life and is a great engine for generating story conflict when every character with a bit of status jockeys for their piece of the pie but eventually a story has to come back together. And I think it's clear from the delays in the final two books in this series that part of the issue that is keeping Martin from finishing his series is that Martin doesn't quite know how to wrap everything neatly back together and is much more comfortable breaking the conflict into more and more pieces than in building things back up. Another major problem, and one I've harped on more than once in this review series, is that some POVs are just much more interesting than others. I personally like Tyrion's plots best and Jon's least when it comes to their respective stories (Tyrion strikes me as the character with the most personality while Jon feels a bit dull to my mind) but I imagine anyone who reads this series will come away with their own personal ranking of the many different main character's narrations. And a last major flaw is that Martin really struggles to rein in his impulse to show off his wider worldbuilding at all times. Going through the lists of bannerman and Houses with their sigils can often feel like filler to pad out a page count that's already pretty hefty.
This is also a lesser gripe but I'm not a fan of Martin's approach to fantasy names. Essos names are largely fine (even if they go a bit overboard at times) but Westeros names are a mess. The occasional vowel swap or letter change in a common English name feels incredibly lazy especially when the rest of the worldbuiding is so rich in detail. Every once in awhile it works (though I can't possibly explain why I think Joffrey works even though it's just a vowel swap of Jeffrey) but names such as Neddard, Robb, Qyle, and Kevan among countless others are just baffling especially alongside the handful of names that haven't been changed at all like Robert, Jon, or Brandon. It's pretty jarring and occasionally pulls me out of the story.
It was honestly fascinating coming back to this book after the end of Game of Thrones the show. I was expecting to be pretty soured on the reading experience and not enjoy going through them again but dammit, I still like these books a lot and even more than I expected to. I know Martin may never finish these and they'll probably fall off the list of important fantasy as they become doomed to the space of "ambitious but unfinished works" but it's still an incredibly written work in spite of its flaws.

• What's a similar novel that deserves a chance? Kate Elliot's A Crown of Stars series packs all the historical realism you could want into a similar length series while keeping the cast of characters much slimmer in order to stay focused.
• Would you continue on? I already have.

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And that is the end! I hope you've enjoyed this series as much as or more than I have. Come back tomorrow for a massive final post gathering my thoughts about what going through this experience was like complete with reading stats and a few surprises.

PART 1 PART 3 PART 4
It was silent in the apartment other than the thunderous roll of water boiling in the kettle. Derek waited for it to click off, then poured water into two mugs on the counter.
“I believe you,” he said, “For the record.”
He discarded the tea bags into the bin and poured milk into the tea.
“You don’t have to,” I said, “I know it’s crazy.”
I hugged the blanket I had taken from the couch tight around my shoulders. I was too shaken to change out of my damp clothes, the only heat I was getting was from the blanket, the old radiator, and the steam from the mug of tea Derek placed in front of me.
“You don’t have to believe me,” I reiterated, “I know you probably don’t even believe in Hell. Much less that they’d be recruiting in Cork.” I took a gulp of tea and burnt the roof of my mouth. My eyes welled with tears.
Derek look unphased. His skin looked sallow under his eyes, now that the tears had dried. He stared into his mug of tea.
“No, I do believe you. I don’t know if I believe in Hell, really. Or Heaven. I’ve just never thought about it. But I do believe in strange things, things we can’t really see and don’t want to see. I know you believe in that, too. And what happened tonight was strange, but I think it’s real.”
I gulped. My hands felt clammy around the mug. Derek had seen the woman, Mary, pull me over the guardrail into the river. For him, it seemed as if I had disappeared but for a few minutes. But, to me, I had been ferried down the river and given a job interview for a position in Hell only to be returned to the very spot I’d disappeared from. I wanted to grapple with how inexplicable this was, but we had both experienced this breach in the limits of reason – of time, of realms, and of reality. It seemed easier to accept that the reality we had lived in for the past twenty-nine years had just been shattered.
“When I was at, uh, the interview,” I said quietly, “He seemed to know everything about me. He knew my name, he knew that – I don’t know if you know this, actually – that I still speak to my Nan even though she’s dead.”
Derek nodded, “I know,” he said, “I heard you talking in your room a couple times after she died. It genuinely sounded like someone else was there.”
He locked eyes with me now, looking up from the reflection in his mug. His jaw was set.
“That’s why I know this is real,” he said, “I know you see things that other people don’t. If there’s a Hell, or some magical place, it would make sense that they want you on their team. You see everything.”
I nodded, taking another sip of my tea. I wondered what it meant that Hell wanted me. Did it mean I was evil? Bad and unfeeling enough to work for the archetype of an evil place?
Just then, our housemate, Lily, came into the kitchen. She spent most of her day smoking fags and herbal cigarettes out the window, only coming down to make pasta at odd hours. She was dressed, as always, in a purple satin nightgown that clung to her stomach and slipped down her arms like she was about do a striptease. Her hair was piled up in a disheveled bun.
“Woah,” she said, “You okay? You look shook up.”
“I’m grand,” I lied, clenching my lips together in a forced smile, “Just got caught out in the rain, that’s all.”
Derek helped me peel off my damp clothes and get into the shower. I savored the three minutes of hot water, feeling it trickle down my back and legs, droplets collecting on the fine hairs of my arms that were crossed firmly across my stomach.
My mind whirred when I got into bed and Derek turned the lights off. Cloaked in darkness, my stomach filled with dread at the idea of meeting Melvin again under the flashing streetlamp. My head was filled with plans to get out of the situation, my thoughts flipping one after the other like a rolodex.
As much as I was consumed by electric panic, I could not deny that a small corner of brain was excited with the power I now wielded, whatever it may be.
The next day, I woke up early and sat at the kitchen table violently shaking over my cup of tea. My eyes refused to focus on anything. About an hour later, Derek stumbled in, pushing his fingers through his knotted, rumpled hair.
“You alright?” he said groggily. I could not bring myself to answer him.
“Ready for your big day?” he tried again, as if he was referring to Debs or a graduation.
“I’m just not really sure what I’ve gotten myself into, to be honest,” I whispered. Steam curled up from my cup of tea even though it had sat untouched for a good part of the last hour.
“You could always blow it off and come to that gig with me,” Derek suggested.
“Oh, shit,” I said, “I forgot that was on tonight, I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright,” he said, opening the fridge, “I’m sure they’ll be playing another time.”
Fifteen minutes before sunset that evening, we left the house. Derek was wearing his leather jacket that had been a staple during college but now hardly made an appearance. I had convinced him to go to the gig without me; knowing that he was enjoying himself in some dimly lit venue would inevitably help me get through my first day on the job in Hell.
This time, we made a beeline towards the streetlamp in question. I could see it flickering from up the street now, cautiously illuminating the painted dragon on the front of the Japanese café across the road. As we approached, I saw Melvin underneath, wearing a tan, canvas trench coat over another coordinating suit – this one made out of a deep, satiny burgundy material.
When he saw us, he checked his watch. “On time, I suppose,” he said.
His eyes flickered to me, then to Derek, then back to me, “I don’t suppose this mortal boy will be joining us this evening?” he said gruffly.
“No,” I said, turning to Derek. He gave me a bone-squeezing hug and I clung back as if my life depended on it.
“I’ll be at the gig, but I’ll have my phone on me the whole time if you need to ring me,” he whispered.
“I don’t even know if I’ll have service, but don’t worry,” I reassured him. His eyes were wide and worried, but in a strange way he seemed proud of me.
“Off you go,” I said, giving his arm one last squeeze. He nodded at me, and then at Melvin, and sauntered off into the dusk.
Melvin didn’t say a word, just watched Derek recede down the street until he was satisfied that he was far enough away.
“Right,” he said, “Now we can get to work.”
He produced a thin, leather briefcase from behind him and set it down to unlatch it. Inside were a smattering of papers and bound reports. He handed me a shiny, laminated manual with cheap, plastic binding. The Delivering Process: A How-to Guide for New Recruits it read.
“There’s some light reading for you,” he said, “Now, our first soul should be arriving soon.”
I looked at him plainly with the manual perched in my hands. “What do you mean, soul?” I asked.
“You’ll see, they’ll look normal to you,” he said, fishing a carton of pre-rolled cigarettes from his coat pocket and lighting one.
“Shit! I nearly forgot,” he exclaimed, bending back down to fish something else out of the suitcase. His lit cigarette bobbed in his mouth, the illuminated tip bouncing around like a buoy in the dark sea.
He pulled a piece of smooth, rounded wood out of his briefcase and handed it to me. It was a skull – or, rather, a mask in the shape of a skull. It had two small eyeholes and grey, circular teeth attached to the bottom. It looked ancient and tribal.
“You have to wear this,” he said.
I stared at the primal-looking relic of death in my hands. “Wait,” I said, “Am I, like, the grim reaper?”
Melvin looked at me with an air of disgust, flicking the ash off his cigarette.
“Don’t be so conservative,” he said, “Plus, I find scythes a little dated, don’t you think?”
I strapped the mask around my face just as someone approached the streetlamp. It was a younger man, maybe late twenties or early thirties, with a jagged haircut and a long, languid walk like he was drunk.
“Alright,” he greeted us as he stood under the sporadic light of the streetlamp, “How are things?”
Melvin gave him a once-over.
“Can I have a fag?” the man asked, gesturing at Melvin’s cigarette.
“No,” Melvin said, “Open your mouth.”
The man obeyed, revealing a mouthful of chipped and silver teeth, some missing.
“Check under his tongue,” Melvin instructed me.
I shivered and wiped my hands on my jeans.
“Can you lift your tongue, please?” I asked him hesitantly, like I was a teenage dental hygienist.
He lifted his pink tongue to reveal a flash of gold nestled in the crevice of his gummy soft palate.
“Pick it up,” Melvin instructed.
I reached into his mouth and pulled out a coin webbed with strings of saliva.
“This coin pays for his passage to the other side,” Melvin said, “Flip it over to see what’s on it.”
I flipped it, getting mucous-y spit on my fingers. On the other side a five-pointed star was engraved in circle.
“He has the pentacle etched into his coin, so he’s going to Heaven,” Melvin said, “When there’s no pentacle, that means they’re ours to take to Hell.”
I rubbed the coin between my fingers. It was smooth and striated. I could see the diffused reflection of the flickering streetlamp in it.
“The problem arises when a soul arrives to you without a coin,” Melvin said in a slow, cautionary tone, “Sure, we’ve been having that problem a lot recently. It means that they’re not to be taken or, conversely, the coin has been taken from them. When that happens, you may need to call on the family of the soul. We’ve had a good amount of lowlife family members stealing coins from the dead and trying to pawn them off. That is not acceptable under any circumstances, for obvious reasons. It is up to you to retrieve the coin if it’s been stolen.”
Melvin then made a long sweeping gesture into the river. It was then that I noticed that the gondola – the boat Mary had forced me into the night before – was once again tethered to the stairs in the river. Its miniature Viking-esque masts bobbed up and down, looking at the current.
“Shall we?” Melvin asked.
The soul said nothing as we ferried him along the indigo river, Melvin and I standing near the helm of the little boat, taking turns rowing. I was acutely aware of the skeleton mask adhered to my face – the wood was soft and worn, melded to my face like the calcified hand of an ancient god. Instead of heading to the shipping container that was his office, Melvin explained, we were following the river all the way east to where it fed out to the sea.
The dim moonlight, obscured by a thick fog of clouds, made the scenery blur together in a dream-like montage. It was hard to make out anything definitively – I saw Blackrock Castle, its regal stones fused to the sky. Driftwood washing up along the beaches, leaving ripples of sand. The glint of sea glass along the shore, much nearer and brighter to us than the shuttered churches and homes that lay cloistered inland – it was very clear that these earthly mirages of daily life were of another world, laying far beyond our reach.
I looked back at the soul to see if he was perceiving this as well, and if he was frightened by the realization that this city may never be real to him again, but he seemed peaceful. He looked at the passing scenery reflectively, his hands folded in his lap, oversized brown trousers rippling in the night winds. Whatever he was leaving behind in that ghost-world that now lay behind the shore, it did not disturb him.
“Alright,” Melvin said abruptly, handing me the oar, “You see that blue spot on the horizon?”
I squinted through the eyeholes of my mask. An orb of light, like a star, reverberated at the edge of my vision.
“Yeah,” I said, “I see it.”
“Row us there. That’s where we make the hand-off.”
The oar split the water with ease. I rowed us forward towards the light, feeling giddy and powerful like a kid swimming belly-down on a kickboard. We were gliding along in a river that was ambivalent to space and time. As the little cliffs and sandy banks of the Lee gave way to the ocean, the tide seemed to pull us outward with intensity. Melvin kept smoothing his jacket as we got closer and closer to the blue light which now appeared flat and spread out like a bioluminescent pool. As we approached the edge of it, I noticed there was another boat in the middle.
“Alright, stop,” Melvin said, holding his hand up to halt me. I stopped rowing and felt the boat give way to the buoyant waves of water. We bobbed side to side on the surface.
Some distance away was the other boat, perfectly still. It was a gondola the same shape as ours, but only one person stood in it. They were wearing a mask, not like mine, but square almost like a welder’s helmet with a silver strip wrapping around the eyes. Affixed to their back, something silver glinted in the moonlight, like branches.
“I’ll take it from here,” Melvin said, motioning me to hand over the oar.
The blue light shimmered below us, like it was being lit by a moon underneath the sea. As we approached, the figure in the other boat remained motionless. So did the soul – he did not seem frightened by this otherworldly masked figure anymore than he had seemed frightened by me.
“Alright, we’ve got one for Heaven!” Melvin announced, a little too loudly.
The masked figure didn’t react as Melvin ushered the soul up and supported his shoulders as he stepped clumsily from one boat to the other.
With the soul transferred, the masked figure raised his oar and dipped it into the water.
Melvin looked decidedly at his watch, “Right, cheers. We’ll be seeing you later then,” he said, not making eye contact with the silver band where the figure’s eyes would be.
“Off we go,” he whispered to me and sliced the water with the oar, reeling us backwards.
Once we retreated from the glowing pool, I turned to Melvin.
“Who is that?” I said through clenched teeth.
“Ah, yes. That’s Heaven’s messenger, doesn’t talk much. Think your job, but Heaven.”
“Like, an angel?” I asked.
He turned around and shot me a concerned look mid-row.
“You’re quite wed to those kind of archetypes, aren’t you?” he said.
I shrugged. It was getting cold now.
When we docked beneath the streetlamp again, Melvin told me I should take the lead with the next soul. The mask was still securely tethered to my face; I could feel my cheekbones pressing against the wood of the skull.
I stood there, fists balled so that my nail dug into my palms, waiting for someone to arrive. I watched people crossing the bridge, one by one, trying to discern if any of them were headed to meet me. It was like waiting for a bus to come around the corner. Which one of these people would be the one I ferry to the afterlife – was there anything in their face that would give it away?
Melvin said nothing as I stared through the mist rising up from the river and settling around the low buildings. He stood under the light, chain smoking cigarettes and flicking the glowing, orange butts into the river where they fizzled out in a bubble of ash.
I was watching him partake in this ritual of lighting, taking purposeful drags, and flicking when I felt someone approaching me. I looked away from the bridge and over to the cement stairs – the same set that I had traipsed down two days in a row to meet my colleagues from Hell. There walked a boy with black hair, his cheekbones pushed out like he was biting the insides of his cheeks. He looked directly at me.
He was no more than 16 or 17 – though the dark made it difficult to tell. His black hair hung in jagged peaks around his face as he sauntered towards me. His eyes were watery, but they were dead set on me. He came to a stop under the flickering light. It cast long, diagonal shadows down his body like scars.
I looked to Melvin for reassurance, but he just nodded at me and flicked the ash from his cigarette. I balled my fists.
“Open your mouth,” I instructed the boy. My voice was quiet but firm.
He obeyed. His canine teeth were pointed, front teeth ridged where the enamel had eroded away.
“Lift your tongue.”
The gold coin was there but it looked dull and green in the shadow. There was nothing engraved on it. I took it in my fingers, shutting my eyes as I flipped it. I longed to see the safety of the pentacle etched on the other side. I wished to see it so badly that I burned its image into my vision hoping that I would manifest it when I opened my eyes. But when I looked, the other side was blank. I flipped it between my fingers again to make sure but nothing. This boy was going to Hell.
The breeze off the river seemed to garner a new chill. I was grateful that I was wearing the mask, for if I was not, the boy surely would’ve seen my face drop and surely guessed his fate.
“Get in the boat,” I said firmly, pointing to the gondola drifting on the water.
Melvin let me row the whole way, though my hands were unsteady and I kept unintentionally steering the boat from side to side. I tried not to glance back at the boy. He emitted an air of uneasiness that I could sense without looking at him. As we neared the mouth of the river, I turned to Melvin.
“So where do we, you know, hand off? Is it the same?” I asked, trying not to betray the boy’s destination.
“No,” Melvin sniffed, “This is your job. You are the messenger. Row out to where we were before and stop. I’ll tell you what to do.”
I obeyed him without another word. Briefly, it occurred to me that I may actually see Hell. How does one prepare for that kind of thing? I nearly dropped the oar into the river contemplating the esoteric realities of my new job.
Soon, we approached the blue, nebulous waters where I had given over the previous soul to the angel. However, we were still the only boat as far as the eye could see.
“Focus,” Melvin said, “Very hard. Close your eyes.”
I looked back at the boy, which I instantly regretted. His Adam’s apple was throbbing visibly, the only clue to his discomfort behind his stone expression. His face was twisted in determination, like he had been stabbed in battle and he was kneeling, clutching his insides, as he tried to die with honor.
I clenched my eyes, tight. Visions out of Dante’s Inferno burned behind my eyelids. I pictured the Hell I was delivering this boy into, the gnashing of teeth, all flames and fire and blood and muscle being ripped from bone. I thought about what he must have done to deserve such a thing, what I must have done to deserve the Devil as a colleague.
I heard a sound like water rushing over a dam, though there was nothing of the sort around. I opened my eyes and saw a crack in the world, mere inches in front of our boat. A black line stretched across the mouth of the river, currents of water folded into its depths the way pages fold into the spine of an open book.
The crack widened and widened, pushing us back and spilling water into the boat. It now resembled a waterfall on either side, mist rising up from an immense blackness.
The boat rocked and I looked to Melvin. My mouth was ajar although you could not see through the mask.
Melvin shrugged at my stupor, “This is it,” he said, “This is where we drop him.”
I turned to the boy. His pride was gone and now he looked at me in terror, his jet-black hair pasted to his face by the mist. He clutched the bottom of his shirt with both hands as he crumpled into the back of the boat.
“Th-this can’t be right,” he said, shaking his head feverishly.
“Sorry, boy!” Melvin offered, a little too enthusiastically to be sincere. He extended his leg and motioned to the boy with the tip of his dress shoe, “Up you go,” he said.
The boy was crying now, his façade shattered, and he slowly raised himself up from his knees with his hands firmly grasping the sides of the boat. He shifted his gaze up to me.
“Will it hurt?” he whimpered, glancing from my skull mask to the cavernous black depth before him.
“I don’t know,” I said, honestly. I looked at him a moment and then extended my hand to him.
“You can take my hand, if it helps,” I offered. He looked at me, then my hand intently. His sight hovered on my nails, which I forgot I had painted pale pink earlier that week. My office job didn’t appreciate us painting them bright colors.
He grasped my hand, his grip was damp and cold but firm with desperation. I planted one foot firmly on the front end of the boat, feeling it sway slightly beneath my weight. Melvin urged me to be careful. I envisioned the boat capsizing into the crater, the three of us tumbling down into the darkness for eternity.
The boy shuffled to the front of the boat. We teetered precariously on the edge of abandon, the bow teasingly lapping at the darkness.
“Are you ready?” I asked the boy. I gave his hand a maternal squeeze.
He looked at me, then bit his lower lip and nodded.
He put one foot out of the boat – feeling around on the air like he was trying to find the last step of a staircase in the dark. He let go of me and braced both of his hands on the side of the boat, slowly shifting his weight over.
In one movement, he swung his whole body over, releasing his grasp, and plummeted into the abyss. He cut through the air like a knife, arms straight by his sides like he was doing a pencil dive. The air rippled his black hair as he fell down, descending and descending until he was just a blip of flesh in the darkness and then nothing. It was like watching a rocket being launched into space – watching its tangibility slowly dissolve against a background of black infinite until it is so impossibly small you struggle to remember how real it was when it was right in front of you.
I braced myself to hear a thump of impact as the boy struck the bottom of the crevice, but it never came. I looked to Melvin, conscious there were now tears welled in my eyes.
“Well, we’re done here,” he said, peering down his nose into the abyss, “Might as well get going.” He slapped my back and my whole body reeled from the force. I picked up the oar and started rowing.
We went most of the way back in silence, nothing but the gentle lapping of the indigo river serenading us. It irritated me, and I decided I could not row in silence anymore.
“What was so bad about him?” I asked, staring straight ahead. My mouth was so rigid it was hard to get the words out.
“I beg your pardon?” Melvin asked from the back of the boat.
“That boy. What was so bad about him that he had to go to Hell?”
“I don’t know, I’m not a caseworker,” Melvin said. I refused to face him, but I could hear his lips were wrapped around a cigarette.
“He didn’t seem bad. Seemed a pure cruel thing we did to him there. He was scared.”
“Yeah, well, aren’t we all,” he muttered.
This time I turned to face him, “How do you think it’s fair throwing children off a cliff like that? I mean, couldn’t we at least - ”
“He killed a kid.”
I stared at Melvin as he puffed the cigarette. Billows of smoke came out either side of his mouth.
“What?”
“I don’t usually see the files but I saw this one. Yep, he killed a kid. His foster brother. The poor lad was five and he was ten. Tortured him mercilessly until one day he threw a brick at him while they were playing. Hit him right here,” Melvin pointed to the base of his skull with his thumb, “Died instantly. He didn’t regret it either,” he looked up at me, locking my eyes. I was too engrossed to look away.
Melvin continued, “Three months ago he was up drinking with the boys, fucked up on drink and whatever else he was taking. Started bragging about it. Said he should’ve won a medal for his aim. Said the kid was terrified whenever he saw him, eyes got big as saucers. Said it was funnier cause the kid’s parents had been junkies, used to rough him up, too. When he hit him, the kid just dropped. Parents had covered it up for him at the time, of course.” He exhaled smoke from both nostrils. Dawn light danced off the water.
“Guess one of his friends was just as violent cause he beat him to death a few weeks later. Serves him right if you ask me.”
I said nothing for the rest of the way. The currents shone in white stripes where the dusky light illuminated them. I sliced each one in half with my oar, appreciating how it engulfed them in shadow. How dare there be light left in this world.
The rope bristled my palms as I knotted it and prepared to dock the boat under the flickering streetlamp. As I looked up, I saw Mary standing under it. She had a hood pulled over her head and a box in her hands.
Oh Jesus, great, I thought to myself.
Melvin ascended the staircase before I’d docked the boat.
“Mary has a little surprise for you,” he offered, “The first days are always difficult, we thought this might help.”
I walked up to them, scrambling over the guardrail. Mary was smiling so intensely it looked her face might crack. She opened the box, to reveal a bird laying on a nest of straw. It was the pigeon I had rescued from the shopping centre when I had encountered her. She stroked it, and its feathers slowly rustled, brimming with energy. It’s eyes slowly peeled open, crests of feathers separating on its neck as it got up and looked around. It perched on the edge of the box, then flew up in the shadow of the streetlamp and up, up, up into the purple sky, drifting on the updraft of the river with its wings outstretched.
“It made it,” I whispered to myself.
“See?” Melvin said, patting my back more gently this time, “It’s not all bad. That’s all for tonight, so.”
I lifted the mask off my face and went to hand it to him, the gleaming wood of the skull flashing under the shorting streetlight.
“What are you doing? That’s yours,” he said, “Besides, you’re on your own tomorrow.”
“But what if I have a question?”
His lips twisted into an uneven smile. “Just ask me. I can still answer.” Then he walked off, hands in the pockets of his trench coat, disappearing along the river.
My skull mask hung limply in my hands. I looked at Mary. She was beaming at me.
“Good on you,” she said, “the first day is the toughest. You’re strong stuff.”
“Cheers, Mary,” I said, “I’ll see you later.”
It was dark again; the clouds were inky against the sky. Unlike last night, Derek wasn’t waiting for me this time. He was probably still at the gig, I reminded myself. No time had actually passed since I left him at the streetlamp. I climbed the stairs onto the street and walked myself home in the company of the night.
I let myself in and peeled off my jacket and shoes. My head was whirring, electrical and empty - like the way the wind whips around the plains before a storm. I went to make myself a cup of tea but came to an abrupt stop when I saw Lily clattering around in the kitchen. She was wearing a grey dressing gown. The steam from a pot of boiling water was making her baby hairs curl and stick to her face.
“Hey,” she said flatly.
“Hey,” I said, tucking my mask behind my back so she couldn’t see it.
“Something came for you in the post,” she said, “I put it on the table there. Looks like an invite or something.”
I looked down at the thin, red envelope on the table.
“Cool, thanks,” I said as I picked it up and retreated to my room. My cup of tea would have to wait.
I shut the door behind me and flipped the envelope in my hands. There were no addresses written on it – just my name, Sarah Horgan, in gentle black slopes. The flap was sealed with dark red wax. It looked like blood.
It opened cleanly. The envelope was so flat and thin that it couldn’t have held more than a sheet of paper. I reached inside and withdrew a fifty euro note. Upon fishing it out of the envelope, I realized it was in fact a stack of many fifty euro notes. They swelled in my hand – fifty, one hundred, two hundred, three hundred, five hundred – a thousand. How the hell had they fit in the envelope?
I let the money fall to the bed. The mattress gently buckled as I sat, staring unfocused at my closet doors. The pink blouse I had picked out for work on Monday was hanging on the knobs, a reminder to iron it over the weekend. I got up and put it back in my closet, hanging my skull mask in its place. The empty eye sockets stared up at me, the white of the closet peeking through them.
I wouldn’t be needing that pink work blouse anyway, I thought.

Happy almost new year! Thanks for reading 😊 I included some R29-inspired questions before the diary begins as they provide interesting context for me as a reader *EDIT: and are important to understand our financial situation.* You’ll notice that I don’t talk about work at all – this is primarily because I was on PTO the whole week, but for me my job is just that, and I see it as a means to an end rather than a core piece of my identity. I do enjoy it, but ultimately it enables me to live the life that I want to live which is what’s important.
Section One: Assets and Debt
Net worth (made up of figures below): $817k. Many MDs on here don’t list NW, but I’m always curious so thought I’d do the math for you.
Retirement balance: We have a total of $325k saved for retirement (my husband D. and I each having approximately half), the majority in 401k/rollover accounts and less than 10% in Roth. We have been contributing since we started working, and both began maxing 401k (pretax) three years ago. We also began maxing Roth contributions last year, so contribute $51k/year total (plus 4% employer matches) to retirement accounts.
Home equity: $268k. We bought our townhouse in 2017 with a down payment of $130k, and we currently owe $297k on our mortgage. When we bought, our income was much lower and we started with a 30-year mortgage; last year we refinanced to a 15-year, and since then have dumped an additional $40k and shaved 2 years off of it, so we are on track to have it paid off before I turn 40 (unless we need to move for work before then, the slight possibility of which gives me the hives to think about). We have a low interest rate, and while we could make more with the money we’ve used to pay down our loan by investing it in the market, we feel like we have enough exposure with our brokerage and retirement accounts already and I would love to have the peace of mind of being mortgage-free.
Savings account: $66k in a joint high-yield (not really, recently – more on that later) savings account. This is what we consider our emergency fund.
Checking accounts (one large joint account that our paychecks both go into, and two smaller individual accounts): $47k. Way too high, need to move some of this into savings or investments.
Non-retirement brokerage accounts: $111k, about evenly divided into individual accounts for D. and I
Non-mortgage debt: $0. No student loans and while we put most of our expenses on credit cards, we pay off the balances in full every month.
Section Two: Income
Monthly Take Home: $9227 between the two of us. This is after our pretax contributions to 401k, medical/dental, and HSAs.
My income progression: 21/$30k - 24/$45k - 25/$55k - 26/$66k - 27/$85k (current pay includes an $8k bonus which is all but guaranteed). I have bounced around quite a bit career-wise, but have been in SaaS customer success for the last three years.
D.’s income progression: 23/$63k - 25/$75k - 27/$98k - 29/$124k (last year he also began receiving $5k in RSUs per year, but I am not including them in his income or our assets because they are not vested). He is and has always been a mechanical engineer.
Section Three: Expenses
Mortgage (principal + interest only): $2507/mo
HOA dues: $222/mo
Property taxes: $6300/yr (we recently closed out our escrow account and pay taxes directly to the city)
Condo insurance: $372/yr – this will sound low compared to those in fee-simple homes, but because we don’t own our roof/the exterior of our townhouse it’s quite inexpensive and our community’s master policy covers the rest.
Savings contribution: Whatever is left over, usually in the ballpark of $2k/mo. Our emergency fund is substantial and we own a home (albeit not in full), so there aren’t any specific items (aside from retirement) that we are laser-focused on saving for at the moment.
Utilities: ~$140/mo
Wifi: $81/mo
Cellphone: $35/mo – I am on my parents’ plan and D. has a cheap Google plan.
Gym membership: $14/mo. D. and I share a Peloton Digital account and do all of our workouts on there.
Pet expenses: $300/mo (insurance, food/treats, grooming, and anxiety medication)
Car insurance and tax: $643/yr – this is for our vehicle tax and D.’s insurance only, I am still on my parents’ car insurance policy. We own our one car in full (parents purchased in my name).
Home security subscriptions: $130/yr (Ring doorbell and Nest camera streaming)
Jewelry insurance: $204/yr for my diamond rings and earrings
Chase Sapphire Reserve annual fee: $550, but $300 of that gets credited back to travel, and with the other credits they have now for DoorDash and Peloton, the card almost pays for itself right off the bat. We thought about canceling this year since the only travel we are doing is local AirBnBs, but decided to hold onto it and will hopefully use the points for some nice vacations when this is all over!
Entertainment subscriptions: $0, we use D.’s parents
Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it? My parents both have master’s degrees and while I never saw college as optional, I never felt pressure to have perfect grades or to attend an Ivy League like them (I ended up going to a good state school). I have a bachelor’s degree, and was lucky to have college paid for by my family. D.’s parents paid for his undergrad and he did research for a professor to pay for his graduate degree. I have been encouraged to get a graduate degree, but the idea of working and going to school at the same time is too overwhelming to me (kudos to everyone who does this) and I don’t want to give up my income, not to mention that in my current field it wouldn’t mean any substantial salary bump.
Did you worry about money growing up? I never worried, per se, but going to a private school I noticed that we had inexpensive cars and a smallish house, compared to my friends’ Lexuses and McMansions. My parents never talked about money, so I drew my own assumptions that we just had enough to live modestly, and not much more. I discovered around college that this was not the case at all, and I give my parents a ton of credit for never letting on how comfortable we actually were – I think it taught me some important lessons that have translated into me budgeting fairly well and not feeling entitled.
Do you worry about money now? Not at all. The only thing that somewhat stresses me out is given the head-starts we have gotten financially, I want to provide the same (college, wedding, down payment, help with random things as adults) for any children that we have, but that is very far off in the future.
Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? I received about $100k from the estate of a grandparent who passed when I graduated from college. Every year since then, I have received $15-$30k from my living grandparents and/or parents. The initial $100k helped us immensely because it mostly funded our down payment, and the subsequent annual gifts aren’t something that we budget for, but they allow us to buy fun extras that we wouldn’t feel comfortable spending on otherwise and travel internationally frequently in non-covid times.
Wednesday 12/23
· 7:30 AM: Happy first day of adult winter break! I barely used any PTO this year and as such am taking the last week and a half of the year off. The last time I had this long of a break was over a year ago and I’m excited. D., our dog T., and I slowly get out of bed and get ready to go. Our cleaners are coming this morning, and for everyone’s safety we leave the house when they come. We hired cleaners starting when we first got T. – definitely a luxury but so worth it because I would otherwise be cleaning for 20 minutes a day. They come every other week. I leave a check on the fridge ($120 for their normal fee plus $100 holiday bonus), unlock the front door, and the three of us get in the car. $220
· 8:15 AM: D. drops me off at our favorite breakfast restaurant where I order biscuits and coffee for us from their outdoor window. We haven’t dined in a restaurant since February, but our local restaurants have done a great job of pivoting and creating options that allow us to support them and feel safe. $27.60
· 11:00 AM: Back at home, I clean up after the cleaners putting everything back in its correct place and start laundry. Since I’ll basically be sitting in my living room for the next 10 days (as opposed to my home office – what a change!), I drive to the florist and pick up a beautiful arrangement of ranunculuses, roses, and other unidentifiable flowers. $53
· 12:30 PM: My mother-in-law stops by with our stockings and we talk in the driveway for a bit. D. has had to go into the office for the duration of the pandemic, so we unfortunately probably won’t be spending any time indoors with either of our families for several months, despite both sets of parents living under an hour away, but we make do by meeting up outside.
· 5:00 PM: I plug in the heater in our garage and blast it to make my workout slightly more bearable. At the beginning of the pandemic, we had our garage floors and walls finished so it would feel like a real room that we would want to work out in vs. a dusty garage. I love how it looks now, but it is still as cold as any garage in the winter. I string together a few Peloton strength workouts. We don’t have the bike or treadmill, but I am obsessed with their app and strength classes and never want to go back to an in-person gym.
· 8:30 PM: Call my grandparents, who live about five hours away, on FaceTime to catch up. The last time I saw them in person was probably a year and a half ago – I was supposed to visit them in May, but they are quite elderly so I decided not to take any chances with covid. My grandfather’s brother passed away a few weeks ago and I know they with they could be spending more time with family these days, so I try to call them every couple weeks. After we finish talking, I take T. out for a pre-bedtime walk and we go to sleep.
Daily total: $300.60
Thursday 12/24
· 10:15 AM: I don’t think I’ve slept this late since college, but we have nothing to do today so I take my time getting up. As we get dressed, I hear the doorbell ring with what is probably our millionth package since Black Friday. It’s a printer! We have been living the millennial lifestyle of not owning a printer ever since our last one broke a year or so ago, and when I worked in an office it was fine because I would just print everything there. We finally decided something needed to change when I made a Poshmark sale last week and had to drive to my parents’ house to get the shipping label because our library (the other place we would usually print) is closed.
· 11:00 AM: After setting up the printer and rolling around on the floor with T. (normal dog mom activity), I make myself eggs and an English muffin, my usual breakfast. I generally do not enjoy cooking at all, but my parents got us the Caraway cookware set for Hannukah and it is a dream to look at and use so I’ve been in the kitchen much more than usual the last couple weeks.
· 12:00 PM: Tonight is Christmas Eve, so we’re doing Chinese food over Zoom with my family. I order our dinner from a much-acclaimed restaurant that we’ve never tried for an early afternoon pickup to avoid all the other Jews picking up their dinners ($56.32). After placing our order, I peruse through my Pinterest wish list, which is what D. and I use to buy each other gifts, to see what’s left over from the holidays. I pull the trigger on a cute and comfy-looking Varley sweatshirt ($109). Since I started working from home in March, I’ve worn athleisure every day, so pricier brands are worth it to me. $165.32
· 1:00 PM: I pick up our dinner and listen to an episode of This American Life to pass the time in the car. When I arrive at the restaurant, I’m happy to see that this early in the afternoon the pickup table has a huge number of orders.
· 4:00 PM: I knock out a killer 45-minute full body strength workout, courtesy of Adrian Williams. The garage is warmer today, so I only wear a sports bra on top. Aside from not having to travel to a gym, the fact that I can feel comfortable wearing whatever I want is one of my favorite things about working out at home. I shower and don my Christmas eve attire of Align leggings and a cashmere sweater (AKA the same general outfit I wear every other day of winter).
· 6:30 PM: We meet up with my family on video chat and enjoy our Chinese takeout. I am fairly picky and went with my usual of tofu with broccoli, and a side of fried cauliflower. After eating, we play a bunch of rousing rounds of Skribbl (online Pictionary-type game) until everyone is ready for bed.
Daily total: $165.32
Friday 12/25
· 6:40 AM: T. jumps off the bed to signal that it’s time for his morning routine to start. I take him outside to pee, feed him breakfast, change his water, and then we get back into bed and sleep for three more hours.
· 10:00 AM: Christmas morning isn’t a big deal around here, but it seems like a good excuse for cinnamon rolls. I walk 20 minutes in the cold to the only grocery store nearby that’s open to pick up a can of Annie’s ($6.14). We have a car, but since I began working from home and therefore moving less, I’ve been trying be mindful about using errands within ~1.5 miles from home as an opportunity to get some steps in and enjoy the outdoors. $6.14
· 1:30 PM: I review our bank accounts and notice that our checking account (which earns virtually no interest) has way more than what we like to keep in it due to some recent bonus payments from my work and a check from my grandparents, and decide to apply $10k to our mortgage as an extra principal payment, which takes five months off of it. $10,000.00
· 3:00 PM: I do 30 minutes of core exercises in the garage and then take a shower, after which I proceed to give myself a very sad pedicure, no paint. Even with professional help I do not have the most beautiful feet, so given the fact that I have not gone to a salon in 11 months they are currently a slightly terrifying sight.
· 6:00 PM: D. and I put the new Wonder Woman on TV and half-watch it. They filmed it around the DC area and a chunk was filmed a mile from our house, so it’s cool to recognize spots we’re used to dressed up as movie sets. I make a simple dinner of sauteed broccoli and ravioli.
· 9:15 PM: After we finish Wonder Woman, I waste some time online and discover that a photographer whose work I love is having a 20% off sale. I spot a framed photo print with balloons spelling “I AM BUSY” and think about how it would be great addition to my video background in my home office. I go back and forth on whether it’s too sassy since I work with clients, but decide to go for it before calling it a night. $319.43
Daily total: $10,325.57
Saturday 12/26
· 9:30 AM: We start our day with a couple episodes of Bridgerton on Netflix. I was thinking a period piece romance was going to be a me-only show, but D. is surprisingly down to watch.
· 11:30 AM: While I’m getting dressed (switching my leggings and sweatshirts), I see that T.’s overflow toy basket in our closet is getting quite full and decide to do something about it. D. and I pick out 10 or so of his least-loved toys for donation. When T. was a puppy we had a BarkBox subscription, but as he got older and stopped destroying toys we ended up with way too many and I figure that they would be better off going to some pups in need. It’s a beautiful day, so I bag them up and take a scenic trail walk to the animal shelter a couple miles away. The shelter and the city recycling station are right next to each other, so I also bring our empty glass bottles and jars.
· 12:30 PM: Back at home, I make myself eggs for lunch. I’m a creature of habit, what can I say? This is money diaries, not food diaries, but I know my palate is bland.
· 2:00 PM: I’m sitting in the corner of the sectional in the living room. T. comes over and curls up literally on top of me…I guess he’s decided it’s joint naptime. I have other things I sort of need to do, but cannot handle how cute this is so I accept my fate as his lounge chair.
· 5:00 PM: D. prepares zucchini and Trader Joe’s cacio e pepe for dinner and we watch another couple episodes of Bridgerton. A couple hours later we finally decide that we should get off our butts, so we take T. on a short and painfully cold walk before D. retreats to the den to play video games while I tidy up the house (I am really OCD about neatness so this is a constant thing for me).
Daily total: $0
Sunday 12/27
· 6:30 AM: My morning to take T. out. He jumps off the bed right on time, we go outside for a bathroom break, and then pile back into bed. How am I going to get back into the habit of actually starting my day at this hour when my vacation is over?
· 10:30 AM: I eat honey nut cheerios for breakfast and hop on video chat with one of my oldest friends, who I’ve known since middle school. She lives overseas now, so I haven’t seen her in person for well over a year. We catch up on life during the pandemic – it’s interesting to hear how differently (read: better) other countries are handling it.
· 1:30 PM: I drive into the city to go biking with my dad. I know there’s free parking somewhere near where we’re supposed to meet, but I’m directionally challenged so I pull into the first parking lot I can find and start a parking session on ParkMobile ($5.74). My dad finds free parking and after yelling at each other for 15 minutes on the phone we finally locate each other and start biking. About five minutes in I realize that I cannot feel my pinky fingers or toes at all, and we decide to call it at a measly four miles. I make a pit stop at Whole Foods on the way home to pick up a variety of random snacks – dark chocolate, popcorn, granola bars, yogurt, etc. ($39.75). $45.49
· 6:00 PM: I throw together homemade pizza for dinner. After we eat, I spend some time organizing our closet in an attempt to feel productive…I am not great at just relaxing. After I’ve run out of things to move around, I kill some time on Reddit, take T. out for a nighttime walk, and go to sleep early.
Daily total: $45.49
Monday 12/28
· 9:30 AM: Wake up, stumble down the stairs, and eat honey nut cheerios for breakfast. T. comes downstairs, stares at me until I go to the couch to cuddle with him, and I hang out with him on my lap editing my money diary formatting.
· 11:00 AM: Tomorrow is trash day, so I go around the house consolidating trash cans. I then throw our towels in the laundry. The time at home not working is starting to drag and I have six more days, so I order Codenames Duet from Target to pick up later today. $16.95
· 2:30 PM: I return from Target and check mail to discover that our escrow refund check is on the way, woohoo! It’s D.’s turn for errands and he goes to Harris Teeter to pick up vegetables and dinner foods. We have a very piecemeal grocery shopping strategy – we buy about a third of them at HT, a third at Whole Foods, and a third at Trader Joe’s. $50.68
· 4:00 PM: Another great workout, where I use almost all of our weights. When D. stopped going to the gym in the spring, he insisted on getting a ton of free weights for our garage, and while at the time I was skeptical about how necessary it was, we now have enough equipment that anyone except for a bodybuilder could easily get a great workout in.
· 5:30 PM: Dinner tonight is hot dogs and homemade fries. We unpackage the new game and settle in at the dining room table for a couple rounds, and once we’re done, I do a thorough kitchen cleaning.
· 8:00 PM: I binge a few episodes of John Oliver on YouTube. As you can probably tell, I am running out of activities to amuse myself with. D. tells me that he has purchased “shoe cream”, whatever that is. His quarantine spending habit has been on fancy shoes and shoe care items, which feels odd for a time when he is wearing nice shoes less than ever, but whatever. $25.43
Daily total: $93.06
Tuesday 12/29
· 5:45 AM: I am rudely awoken by D.’s alarm – why he decided to work on this random Tuesday during the holiday week, I do not understand. Luckily T. is not disturbed by the alarm and stays cuddled up next to me under the covers.
· 6:30 AM: D. leaves for work and is not particularly gentle with the door, so T. gets up to investigate. Before getting up to take him out and feed him, I check my email and am dismayed to see that T.’s lifelong grooming spa is closing – not because they don’t have enough business, but because they have too much business and not enough employees. Such a strange year for the pet industry…vet waitlists these days are also many weeks long because so many people have adopted during the pandemic. I make a mental note to look into alternative groomers to go to starting next month.
· 8:30 AM: I do some research on end of year banking promotions. When we opened our Ally savings account the interest rate was 1.2%, and since then has shrunk to .5%, so we are thinking of moving our savings elsewhere for the time being. I spot a Citibank promo that will give us $700 if we park $50k in it for a few months, which is about $500 more than we would get from Ally in the same time period. I bookmark the page for us to look at together over the weekend.
· 11:00 AM: I vacuum the house with our Dyson Animal. I detest cleaning (this is why we have cleaners) but this stick vacuum makes me inexplicably happy, so I use it in between the cleaners’ visits.
· 12:00 PM: Settle in on the couch with T. in my lap for an episode of Below Deck. I am slightly overwhelmed even opening Bravo because I have three episodes of RHSLC that I need to catch up on. I grew up without cable TV and having access to all these shows now honestly stresses me out because it feels like a never-ending to-do list. I know that’s a really odd way to think about entertainment…
· 3:30 PM: I’ve barely moved today, so I bundle up for a walk around the neighborhood (without T. – he is useless for long walks when it’s less than 50 degrees). I’m a bit nervous because this will be my first time crating him in a couple months, but I know it’s important to do this from time to time so that he doesn’t develop any separation anxiety. When I come back, I open the crate and am thrilled that he decides to stay in there and continue relaxing. It makes me so happy that he still loves his crate!
· 5:00 PM: D. is home from work and neither of us feels like cooking, so I offer to pick up Chipotle. I get a tiny burrito without meat that they charge as two sides, and D. gets a steak burrito. $12.38
· 7:30 PM: Another few rounds of Codenames, and a family walk before bed. That’s all for the week (aside from my reflections below) – see you in the comments!
Daily total: $12.38
Weekly Total Spend: $10,942.42
Food and drink: $192.87
Fun and entertainment: $16.95
Home and health: $10,592.43
Clothes and beauty: $134.43
Transport: $5.74
Reflecting on the week: I would say this was a fairly normal week during quarantine, with the exception of the $10k house payment and the art print. Since it’s the end of the year and we know where we landed against our annual budget, we’ve spent a bit more freely than usual over the last few weeks. Being home all the time definitely makes mindless spending easier; before the pandemic we spent a lot on things like transit and a dog walker that aren’t in the picture now, but now I often find myself online shopping just for fun, which I didn’t do as much in the past. Nonetheless, I feel like we are in a good place financially, and I’m looking forward to watching our savings and investments grow in 2021.